View from Down Here

Half-pint update!

2012-01-31T16:04:00.001-05:00

Augh, my perfect posting record is over! I failed to post yesterday. Alas. I wish I had a better excuse other than just being tired and not motivated. But the past is in the past...today is a new day, and this is a new post. And it's a Half-pint update post at that, so yay!

I've been back and forth with doctors appointments this week. Yesterday was my cardiologist appointment and today we had a long morning of appointments for baby - a nonstress test, ultrasound and doctor's visit. I now smell like hospital...you know? That disinfectant smell you can't quite get rid of without a shower? Guess who will be getting a shower later?

Anyway, so yesterday's appointment with the cardiologist went fairly well. The new medication he put me on, the third of my blood pressure meds, has really helped lower the heart rate and blood pressure. The only downside to this is it lowers it a ton, and then towards the middle of the day I'm basically exhausted and am a walking zombie. It was getting pretty bad. So we've decided since I have just two weeks left of pregnancy, Half-pint and I will be working remotely from home. That way I can nap if needed, relax and not push myself too hard. Of course, yesterday when I was working from home, that included laundry and swiffering the floors. Until T told me to lay down via text message. Hey, I'm nesting! What can I say?

Today at the NST, Half-pint was super stubborn and decided that, while her heart rate was perfect, she wasn't moving. I drank juice, that didn't work. I poked her. Nope. Finally she started moving a little bit, so they got enough to officially "pass" me. 40 minutes later, of course. We headed to our ultrasound next, and wouldn't you know it? The little girl starts moving like a mad woman! She wasn't having getting her picture taken. It was pretty humorous because she kept pushing away the ultrasound camera every time they lady pushed on my stomach. They measured her again, and she's still a big baby. Right now she's in the 94th percentile for growth and has an estimated weight of 7 lbs 9 oz. And she has two more weeks to grow. Holy. cow. Actually, it's officially two weeks as of tomorrow. Place your bets now as to how big this kiddo is getting! I just hope she fits into the newborn stuff we bought her for a short period of time at least.

The exciting news is all I have left is one more doctor's appointment next week. ONE. Thank God! The end is in sight! And I'm more than ready for her to make her appearance....after the Superbowl hoopla leaves downtown Indianapolis, of course. (Side note: Tom Brady and his cohorts are staying at the hotel attached to our hospital. Not sure if that's a good thing or bad thing. I'm going with bad.)

Promise to be back tomorrow with another post! I'm not going anywhere yet :-)

That's what real love is....

2012-01-27T00:00:00.000-05:00

Some time ago, T and I found ourselves watching a Dateline episode (I hope I'm getting the right show here...) about Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords and the horrible tragedy that took place in Arizona that almost took her life and took the lives of so many others. The episode went on to follow Gabby in her recovery, showing the trials and adversity she and her husband faced throughout the journey to recovery. Watching the State of the Union address on Tuesday evening and seeing her in the Congress Chambers and her husband watching proudly from the gallery, I thought again about that episode. And how that couple truly exemplifies love.

It was so moving seeing a couple grow stronger by a tragedy. Here was a man who in one moment thought he lost the love of his life, then realizes he still had her and every day, was at her bed side, supporting her in her recovery. It's that unconditional love that I think goes so unrecognized these days, and it's that same unconditional love that makes a relationship strong and makes it last.

I couldn't even begin to imagine what they went through and how hard it was. I couldn't imagine watching someone you love, someone who has always been so strong and independent suddenly go through something so hard. How tough it must have been for him to watch her struggle to make those daily accomplishments, those minute tasks we all take for granted but for her were huge hurdles she overcame. All of a sudden he was the one who needed to carry them both, to be the strong one. And he did this with such grace and such love. It was truly something amazing to witness.

I think we all can learn something from watching a couple as strong as those two. Too much in my daily life, I know that I personally don't always exemplify that love. I take it for granted. But when it gets down to it and when I bring myself back to the day when I stood before my family and friends, looked deeply into T's eyes and pledged my life and love to him, this is what I meant. This is what "for better, for worse" is all about. And this is what I want to remind myself of every day as I wake up next to T and every night when I fall asleep next to him. And every moment in between.

Vacation, all I ever wanted...

2012-01-26T00:00:00.000-05:00

This week we received a piece of mail from Disney addressed to our "family." It's like Disney was aware we were with child and was already cashing in on the hundreds of dollars they will most certainly get from us during Half-pint's lifetime or at least her childhood. Don't get me wrong...I went to Disney World as a little girl, and I have every intention of taking our children there, too, but let's wait until the kiddo is out of the womb. Or maybe let's wait until she's old enough to know what's going on, too, when she's at the park.

Despite the bad timing of Disney's advertisement, T and I have been talking about starting a tradition of taking annual vacations as a family. In previous years, we haven't really done that just the two of us. Any "vacations" we have taken have either been to visit out of town family or tagging along with my parents somewhere. And while that's all fun and well and good, etc., it's not what we want to do every single year. Now that we have a little one on the way, we want to start taking vacations - just us. One of those vacations will definitely involve a visit to Disney in the future (Be ready, Sprite's Keeper!) This year, however, we're a little low on funds and vacation days (thanks unpaid maternity leave!), and well, Half-pint is going to be pretty little still. But we're still determined to do some sort of mini vacation. I think we deserve it after this year, don't you?

So right now, our destinations are limited...within driving distances, of course. We're leaning towards St. Louis but have absolutely no idea of what we would want to do there, where to stay, etc. So anyone who has been to St. Louis or has any good ideas of nice Midwest destinations, do share! What does your family do for vacations? Is it important to have that time to get away as a family and just explore?

Three Weeks

2012-01-25T09:42:00.002-05:00

Three weeks from as I type this blog I will be getting ready for surgery. T and I will be at the hospital, anxiously waiting for the arrival of our little girl at 11:00 a.m It blows my mind that three weeks is all we have. Of course, she could always come sooner, but regardless, it's just three weeks.

It feels like I've been pregnant forever, I am not going to lie. I forget what it's like to not be pregnant. And they say that your ninth month is a tough one, and man, they aren't lying. Today alone, I sit here chewing Tums like candy to keep the heartburn down and can barely walk because my right hip hurts so much from the ever expanding Half-pint. I'm ready for her to be here. I'm ready for her to be in my arms and not in my belly.

Last night, I found myself drawn to Half-pint's nursery. I sat there in there for a good twenty minutes in my rocking chair, looking around and picturing how much is about to change. She'll be sleeping in that crib soon. All of those soft blankets and pink outfits I have carefully washed and folded will be put to use in just a few weeks. In a few weeks, those books on the shelf that T reads to her in my belly, he'll be reading to her as he rocks her to sleep. It's almost here.

T found me in the nursery last night with tears in my eyes. I was crying because I was happy, but also because, well...I'm a little nervous and scared, too. I'd be lying if I didn't say that these past nine months haven't been hard. These past few weeks have been the hardest. All of the health scares and doctor's appointments, all of it...she and I have both been fighers and we're almost to the end of the battle here. And I want 100 percent reassurance that it is going to go well. I want to know that the surgery will be just fine and that she will come out just fine and so will I. I'm not the kind of person who just goes with the flow. I want guarantees. But I also know that isn't reality. Instead, I sat there praying. Praying that God will watch over the both of us these next few weeks.

Three more weeks. That's all we have. Three more weeks and I meet my little girl.

True love

2012-01-24T15:22:00.001-05:00

Occasionally, T and I will have those morbid discussions that couples have about how you don't want to lose that person ever or anything ever to happen to them, etc. etc. We were having one the other day...not sure in what context or why, and this is what I told T:

"Don't worry, sweetie...I'm going to be with you forever. I'm not going anywhere. I'm like Herpes...always there, and occasionally I flare up and cause you discomfort and agitation..."

Now that, my friends, is the definition of true love.

Sorry you only get a short post today, but I was bound and determined to post one anyway....keeping to my consistently posting goal that I set last week :-) I'll be back with more tomorrow...promise!

A restful weekend

2012-01-23T09:19:00.000-05:00

It's hard to describe the feelings I have as each weekend comes to an open and a close. Usually I get really excited about the weekend and then super sad when the weekend ends. And while, yes, I do get excited to think about sleeping in and not doing anything, and yes, the thought of work does bring me back to those days when I was in school and hated Sunday evenings. However, there's a different feeling there. See, this Wednesday, it's is officially 3 1/2 weeks until Half-pint makes her arrival. Every weekend, every day that ends brings me closer to her. So, I'm not sure how to feel when a weekend comes and goes. I found myself feeling this way off and on this past weekend.

With her arrival getting closer, I've been trying very hard to take it extra easy over the weekend. It was one of those gloomy and chilly weekends out, so T and I had very little to do outside the house and spent the majority of our time just hanging out and getting various things done. We've been freezing meals every weekend, and we froze two more meals this weekend for when Half-pint arrives and we have very little time to cook. I caught up on my thank you notes for baby showers, and I got a good start in for Half-pint's Baby Book. And...I was lazy. But I need to be. We cleaned on Friday night, and Mommy pushed herself just a wee bit too hard...Half-pint responded by pushing down on my lower stomach super hard, causing me a great deal of discomfort. Her way of saying "slow down, please!" So I won't make that mistake again :-) (Sorry, kiddo!)

On Sunday we went to church and got the chance to catch up with friends afterwards. We've remained friends with our sponsor couple who counseled us before we got married, so we enjoyed a nice breakfast with them after mass. After church, too, our priest was giving the sacrament of anointing of the sick. For those of you who are not Catholic, it's a sacrament where the priest blesses you if you are facing a serious illness, medical procedures, etc. T suggested I go, and my immediate response was "why? I'm not sick!" T and Carol convinced me to go saying that my c-section surgery was major surgery and being on multiple medications for my heart was a serious thing. The stubborn girl in me has a hard time seeing that. Sure, I'm high risk, but in my mind, I'm not "sick" and certainly not in need of that kind of spiritual attention, right? I'm glad I did go, and I know it meant a lot to T, too. I mean, seriously...the big surgery could be any day now. Or at least 3 1/2 weeks from now!

I hope we have a few more weekends like this past one ahead of us. I'm enjoying them while we can because our lives are about to change immensely (for the better!). Here's to a quick work week and another relaxing weekend ahead!

TGIF!

2012-01-20T15:02:00.003-05:00

TGIF everyone! So I'm happy to report that I'm not in a mood that would substitute for one of the seven dwarfs...sorry for that brief bout of grumpiness today. Today, I'm kind of just....here. I'm tired, which isn't unusual, and unfortunately that's not going to change any time soon until well after she arrives. Stupid medicine making me tired. What I wouldn't give for a nice couch or lounge chair in my office to take a nice nap during my lunch break. So maybe I am one of the seven dwarfs today....Sleepy. But that's better than Grumpy, right?

So guess who's a big radio star? Wait, no, let me qualify that...guess who is a big local A.M. radio star? Two times in the past two weeks I've been on the local A.M. station here where my work is located to talk about our legal aid program. Let me tell you...I've been crazy nervous both times, but it's good to do...you know, get our message out there and inform people about a program that can really help them. Of course, I will not listen to how I actually sound on the radio. I can't even stand listening to my voice on an answering machine, let alone during a 15 minute segment on the radio. I'm sure I said "uh" or "um" about fifty times. It's very similar to the times I have had to read transcripts of myself during trial. I find myself thinking "Dear God, do I have no grasp of the spoken English language?" So while I won't be listening to it, it is pretty cool. And kind of fun, too.

Other than that, my Friday has been pretty low key. I hope this low key-ness goes into the weekend because with the weekends counting down to Half-pint's arrival and my energy level quickly depleting, I definitely need some low key time. Maybe I can catch up on some things I've been meaning to do before her arrival. Or maybe I can just...I don't know...sleep?

Sorry this isn't much of a post, but I swore to myself that I would force myself to do another post this week if it killed me. I will NOT get into slacker mode again...nope, not going to happen. I hope everyone has a great weekend! Here's for a low key one for T&A and no surprises or anything like that :-) We're not quite ready for that to happen yet....

Grumpy

2012-01-19T09:56:00.002-05:00

I feel really bad, but today I'm super grumpy. In fact, I can't really say that it's just today. These past couple of weeks, I'm just not a nice person. My rants are becoming more and more frequent, I'm tired, and I just can't deal with all of the stupidity out there. Sure, it's probably a side effect of being 9 months pregnant. But I hate using that as an excuse. I do find that my patience is decreasing more and more as the days go by. I sure hope that some day it does come back!

So in light of my grumpy mood...you get a Nain rant today...or rather, a list of things I find just a wee bit irritating:

1. The Super Bowl. Here in Indianapolis, we've been hearing about this for well over a year now, and the fact that it's just weeks away, it's all the news is talking about. They're closing streets in downtown, parking is going to be ridiculous, and all that means for T and myself is that we're going to have to find some alternative way to get to our hospital, which is also located downtown. And it does result in me praying and praying that Half-pint does not choose to make her arrival any time close to that stupid game.

2. Politics. I'm making it a point to just block anyone on my Facebook who talks about politics. Because I'm tired of it. I have my own political beliefs, but I have already grown super tired of hearing all of the political stuff in the news, etc. The election is in November. This is only January. And I'm already over it all.

3. Heartburn and random contractions.

4. Awful things happening to people I know and care about. Lately, I've noticed so many friends of mine going through some just awful awful stuff with their children, their spouses, you name it, and I just hate to see such truly wonderful people facing such adversity. It just doesn't seem fair at all, especially when these awful things happen to children so small and young.

5. People at T's work. That's all I'll say about that.

6. Inconsiderate people

7. Money.

Okay, so those are the current things that are irritating me at the moment. And by moment I mean immediate moment, because I'm sure in about five minutes something else is going to tick me off. I think the only solution to this is that I cut myself off from all contact with humans or animals, no media, no phone or computer access...padded room with just me. Or maybe I'd then get irritated with my own thoughts. Because let's be honest, my irritability is just that strong.

At least it's almost Friday!

Go Team

2012-01-18T11:32:00.004-05:00

The concept of "we're a team" is something with which I struggle. I never really played team sports in high school. I've always prided myself on being a pretty independent person. If there's a problem, I have always been able to face it head on. By myself. It's been me against the world for quite some time now. Even after I met T in 2008 and our relationship began to get serious, I still stubbornly held onto the "nope, I can handle it on my own" mentality. I still find myself foolishly following that mantra from time to time, even a year into marriage.

Case in point - without going into too much detail, this past Christmas break, I finally opened up to T about a financial secret I was keeping, thinking I could handle it all on my own without letting him know, for fear of letting him down. It involved my Mary Kay business, and I felt like since it is my business, I should handle it, right? I shouldn't burden him with helping me figure out what's the best way to approach a problem. Wrong. I finally told him about it, and of course, he already suspected something but wasn't mad at all. In fact, he was wanting to help. We're in this together, he said. He wanted me to succeed, but I shouldn't feel like I couldn't ask for help. It was like a weight was lifted off of my shoulder. Why I felt I needed to handle it all was beyond me. But it took that reassurance from T to realize "Hey, we're in this together as a team...my success is his success." Not to say I won't need to remind myself of that from time to time.

As we get closer to the c-section date, I find myself getting more and more anxious about the procedure, keeping my fears inside. I don't always express how I'm feeling, thinking it's more of a bother to someone else than it is, and that works (somewhat) until I basically explode, resulting in lots of crying and me being an emotional wreck. That happened last night, as I told T how scared I was for the c-section and how much I didn't like the unknown behind everything. I almost felt silly, however, letting it all out. I should be able to handle this, right? But there again, T reassures me that we're in this together. He's with me. I need to tell him these things so that he can support me. Why is this so hard?

And it isn't just a one-sided deal, either. I take my job as T's biggest supporter very seriously. With work, I know he struggles with the expectations imposed on his company's employees (I have my opinions of these...but, I'll keep them to myself), and just like anyone else, he needs to know that we're in this together. That he's not the sole fighter in this battle. His successes are my successes. And I fully support him every step of the way. After all, we're a team. All three of us. And I couldn't be any prouder of him.

So it may take some adjustment on both of our parts, but I think we are getting the hang of it, and I'm sure it'll come easier with time. But we're team T&A (yes, I am sorry, but I just have to use those letters together...ha), and we're in this together. And there's just about nothing we can't do. So...gooooo team!

Random post

2012-01-17T16:45:00.001-05:00

I have to really kick myself into gear here to be a better blogger...the year is only just 17 days young, and I'm slacking majorly in the consistently posting department. Sorry, guys! I'm running low on fumes today, mainly to this yucky Indiana weather and the 10 plus hours I worked yesterday, so...you get a random post from me this fine Tuesday - enjoy!

Yesterday was the culmination of months of planning a huge event for my agency. It's called Talk to a Lawyer, held annually all over the state, and I had sites up and running for it in all of my 5 counties. Attorneys basically donate their time and give free legal consultations all day for anyone who comes in or calls our offices. It took a ton of planning, marketing, coordinating, and all the while, I was worried Half-pint would make her arrival before the big day. BUT, she held up her huge end of the bargain, and Mommy was able to successfully put on the event. So she can come any day now. With the exception of when the Super Bowl is in town because I still don't know how the logistics of that will work out :-)

Oops, I just hit publish without finishing the post...doh! and to continue...

So I worked 10 hours yesterday for the event and worked from home today. It was a good day to do that, too...rained all morning and now it's ridiculously windy. So windy in fact that our recylce bin just disappeared. I seriously don't know where it went. I drove all over our street trying to find it, and I did come upon a random bin at the end of our circle and took it...didn't seem like it belonged to anyone so here's hoping it's actually ours!

My size seems to have doubled just in the past week. People now seem to feel free to make comments about how I look like I'm "about to pop" and then proceed to give opinions on 1) my size and whether I'm having twins; 2) the birth method I have no choice but to go with and 3) the fact I have to formula feed. Seriously, are no questions off limits? And when did everyone get medical degrees, allowing them to give opinions on my situation?

And since I'm on the discussion of gripes about pregnancy...and I swear, this random post was not meant for a venting post, but...I'm 9 months pregnant, so deal with it :-) I am having an increasingly difficult time with people just blowing over my situation or trying to compare to it. Why? What's the point with that? Or saying "oh, it's not that bad..." when days like last Wednesday at the cardiologist scared me to death or the fact that I constantly worry that my baby won't be okay or I won't be okay after all is said and done. OR, people saying I have it easy because I am having a c-section. Last time I checked, major surgery isn't exactly a walk in the park. Just saying. And being on three heart medications just to get you through the pregnancy hasn't been easy either. Sorry. I guess I needed to vent about that. My bad....

On a happier note, we did get an adorable outfit from T's mom (Nana) the other day. His late Grandpa Lou was a huge John Deere fan, and she found the cutest little onesie that says "Dirt Makes me Cuter" and has the John Deere symbol on it with some cute baby jeans. So freaking cute. I love folding all of her little clothes, especially baby socks. So tiny and so so cute. I'll focus on that when I get frustrated like above.

Lastly, I do have a new obsession. I haven't had any cravings this pregnancy at all, but lately, I've had a few. Root beer. And chocolate cherry M&Ms. If you haven't tried them, I highly recommend it. Yes, I've gone through a bag and a half over the past few weeks. And yes, today when I was at Walgreesn I bought two more bags. Only because they were on sale and they are limited edition Valentine's candy. They're my treat and I deserve them, right?

So this has been your random post from Nain today...with additional pregnancy bitching! Have a lovely rest of your Tuesday!

One more month!

2012-01-15T21:00:00.001-05:00

On Friday, T and I headed to another OB appointment for Half-pint. I was a little nervous, considering how the cardiologist appointment went on Wednesday, but I was happy to see that my blood pressure and my heart rate seem to have gone down thanks to the third medication. It's temporary, but all we really need is to just keep that under control until she arrives. It should get better pretty quickly after Half-pint's arrival.

The appointment went pretty well. She passed her NST with flying colors. It's funny because she doesn't seem to like anything resting on my belly and putting any pressure on her. She'll try to kick or push whatever it is off. So when they strap the monitors onto my stomach for the NST she goes nuts. It's a good thing, though, because that shows she's a happy baby and is active. But it's still hilarious.

We got one very important date set, too! Half-pint will be making her arrival on February 15th at 11:00 a.m.! As soon we got the card with the date on it, I couldn't stop looking at it. I mean, it's real. This is it. She will be here no later than February 15th. How crazy is that? I mean, sure, she could arrive sooner...that is still a distinct possibility, but we have an actual scheduled date for arrival. And it's one month from today.

Of course, at how big I am now, thinking of her growing even more every day for a month seems absolutely insane. But at the same time, I want her to stay in there and grow as much as she can. But T and I couldn't be more excited to meet her. Can it be February 15th now????

Sorry if I haven't posted for the past few days...my blogger has been acting up, and I'm hoping that whatever problems I was having are now gone magically. So we'll see!

Have a good week, everyone!

Prayers

2012-01-11T21:32:00.002-05:00

Today was one of those days...I knew going into it that it might be stressful, but it took a quick turn for the worse. I headed up to the north side of Indy for my cardiologist visit. I've been seeing him every two weeks to monitor my blood pressure during the pregnancy. Over the past week or so, the numbers have been creeping up again, which is natural as I get farther and farther along in my pregnancy. T has a work presentation coming up, and since he's going with me to my NST and OB appointment on Friday, I asked my parents to have one of them meet me at the doctor just to have a second set of ears. I am so glad that they were there.

Part of the concern with me and my health is in keeping my heart rate and blood pressure down so as to not put pressure on my repair from my surgery as a baby. I've done a pretty decent job so far, though they have had to double up my medication a few times along the way. This morning, they found my heart rate was too high after doing an EKG, prompting the doctor to send me over to get an emergency echocardiogram. He's a specialist - the kind that is like a super specialized specialist - so that often times means that he has an awkward bedside manner. So he wasn't really open about why and what he was thinking, but he sent my father and me upstairs for the echo saying he wanted to get a good look at my heart and contact my high risk OB so that they could confer.

I was trying my best not to freak out, and my poor father tried his best to keep me calm. The echo took about 30 minutes and then another 30 minutes as they analyzed the echo. I kept T updated with texts, knowing that he was well over an hour away at work. My fear was that they would take Half-pint early or admit me for monitoring, but at the point I was at, I didn't care. Anything and everything they had to do to keep her safe was all that mattered. But that waiting part? Is a bitch. I hate that. And not knowing exactly what is going on. I'm a Type A person. I need to know everything and be informed about every detail. So those 30-45 minutes just sitting there were killing me. I just kept replaying the words we were told in February last year that any additional stress from pregnancy could cause my aorta to rupture. I was scared, needless to say.

Luckily the echo came back okay, meaning my repair is holding up fine. The doctors conferred, and they put me on a 3rd medicine to keep me through the pregnancy. It should lower the heart rate, and I have to keep vigilant over the blood pressure and heart rate. I'm seeing the high risk OB on Friday so we will for sure ask questions about whether she needs to come early and the risks to her and myself. I'm just scared, and I want to know that everything will be okay.

So no stress for Nain for the remainder of this pregnancy. I have absolutely no choice but to take it easy and do everything in my power to keep my heart rate down and blood pressure down and keep her healthy and happy. Nothing is more important than that.

Being completely open like this is hard, but I guess it is my blog, so...yeah, I guess this is a better medium than anything else, right? I just ask for some prayers and positive thoughts. We're down to just weeks left, and all I can think about is holding my little girl for the first time. That's what's keeping me going more than anything else.

Self worth

2012-01-10T10:14:00.000-05:00

Life doesn't stop just because you are pregnant. I've learned that much. With my hypertension and risks with my pregnancy, though, sometimes I wish it would. But....no such luck.

This week I got some new drama introduced into my life, drama I won't go into, and no, it has absolutely nothing to do with the baby. She's doing just fine. It's just something from my past. And it threw me for a loop. Upon T's suggestion, I decided to speak with one of my close friends from church, a lady with whom I share a great deal in common and someone who is a good listener and confidante. It was nice to let out the angst about this situation and see what her thoughts were and what she recommended I do.

Throughout the course of the conversation, we talked about how our pasts can't control our present or future and who we are and what we have overcome. We talked about giving yourself credit for what you have accomplished and how far you've come. And while talking about this, we fell upon the topic of self esteem.

See, I am totally not one who has a particularly high self esteem. There are a lot of reasons behind that, reasons I will not go into and blame I will not direct, but I'm just not a confident person. It's funny because in my professional life, I can portray that I do have confidence. But inside, I question just about everything I do. It drives T nuts. I can't blame him, honestly. And it's something I always work on. She made the statement to me that I should give myself credit for the strength that I do have. She then made an observation that was 100 percent true: that I don't always believe in myself or give myself the credit where the credit is due.

She also made a statement that I had never thought about before, but one I really should give some consideration. Not believing in myself, while a bad thing, is one thing when it's just me. But soon I will have a little one learning everything she knows from me (and T, too), but she'll be taking her cues on what kind of woman she will become based on the kind of woman her mommy is. Those cues will help her in future relationships, future interactions, basically everything that makes her who she is. What do I want her to learn from me? To constantly doubt herself? To say "sure, I can do it, but I probably should have done it better or maybe it wasn't good enough?" I certainly don't want that.

That question has stuck with me since she asked it. Not in a bad way. It's something I should definitely change. I want my little girl to grow up to be strong, confident and independent. While I realize I can't control what mistakes or hardships she'll go through in life, I certainly want to provide her with the tools needed so that she'll be strong enough to face them head on. I don't want my daughter to think that having a poor self image or a bad self esteem is okay. Because it certainly is not. And I need to figure this out soon because, despite the fact she cannot speak or fully comprehend what's going around her, this teaching starts from Day 1. And Day 1 isn't that far away.

I'm taking this quote from a blog I've recently discovered: Mark and Angel Hack Life. I think maybe this is something I need to constantly remind myself as I do face this new and unwanted drama: We may love the wrong person and cry about the wrong things, but no matter how things go wrong, one thing is for sure, mistakes help us find the person and things that are right for us. We all make mistakes, have struggles, and even regret things in our past. But you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here NOW with the power to shape your day and your future. Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.

And I need to have confidence in that. I am not my mistakes, I am not the bad decisions I made in my past. I am who I am because of how I have adapted because of those bumps in the road. And those have made me stronger. And to my little girl, I want to be the strong role model she needs so that she can grow up with that kind of confidence, too.

Is it really that bad?

2012-01-09T12:39:00.000-05:00

Okay, all of you moms out there...time to fess up. I call on your advice in my weakened emotional state....as I get closer and closer to the due date, I'm hearing more and more horror or negative stories. And quite frankly? They're freaking me out. And irritating me. A pretty good combination of the two. So I need to know...

Is my life, my sense of personal identity about to be lost forever?

Let's just say I'm hearing from several negative sources out there some of the following....

"You think you're tired now? Just wait, you won't sleep forever..."

"You think T's going to help you out with that baby? Be prepared for that NOT to happen..."

"Be prepared for your relationship to suffer..." (YES, I have heard that one, believe it or not)

"You may as well give up on the idea of showering..."

"Wearing makeup? Not going to happen."

"You won't want to exercise at all..."

That's just a summary of what I'm hearing. And yes, this is only from about 2-3 sources, but I'm still listening. And absorbing. And wondering. Surely it can't be that horrific, can it?

Granted I'm well aware that with a newborn, I'll be getting very little sleep. I'm not that naive. And I'm aware that when I can, I need to sleep, meaning when she sleeps, I should rest, too. I know that the adjustment period from hospital to home will be different and new. It'll take some time for T and I to figure out the flow and how we're going to do this. But we're a team. We've always been a team. I have 100 percent confidence in our ability to adjust as needed. But I'm not going into this thinking it'll be easy and no bumps in the road will be experienced. But I also know that we have a strong base, and that T will help me out as much as possible.

And exercise and washing my face and making myself feel pretty? Is that a bad thing? Sure, I know I'll be tired, but I know I'll also need to make myself feel good in order to best care for my child. I don't want to fall into some sort of postpartum blues and not get myself out of it. A 10 minute shower? Is not going to hurt my kid, right? Taking a 30 minute walk on the treadmill while T watches Half-pint...is that not a possibilty at all?

I guess what I'm asking is...moms out there, is all of this true? Is it as bad as everyone is making it out to be? Or should I put a sign on me that says "I will only ask or take your opinion if I want it. If not, please keep it to yourself. Unsolicited advice is not wanted?" Because I'm almost at that point.

If only I could just keep myself in isolation from the negative Nancies out there. Because I'm pretty darn excited to be a Mommy, and all these people need to stop raining on my parade!

Slacker, slacker...

2012-01-05T14:14:00.002-05:00

Yeah, that's me...the girl who can't seem to do a post daily like I have every intention of doing. But I have good reason! I've been super busy working on reports, etc., for work, things that need to be done before little Miss Half-pint arrives. So it's not like I'm not doing anything. But still...sorry to leave you hanging!

This week has just been one of those weeks. Poor, T....he had a huge work presentation this morning, and that meant lots of late nights at work this week getting ready for it. Last night was particularly late...he didn't get to leave until 7:30 p.m., and by the time he got home, it was well past 8. I hate when we each have to eat separately like that. I told T it sucked eating dinner alone, to which he replied that I wasn't alone...Half-pint was there with me. Well, she's not much of a conversationalist! I just miss my husband this week. But the good news is he got through it, and things should slow down this week. Until next week, of course. Ha

If that wasn't stressful enough for him, he was also worried about my second non-stress test today with Half-pint. Ever since the doctors muttered that word I will not repeat, we both get super anxious about whether she's moving enough and what that means. And of course, the non-stress test was to start right when he was presenting. So we had a code that I would text him 3 times in a row if something was wrong. I didn't need to text him, thankfully, because she passed the test with flying colors. We keep doing these weekly until about three weeks from now when we start doing them twice a week. It sucks that T can't go to all of them with me, so keeping my fingers crossed we never have to use that emergency "code."

Mommy has been working from home the past two days, taking it easy and getting lots of work done. I'm finally following doctor's orders and actually going easier on myself. It only took 33 weeks, right?

Here's hoping these next two days go by smoothly and here's to a relaxing weekend ahead! I think we all three need it!

Happy New Years!

2012-01-03T12:05:00.002-05:00

I probably should have posted yesterday. If posting more often were my New Years resolution, I would have messed up one day out of the gate. BUT, it wasn't, so there :-) Anyway, yesterday I came into work, on my day off of course, and spent the afternoon fighting with technology and trying to update Norton on all of our office computers. Technology put up a good fight, but I won. And it only took four hours for that victory, too. Go, Nain!

I hope each and every one of you had a fun and safe New Year. Our original plan to bring in the 2012 was to do the annual chili cook-off at my brother's house. T was going to make bison chili (Yeah, I wasn't too excited to try that...), and we were going to stay until midnight, then I was going to drive us back to my parent's house. It seemed like a good idea in theory. However, after spending Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with my family and then immediately having T's family over starting December 26th until the 30th, we were both a little over the whole thing and wanted to just play it low key, just the two (well, technically, three) of us. So that's just what we did. And it was wonderful.

We stayed in for the evening, having T's famous Honey Chicken Stir Fry for dinner (always delicious!), watching Dick Clark's Rockin' New Years Eve, play a board game and just relax by the fire. Dinner was great, and I then schooled T in the game of Life (actually, I only won by $300,000 but a win is a win, nonetheless), and we toasted the new year with sparkling grape juice. It was so funny when I was drinking the grape juice, because T was talking to Half-pint about how this was the year she was going to be born, and every time I took a drink of the grape juice, about five seconds later she started hiccuping. I think the fizz got to her! We finished the night with T reading her a bed time story before we went to sleep. It was a low key, relaxing holiday, and I don't think I would have had it any other way.

I'm now trying to remember that calm, relaxing feeling as I begin the work week, freaking out about all of the things that need to get done before my maternity leave. Oh if I could turn back time.....

Year in review

2011-12-29T00:00:00.000-05:00

I'm jumping on the bandwagon and doing one of those "2011 - the good, bad and the ugly" type of posts. A year in review, if you may. And what a year it has been. We've had our ups and downs, ending with mostly ups, of course. But it is still fun to look back on 2011 and think about what 2012 will bring...

In January, I took the big step of changing jobs, quitting the job I had as an attorney for the Department of Child Services for 2 1/2 years and starting as the Executive Director for a Legal Aid agency. It was a huge jump, considering I'd be going from being one of the drones for the state government to running an agency and doing not only attorney work, but director work, as well. But I did it, starting on January 24th, and I haven't regretted that decision since.

In January and February, T and I also began training to run (T) and walk (me) the Indianapolis Mini Marathon in May. We got up early every Saturday to join a training group out in the cold, snow, ice, rain, you name it.

Towards the end of February and into March, T and I faced our first real crisis as a newly married couple. After going to a routine cardiologist visit to check up on my heart condition, we were told that we may not be able to have children, that carrying a child could be as risky as causing my aorta (where my repair was done) to rupture. We also faced the distinct possibility that I would need heart surgery in the near future. This experience, while frightening, brought us together even more as a couple, as I underwent an MRA and waited weeks until we got the amazing news that everything was just fine and that, barring me seeing a high risk OB-GYN and being closely monitored, we could be parents.

Mousegate

We celebrated our good news, as any good Irish couple would on St. Patrick's Day, of course!

Starting also in January and going until April 13th, we watched with anticipation as our new home was being constructed. We visited pretty much daily, taking pictures of the progress as the house went from a hole in the ground to a fully-structured home. Of course, before we could move, hit again, as one of the little bastards made his appearance known to me in an attack on the kitchen counter. So needless to say, I couldn't wait to get the heck out of there.

We officially closed on April 13th and were officially homeowners! Yay!

Also, in April....I turned 30. Boo :-)

In early May, T and I reached our goal of finishing 13.1 miles in the Mini Marathon. And in the rain, no less! Sure, my feet were killing me afterwards but it was so worth it. Will I be doing it this upcoming year? Nope. But it was still worth it!

In May and June, I spent too much time on the road (well, in the air technically) traveling for work, to Vegas in May and Colorado in June. It was hard being away from T for that long, and he soon had to leave me, too, traveling to the depths of Death Valley, CA, for work in August. It was the summer of us rarely seeing each other!

In June, we were blessed with incredible news (though I couldn't share it until August) that we were expecting our first child! We both felt so blessed and so excited, while nervous at the same time. I spent the majority of June and July sipping ginger ale and eating saltines as morning sickness took its toll on Nain. It also made for an interesting trip when I flew out to Colorado in late June, too. Thus we began the process of monthly doctor's visits and worrying about my health and the health of our little Half-pint.

In July my family faced a tough decision with respect to my Grandpa. He was moved into assisted living in March, but as his health began to rapdily deteriorate and his liver failure took a sharp turn, my mom and her siblings were left with no choice but to put him in full-time nursing home care. Our entire family decided to come together on July 30th for a family reunion and to be together one last time with Grandpa. It was a hard reunion, bittersweet, but brought memories that I will treasure forever.

In September, T and I celebrated our first anniversary. We decided to stay in town for a little staycation, but we had so much fun at the Irish Festival downtown and going out to dinner at P.F. Chang's. It was relaxing, just the two (well, three) of us, and just what we needed admist all of the baby stress.

On September 30th, we were blessed with even more good news...we found out that we were having a little girl, and best of all, a fetal echocardiogram done of her heart showed that she did not have the congenital heart defect that her mommy was born with.

In November, T ran another half-marathon (because he's such a go-getter like that). Next year's goal? Full marathon. And Half-pint and I will be there, cheering all the way!)

In November, we also lost my Grandpa, after a long and painful road for him. He passed away the morning of November 15th and joined the love of his life, my Grandma, in heaven. My family came together again to say good bye to him on November 19th. He's in our hearts forever, and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't miss him.

The holidays were bittersweet for us this year, thinking of my Grandpa and wishing he were still with us. So we celebrated quietly with my family for Thanksgiving and both families over the Christmas holidays. T and I have also been busy with multiple doctor's appointments, making sure I'm okay and that Half-pint is doing well, and setting up our nursery for her arrival. Her due date is officially February 22nd, my Grandpa's birthday. I'm sure she will arrive early, but she will always know the connection she shares with him.

So while this year has brought its share of sadness, it has also brought so many blessings and so much happiness to T and me. We look forward to 2012 and our family being made complete with the arrival of our special little girl. And who knows what other adventures the year will bring us?

Happy New Year, everyone! This will probably be my last post for 2011, so I will see you in 2012!

Big baby

2011-12-28T14:26:00.001-05:00

Half-pint update!

Yesterday, T and I spent the entire afternoon at the doctor getting a series of tests done and having my bi-weekly doctor's visit. It was an exhausting afternoon, and one that left me feeling apprehensive for sure. And that other feeling...what's the word I use a lot lately? Oh, scared. Right, that's it.

So because of my high risk pregnancy, I have to go to weekly nonstress tests (NSTs) where they hook up monitors to my belly and measure the baby's heart rate. They want to see how much she moves around and if her heart rate goes up every time she moves around and kicks. It's a 20 minute thing, but if she didn't do much in terms of activity, I'd be there for an hour test. Well, she must be an overachiever because she was moving around like a crazy woman in there. You could see my stomach just move around from side to side and her kicks were pretty hard ones, too. She passed that test with flying colors. We weren't sure exactly what the purpose was of that test, but we'll explain later....

Second, we had to go to our monthly ultrasound to monitor her growth. Because of my congenital heart defect, we had a chance of her being a small baby due to lack of blood flow. Well....she's not small, that's for sure. A month ago she was 2 lb 12 oz. This last visit? She was weighing in at 4 lbs 14 oz. And I'm only 32 weeks. She's a big girl. We got to see her sucking her thumb in there, which was pretty much the cutest thing ever. But seriously, once I saw that weight, I was in shock. All I could think about. We asked, and we were told she was measuring in the 95th percentile for growth. Yikes.

See, I'm a 5'1" girl. Small. Not much to me. And well, my stomach is big as it is with her, and apparently it's all baby. I have ambitions of working until the very last possible moment, which would be 39 weeks when we schedule the c-section. It's a desk job, so I figured I can do it. Well...we'll see...

So we saw the doctor next, and he made the same statement that was made to me by the ultrasound tech: we have a big baby. I've passed the gestational diabetes tests, and he couldn't find any unhealthy reason for it other than that we just happen to have a big baby. It's a good thing, don't get me wrong, but it also has bad sides to it, too. He said her size, accompanied with the other risk factors that I have - a heart defect and high blood pressure, puts the baby at risk in the womb. I pressed him on this, and I could tell he didn't really want to say what the risk was but he eventually said it increases the risks of her being still-born. And with that, my heart sank. I thought for sure we were out of the woods with the risk of her not surviving. I didn't even consider this as a possibility. It's a small risk, but my three risk factors do increase it. So we do the NSTs every week and eventually twice a week to make sure she's happy, heart rate good, getting enough oxygen,, etc. If I had to go daily, I would go, just to make sure she's fine. There's also a risk that she could be born earlier than 39 weeks because of her size. So...I have to be watched. Like a hawk. And I have to really really take it easy, which means I need to really evaluate how much I work, when I go into the office, when I work from home, etc.

I walked out of that appointment overwhelmed and a little defeated, I'm not going to lie. I know that when we decided to start trying for a baby, we'd be taking a risk. But as we get closer and closer to the finish line, and as things get more serious and more serious, I start to wonder if I'm being selfish. I wanted a baby more than anything, but here I am putting my health at risk and her health at risk. I don't want anything to happen to her, and part of me feels like it's my fault that there even is that possibility. I know it's crazy to think that, but....I do. And I am putting my family and T through so much with all of this. I know T's scared. It's not really fair to him either. So that's really the point I'm at for the moment.

I just want her to be a healthy and happy baby. And I just want to provide her that kind of safety. I just don't want to drop the ball before she's even here.

Christmas recap

2011-12-25T21:30:00.003-05:00

Hope everyone had a very Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah! I can't believe how quickly the weekend went. Seriously, all month, it seems like it takes forever for the day to get here, and then it just flies by. So here we are, the day after Christmas!

Our Christmas was pretty par for the norm, meaning tame, which is a very good thing. Friday, I spent about four hours in the kitchen making three batches of pumpkin chocolate chip cookies. Three batches, you ask? Well, my intention was to make some for my parent's house, the Christmas Eve party we always go to, and some for T's parents when they got here on the 26th. End result was about 5-6 dozen cookies. I froze some, we still have two large platters of them...so we'll be eating cookies for awhile!

On Christmas Eve, we headed up to my parent's house to spend the night and spend Christmas day. Every year we do a soup pitch-in where my dad makes a few types of soup, we bring one and my brother brings one. T made an Irish Barley Stew from the Irish cookbook we bought on our honeymoon. Since mass starts at 5:00, and we have to get there basically 45 minutes before that to get a seat, we do this every year as a big lunch/dinner thing. We headed to mass and then came home for my brother's family to open their presents since they head to my sister-in-law's family on Christmas Day. After that, we always head to my mom's neighbor's Christmas party...I was pretty tired at this point, but we still made an appearance. My favorite part of the evening? Snuggling in bed with T while he read to Half-pint the book her Nana sent us: Twas the Night Before Christmas. She was kicking away and pushing on my stomach while he read. Quite possibly the sweetest thing ever. I can't wait until he can read the book to her next year and in years to come.

We woke up on Christmas morning, with little sleep unfortunately because of my pregnancy restless leg (totally not fun...I'm not a fan). My sister and Roo had made it over before we got up, so we had breakfast and opened presents. It cracks me up because every year my Mom says they're going to cut back on presents, but every year, it seems like she gets more. Not to say we're not grateful, though...it's just funny. I got lots of nice maternity outfits, a comfy sweat pants and sweat shirt outfit, nightgown for when I go to the hospital and robe for that, too. My mom put together a huge bag of stuff for Half-pint, too. I swear, that kid isn't here, and she seriously has had more gifts than T and I combined! It's so cute. We spent the day with my family, ate way too much for dinner, watched movies, and then T and I headed home in the evening.

All in all, it was a wonderful Christmas. Our last one just the two of us. I can't wait to celebrate Christmas as a family starting next year.

Today we wait for T's parents to come down from Michigan. They'll be here for the week, which will be nice because that means I get to take it easy while they help around the house :-) I'll try my best to post while I can! Hope everyone had a wonderful weekend!

Merry Christmas!

2011-12-23T19:07:00.002-05:00

No time for a really good, substantive post, as I have been busy making three batches of pumpkin chocolate chip cookies for the holidays...am tired, but they taste awesome. That and I have a ton of cookies now. But, I would like to take this time to say Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all of my blogger friends out there, readers, family and friends. T, Half-pint and I hope you have an amazing weekend filled with joy, laughter, and wonderful memories! I'll be back with a new post on Monday!

Nain vs. Nerves

2011-12-22T09:00:00.004-05:00

It's no secret that I am, by nature, a very anxious person. And we're not just talking a small worrier or someone who says "hey, man, that kind of concerns me a bit." No, I'm an anxious person. A very anxious person. I worry like it's an Olympic sport. You don't get tested for an ulcer at the wee young age of 10 years old, if you weren't born a naturally anxious person. I also have high blood pressure. That combination does NOT make it easy for me to keep calm in situations that are by their own nature anxiety producing. (I.E. pregnancy) And, to make matters worse, with my congenital heart defect, I'm a high risk pregnancy. So let's just crank that anxiety up just a bit more, right? At the same time all I hear is "relax, you have to relax...that's how you keep your blood pressure down. Just try not to worry so much." That's like telling a smoker "just try not to think about smoking, it'll be okay," while you stand there right in front of their face puffing smoke repeatedly in their direction. Perhaps not the best analogy, but...you get my point.

I really am trying my best to keep my nerves at bay. I really am. I know that I'm doing all of this for her, and that for her health, I have to stay calm. That keeps me motivated most of the time. But I have to admit, as I get farther and farther along, that's getting harder and harder.

I've known that my blood pressure will go up towards the end of my pregnancy. I have also been told that the strain of pregnancy can put me at higher risk (though still a small percentage) of having my aorta rupture. Hearing those words? Not comforting, but...oh well. I've seen the numbers creep up just a bit. I feel my heart race from time to time from out of nowhere. I'm aware that as I get farther along, the risk that Half-pint will make her appearance early is more possible. And I'm not going to lie, folks...I'm scared.

There, I said it. I'm scared.

I'm scared about the c-section. I'm scared about how my heart will handle it. I'm scared about little Half-pint. I'm scared of the unknown and the things that could go wrong. I'm scared that as these next few weeks go by, my body will be put under more and more strain and that it won't handle it as well as it should. I'm just scared.

Last night I tried to work on techniques of talking myself out of the worry and focusing on what matters. My daughter. My new family. And while I do have those things in the forefront of my mind, I just want to know that it will all be okay. I want that 100% satisfaction guarantee. It's just too bad that life doesn't always work out that way.

Tonight, T and I will be venturing up to the north side to take a class on c-sections. The doctor recommended this so that I could be aware of what to expect in terms of prep, the surgery and recovery. And dude, I am totally freaked out by this. I know this is for the best and will make me avoid the Internet research I tried earlier in the pregnancy. But I'm scared. And I have no doubt I will be gripping T's hand during the whole thing.

Someone the other day said to just give it to God. I struggle with this concept so much because, honestly, to me it doesn't ever seem that easy. I can say I will give it to Him, but will that make me stop worrying? How exactly does one go about that?

So here I am...venting to all of you and rambling on and on, trying to find a point to stop this blog post. So I'll just stop it with this. I'm scared. That is all.

Until tomorrow...I will be back with a much more upbeat post, I promise!

Half-pint's nursery

2011-12-21T05:30:00.000-05:00

This past weekend, T and I worked hard on completing Half-pint's nursery. Until last weekend, I had all of the baby shower presents in a pile on our guest bedroom bed. However, T's parents will be down soon, and I'm pretty sure they need a bed to sleep on, so I decided to sort through everything, including washing all of the clothes, blankets, etc. we received. Dude, that was a ton of laundry. So while I was doing that, T put together her dresser. I know last week I complained about my woes with Kohls, but Target is now on my list, too. I won't go into the details, but suffice it to say, we ordered this dresser over a month ago and only just received it. And the top part was cracked so we had to order a replacement. But, that's neither here nor there...instead, I will focus on the positive things. Like look how cute everything is!

Her book shelf, complete with the cutest monkey lamp ever (T's Aunt and cousin bought all of the monkey stuff off our registry. So cute!)

Side view of the room....

Other side of the room....my Mom bought us the rocker for a shower present. We're still waiting on the mattress for the crib. Once we get that, we'll finish the bedding, and it'll look even cuter. And the dresser is coming in a few days. Luckily, we could still put the whole thing together so the clothes could be put away.

My cousin Emily made this quilt for us as a shower present, and gotta love the monkey nightlight, too. (If you can't tell.....monkeys are a theme here :-)

Lastly, the changing table - we're waiting on the changing table pad, and of course, the dresser top so the stuff on top of the changing table won't stay, but, I still think it's cute!

and I'm in love with these monkey decals. They go on by static cling, and they are just too cute!

So that's Half-pint's room....just a few more touches, and it will be done! So....what do you think???

Making traditions of our own

2011-12-20T09:24:00.001-05:00

I've heard and read in multiple places that the holidays can often be the toughest tests of relationships. I wasn't completely convinced that was the case until I was married. And boy, is that an understatement. So much stress comes along with what is supposed to be a happy and relaxing time. Money stress, making sure you buy presents for everyone, getting the cards out on time, preparing food for holiday get-togethers, and lastly, planning out when we see family. Both families.

I have to admit, when we first were engaged, I had a hard time with this. Heck, I still have a hard time with this. Part of me wants to be selfish and say "but I wanna see MY family!" (Picture me stomping my foot on the ground and throwing Oscar-worthy tantrum.) But...that's not what marriage is about. Marriage is about compromise. My family lives an hour away from where we live. We see them quite often. T's family, on the other hand, lives over five hours north of us, and we see them only a handful of times during the year. Quite the difference. So we've worked on a compromise - rotating the years of when we spend Thanksgiving with T's parents and my parent's, spending Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with my family (for now) and then the week after Christmas with T's family. This year, his family has to travel to us, since I've been given strict "no traveling" instructions from both specialists, so it's worked out quite well.

The arrangement seemed good enough. But that arrangement only involved just the two of us. It didn't take into consideration the fact that soon we would have a third person to consider, someone who may want to spend Christmas at her own home. After all, Santa comes to her house, right?

T and I have had this discussion several times about what we would do and how things would change once Half-pint arrives. Part of me has been somewhat resistant. That part of me is the people pleasing part. I am petrified of rocking the boat with my family. I don't want to cause arguments or disappoint anyone. So I tend to do that thing that we people pleasers do best and put other's needs ahead of my own. But this isn't just "other's" needs. This is my own child's needs. So we made a decision yesterday. Starting next year, we will spend Christmas Eve with my family, go to mass, eat dinner and exchange presents, and then we'll head home at the end of the night so that we can tuck Half-pint in and get things ready for Santa's arrival. And we'll spend Christmas Day together as a family, just the three of us.

Because that really is what we're becoming. A family. Our family. I know we are already a family and have been one since September 18, 2010, or arguably before that. But it's time for me to make that step and truly put what our family needs first. Sure, next Christmas Half-pint will only be around 9 or 10 months old, and she won't really know for certain what is going on or who this Santa guy is. But next year, it really isn't just for her. It will be her first Christmas, and it will mean something to T and myself that we celebrate it in her own home, thus starting a tradition we would like to see carried out throughout her childhood.

Am I nervous that this decision will hurt feelings next year? Dear Lord, yes. I don't look forward to this conversation by any means. But...it's something I want. And it's something T wants. And in a way, it feels like a big step in the world of adulthood.

So I put this out to all of my blogging friends with experience in this area...how did you face these sorts of difficult decisions? Any words of wisdom? (Or words of warning?)

I

Christmas celebration

2011-12-18T21:37:00.002-05:00

Every year, T and I make it a point to go out, just the two of us, before Christmas. Our normal tradition ( like last year) we usually go out, stay out all night and partake in a few beverages. However, being close to 8 months pregnant, not being able to walk without looking like I'm waddling and well...not being able to drink and the fact that having an 8 month pregnant woman in a smoke-filled bar just doesn't seem like fun, we had to make this year's outing a little more PG. And no staying the night downtown, but we still had a very nice time.

This year, we decided to make reservations for two at Buca di Bepo (one of my favorites). For those of my friends who don't live in the States and may not be familiar with the restaurant, it's a family-style restaurant, where you order food platters to share, and you always walk away with a ton of leftovers. We went there for our rehearsal dinner, too. The only thing that sucked is I couldn't partake in the Chianti with T, but I settled for a nice Italian soda. We got chicken parmesan and baked rigatoni, both of which were absolutely delicious. I think I ate more than I have this entire pregnancy. And it was well worth it, believe me. We even order some canolis for dessert. Delicious. All of it.

Afterwards, we decided to head to the circle downtown and check out the tree of lights display they do with the monument. As you may or may not remember, this is the same spot were T proposed July 4, 2009, so it's a special place for us. It was closed all summer for renovations so this was our first time back there in over a year.

The cell phone photos don't do it justice because I think it's pretty cool. The place was packed but we took a nice walk around the Circle and got the chance to chat. With how crazy everything has been with work and family, it was nice to just reconnect and relax for a change. You know, with all of the holiday family festivities coming up?

So while, yes, it wasn't as crazy as our normal celebrations, it was a fun and memorable one nonetheless. And it was probably one of the only times T and I will get to ourselves this Christmas.

I'll just keep these wonderful memories in mind as I get crazy stressed these next few weeks, right?

One step forward, two steps back

2011-12-16T09:20:00.002-05:00

I have been one gigantic slacker this Christmas season. Sure, not a full-blown slacker in that absolutely nothing is done on my list, but a slacker for me. The process of getting Christmas cards out to everyone, something that I pride myself on doing the weekend after Thanksgiving, took forever, and I found myself sending them out even this week. But the worst thing? Christmas presents. Not even bought. Shoot.

I'm going to go with what I've been using to blame everything else on and say that it's pregnancy brain causing my apathy. Either that, or I'm becoming a man, and I'm going to wait until Christmas Eve to purchase my presents and wrap them. But since I'm carrying a 3 lb baby in my uterus currently, I don't think I can claim becoming a man so pregnancy brain it is!

It isn't to say I haven't tried...somewhat. Last week, I did finally go to Kohls.com and ordered my parent's presents, as well as my niece Roo's gift. I was quite proud of myself. Shipping was free for purchases over $50, and I had a 20% discount. Go me! So to meet that minimum, I decided to throw in three things for Baby Girl. I placed the order and gave myself a pat on the back for finally getting started in my shopping. Of course, I did note that the delivery date was something like December 22nd, but hey, I could still have time to wrap the presents when they arrived. I had the 23rd off, after all...

Until yesterday...I get this email from Kohls saying that only part of my order has been shipped...it included my dad's present and the three outfits for Half-pint. Um, okay, that's great but those three extra outfits were just thrown in there for the heck of it. Surely the rest would come soon? Nope. I get another email just ten minutes later. My order has been modified, and those two items...cancelled. Really? They can just do that?

So now I'm back to square one. And I have one weekend left to get this stuff. And gifts for my employees. And finish wrapping presents and everything. Damn you, Kohls, damn you.

I may have to become one of those people who starts buying presents in October next year. Because Santa will be visiting our house next year, too, and I totally can't slack for Half-pint.

I wonder if they'll all be okay taking some Mary Kay instead? :-)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Update! Kohls, are you reading this blog? Right after I posted this, I get an email from Kohls with a $20 gift certificate code to be redeemed before December 24th. BUT, I'm still irritated I have to actually go out and buy the gifts I ordered. However, the $20 does make it somewhat better...

Be careful...she can hear you!

2011-12-15T11:07:00.003-05:00

So it's become more apparent to me each day, that Half-pint is able to hear things on the outside. I'm sure she can't understand words, even though I like to think that she can, but she hears voices and loud noises. And it's so cute how she reacts to them.

She is not a big fan of loud noises. After my baby shower the other day, my dad was helping my sister take decorations down, and being a man, of course, he decided to go the destructive route by popping balloons. As soon as he popped the first one, I get a pretty strong kick from baby girl. Second one, another kick. I finally had to tell Grandpa to cut it out. She wasn't enjoying the noise. Last night, T was trying to fix something in our garbage disposal, and he put several cubes of ice down there to grind which made a loud noise, too. Again with the strong kick. These boys need to learn to stop disturbing her!

She's recognizing T's voice, too. There's no way that she's not. All he has to do is talk near my stomach, saying her name, and she automatically reacts with a kick. It is one of the sweetest things ever. The other day, we were relaxing and unwinding from a particular stressful day. T puts his arm around me saying "you're my best friend and I love you more than anything in the world." (Sweet, right? I have a good one!) And as if she could hear him and felt left out, she responds with two kicks, and pretty strong ones at that. We both started laughing, and of course, he had to reassure her that he loves her, too, more than anything in the world. Not sure if she actually heard it or if it was a coincidence, but it was still hilarious.

She also responds to Mommy and when I'm worried. I'm sure there's some way in there she can sense my stress, even though I try my best to keep that down so that she doesn't get all agitated. But there's not always a way around it. As I get farther along in my pregnancy and closer to the big day, I worry. I worry about how everything will go. I worry about my heart and how things will be with that. I worry about her health and whether she'll inherit a defect similar to my own. I expressed these feelings to T the other day, telling him how scared I was, and of course, she responds at the right moment with several kicks. It's as if she was saying "It's okay, Mommy...don't worry." Maybe she can sense my concerns, maybe she can't. But it is reassuring when I feel her little kick, and it reminds me that this really is all about her and we couldn't be more blessed.

I can hardly believe that we're at 30 weeks this week. If I go the full term, as the doctor would prefer, before my c-section, that means I only have 9 weeks to go. That being said, they still monitor my blood pressure, monitor her little heart rate and we never know...she may grace us sooner rather than later. But regardless, our little miracle will be here before you know. So I better get used to that saying...be careful, she can hear you!

Spin Cycle: Who rings your bell?

2011-12-14T07:50:00.000-05:00

I thought I would have to wait until the new year, but...nope! It's a Christmas miracle! What does that mean? Sprite's Keeper Spin Cycle time!

This week's cycle is about other bloggers. Who rings my bell? What blogger inspires me? We were given the option to list five of our favorite bloggers, and Jen at Sprite's Keeper would chose one for us. This isn't to say that I don't love you all. I don't want to be that person who has her favorites...you know, like a mom who has her favorite child? I'm totally not like that.

But that being said, I seriously do love this lady's blog. The blogger who "rings my bell?" Katie @ Marriage Confessions

I first came across her blog reading some Lifestyle article on MSN, I think. I could be wrong, but I remember it was something where she was quoted. And I thought it was funny. It was about the 30 second kiss and how you should be sure to kiss your significant other for 30 seconds every day to keep that spark alive. T and I tried it, and it worked...sure, we laughed during some of them because I was obviously counting. But I thought it was hilarious how she and her husband tried it so I tried it, too. That got me into reading her blog on a regular basis. (It was sometime after that when I decided to start blogging, as well.)

So what keeps me coming back to Marriage Confessions? Honesty. I go for real. I don't want to read something where everything is always 100 percent peachy kean, no one argues, perfect life, blah blah...because, well, I can't relate to that. I go for that perfect balance between sometimes serious, other times funny, and a little quirky as well.

I love how honest Katie is in her posts about marriage, not just because I can relate to some of the struggles she and her husband face, but also because she gives a completely different perspective to struggles that all young married couples face.

I also love the posts about her kids, Bean and Gracie. Not just because both of them are absolutely adorable, but because she's so real as a mom and honest about what works for her, what struggles she faces as a parent and worries she has. And the posts where she has Bean and Gracie talking between each other? Well, those are always good for a smile.

So if you have never checked out Marriage Confessions before, you totally should. It won't be the last time you read her posts either...trust me!

Christmas pictures!

2011-12-13T06:45:00.000-05:00

I'm on a roll this week with pictures. Sure, we decorated our house the day after Thanksgiving, and sure, it's December 13th, which mean it's taken me several weeks to post these...but better late than never!

So here is our living room....

I decorated the mantel myself with candles, some green garland and white lights. And of course, my garden gnome, Jerome, had to come in for the winter and get in on the festivities. We love this new fire place...it's gas, so it's super easy to use, and it makes the room feel all cozy when it's on. And yes, our stockings are hung by the chimney with care. And for those of you with dirty minds, I did intentionally put the T & A stockings in that order :-)

We've waited forever to get a nativity scene. It's something we've wanted for awhile, and this past Christmas, we've decided to just buy one. We got this from The House of Ireland, and I've been told it's special because it's Belleek china. I'm not familiar with that, but T assures me that it's very nice china. I just think it's beautiful.

Another shot of the living room.....

And the outside of our house: This year we chose to just do lights around the porch. T ordered an extension ladder but that's coming this week, so next year, our goal is to outline the garage part, too. But I still think it looks pretty darn cool.

Close up of our porch - real live Christmas wreaths, a tree, and candles, of course!

So that's our house! To keep with the Christmas spirit, I also stole these fun questions from Chloe @ My New Life as a Housewife. Enjoy!

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? I prefer gift bags, but that's only because I am really a horrible wrapper.

2. Real tree or Artificial? We do artificial. Growing up, my sister's allergies were why we did that, but T and I do think we'll go the real tree route soon.

3. When do you put up the tree? Day after Thanksgiving!

4. When do you take the tree down? Sometime around New Years. I always hate that feeling...it's so depressing!

5. Do you like eggnog? I've had it once. And then had the stomach flu the night of my drinking it...so that would be the last time I'll ever have it again.

6. Favorite gift received as a child? My O'Jenny Doll House

7. Do you have a nativity scene? We didn't until just this year...we bought a Belleek china one from House of Ireland, and I love it!

8. Hardest person to buy for? My Dad

9. Easiest person to buy for? My youngest niece, Roo. She's still at the age where she isn't wanting everything electronic and expensive

10. Mail or email Christmas cards? Oh, always mail! Just got mine out, too!

11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? The stomach flu. But that wasn't a gift. But it still sucked.

12. Favorite Christmas Movie? Love Actually

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? I try to do it as soon as I can, but this year, I'm a huge slacker on it.

14. Ever recycled a Christmas present? don't think so

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? Christmas cookies!

16. Clear lights or colored on the tree? clear

17. Favorite Christmas song? O' Holy Night and "All I want for Christmas is you"

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? Some day we'll get to stay home...it's not too far off! We usually travel, though.

19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer? Sure can!

20. Angel on the tree top or a star? angel

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? We open presents with my family on Christmas. T and I try to exchange them with just the two of us before then, though.

22. Most annoying thing about this time of year? Commercials. Holiday commercials are SO annoying, especially jewelry ads.

23. Favorite ornament, theme, or color? Don't have just one. T and I buy one special for each year, so I'd say those.

24. What do you want for Christmas this year? Happiness and no stress

Shower fun

2011-12-11T09:55:00.001-05:00

This weekend, my sister threw a baby shower for me at her home up in Noblesville. It was family and friends, including some of my mom's friends from the neighborhood and her work, and it was a lot of fun. I'm not always the best when it comes to posting pictures these days, so I'm going to make up for it by inundating you with tons of pictures. Enjoy!

The cake was made out of a bunch of cupcakes from Meijer...and they were delicious! Brought a few home with me to have a later date, too!

My sister decorated the house with a clothes line and put up outfits she had bought for baby, as her present to me. I was told to sit in the chair next to the presents, even though when I first sat down to eat it was in the corner by myself. (I'm SO social like that...)

Mom and me, and of course, Half-pint had to get in the shot. (And dude, I look HUGE in this picture!)

My sister-in-law, me and my sister, the hostess of the party.

Me and "the aunts" on my mom's side. It was so nice to see everyone.

And of course, the girl cousins on my mom's side of the family, too. Funny enough this isn't all of us either. There are 14 total grandchildren, and I believe in this picture we're missing three more girls that weren't able to make it.

Instead of cards, my sister asked that guests bring a children's book, inscribed to Half-pint, so now we have even more books to add to her library! T is pretty excited, too, because that gives him more to read her. We got a ton of items on our registry and some I hadn't even though of that weren't on the registry. My mom got us a glider/rocker for the nursery. We hadn't thought to register for one of those, but man, after T set it up Saturday night, that thing is comfortable. It was so sweet, last night T sat down in it and picture himself rocking her to sleep. We promise to post pictures of the nursery soon...our goal next weekend is to put things away so that it actually looks like a nursery!

I'll be back tomorrow with even more pictures...it's a Christmas miracle!

Present time!

2011-12-09T08:58:00.001-05:00

So remember that worry I had about how we wouldn't get everything we needed for the baby in time for her arrival? Yeah...I'm not one to enjoy admitting when I'm wrong. But....well....see, here's the thing...

I may or may not have been wrong.

Yes, I answered that as a lawyer.

I tend to get freaked out about things, rationally or irrationally, but usually the latter of the two.

This past week we have come home pretty much daily to at least one or more packages for baby. We have started keeping our UPS guy in business. If he hasn't figured out that we're expecting, he is not a very smart man. Just the other day, on Monday, we came home to two boxes of diapers (awesome deal I got at Babies R Us), a pack and play box, Target box, and one from Babies R Us. Either we are having a kid, or we have some really messed up collection of baby stuff.

It's been fun seeing all the cute stuff we have for Half-pint. Sure, I registered for this stuff, but honestly, I have never seen it in person. I have done about 80% of my registry online. I hate going to stores and getting all overwhelmed, and I'd much rather sit on my couch, sip a little ho cho by the fire, and peruse the store online. But I've got some really cute stuff.

Not sure if I have talked much about what her nursery will look like, but the theme is monkeys. Color scheme is purple and a lighter green. I promise we will post pictures, but right now, everything isn't really settled in the nursery. We have the crib put up, but no mattress yet so there's nowhere to put the bedding. We are still waiting on the dresser (mess up on Target's part - they shipped it, then said we asked to return it before it got to us, and so apparently we won't be getting the dresser until next week because I was forced to reorder it. Pain.) I'm hoping we'll get the mattress soon so that we can set everything up. But it'll look super cute.

I have to admit, it is fun checking the registry to see what items have been bought, and I can't believe how generous people are. Above and beyond what I'd ever ask for...I'm not one to say "buy me stuff, please!" But people have been so nice, and we appreciate it so much.

We better get rolling on that nursery, though, because my family baby shower is tomorrow, and I have a feeling we're going to have even more items to put in there.

So I apologize for my momentary freak out a week ago. Nain's under a ton of pressure...maybe, just maybe that pressure got to her.

And maybe, just maybe, I was a wee bit wrong.

But I will neither confirm nor deny that.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On a side note, I need your questions still! Thank you, Robin, for your awesome questions, but I need more for a really good vlog! So ask away!

Buried but still here!

2011-12-07T21:14:00.001-05:00

Yeah, so I'm not quite sure what has happened this week. It started off okay....and then...things got crazy. Hence the lack of blog posts. Sorry, guys! See, I'm trying my best to get ahead of the game and line everything up so that things are organized and ready to go when my maternity leave starts and IF Half-pint decides to make her entry to the world early. If she's anything like me, she's impatient. So it's likely she will. So that means Nain is running around like a mad woman doing about 30 things at once. It's not pretty.

So yes, I'm a neglectful blogger. So this post will be short, but it does have a point! I promise!

Anyway, in the meantime, I need something from you, my fellow bloggers and readers. It's been awhile since I've done a vlog, so I think it's high time to do one again. So....what I need are some interesting questions to answer. Got some burning question you're just dying to ask? Well, here's your chance! So I really need your help...otherwise, it will just be me talking aimlessly into the web cam. And we don't want that!

I do promise to write as I can. Until then, I can't wait to see what questions you have!

We need longer weekends!

2011-12-05T09:06:00.001-05:00

I believe three day weekends should be an every weekend deal. Seriously, because two days are just not enough to get everything completed that needs to be done. Not to mention when do you get to just relax? This was one of those busy weekends for T and me, as seems to be the norm for us these days. I even had the best of intentions to take pictures of some of the things we did this weekend, but sadly...I have none to share. Maybe I'll find a spare moment this week to snap a picture and upload, but I make no promises, my blogger friends!

So Friday, my coworkers threw me a baby shower during our lunch hour. It was a lot of fun, good food, and we got so much helpful stuff. I'm still learning what is what in terms of helpful items for baby and things I never have heard of until now. That, and we have a lot of new pink outfits I can't wait to see Half-pint wear. T came over after work, helped me haul everything to the car and then into the house, as carrying heavy items is becoming more and more difficult as the weeks go by. We did as we usually do on Friday evenings and cleaned the house before relaxing and hitting the hay. Sure, cleaning the house doesn't seem like the most fun thing in the world, true. But our theory on it is, if we get it done Friday night, the rest of the weekend is ours to do with whatever we chose. It's a good routine we've gotten into. Watching Ghost Adventures on the Travel Channel and cleaning. I'm still able to do quite a bit, but again...things are getting more and more difficult as the weeks go by. But T's such a good sport and helps out so much to make sure things are done.

Saturday morning, we both got up early, T to run and me to hit the grocery store before all the crazies were there. I absolutely detest grocery shopping with a passion, so if I have less people to deal with, the better. T spent the majority of the day out in our garage mouse proofing the garage (yes, we had a mouse siting a few weeks ago..ugh) and cleaning out both of our cars. Me, I spent the day organizing my Mary Kay closet and office, getting ready for an event the next day and of course, getting a start on my Christmas cards. After church that evening, T put his carpentry skills to work and put together Half-pint's crib! It looks great...just need the mattress and the bedding, and we're good to go! Now we're waiting on the dresser to arrive this week. It seems T's new hobby is putting together nursery furniture, and it's a good thing he's so handy because I would have no clue what I'm doing if I were put to the task.

Sunday we headed up to my brother and sister-in-law's house, as I had scheduled a Mary Kay Holiday Coffee with her. It's basically an open house like I had a few weeks back at my own home, but hosted by a customer instead of myself. It was pretty successful, which is great because I have a feeling this event may be one of the last ones I have until Half-pint makes her arrival. I do have one scheduled in January, but that may be a bit ambitious. We'll see...

So yes, it was a busy busy week in the Nain and T household. This week won't be much better and neither will next weekend...family/friend baby shower coming up! Don't know about all of you but I am so ready for some holiday down time! Hope everyone had a great weekend! And I promise to be back with pictures!

Pregnancy brain

2011-12-01T09:33:00.001-05:00

When we first got pregnant, I read everything possible online or in books on what to expect. I'm not one of those girls who likes to just fly by the seat of her pants. Nope, I have to know my facts, know what's coming. And I kept reading about pregnancy brain. Forgetfulness, mixing things up, not being able to focus. Sure, sure...some women might have that problem, but not me. I have my stuff together...I won't be that bad. Right?

Wrong. Fail. Completely off the mark.

Nain's brain has officially left the building. This week was living proof of that.

I seriously don't know where my mind has gone lately. It's like this week something was just switched off. I can't focus, concentrate or be productive at all. I keep making mistakes on things that normally I would be so on my game with....and big mistakes, too. Embarrassing mistakes.

It's gotten to the point where T no longer really likes for me to drive anywhere. I just zone out or don't pay attention. I mean, sure I'm not a hazard on the road or anything, but I'm not exactly a shining beacon of safety.

Talking in complete sentences? Not so easy. I try to tell someone something at work, and I mix up my words or forget what I'm saying. I sound like the female version of Yoda half the time. God help me with some of the radio interviews I'll have coming up for a local work event. I might need someone to come with me just so I sound somewhat intelligent.

Please...moms out there...tell me that it does go back. I like to pride myself on being together for the majority of the time. And now? Yeah...not so much.

Baby update!

2011-12-01T05:00:00.000-05:00

Back with another baby update! (I know how you love them!) We had another visit with the OB the other day, as well as an ultrasound to check on Half-pint's growth. We've had ultrasounds every month due to the fact that my heart condition can cause her size to be small. Well, she's defying those odds for sure. At the last ultrasound we were told she was in the 93rd percentile for growth. This time she's in the 84th percentile which is still awesome. She technically was supposed to be at 27 weeks and 1 day but actually measured at 28 weeks and 5 days. So she's growing along just fine!

The thing I love about having all of these ultrasounds is we get to see her more often than most normal pregnancies would. We get to see how much she's growing and changing. Also, we get to see her personality kind of develop. We can already tell she's a stubborn one. Every ultrasound, she's covering her face with her hands. Actually, she looks like she relaxes with her hand on her forehead just like mommy does. (Isn't that crazy?) And she's active. Every ultrasound, she's constantly moving, almost like she's not wanting to let them get a normal shot. I think we have a strong-headed kiddo coming our way. Wonder where she gets that?

Me, I still feel like I'm getting more and more huge by the day. Bending over to pick things up is becoming a difficult task. Sleeping...not as easy as it used to be. I'll be starving, try to eat, and I get full with just a few bites. Not sure how Half-pint is growing as much as she is because I honestly feel like I don't eat enough, but...whatever. Still monitoring my blood pressure, and so far, it's doing okay off and on. With the holidays coming up and having a few days off, I'm hopeful I'll have some time to just relax, unwind and maybe catch up on my sleep. (Only if Half-pint cooperates, that is!)

I have two baby showers coming up, too, which is exciting! One is this Friday for my work and the other is
next Saturday for family and friends.

While we were at the doctor, we did get a few 3D pictures of our little girl, and I wanted to share them with all of you because they are just so cute. Baby girl only cooperated for one picture in allowing us to see her face. (Notice she still has that hand over her head like mommy), and then we got a shot of her cute little feet.

I have never wanted to meet someone so much in my life. I can't beleive that in just 10 weeks, I'll be holding my baby girl.

I'll keep you all posted with baby updates as they come!

Nain's dirty little secret

2011-11-30T09:16:00.001-05:00

I'm not a hoarder, I swear.

I'm just a wee bit unorganized.

So this weekend, T and I finally completed a project he's been bugging me to do since we moved into our house in April, one that I kept putting off but promising him I'd get it done. In due time. Which I did.

Let me explain...see, T and I are opposites in the whole organization business. I have the capability of getting myself organized. Last week, I managed to clear out and organize the file cabinets in my office in preparation for my maternity leave, labeling them and everything. Sure, I've been meaning to do this since January, but hey...better late than never, right? So when it came to combining our two apartments into one household, we had a ton of random boxes and items. I mean, I come with a lot of "stuff." As a teenager, I saved everything. Everything. For sentimental value, of course. And in between my multiple moves in college, law school and post-graduation, I've accumulated even more from there. Most of it ended up in our walk-in closet in our guest bedroom. This closet is huge because of the design of the house, and it should be a nice, empty space, but instead, for the past seven months we've lived there, you can barely get in with all of the boxes. Straight out of a hoarders episode. When we moved in, I also went through my clothes and got rid of two moving boxes worth of old clothing. Those boxes have been sitting in the closet for those seven months, too. And, we also had a pile of items in the basement that I told T were were going to be selling in a garage sale to be set sometime next year, including an old TV, microwave, boxes of random "stuff," and some old, crappy lawn chairs.

Poor, T...he's been patient. He's so exited to finally get to organize his man cave this winter, and my "stuff" has invaded his sanctuary. So a few months ago, I finally caved and said to hell with it, let's call Goodwill and just donate all of it. That was a few months ago. Last week, I made the decision (after some pushing from T) that we would take care of it last weekend. And I'd call Goodwill right away. And I did, too. (Yay, pat on the back!)

End result? We left about seven boxes of old VHS tapes, picture frames, clothing, and various items, as well as the TV, my old trunk from undergrad, two ugly pink lawn chairs, and various items on our driveway this morning, to be picked up sometime today for Goodwill.

The process of getting to that point was not pretty. And being 7 months pregnant, I was very little help in terms of getting the boxes downstairs from the guest bedroom and upstairs from the basement. That was all T. But I was the one who went through all of those old boxes and bags and tossed items that were no longer needed. And man, I had random items kept in the oddest of places. No way do I remember how I ended up with two unopened plastic drop cloth packages or why they were placed in a box of picture frames. And why were various Christmas ornaments located in random boxes? Seriously, it was embarrassing. But it's done. Our closet is now clean and organized, and the basement has been cleared of all my crap. I wish I could say that last weekend's efforts resulted in me being 100 percent organized in our house. But sadly....no. That's why I have T around. To keep me in check.

Baby steps, people...baby steps.

I hope our little girl gets her organization skills from her dad. Or we may be calling TLC to do an episode of Hoarding: Buried Alive in a few years. Just saying.

Freaking out

2011-11-28T11:35:00.001-05:00

Okay, so maybe the title of this post is just a bit on the dramatic side. But that is how I feel at this current point in time. Freaked. Out. (I credit a majority of this to pregnancy hormones...but some also to just stress and well, me being me.)

Reason? Well, I looked at the calendar today and realized that December is in just a few days. And that has me in a full panic. Let me explain....

Christmas shopping? What Christmas shopping? Cards to send out? Really? Usually I'm on my "A" game, and by now I've bought pretty much every one's presents and have addressed and sent out my Christmas cards. I'm productive like that. But this year, I just don't have the energy. I blame the third trimester for that. But still. I don't want to be that girl who is rushing at the last minute. So I need to do it in my spare time. What spare time? In between work and the millions of doctors visits baby and I need right now, there is no spare time. Just those hours when I get to sleep. But I need to get on it. Thus, part of the freak out.

And, wait, it's December? I got this email today from TheBump.com reminding me that I'm 28 weeks today. Dude, that's not that much longer until the little one arrives. I mean, sure we're due on February 22nd, but with my size and my heart condition, part of me does have that fear that we will have her earlier than mid-February. And well, I didn't plan for that. I have work things to do up until the very day I give birth, dammit. So I'm scrambling to plan ahead and write detailed directions for my staff for when I leave on every grant I write and report on, basically everything I do. And that's a lot. And I'm also a bit of a control freak, so I have a hard time letting go of my pet projects. So yeah, I need to start building up some contingency plans here. Because Half-pint will come when 1) she wants to and/or 2) when the doctors say I have no choice. How in the world am I going to get all of this ready? Am I ever really going to be fully "ready?"

And getting ready for Half-pint's arrival...we have two showers coming up, and I've taken to checking our registry daily to see what is still needed. While we're pretty good on the furniture...not so much on the other stuff. I know most people, when they purchase presents for a baby, buy the cute outfits, the frilly girl stuff...which is all great and good. Trust me, I love that stuff, too. But...not exactly what T and I need. It sounds completely awful of me to say that because I always appreciate anything someone would give us. I'm just totally freaked that we won't get the basics we need and won't be able to afford them beforehand. Rational? Probably not. But you're talking to the planner here. The girl who has everything set and ready to go way before it's due.

And I've taken to hating sites like TheBump.com or (insert your appropriate pregnancy site here). They have these little checklists on everything you're supposed to have done at a certain point. No clue who these people are that think I should have x, y and z done at this point, but they can just shove it. My current concern is getting a pediatrician lined up. But there are all of these stupid other things that I haven't thought of or aren't sure they are important. Dear lord, I'm failing as a mom, and I'm not even there yet.

So I need to do several things here...1) invent some sort of time device to create more time in a given day, 2) win the lottery so that T and I can buy everything we need for Half-pint, 3) pay for a personal assistant who can help me with all of these tasks, or 4) invent some sort of cloning device so that one of me can be at all the doctor's appointments, another can be out shopping and preparing for baby and the third can be at work lining everything up. Oh, and maybe a fourth to spend time with family and friends and T so that I don't lose any relationships in the time being.

Think they have Cyber Monday deals on something like that?

Pink Friday!

2011-11-24T13:00:00.000-05:00

Shameless plug time! I know most of you know that I'm a Mary Kay Beauty Consultant in my spare time. With the holidays coming up (yep, haven't started shopping yet...go me!), and with my hatred of crowds and malls at Christmas, I'm offering special deals for people who shop with me online.

So I'm having a "Pink Friday" sale starting at midnight and lasting all day on Friday, November 25th! And you don't even have to stand in lines to order what you want. To me, that equals perfection! So without further ado...here's my "Pink Friday" plug!

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Black Friday....why not make it a PINK Friday?
Avoid the crowds or shop online with me after you get home from the craziness and need some rest and relaxation! Because, really, you just can't beat these prices! So stock up on your favorites, and buy some for your friends and family!
50% off all lipliners, eyeliners and lip glosses!
Buy one mineral eye color or cheek color, get the other free
40% off any foundation
Cleansers - 25% off!
Extra Emollient Night Cream - 25% off
Eye creams (firming and age fighting) - 25% off
Concealors - 15% off
PLUS, when you refer a friend* (RSVP with each name)Receive $5 FREE Mary Kay** (when they make a $20+ purchase now-Nov 30)
Receive a FREE lip gloss, lotion, or mascara (when you refer 5+ friends* now- Nov 26)
*Must be 18 or older and not a current Mary Kay customer
**Your $5 FREE must be redeemed Nov 26 – Dec 24, 2011
Happy Shopping!!!
Alaina

Thankful

2011-11-22T10:18:00.001-05:00

I've been watching Facebook throughout the month of November and have been reading everyone's 30 Days of Thanks posts. It's a wonderful idea to recognize those blessings in your life. I've wanted to join in, but with the stress and sadness that November has brought, sadly, I never got around to it. That isn't to say I don't realize my blessings and am not thankful for them on a daily basis. Because I am. But I don't think I've outwardly recognized them, especially one of them in particular. Sure, he knows I appreciate him and love him, but I think maybe I should give a a great deal of credit where credit is due.

This year I am truly thankful for my husband, T. I never thought I would be so lucky to be married to and in love with my best friend. I get to fall asleep next to him every night and wake up next to him every morning. He's my rock, my sounding board, the person who centers me and brings me back to reality. He's my biggest fan. Over the past year, he has supported me as I chose to make a major career change from working as a child protective services attorney to running a legal services agency and stepping outside of the traditional "lawyer" role. He has supported me with my Mary Kay business, when others teased me for it and tried to downplay the fact that I truly do love to do it, he's been proud of me and supportive when I've needed it. In March, he stood by me and held my hand as we underwent tests on my heart to see if we could have children and to see if I needed surgery before we could even try. He cried with me tears of happiness when we found out everything we just fine. He's shared my joy, excitement and trepidation as we discovered we were blessed with the little Half-pint in June. He took care of me through morning sickness, exhaustion and crazy mood swings. He's supported me 100 percent as my family had to make the decision to put my Grandpa in assisted living and later in nursing home care. He's watched over me as my Grandpa's health as deteriorated, and he comforted me when my Grandpa finally passed. He held my hand and stood by my side the entire time as we said good bye to him this past weekend. He told me it was okay to cry and that I didn't always have to be the strong one. He remembers the special days we share - the anniversary of our first date, the memories from when we got engaged, relives the joy of our wedding day. With the high risk pregnancy, he has been my advocate and there for me the entire time. He's watched over me like a hawk and made sure that I am relaxing, that I taking care of myself and put my health first. He's been my everything.

I may not say it daily. I don't even think saying the words "I love you" are enough to truly express how thankful I am that God brought T into my life. But I am. I am forever grateful and blessed to have him as a husband. And this year, more than ever, I would like to say thanks to T for being the man that he is. I love you, and I couldn't be more blessed.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

Third Trimester

2011-11-22T08:52:00.001-05:00

I am in the home stretch....as of this week, I'm at 27 weeks and officially in my third trimester. Of course, February 22nd still seems so far away, but nowhere as far away as it did in June when we first found out we were pregnant. Lots of things going on, too....

So according to emails I get from TheBump.com, she's learning how to breathe this week...mostly amniotic fluid, but still, she's learning how to breathe and can open her eyes as well. She's as big as an eggplant, though I swear she has to be bigger than that. I feel absolutely ginormous. Every morning it feels like she's just expanding. It's a good thing, but at the same time, wow...takes some getting used to! She's still quite the kicker, and I've started noticing her hiccups as well. They feel like rapid-fire kicks. She kicks a lot when Daddy reads to her at night, which is super sweet. According to the doctors, she's also measuring right on target, which is super important because my heart condition can cause her to be smaller. But not the case with Half-pint! We get to see her again in another ultrasound next week to make sure she's still growing, and I can hardly wait to see how much she's changed since the last time we saw her a month ago.

I was lucky enough to find out that I passed my gestational diabetes test with flying colors, which was a huge relief because it was quite traumatic trying to get blood from me the day I took it. So no 3 hour glucose test for me! Last Tuesday, before we got the awful news, we did go to the cardiologist and I was told I could stop using my heart monitor and turn that back in (yay!). My blood pressure was still up, so he doubled my medicine again. I have to admit, I haven't taken any readings for about a week now. I just felt that with all the stress of last week, any number wouldn't be too terribly accurate. But I need to get back on that. Hopefully things keep moving in the right direction!

Other than that...let's see...third trimester...well, I'm tired more often than I was in my 2nd trimester. I find myself almost falling asleep at my desk at work. Bad, Nain. And the symptoms of the third trimester? Ugh, can I just express my distaste for these? Seriously...as if I didn't feel about as unsexy as humanly possible, I get these symptoms. Having to pee every time I stand up. Heartburn after every meal and randomly throughout the day. (Tums is my new candy...) "Digestive issues." I have now become quite adept at burping, too. Loud, manly burping. Even worse than T. And...sigh, I found my very first stretch mark on Saturday. (Shudder) I've done so well not having one. Damn. So yeah, I'm sexy and I know it, folks. Hot stuff coming through here.

My solace lies in the fact that we only have 3 months left to go. My job is to just keep her safe, keep her growing and keep my stress level as down as much as possible. Oh and decorate the nursery, too. Two showers coming up in December so I'm sure I'll have pictures to post as we get things put together!

So that is your 27 week update! Stay tuned for more!

Drained

2011-11-21T09:48:00.001-05:00

Hi everyone, we're back from a rather long and emotionally draining weekend. I'm not going to lie...getting out of bed this morning was pretty tough. I felt like I could have used at least four more hours of good sleep. BUT my saving grace this week is that we have a short work week with Thanksgiving coming up. I so look forward to catching up on my sleep Thursday through Sunday. We need it after the past few weeks.

Thursday, I decided to stay home to catch up on things before we left town. I thought that would be best; however, being at home by myself meant being alone with my thoughts. I chose to override the possibility of tears and sadness with staying as physically busy as humanly possible. This involved grocery shopping, trips to the bank and post office, vacuuming the downstairs of our house, completely setting up my Mary Kay open house (which involved multiple trips up and down stairs to bring items to my dining room), walking on the treadmill for 30 minutes, and doing all of the laundry in the house (cleaning and drying, folding and making the bed with clean sheets, etc.) By the time I had done all of that, I was tired and my back hurt like nobody's business.

Probably pushed it a little too hard, especially considering how painful it was to walk in the evening when we headed to our church for a memorial service for the priest who married us, who we also considered a close friend and mentor. That service was hard. He was only 55 and died from liver failure. It was sudden and unexpected. I didn't handle the service too well, and I chose to blame my crying on hormones. Of course, T said only I would blame my feelings of sadness over something other than just the fact that it was sad. But it was truly sad. And a shock. I still can't believe he's gone.

We got up on Friday and headed to Terre Haute to meet my extended family for my Grandpa's wake. And by my extended family, I mean 10 aunts and uncles, 15 grandchildren and 12 great-grandchildren. The wake started at 4:00 p.m., but the family had an hour before to be with my Grandpa and with each other. I gripped onto T's hand as we each made our way to the casket to say a prayer. I never handle this part well at all during funerals, and I couldn't hold back the tears this time or blame them on the hormones. He looked so at peace, and despite the toll the past few month took on his body, the funeral home did a nice job in preparing him for burial. But it hardly seemed real that he was gone. Yes, that was his body, but not him. He was already in heaven. I felt bad for my nieces and nephews, too, because I know how hard it is to face this at such a young age. My eight year old niece came up to me with tears in her eyes when she saw me crying saying "It makes me sad when people cry." It was hard. It always is, and I don't think that ever gets any easier with age. We were there for five hours, ending the day with a rosary, which Grandpa said daily. He would dedicate a rosary to a certain person each night. I was told, back in February, when we had my heart scare, that my Grandpa had said a few for me. So our whole family said the rosary together for him.

Saturday morning, we headed back to the funeral home for a quick prayer service. Again, didn't handle this part very well. The family had the opportunity to each say good bye to him before they closed the casket. Never have I ever been able to fully say good bye at a funeral. Not with my Aunt Linda or both of my Grandmas. I can't do it. I said I love you, as I touched the casket but I couldn't do more than that. T, my rock, held my hand as we saw him for the very last time on this earth and headed to the church. The funeral mass was touching. Each grandchild had a part of the mass, as Grandpa would want it. My Uncle Joe, the oldest child, gave a touching eulogy that made us laugh, smile and think fondly of the memories we had. We processed out of the church and back to our cars to head to the cemetery. As we got in the car, T looked to me and asked "are you okay?" And of course, in my typical fashion, my response was "no, but I'm okay..."

After the church, we headed to the cemetery for the military service before his burial. On the way, we passed the home where he lived during his remaining years, and the landlord had put the American Flag at half-mast in honor of my Grandpa. That was truly touching. It was rainy and cold, but T said he saw a ray of light break through the clouds as we got to the cemetery. Since my Grandpa was a veteran of World War II, the local VFW post was there to do a service in his honor. They did a 21 gun salute followed by "Taps." Despite my best efforts, I lost it during this part as well. Something about that song gets me. We concluded that service and headed out to the church hall for a luncheon. After a three hour funeral service, we needed it. T and I did want to see the headstone once before we left where both my Grandma and Grandpa's names were written. The weight of the day broke me down, as I cried all over T's nice suit. (Of course, not smudging makeup because I was wearing my trusty Mary Kay waterproof mascara, of course...) My sister-in-law and twin eight year old niece and nephew joined us. My sweet little niece gave me a hug and said "I'm so sorry, Aunt Nain, that you don't have any more grandmas or grandpas." I gave her a kiss and reassured her that, yes, I do. They're just in heaven.

After lunch, I passed out for a good hour to two hours taking a nap in the hotel before leaving for dinner. My Grandpa had a favorite restaurant in the small town where he was raised and lived until his passing, Kleptz, and he used to frequent the bar in this restaurant with my great-grandpa during my Grandpa's Navy days. So all 45 of us met there and shared a meal in his honor. We needed it after the day we had, and I have no doubt he was watching down on us as we toasted him and shared our memories. The dinner lasted until 10:00 or so, and by that point, I was at complete exhaustion. In traditional family style, it was hard to get people rallied and ready to go back to the hotel. This evolved into an argumentbetween T and I late that night, of which was my fault and was based solely out of exhaustion, irrationality, and just too many emotions from everything. I think it was just an explosion of everything. Short-lived, and completely unnecessary. But my emotions were high, and I wasn't quite sure how to handle them.

T was my rock this weekend, and I have no idea what I'd do without him. It was difficult, I'm not going to lie. As much as I knew this was coming and as much as I wanted him to be at peace, I'm still heartbroken that he is gone. He will be missed so much. God Bless you, Grandpa, and thank you for everything you have instilled in us as a family, all the love you have given, and for the amazing man you are. We love you.

Until we meet again...

2011-11-15T14:22:00.001-05:00

We got the phone call we have been waiting for for months. This afternoon my Grandpa has been called home to be with God and be with my Grandma again.

It's hard. He's been sick for so long. I've wanted this to happen. I've prayed for God to let him go and let him be at peace. But a part of me feels broken now that he is gone.

He's one of the smartest men I know. A Navy Captain during World War II, an engineer, a loving father and grandfather (and great-grandfather to twelve, with two on the way). He is an amazing man.

I always looked up to my Grandpa when I was a little girl. Part of me was a little scared of him because, well, he's my Grandpa...he was a strong, smart man. But he always made me laugh. His name was George, and he was born on George Washington's Birthday, February 22nd, which coincidentally is also Half-pint's due date.) He always said that he couldn't tell a lie like George Washington. He used to always drive my Grandma crazy when she was cooking in the kitchen, because he'd meddle around. She'd go "Dang-nabbit, George! Get out of my kitchen!" He was always taking pictures when the family was there. And always building something. He and my Grandma would go to craft shows and find something cute for the holidays, he'd buy that craft piece and then make replicas of them for all of the children. And he always was reading books, books about the Civil War, about the presidents, etc. I am lucky to have several of those books now.

When my Grandma passed away in 2000, I was in college, and my college was pretty close to where he lived in Terre Haute. So on Fridays, I would often make the drive there to have Friday dinner with him. I'd call him, and he'd talk about how he was learning to make soup on his own, learning to cook and basically function solo. He was always so proud of himself. And conversations only lasted exactly 30 minutes. But I always treasured those times I spent with him.

Even as he got sick, I tried my best to see him as often as I could. I would spend the night at his house after work trips, going to the VFW fish fry with him and watching Jeopardy until he fell asleep.

It's been hard this past year as my Mom and her siblings had to make the difficult decision to put him in assisted living as it became harder and harder for him to care for himself. He hated it there and missed his home, but at least he was around his belongings and in his own space. It became harder this last summer as he was moved to a nursing home and his renal failure continued to progress.

I've gone back and forth these past few months between not wanting to lose him and being angry at the fact that his suffering had gone on so long. He truly didn't deserve that. I wanted so badly for it to pass and for him to be at peace. But at the same time, I didn't want to say good bye.

I'm trying my best today and from now on to hold onto those memories, the thirty lucky years I got to spend with him as his granddaughter. He was the best grandfather a girl could ask for. He'll never know how much he was loved and how much he will be missed.

A memory I am going to treasure forever is the fact that he was there for my wedding day. That truly meant so much to me, as it did to my mom. And I got to dance with him. I will treasure this memory for the rest of my life.

When I was in high school, we used to try to beat each other at this game where we could see who the first person was to say "I'm sure glad you got to see me!" and make the other person laugh. He was always quicker than me at first, but I soon became quick to the game. The last time I saw him on July 30th, as I hugged him for the last time, I kissed him on the forehead, told him I loved him and said "I'm sure glad I got to see you Grandpa."

I'm sure glad I got to have you as a Grandpa. I miss you already and love you always....

As promised..

2011-11-14T21:20:00.001-05:00

This past weekend, T and I assembled two pieces of the furniture for Half-pint's nursery. It's kind of exciting to see things falling into place for the room and to have it not just be an empty green room where we randomly hang up our laundry to dry. (We will need to find a new place to put the laundry when she arrives...) So our first piece was the book shelf we ordered from Bed, Bath and Beyond, using the remaining gift cards we had left from the wedding. We're starting a little book collection for Half-pint. There's plenty of room for more!

For our shower, T's parents bought us the changing table we registered for at Target. This box weighed a ton. It was a struggle for us to get it in the house, and I probably shouldn't have helped...but...we opened it up downstairs and took pieces up bit by bit. And you wouldn't believe the hardware that went into it either. For a piece of furniture from Target, this is built really well! She has nicer furniture than we do!

The top part is just screwed in at the back, so when we're done using it as a changing table, it can become a shelf or entertainment center. So it'll be a piece of furniture she will grow with. Well worth the purchase!

AND....because I'm a woman of my word....and even though I think I look ginormous in this photo and my hair looks like crap...I'm posting this. Because I love you guys, and because some of you have been patiently waiting for this. This is me at 26 weeks. It's hard to truly see the bump because my dress isn't really form-fitting, but trust me, it's there. And trust me...I feel huge. I am struggling with the thought that I'm going to get even bigger and have 3 more months to go. But my 5'1" frame only has so much room for her to go. The only other direction is for her to grow out. And she sure is doing that!

No other baby updates really...she's doing very well and her heart rate is good. She's kicking up a storm and moving around a ton. Mommy...well, she's still struggling with the blood pressure so I'm going to to the doctors all the time trying to work that all out. And keep the stress level down. That's a work in progress, of course...

Next step...the crib! My parents do have it at their house, but right now with things with my Grandpa, it might be closer to Christmas when we get that set up. But I promise to post pictures then!

Happy Veteran's Day!

2011-11-11T12:23:00.001-05:00

Happy Veteran's Day to all of the men and women who have fought and given so much for our country! Today I specially thank both of my grandfathers, T's grandfathers, and my Uncle Joe for their service during World War II and my uncle in Vietnam. I never got to meet my grandfather on my Dad's side of the family, but I do know he was in the Army in the Pacific. My Mom's father was in the Navy in the Pacific, as well.

In honor of today, I'll tell the only anecdote I have from my Grandpa from his Navy days. When he left to fight, he brought with him a picture of my Grandma. He kept it by his bed on the ship. He told us the story of once when they had to abandon ship, and it was invaded by Japanese forces. When they were finally allowed back on the ship (after, I'm sure, whatever it was the Japanese were looking for was removed...weapons, security information, what not), he went back to his bunk, and the picture was missing. Years and years later, after my Grandma had passed, we found a copy of the same picture he had with him on his ship, and this picture is now on his dresser at the nursing home. He would laugh and say that she sure was pretty, and the soldiers on the other "side" must have thought the same. So someone out there, has a picture of my Grandma...or had it at the very least :-)

This past weekend, my Mom was emailed a picture of my Grandpa receiving an award at his nursing home for his service. My 8 year old niece saw the picture, and my Mom explained to her what the award was for. My niece responded, "OH! I didn't know he was a veterinarian! We need pictures of veterinarians for veterinarian's day!" She is just so cute. I couldn't bring myself to correct her because she was just so excited that she found a "veterinarian" to share with the class. Such a cutie.

So happy Veteran's Day, everyone! And have a lovely weekend! Me, I'm off to the doctor in a few for a check-up on the little girl. I'll be back with pictures of the nursery so far and maybe a baby bump?

Thankful

2011-11-10T09:40:00.001-05:00

I want to thank those of you who left such sweet comments on my blog yesterday. Maybe it's the hormones, but I have to admit I did tear up from reading some of those. While I am by no means 100 percent better this morning, I am making a concerted effort to focus on the positives and keep going, thanks to Sarah's comment. Because I do have a ton to be thankful for. Yes, I have a lot going on, and nothing I can say or do will change what is happening with my Grandpa or make it any better. It just sucks. But I do have to continue on with life, regardless of what obstacles are in my way and regardless of the hardships my family is facing. I can't curl up and just hide. So with that thought in mind, I thought I'd dedicate today's post to focusing on the things that are positive. My blessings. Because I am truly blessed.

This past week, Half-pint has been particularly busy. I mean, seriously, this kid is active. During my training on Tuesday, I kept feeling her kick. So I put my hand where I thought she was kicking. And sure enough, she kicked in that spot again, but at the same exact time, I felt something else below that point. And that went on for hours. It's like she was doing Taebo. Every time I feel her kick, it just makes me smile. Because it reassures me she's doing just fine and that she's getting bigger. (As am I actually! I do need a bump picture soon because dude, I feel huge!)

We received two pieces of her nursery furniture last week...a book shelf and her changing table, and we'll be putting those together this weekend. I'm excited that her nursery is starting to come together! My parents have the crib at their house, but unfortunately it is just too heavy for T and I to move by ourselves. I promise to post pictures!

It's getting close to Thanksgiving...and I seriously love that holiday. Watching football, lounging all day and eating? Yes, please!

And it's getting close to the holidays...next weekend I'm having my first Mary Kay Holiday Open House...praying to God that it goes well. But it's been fun getting ready for it all. And I can't wait to decorate our new home for the holidays. It's exciting to think that we'll be spending so many Christmases in this house with our new family.

And of course, my biggest blessing....T. I don't know what I'd do without him. I know this has been particularly hard on him. He feels helpless watching me go through this medical stuff and watching me worry and worry and worry some more about my Grandpa and how my Mom is dealing with everything. There's not much he can do to fix it. I know it's a male thing that when they see their loved ones going through something hard, they want to fix it. But unfortunately, it can't be fixed. And with my moods along the way, I know it hasn't been easy. But he's my rock. He always is. He's my angel that God blessed me with her on Earth, and for that, I am forever grateful.

So thank you, everyone, for your kind thoughts and prayers. I felt more than loved yesterday. For now, I'm just focusing one day at a time, and focusing on those things that are truly important.

Struggling to breathe

2011-11-09T09:38:00.000-05:00

I have hit my wall this week. I'm not going to lie. I'm not having one of the best mental health weeks by far. Monday was my breaking point, and I simply haven't recovered since then.

I was driving to work on Monday, thinking about my Grandpa and also about the fact that I had to leave before noon to head back home to make it in time for another doctor's appointment. This one was for my asthma. I have had difficulty breathing, and they aren't sure if it's related to my heart or asthma. So I scheduled an appointment with my family doctor for this one, shunning the idea of seeing yet another specialist for my lungs this time. So I was aware that I was going to be missing half a day of work to do some breathing tests to get to the bottom of that problem. And for some reason on Monday, in the car, I lost it. No tears, necessarily, but this feeling of just immense sadness came over me. Too much. It's just too much.

I know it's completely normal during a pregnancy to see the doctor every two weeks towards the end of your third trimester. But I have been seeing my High Risk OB every two weeks since 18 weeks. And in between those visits, I am now seeing my cardiologist every two weeks. And now my family doctor once a month for my breathing. I resent this heart monitor that is strapped to my body. I have marks all over my stomach and chest from where the electrodes I wear have left. I have fortunately have had about four readings so far, so it's possible the doctor won't need me to wear it for the full 30 days. (Keeping fingers crossed for that one.) Of course, shouldn't I not want these readings at all? How sick is it that I want them to happen now just so this can be over? I'm working evenings and weekends to make up the hours I miss at my job. This week and next week alone, I think I'm missing at least 10 hours of work because of doctor's visits. And I'm trying to save my vacation as much as possible for maternity leave, so I am busting my butt to keep up with the hours I lose. On top of that, I have that fear of bed rest. My blood pressure is decreasing for the moment, but I can't just assume I'll go the full 40 weeks. I'm almost to 26 weeks now. I have to line everything up at my office so that nothing falls through the cracks. That is, if I have time to get to it when I do manage to make it into the office.

And my Grandpa. We don't know what's going on. Monday night his blood pressure was down to 79/47. My Mom called to say it could be any day now. But the blood pressure is back up. And the Type A/Lawyer in me wants answers. I like to know what's going on. I need to know all information possible. Nothing left in the dark. So I took to the computer, looking up renal failure, the symptoms and how to know when it's the end. T asked me what in God's name I was doing, and I responded with "I need to know as much as I can." No, I know I can't predict it. I find myself getting angry with the fact that this is dragging on for him. I struggle to find the fairness in it. He's a good man. A brilliant man. A loving husband, father and grandfather. It's just not fair that this is happening to him.

And yet, somehow I'm supposed to not let this get to me. I can't let this make my blood pressure go up. But yet I can't be as active as I was before in terms of relieving stress. I used to work out to let it go. And how am I supposed to not let this affect me? For those of you who know me well also know all too well that that just isn't possible. It's not in my genetic make-up.

So now I find myself just numb. And I just don't want to do anything. I want to just hide and pretend that none of this is happening. I don't know what to say about it, what to feel about it. I've reached my breaking point, and I feel just awful about it because I should be stronger. But I'm scared. Of all of it. And struggling to breathe.

Waiting

2011-11-06T20:40:00.000-05:00

This weekend was not necessarily an easy one by any means. We did have our good moments, including T kicking some major butt at the Monumental Half Marathon in Indy (totally proud of him!) and celebrating my Dad's birthday. But something weighed on my mind all weekend.

I don't like having negative post following another negative post. But we did get some bad news this weekend about my Grandpa. My family found this out earlier in the week, but my Mom was concerned about how to tell me with concerns about my heart and blood pressure. But on Friday, I was told that Hospice has officially taken over care of my Grandpa. We've talked about it for awhile, but they were holding off until we got word from his doctors that it was necessary. They ran blood work on him last week, and the toxin levels in his liver are at levels that are at a crisis level. Normal is somewhere around 5-26, and his are at 126. He has also began to receive less and less oxygen in his blood, level purple marks all over his body. He is at a Stage 2 feeding, meaning he has to be fed instead of feeding himself. So Hospice has been called to come and make him as comfortable as possible and help ease the pain as best they can as he spends his final days. We still don't know just how long that will be. That part is the thing that I hate.

We went to church on Saturday evening, and I did as I have been for works. I prayed to God to let him go. I pray every week that this is the week when he passes. Don't get me wrong. I don't want to lose my Grandpa by any means. I love him more than he'll ever know, and I don't want to lose him. But I don't want this suffering to go on. It's gone on too long. This isn't the way I know he'd want to be. He wants to go home. Be with my Grandma. Be at peace. We all want that for him. I found myself with tears running down my face praying that God takes this from him. He has been through enough.

I struggle with the decision, now that we know things have taken a sharp turn for the worse, to go see him. The last time I saw him was in July. My Mom made the statement that I said my good-byes to him. I tried to think of when I saw him last. Did I really say good bye? Was it good enough? Was it that kind of good bye where he knows that I love him and I will miss him all the time? Would seeing him one more time give me that closer? He's at the point now where he's hardly aware of who is there and can't speak. So I'm not sure if seeing him once more would be for me more than it would be for him.

The main reason why this decision is such a big struggle is my health. The stress. I have to lower it. My blood pressure, thankfully, has started to lower from the medicine. But medicine can only do so much. My Mom's main concern was that it would cause too much stress on me to see him in the state he is in. And she's right. I know it would. Taking my blood pressure about an hour after speaking with her, it was up. God knows how it would be if I saw him again and witnessed first hand just how badly he has deteriorated. My Mom said that I had to think of myself first. And my baby. And she said that he wouldn't want me to put my health at risk if he knew what was going on. But still. It's hard because I just don't know. Will I regret not saying good bye?

My heart hurts for what he's going through and for what my Mom and her brothers and sister are going through. I wish I knew how long this is going to last. I wish I could control it and make it happen quickly and as painlessly as possible for him. But it's not in my hands. All I can do is pray and wait. Just hopefully not too long.

Checking in...

2011-11-04T11:07:00.000-04:00

Sorry, guys, that I have been MIA the past two days. Yesterday was one of those days where I hit the ground running and didn't have a chance to breathe, let alone write. And Wednesday? Well, that was a long day. A discouraging afternoon, and it left me with not much motivation to write.

I don't always like to just blurt out my personal problems in my blog and share my business and what not. However, sometimes it's just cathartic to write it out and get it out there. And sometimes honesty can bring about something bigger than yourself and can help you heal. So, let's get honest. Brutal honesty.

Wednesday afternoon, T and I headed to my cardiologist appointment. I was told to see him towards the end of my 2nd trimester (can you believe I'm at that point???), so we made the appointment and went. As you all know, I am a high risk pregnancy. So I see the OB every two weeks, and this was just another doctor's appointment on top of all of the others. I've had to monitor my blood pressure pretty closely every day just to see if it's going up and how high it's been going up. I also have asthma, and with any pregnancy, as you get bigger and she grows more, it does get harder to breathe. But I've been having times where my heart has been racing and I can't breathe easily. I told my OB, and his response was that this was something beyond his expertise and I needed to see my heart doctor.

So we went. We were the youngest people in that waiting room. I've been going to a cardiologist my whole life, but it was like looking into a window into our future. Elderly couples coming to see the doctor, a bag full of pills to show him, and they were falling asleep in the waiting room. I had easily forty to thirty years on all of them. We saw the doctor, and well...he wasn't too pleased. With the blood pressure. So I have been put on an additional medicine to the one I'm taking. And I have to see him in two weeks. I need to monitor it like a hawk, watch my stress level like no one's business and slow down. And for the next thirty days, I am wearing a holter monitor for my heart. I'm basically wired up under my shirt like I'm getting ready to expose the mob or go undercover. I've worn one before, and they are kind of uncomfortable. So basically, my heart isn't doing quite as well as baby girl's. And that has me scared.

I know I'm a high risk pregnancy, and I knew this was a possibility when I got pregnant. Having children has always been important to me, and I like to think that I take good care of myself. But sometimes, things are just out of your hands. I don't have control over what my body is doing, and I hate that. I know that we see her little heart every two weeks, and she's doing just fine, growing and kicking and everything. But as a mom-to-be, I want to do everything possible in my power to make sure that my child thrives, that she is healthy and happy and no harm comes to her. I put her first. But then there's my health, too. What good is it for her to be healthy if the momma carrying her isn't? And if they don't get this under control, then what? Bed rest? Or worse?

I'm not going to lie to you, folks. I'm scared. T is, too. I want to be here for my baby. I'm scared of the unknown. I only have just over three months left to go, but what could go on with my body over those three months has me totally freaked out. I find myself thinking of the worries we had back in early March of this year. I know we were told all of that bad stuff was a slim (very slim) possibility. But it's a possibility. And the thing that couldn't happen is something that I don't even want to write here. I can't think of it. I don't like even having an inkling of a possibility. Zero is a much better number in my opinion.

But at the same time, I can't think of those fears. I have to push them aside, take a deep breath and say "it's going to be okay." The girl who never slows down has to slow down. I absolutely have to.

So bear with me when I'm being brutally honest Nain here. I knew this wouldn't be easy, and I knew this was a possibility. I don't want pity by any means. But I do need to let it out and trust that God has a plan for me and our family and that He's watching over us.

So this weekend Nain will be taking it easy. Slow, relaxing walks with T. No over-exertion. And maybe some chocolate. Because that always makes it better.

It's my blog, I'll bitch if I want to....

2011-11-01T12:40:00.000-04:00

It's Tuesday. I'm pregnant and I find myself in one of those moods where everything seems to just irritate me. So...I'm going to vent. And it'll be random. And probably not pretty. But, as the title of this post says, it's my blog...so I'll bitch if I want to! So this is a list of things currently bugging me...

Political ads - I try to avoid being political on my blog. I have my political views. Many of you wouldn't agree with them. But I don't write on this blog to express them. But I'm really ready for next week's election day to get here and pass on because I get so tired of the ads. From all sides, too. Such negativity. And also the constant policital commentary on next year's presidential race. It feels like the coverage just keeps going on and on and on and on.

Unsolicited advice - Don't get me wrong...I have no idea what I'm doing with this motherhood thing or preparing for baby and my surgery. BUT, that being said, my growing waist line does not open up the door for unsolicited advice. It just doesn't. And I swear to God, if I hear one more person say "just wait until this..." or if I complain about how I'm feeling, hearing someone who just had a baby say "that's nothing compared to what I'm feeling now." Especially if the person complained the entire time she was pregnant. Please. Just stop. Yes, I know I'm not the only woman who has ever been pregnant. And I know that when the little Half-pint arrives, my entire world will change, as will my focus on what's important on a daily basis. And yes, I know the whole sleeping thing will fall to the wayside. But every pregnancy is different. Every child is different. Just because something happened to you doesn't mean it's automatically going to happen to me. And unless I openly ask for your advice, hold it in. Please.

On that same note. Hearburn. Why is it that water is giving me heart burn? I had a small box of Halloween candy Nerds a few hours ago, and that box. That small box. Gave me heartburn. Seriously? I've been taking Tums, but man, I hate that stuff. And I'm irritated with the fact that every day, I feel less and less attractive. I'm this huge, gassy and bloated woman who can't see her feet some days, has leg cramps constantly, uses the bathroom every thirty minutes...can't wear any normal clothes. I just don't feel....what's the word? Pretty?

And music. What gives with the lack of originality on the radio? Why must we overplay the same music over and over again? Come up with something different. And try a little variety, radio DJs.

Oh, oh...and douchebag guys. Driving in pimped out Hondas. You're not fooling anyone. Just saying.

Okay...I think that'll do.

This has been a ranting of the Nain variety. We will come back to your regularly-scheduled posts tomorrow...

Happy Halloween and Weekend Re-cap

2011-10-31T10:21:00.000-04:00

Happy Halloween, everyone! I'm living vicariously through all you moms out there and love the cute Halloween pictures I've seen so far out there! I have to admit, I'm excited for next year when we get to dress our little girl up. Too cute! This is our first Halloween in our new house/neighborhood, so we're hopeful that we get lots of trick or treaters tonight. Otherwise, I'll have to eat all of that candy all by myself. Don't get me wrong...I'm up for the task, but it's probably best the kiddos get the majority of that.

We had an actually nice and relaxing weekend for a change. It was surreal not having somewhere go and something to do. Having a weekend to actually just be at home allowed by T and myself to be productive and catch up on other things. Here's what I was busy doing:

These are some of the gift sets I put together for the holiday season with my Mary Kay business. I also put together invitations for my two Holiday Open Houses I'm having. So all in all, I got a ton of MK stuff done over the weekend. I'm not normally a creative person so I was pretty proud with the finished product.

Saturday night, I made a nice meal for T, and we had homemade lasagna. YUM. It was good, trust me.

Sunday we went to church and then headed to Target to finish our baby registry. We dug around in the basement through boxes T's parents brought down from his home with all of his old toys and books from his childhood. I bought a book shelf last week for us to start putting together a little library for our baby when she arrives, so it's a start. T was also Mr. Chef yesterday and made us one heck of an apple pie...super impressed! Come to think of it, talking about that now is making me seriously want some apple pie...man, I should have brought some from home with me...oh well, it'll be there when I get home!

We relaxed the rest of the day. Towards the end of the night, Half-pint was kicking like a fiend. T was able to feel a few of those kicks, some of them pretty hard. Since she was so active, T decided he's going to start reading a story to her every night (So sweet, isn't he?) So he read a little book to her, and he had his hand on my stomach while he was doing it...the whole time she was just kicking away. Sure, she might not be able to understand words or anything, but from what I've read, she's hearing noises...so maybe she knew her Daddy was talking to her? Either way, it was too precious.

Hope all of you had a great weekend and have a very Happy Halloween! Hope it's all treats with very few tricks today!

Just like Christmas morning

2011-10-28T09:05:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, as T and I were getting ready, he excitedly asked me, "do you know what today is?" "Thursday?" was my answer. "No, it's a special day..." I stared blankly at him, trying my best to inventory a list of special dates he and I shared from our days of dating. Surely I could have missed something. "Beavis and Butthead are back today!" He could barely contain his excitement.

Yes, folks, it was like Christmas morning in the Nain and T household last night.

See, my husband is stuck in the 1990s. All of his music taste come from the 90s grunge era. His glory days, I call them. And Beavis and Butthead? He's obsessed. It was actually my first Christmas present to him...I got him the Beavis and Butthead complete collection - Seasons 1, 2, and 3, and the movie, in a boxed set. The perfect present for him.

I mean, this is the the same man who makes Beavis impersonations when he's vacuuming and thinks I don't hear him. He impersonates Beavis's "fire! fire!" when building a fire in our fire pit. He chuckles like Butthead every time he hears the word "cock" included in a phrase or other word that could be construed as some sort of dirty phrase. Oh, T...

So as soon as he found out his favorite show was coming back on the air, he was elated. They made this announcement some time ago, and he's been waiting for that day when it came back. And last night was the night. I was a fan of the show back in the day, too, and I must say...it didn't disappoint at all last night. The show was as funny as I remember it. Too bad they have to make fun of other MTV shows instead of just music videos, but I guess that's what you get when they don't play music videos anymore. But it was hilarious. And the constant smile on T's face as he watched the show? Classic.

Oh it takes so little to please my man. This should last him for a good few weeks....

Halloween: Then and Now

2011-10-27T09:56:00.000-04:00

This week's Spin Cycle brought to you by Sprite's Keeper is on Halloween...a then and now perspective. I didn't participate in last week's ghost story one, mostly because I couldn't come up with a good enough ghost story to share, and honestly, I don't have a "now" perspective to share, but I'll try. But Halloween has always been a fun holiday in my family. I know it's one of my mom's favorite holidays, and we always had fun picking out costumes and running the neighborhood trying to get as much candy as humanly possible.

I guess if I had a then and now comparison, it would seem to me that costumes now aren't really as creative as they were when I was little. Having a homemade costume was so common where I grew up in Alabama. You came up with a costume "idea," not necessarily a character you wanted to be. So many kids I see out trick or treating where costumes where they are their favorite super hero, princess, movie character, etc. And there is totally nothing wrong with that at all! But when I was a little kid, we never bought costumes in the store. Part of it had to do with money, but another part had to do with the fact that we never really wanted to be a specific thing or character.

Case in point...when I was a kiddo, I remember one Halloween where I wanted to be a princess. Not the Disney kind, but just a generic member of royalty. So my mom made me this yellow silk-type dress and pointy hat with a flowing ribbon out of the top. I had a wand, and I think that was that. We went to our school's Halloween party, and I remember winning first prize for costume. I was so proud. Another Halloween towards the end of the 1980s, I wanted to dress up as an 80s pop star. So I donned a jeans skirt, pink button down top with it tied to the side, of course, hot pink fish net stockings and high-top tennis shoes. Add crimped hair sprayed with that pink spray to make it look like I was a Jem wannabe (she IS truly outrageous, you know...), and I was seriously rocking it. And my mom let me wear some makeup to finish that true pop star look. I tried to think of other costumes, and sadly, I don't have pictures to share with you. Those are all at my parent's house. But trust me when I say I truly rocked that costume. Bitchin.

My brother doesn't read this blog, which is good because I totally have to call him out on a few costumes he had as a kid. I'm not sure where he came up with some of these ideas, but my parents helped him with the costumes. One year he was a computer. You know, one of those first computers out in the 1980s? I can't think of the type/name of them, but I'm sure he remembers. All I remember is his head and body was just this giant computer with screen, keyboard and everything that my Dad helped make. Dork, right? But hey, it was creative. One year he was Pac-man, and my Mom sewed a huge Pac-man costume to go over his head and body. (Sense a trend here? I often wonder how easily he saw or walked in those costumes...) The funniest was when he went as a yellow crayon. Honestly, I don't know what brought that costume on. But he was a yellow crayon. My Mom made him a yellow crayon crayola body and he wore a yellow hate with eye holes over his head. Face didn't show. And looking at pictures, he kind of looks like he's some messed up version of a yellow crayon KKK member. But we were so innocent back there, and that totally wasn't the intent. It's still funny though.

You just don't see little kids dressed up as computers or yellow crayons. You see kids dressed up as the most recent Disney princess or Spiderman or insert (popular pop culture character here). And honestly, I think if I were to make my daughter's costume like my parents used to do, that might actually embarrass her some day. It's just the way the times have changed, I guess. All I know is I do look forward to next year when I get to dress our little girl up in her very first Halloween outfit. I do love me some baby Halloween costumes. So cute!

So that's my "then and now" perspective. See what other people have to share at Sprite's Keeper! Have a great Thursday everyone!

Baby update!

2011-10-26T15:37:00.000-04:00

So we're back from another fun doctor's visit! Nothing quite like seeing the doctor every two weeks. It's sad that I'm already at that point where they all recognize me there, but I suppose that's to be expected. But I do love the fact that everyone there is very nice, friendly and seems to genuinely care about me and the baby. You do have to love that.

Anyway, I'm rambling. You probably aren't really wanting to know any of the above information. You want to know about the little one, right? Well, she's doing just wonderfully! We had an ultrasound today to monitor her growth, and it turns out that she is about 1 lb 5 oz and is in the 93rd percentile for growth at her gestational age. And here I was worried that my heart condition would cause her to not grow, right? She was actually quite funny today, too. Very very active. The ultrasound tech was having a hard time getting pictures of her vital organs to measure because she kept moving. She actually kicked while the ultrasound tech was doing her measurement. We got to see a pretty clear picture of her face, even though she kept hiding it behind her hands, almost as if she were playing peek-a-boo with us. So the good news is she's healthy and doing very well. Mommy breathes a sigh of relief.

My health? We're still watching it closely. My blood pressure is always a concern, and my OB and cardiologist are working closely together to make sure that everything stays as it is. So Nain must start taking it easy. It'll be hard because I'm so not that girl who sits still, but...if it is for her, then I will and have no problem doing that.

So that's your update! I'm at 23 weeks and 2 days. Getting bigger every day! Maybe, just maybe...I'll post a bump picture soon for you guys. (I make no promises, though!)

Oh, the mood swings

2011-10-25T10:09:00.000-04:00

I am going to be 100 percent honest with you, folks. I've always been a bit of an....err...how do I say this? An emotional person? Yes, that's how you say it. I've been known to be moody once or twice in my past. I think most women can say that with certainty, but I'll admit, that I have a special skill in this department. I may or may not have been known to overreact in my past. To dwell on things when I shouldn't. This is one of the reasons why having a girl scares the crap out of me. I remember how moody I was as a teenager. Is karma going to come bite me in the butt with this? Will my daughter be a reincarnation of her mother? Will I pay for what I did to my parents? (Okay, I'm sure I wasn't that bad, but for purposes of a point here, I am being a little dramatic...)

So yes, I'm moody. I'll admit that. So that being said, this whole pregnancy mood swing thing is seriously messing with me.

Sure, when we first got pregnant and someone warned me about the mood swings, I thought "it couldn't be that awful, right?" Ha, oh how wrong you were, Nain. Because lately, I have no control whatsoever with my feelings and how I react to stuff. And it is driving me absolutely insane, guys.

I can go from happy to sad to aggravated in less than sixty seconds. In ways I never dreamed possible. It doesn't help that on top of all of the hormones, I have other stressors. The constant worry about my family and my Grandpa are always there. I can be sitting there, enjoying a perfectly good dinner with T, and bam, sadness. An overwhelming feeling of just sadness. Or T and I could be having a conversation, say, about our registry, and he'll say something that makes me start thinking...and thinking...until I'm in tears about it thinking that "oh God, no one in our family is going to buy the stuff we registered for, and we're going to have to find the money for it all ourselves, and it's just awful." Rational? No. Did it happen. Yes...(sorry, T!)

I don't want you guys to think I'm going off the deep end here, and yes, I do have someone to talk to about all of this. But I needed to vent. Because I'm not a big fan of this irrational form of myself. I'd like the regular Nain to come back please! And soon, too!

I'm not the only one out there like this...right?

Just another rambling Monday post

2011-10-24T10:51:00.000-04:00

I have to admit, I'm struggling a bit with what to say in today's blog. It's Monday...I'm dragging...and I've got nothing basically. So bear with me as I type out a rambling blog for you :-)

I'd like to thank the three special ladies who contributed guest blogs last week while I was away at work conferences: Amber at Amberlashell.com, Jen at Sweet Pink Ruffles, and lastly, Brynn at Wicked Sweet Tea. You guys rock, and I loved each of your guest posts!

I'm dragging this morning because my weekend was kind of short-lived. I was at a work conference until Saturday morning, not getting home until afternoon. We did get some relaxing in, but most of yesterday involved work...laundry, T mowing the lawn and sealing the driveway. I wanted to help, but all I could do was sweep it off. Baby can't be exposed to chemicals...but it did actually look like fun in a really sick kind of way.

We managed to get our registries started for the half-pint. I still have stuff to add, I know, but at least it's a start. We're registered at Babies R Us and Target (of course!). I'm anxious to start working on the nursery. I can't wait until it's no longer just an empty room where we hang up our laundry. But that does get me thinking...where are we going to hang up our clothes once she arrives? Hmmm....

I promise to give all of you a baby update later this week. We have a doctor's visit on Wednesday with another ultrasound to monitor her growth. The unfortunate part of my heart condition is that I have less blood flow going to her, so there is a small risk she will be smaller at birth. So the doctor is being extra cautious and monitoring how she's doing, as well as how I'm doing. Next week we have to go to my cardiologist to check on the whole blood pressure thing. Basically, I'm always going to the doctor, but it's a good thing, I suppose, because that means I'm being monitored and everything is going well! But it does make it hard to make up the hours that I do miss at work.

I should be a little more careful when walking. We got some rain this morning, and I slipped on a wet spot outside of our building. I almost ended up doing the splits before catching myself on the door handle. Scared the crap out of me! Let's not hurt yourself or the baby, Nain!

Oh, and Mary Kay plug! I do have a Facebook page for my Mary Kay business, so if you can, check it out and become a "fan!" It'd make my Monday, trust me :-)

Okay, I promise to be back tomorrow with a more cohesive post. Happy Monday, everyone!

Guest post: Lessons from my thirties

2011-10-20T06:40:00.000-04:00

Today's guest post comes courtesy of my favorite Southern Belle, Brynn, over at Wicked Sweet Tea! This fabulous lady is in the midst of wedding planning (less than 30 days away from the big day!) So stop by her blog and send some love! And...here's Brynn! (Thank you SO much for your post!)

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Things my 30's have taught me

I turned 30 last December and I've been reflecting on some of my biggest lessons I've learned this year.

Shifting Happens

One of the first things I noticed this year was that although I was the same size as I was last year, my body "shifted" in a manner akin to a house settling. Everything on my body is lower. My booty is a good inch lower and let's not discuss the difference between 20's boobs and 30's boobs, shall we?

Not only are your laugh lines a little deeper, but so are your friendships.

I think what I've appreciated most about this year is that your 30's have a way of refining your friendships into really solid bonds while letting the frivolous ones go. As your life is maturing and your biggest stressors are along the lines of "Can we afford this house?", "Should we have a child", "We need to cut out salt for our blood pressure", you value the friendships that have matured along with you. Friends who have an appreciation for the interest rate, how to fold napkins for your first Thanksgiving you are hosting your "particular" mother-in-law, and whom you can call at 3:00 a.m. asking for advice with a baby's raging fever or whooping cough start replacing the friendships that start appearing superficial.

This year has been the worst and best year of my life. I have gone through one of the hardest times in my life and it showed me what friends would be there in the rough times. I was truly surprised at the friendships that became stronger and which ones fizzled. When doing the guest list for our wedding next month, I realized I really only wanted to invite friends to the wedding who were there in the times of difficulty and in the times of celebration. Because at the end of the day, I realized friendships are investments and I only want to be surrounded by people who are invested in our lives.

How you define yourself changes

In my 20's, I tended to define myself in superficial ways such as how I looked, what job I had and what circle I was a member of. These days, I define myself not by my superficial merits, but in values and in how I enrich others' lives. & not only do I change how I define myself, I define my friends differently. No longer is Beth Anne referred to as "my super skinny, gorgeous, sorority sister who works for THE ::insert pseudo famous name here::". Beth Anne is now referred to as, "my amazing friend who is incredibly organized who can not only make 48 cupcakes from scratch for her son's classroom, but also manages to go on a mission trip to Haiti with her husband". Now Beth Anne is still everything I first referred to her as, but she's so much more than that.

Just like I am.

There's many, many things I've learned during this past year but I guess everything sums up to this... I've learned who I really am, what really matters to me and who really matters to me.

& that my jeans will never fit the same again.

Guest post: Gratitude

2011-10-19T06:50:00.000-04:00

I would like to send out a special thanks to Jen at Sweet Pink Ruffles for her awesome guest post today on the topic of gratitude. It's an important one, after all! Please stop by her blog and send her some love! And without further ado...here's Jen!

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Hi Y'all!

First of all, I want to thank Nain for inviting me to guest write in her wonderful blog. My name is Jen and I run a tiny little pink blog on the other side of the blogosphere. My blog is Sweet Pink Ruffles (http://sweetpinkruffles.blogspot.com). Over on my blog I ramble about everyday occurrences and spill my deepest darkest secrets, fears. Most importantly I share the things that make me happy. I invite you to go on by and check it out.

Today I want to talk about gratitude. Without gratitude the world would be a sad place. I believe that we should all be thankful for the blessings that we have. Let me share with you a little bit of my blessings. On my birthday my darling husband gave me a really pretty, simple, yet fancy agenda for me to keep track of my entire life. I was beyond excited. I am totally that girl that loves to make lists and write everything down! I jumped up and down a few times and thanked him for being so thoughtful and we went about our day. Sure enough, my blessings didn't end there. When we both got home from work the hubby surprised me with flowers, three (!) birthday cards and a few other presents. It's the little things that make me so grateful... I was definitely not expecting anything else and of course he surprised me once again! Now if you know my husband you know he is a kind soul. He is absolutely amazing in everything that he does. He has the biggest heart of anyone I know. He treats me like a princess and loves me unconditionally (he has his flaws; everyone does… but today is all about how wonderful he is!).

Last night I couldn’t sleep due to a bit of insomnia and I couldn’t help it but count my blessings (hey! What can I say, some people count sheep, I count blessings!). As I was laying there listening to Shane snore (face it honey! You DO snore) I said a prayer of gratitude for everything that I do have.

I am grateful for:

•My husband Shane. The definition of love. The most amazing soul I have ever met.

•My parents. Their unconditional and devoted love for me.

•My parents’ marriage. Through their ups and downs they have taught me how to be a better wife.

•My dogs. In times of difficulty they are always displaying their emotions with a simple wag of a tail.

•Shane’s job. Thanks to how hard he works we are able to survive.

•My job. No matter how much I complain, I am thankful for having one. I am thankful for having the specific one that I have.

•Everyone’s health. Although we all have medical problems none of them are severe enough to have to worry about.

•My Superman’s smiles. I was reading a book last night and I happened to glance over at Shane and our eyes met and I couldn’t help but notice that he had the biggest, happiest smile and it made me smile… it also gave me the idea for this post.

There are a lot of other things I am grateful for (faith, hope, family, etc.) but those are the ones that stand out this early morning. I am in such a great mood thanks to that smile last night, and I LOVE IT. Thank you Shane for making my life so amazingly beautiful. You are the bestest friend a person can hope for. I will forever be grateful for moments like last night and I am so grateful I can document them so that I will never forget.

Thank you all for opening allowing me to visit Nain and share my experiences with you all.

What are you grateful for?

Gratefully Yours,

Jen from Sweet Pink Ruffles

Guest post: The love of writing

2011-10-18T06:45:00.000-04:00

Starting off the week with our first guest post...thanks go out to Amber @ Amberlashell.com for being so great to post! Stop by Amber's blog and say hi! And without further ado...here's Amber!

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Hello Nain and all of Nain's lovely readers.

My name is Amber LaShell and I run a little blog that is titled just Amber LaShell over at amberlashell.com and I was ecstatic when Nain agreed to let me guest post.

First of all, I love writing, and any extra excuse to write is great with me.

Speaking of writing, I have been busy writing as I am working on a Urban Fantasy/Paranormal Romance Trilogy that is about a girl who finds out her mother is a Celtic Goddess who passed down all her magic to her.

It is a fun trilogy and I have really enjoyed working on it and the 1st book of the trilogy titled, Celtic Magic, goes on sale on Halloween this year! (Done with shameless plug)

I started writing seriously about a year ago and there are things I have learned about myself and life through opening the window and letting the creativity blow through.

I work better under pressure.

I never knew that about myself before, but after being a part of NaNoWriMo where you have to write 50,000 in 30 days, I realized that with that big push, I could create something worthwhile!

I also recently learned from my literature professor that I tend to write a little too much when it would be better to just shut up already.

So, in the spirit of trying to shorten it up, I will end now with great big thanks to Nain for letting me take over, it has been fabulous!

Now, if she'll just let me feel that baby move...

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Ha, sorry, Amber! I'm still having a hard time feeling the baby move myself! But thanks for your post, and everyone stop by her blog and say hi! And definitely, buy her book! I'm always down for the shameless plugs, especially if they support authors out there!

Heavy heart

2011-10-17T09:34:00.000-04:00

My heart is heavy today, as it always every time this day hits each year. Eleven years ago this morning we lost my Grandma to cancer. It was a tough and heart-breaking battle, but she finally left to be with God and have peace. I know she watches over us every day, but every year when October 17th rolls around, I can't help but have a sadness in my heart as I remember her and just wish she was with us for one more day.

On Facebook this morning, I saw my mom and aunt post loving tributes to her, and it just breaks my heart because of what they have gone through when they lost their mother to such a horrible disease and now are watching their own father deteriorate before their very eyes. He wants so desperately to be with his wife in heaven. That's all we want. I have no doubt that she is watching over him always. And I know he will be with her soon. I have no doubt.

My niece, Erin, said something to my mom this weekend about my Grandma that just makes me smile but at the same time tugs at the heart. She asked her "would we have had fun together?" Yes, Erin, you would have had so much fun together. She was such an amazing lady. She was and is the center of our family. All family gatherings were so fun and so full of love because of her. She loved all of her children, all fourteen of her grandchildren and the few great-grandchildren she was here to see. And I know that she loves and watches all of the new great-grandchildren who have joined the family since she left us.

I think of her always. Every week when we go to church, I say a prayer for her. I ask that she watch over my mother and my Grandpa. This past week at church, I prayed harder than normal. I asked that she be with my Grandpa and that she hold his hand. That God let him go and give him the peace that he needs. A part of me walks around today wondering if this will be the day. This was the day eleven years ago when she went to join God in heaven. What if this were the day that he were to join his one and only love in heaven and finally be at peace? I know it's not as easy as that. I know that God always has a plan. And I know I can't rush His plan. But that doesn't mean a part of me doesn't wonder what's going to happen sometimes.

I love each and every one of my grandparents with all of my heart. I had the privilege to know three of them personally, with my dad's father passing before my birth, and I think of all of them always. As I have this new life growing inside of me, this little girl who will join us soon and change our lives forever, I can't help but think about what my eight year old niece said...because really, they would all have had so much fun together.

God bless you, Grandma. I miss you every day and love you always.

Firsts

2011-10-14T07:13:00.001-04:00

It's all about "firsts" this week in the Spin Cycle with Sprite's Keeper. Oh the possibilities...too many firsts I could think of. It's just too hard to narrow them down. So I'm going to do this in a list format. Random "firsts" for Nain with a little commentary included...enjoy!

First official job - ice cream scooper at Baskin Robbins...I got paid minimum wage, which was like $4.25/hour, but it did have it's nice perks. One of those was you got free samples. And I got to make the waffle cones which was awesome. Whenever one would "accidentally" break, it was fair game for eating!
However, I did NOT enjoy running the drive-thru window when I was given that task.

First car - 1992 Dodge Shadow convertible. Sure the car "sounds" cool but believe me...it was a piece...of something. No air conditioning, crappy radio, windows wouldn't roll up on their own, the car would leak when it rained, dashboard lights would randomly go out and would only go on after pounding the dashboard with your first. You could also take the key out of the ignition while the car was driving, and it would continue to drive. It was a crap car. But it was my first car, so therefore...in my 16 year old eyes, it was totally awesome.

First music (first tape cassette): When I was a kid, my parents bought me a "My First Sony" tape player for Christmas (well, Santa did actually), and I got a tape with it. See, my dad would buy me music that I honestly had never heard of or didn't really like, but..my first tape was "Katrina and the Waves." And not even the "Walking on Sunshine" tape. Nope, I couldn't even tell you what songs were on this tape. I listened to it, because it was all I had, but as soon as they heard a few of the songs on it, it was quickly replaced by New Kids on the Block. My first CD my dad bought me was also an Indigo Girls CD. Never had heard of them or their music...never liked the CD. Like I said, he bought me some random stuff...

First crush - His name was Michael, and he was in my 1st grade class when I lived in Alabama. He had this huge crush on me and used to chase me around the playground at recess. I seem to recall him writing "I love you" on one of the class mini chalkboards we used. We quickly became BFFs from 1st through 4th grade when I had to move to Indiana. It was tragic saying good bye. But I guess he was technically my first crush/boyfriend.

First kiss - This was in high school...at a school dance with my first boyfriend (first serious one, that is), who happened to be my first love, first break-up (awful awful break-up), first time realizing that not everyone out there is good and has your best interests at heart...all of those really good firsts that every girl goes through. (Man, I dread the day I have to watch my own little girl go through this...the boy who breaks her heart better look out...momma isn't going to be nice!)

First blind date - in college with some guy named Duane that my sister-in-law set me up with. He was weird. It didn't go past one date. Definitely wasn't a keeper.

First REAL love - T. And I'm not just saying that because he's my husband. No, honestly, he was and is my first only real love. It took me so many years to get to that point where I know what real respect and real love in a relationship looks like. Sure, I was an adult at that point and it took many many hard lessons to get there, but it was well worth it.

First husband....T. (ha, and he'll be the only one...no worries!)

First (and only) trip overseas - Ireland, on our honeymoon September 2010. And it was INCREDIBLE!

First child - on the way!

First time I truly realized I was going to be a momma...the second ultrasound we had around my 12 week appointment. We had one at 8 weeks, but I wouldn't let myself truly think that "yes, this will be my baby" because I was scared to death we'd lose her. So that second time we heard that heart beat, that was the very first time I realized how much our lives were about to be changed in a way that neither of us could imagine.

So those are my firsts! Hope you enjoyed them and don't judge me for some of those there...if you want to check out what other spinners have to share this week, stop by Sprite's Keeper's blog!

Baby update!

2011-10-13T10:58:00.000-04:00

As promised, here I am with another Half-pint update! We had another doctor's appointment yesterday to check up on her. Because of my heart and being a high risk pregnancy, now that I am 21 weeks, I have to start going in every two weeks for the remainder of my pregnancy. Every month we do an ultrasound to check the baby's growth. Because of my condition, how well she is growing is a concern because of reduced blood flow. We also check on my blood pressure and her own heart rate. So, that means lots of doctor's appointments for Nain! But that's okay, because all I care about is that she is doing well, so if that requires more trips to the doctors, then I am good with that.

Half-pint is doing just fine. I got to see her in an ultrasound yesterday to check up on her heart rate, and she was as active as can be. I'm still not always feeling her move around, but occasionally, I am starting to feel kicks. The flutters are starting to turn into that. Poor, T, because he really wants to be able to feel her kick, but hopefully that won't be too far away! She's still a "she." (Good because don't think I didn't have a momentary fear that possibly the ultrasound techs were wrong...)

Mommy's health is...well...it's okay but has its moments. My blood pressure is slowly starting to rise and stay there. It's not at a dangerous point, but we're monitoring it, and increasing the meds is a possibility. With my asthma and my heart condition, breathing is a little harder, too. So that's not been fun, but the big thing is eating. I don't eat as regularly and as much as I probably should. After a rather long meeting over the lunch hour (minus the lunch) on Tuesday, my blood sugar tanked by the time I did eat, leaving me not feeling so hot. The good news is my appetite has come back, but I'm still not eating often enough so I have been instructed to keep snacks with me. It appears that baby girl is taking all of my nutrients, and since I'm not eating as many as I should, that leaves me with little. So we're working on that. The good thing is I have such great doctors who are doing such a good job at keeping an eye on me, as well as a good husband who is watching me, too. I may be stubborn, but they aren't letting me be that way.

In terms of size - according to the emails I get weekly, she is the length of a banana. I'm getting bigger by the day, which is good because that means she's growing! I did catch a glimpse of her face yesterday in the ultrasound...it's all very skeletal still, but I still think she's beautiful.

Moment of panic this week? Registering for baby. I haven't done that yet. Am I a complete slacker? No crib or anything picked out. And I'm not really that picky about it either. SO we need to get on the ball with that one. Or maybe I'm panicking too early. Who knows :-)

So that, my friends, is your baby update for the week! Hope everyone is having a fabulous week!

A beautiful fall day

2011-10-12T09:00:00.000-04:00

Right now in Indiana we're having a bit of Indian summer, which, for fall lovers like me, is a bit of a bummer (hey! I rhymed!) BUT, a couple weeks ago, we had the most perfect fall day ever, and T and I took advantage of it. Did I wait two weeks to post these pictures? Yes. Does that make me lazy? Sure :-)

So we decided to take advantage of the beautiful day by heading to an apple farm just south of us.

Seriously, the place was beautiful. Fall colors everywhere. Beautiful scenery. Just a really really pretty place.

And to give you a somewhat of a bump picture, here you go...I should note that since two weeks have passed, my bump has gotten significantly bigger. Unfortunatlely, the one area I have gained besides my stomach is my chest, so I feel like I look absolutely huge in the middle in this picture...

Since we were at an apple farm, we decided to partake in the normal apple treats, which involved warm apple cider and...caramel apples, of course. And boy, these things were huge! I chose mine to be nutless...

T wanted his full of nuts. He loves his nuts. A big mouthful of nuts. Ha, sorry...I'm 2...I know...

The baby let me eat most of my apple, but not all. At that point, she still wasn't letting me fully enjoy food. I'm getting there, though! We watched all of the families wander around and take pictures, and I have to say...it got me a little jealous because I can't wait for that to be us someday, taking our little girl to the apple farm.

After enjoying our snacks, we headed to the pumpkin patch. That involved standing in line for 30 minutes for a wagon ride, which kind of sucked, but it was well worth it. We got our pick of pumpkins (whoo, alliteration!)

Last year, the crops were kind of low because of the drought we had in Indiana, but this year, there were a ton! So we picked our pumpkins, headed back to the store and grabbed a few other treats to take home - cider, apples, apple pie and some Indian corn to decorate outside of our house. We did the decorating as soon as we got home...I hope this picture does it justice:

And of course, we had to get three pumpkins - one for T, me and half-pint!

Fall weather, please come back! Sorry it took me so long to post these, but hey...I have a valid excuse...the baby. Right?

Rest, relaxation and a few kinks along the way

2011-10-10T12:17:00.000-04:00

I've made a decision to put "Motivation Monday" on hold for now. Not because I don't want to stay motivated, but honestly, with the baby on the way, my motivation focus has changed. My goals for the week don't always change, so I don't feel like I have as much variety to add. My goal is usually to just rest, relax, take care of myself and the baby, etc. Granted, after next February and once I've recovered from surgery, I'll be back and at it because I'll need some major motivation to lose that baby weight. But for now, we take a little break...

We had a relatively uneventful weekend, which was nice for a change. T did yard work, and I worked on Mary Kay stuff (making cute gift sets for open houses this holiday season, which I will for sure share on here soon). We went to a church picnic yesterday and just spent the afternoon relaxing and spending time together. We've got to relish in those moments while we have them, right? I could go for more weekends like that where there are no set plans.

The only kink in the weekend was actually a kink...in my neck. Unfortunately, I woke up with the worst neck pain, and I couldn't turn my neck to the left. Must have slept on it incorrectly or something. But, suffice it to say, I was in pain. But I would not let the neck pain keep me from running the errands I intended to run that day. Let me just say driving when you can't look too well to your left and grocery shopping with no peripheral vision is not easy. Nor is it smart. But I'm stubborn. It started feeling better today, so I'm hoping that eventually I'll be back to normal. No more kinks and what not.

Also, just a reminder that I am in need of guest bloggers next week! I have two different work conferences to attend, and I'm not really going to be on the computer much so I need some help with my blog next week! I have one taker (Thanks, Amber!) but I still need 4 more - comment if you're interested! (and if you want to make my day, of course...)

Sorry for this disjointed post...but hey, it's a post, right? Hope everyone is having a great start to your week!

Saturday Steals! One very cute steal

2011-10-07T22:42:00.000-04:00

It's been awhile since I last participated in Saturday Steals with Camille over at Archives of our Lives. It's not that I haven't had steals...just lazy, I guess. BUT, yesterday, this week I got a package in the mail from T's Dad that I just had to share. See, T's family is from the Detroit area, and his Dad is a huge Detroit Tigers fan. So when he found out we were having a girl, he said he had to get her a Detroit Tigers outfit. Isn't this adorable?

I hope this picture is clear enough, but he gave us a Detroit Tigers onesie, bib, and sweatshirt (size 18 months for her to wear it when it's true baseball season.) And these two adorable books:

These books are seriously so cute. The alphabet one is hilarious - C is for Comerica Park (Tigers stadium). So cute. T's Dad will have to read it to her when they visit. And, he also got her a few more outfits...

It's hilarious because his Dad has this thing for monkeys with baby clothes. This is our second monkey outfit. Too cute, right? He left us a really sweet card with the gift. Definitely made my day.

So those are my steals for the week...stop by Camille's and see what other steals people have to share!

A good laugh

2011-10-07T08:46:00.000-04:00

"At the height of laughter, the universe is flung into a kaleidoscope of new possibilities."
Jean Houston

I am stealing this quote from my sister-in-law's Facebook page this morning, because honestly, laughter is something that I sorely have been needing lately. And luckily for me, my husband is always there to bring a smile to my face or make me laugh. With family and work stress lately, things have been a little serious lately, but every now and then, you do need a genuine, good laugh. T gave me that the other day, and I thought I'd share it with you...so long as he doesn't think I'm poking fun at him. He's a good sport, though, so I don't think he'll mind.

T's not much of a movie person. Growing up, I don't think he was exposed to a lot of the classics. I've tried my best to remedy that problem, but a girl can only do so much. So the other day we're watching my favorite show, Dancing with the Stars. They were doing a Macy's Stars of Dance number to music from the movie Gone with the Wind. Such a good movie. Anyway, so while the whole thing is going on, T starts asking me what the music is from. So I try to explain that it's the theme to Tara and is when Scarlett is saying how she'll never go hungry again right after her plantation was ravaged to nothing. T looks at me and goes "Wait. That movie is about the Civil War? I thought it was about World War II!"

I start laughing and try to correct him. How in God's name is it possible he didn't know this? So he says "Well, isn't it that movie where that guy is leaving that woman by an airplane or something?"

"You mean Casablanca? They didn't have planes during the Civil War..."

"Yeah, where he gets in the plane and says something like 'dammit lady, I'm leaving..."

At this point I couldn't hold the laughter in. And not just a giggle, but genuine, snorting, belly laugh. Dear Lord, it's a good thing the boy is pretty.

Actually, he is quite smart. Just doesn't know his pop culture. I think I might have to force him to watch this movie soon.

"Dammit, lady...I'm leaving..."

Can't shake this feeling...

2011-10-06T12:45:00.000-04:00

I've got a bad feeling about this....

So this morning, I woke up after a sad dream about my Grandpa with this morning. I can't seem to shake it. He's been steadily getting worse every week, which is what we have been expecting. He's hanging in there, but honestly I have my days where I just pray for him that he doesn't have to much longer. With renal failure, we're basically waiting. Waiting for his time to come. His nursing home staff have officially stopped physical therapy with him because he has been unable to stay awake during therapy. He sleeps most of the time, and his memory is getting progressively worse. This strong, amazing man that I've always known as my Grandpa is becoming just a shell of himself. And it just breaks my heart.

I want him to be with my Grandma again. In heaven. And at peace. I want his suffering to pass.

At the same time, it breaks my heart that I know I'll be losing him. It breaks my heart to talk to my mother who visits him weekly who is watching her father die. So instead, I pray. I pray every day for him.

Last night was yet another dream where I dreamt he passed. I texted my mom this morning to see what's going on, and she shared she had a similar uneasy feeling today. That makes me feel even more unsettled.

So today, I'm unsettled. And I can't shake this feeling. Until then, I plan to keep as busy as possible. And keep praying.

And as if things couldn't be any more ironic, this is the song playing on my Pandora right now...

"Hear you me" Jimmy Eat World

There's no one in town I know

You gave us some place to go.

I never said thank you for that.

I thought I might get one more chance.

What would you think of me now,

so lucky, so strong, so proud?

I never said thank you for that,

now I'll never have a chance.

May angels lead you in.

Hear you me my friends.

On sleepless roads the sleepless go.

May angels lead you in.

So what would you think of me now,

so lucky, so strong, so proud?

I never said thank you for that,

now I'll never have a chance.

May angels lead you in.

Hear you me my friends.

On sleepless roads the sleepless go.

May angels lead you in.

May angels lead you in.

May angels lead you in.

And if you were with me tonight,

I'd sing to you just one more time.

A song for a heart so big,

god wouldn't let it live.

May angels lead you in.

Hear you me my friends.

On sleepless roads the sleepless go.

May angels lead you in.

May angels lead you in.

Hear you me my friends.

On sleepless roads the sleepless go.

May angels lead you in.

May angels lead you in

This just in...

2011-10-05T07:14:00.001-04:00

Sane, calm Nain has been taken over by moody, emotional Nain. Not just moody and emotional, but fully-on train wreck "what the hell is wrong with this woman?" emotional mess, crying at the drop of a hat Nain. Or at least I was yesterday. And it was not pretty.

I wish I could say I had a reason. I wish I could say "well, yeah, this was totally justified." Part of me feels that yes, a small part of it was justified, but then another part of me goes, "did I really just take T's bottle of water from him in the car and throw it in the back seat just to prove a point like a three year old having a tantrum? really?" Oh yes, I did, but it's okay because the cap was on the bottle of water. I think I remember telling him that he didn't need water and to be a big boy and suck it up. Yes, I said that, too.

Yes, I also was that person who shot down every single suggestion T gave for dinner ideas. See, we had to work kind of late...by me, I mean T, but I had to wait for him so I was already on a roll by the time he picked me up. I wanted to cook dinner, work out, pack lunches and then go to the bank. Feeling that there was no way in hell that I could get everything done, nor was there any way T could do any of it, and no way that any place he picked seemed to sound good, I became a petulant child, slumping in my seat and pouting about how nothing sounded good. I should note that after tears and me losing it a few more times, we did decide to go out to eat. It sounded good (the place I picked) but wouldn't you know it...didn't really eat that much. I have to admit, though, by the time we got to the restaurant, even though T said he didn't need a beer with dinner, I convinced him that yes, after my manic fit in the car, he needed a beer. Hell, I could have used a beer with how stressful that car ride was. And it was all self-induced.

I pray that today I'm back to my calm(er) self, or at least a shade or two lighter than yesterday. Or maybe I should just go into pregnancy-induced-mood swing hibernation for the next five months? Because this could just keep getting uglier. And I like T. Don't want to drive him too crazy before the little half-pint arrives...

Missing food

2011-10-04T13:15:00.000-04:00

Today marks the official "Week 20" mark for me in the pregnancy. And I'm still waiting for those cravings I hear so much about to begin. Honestly, since I've become pregnant, I'm actually hungry less than I was before the pregnancy. Seriously...who would have thought? It's not that I'm always nauseated (though I did wake up feeling particularly sick this morning), but the thought of eating just doesn't appeal to me. And man, do I miss eating.

Baby girl doesn't seem to like salad in particular. I've long been a proponent of eating your vegetables, especially the dark leafy greens, but nope, she's not having it. I haven't been able to finish a salad in 5 months now. I just tried eating one for lunch...success? Nope, not so much. We've tried changing the dressing, adding croutons, forcing myself through it...still not working. According to an email I got from The Bump yesterday, too, since she is developing taste buds, I am supposed to be eating food I would like my child to eat later in life. Obviously, I'd like this to include fruits and veggies. Fail.

And it's not just the healthy stuff either. It's pizza. Caramel apples. Chips. Anything. No fast food, with the exception of Chick-fil-a and Wendy's, and even then, it's only on the good days.

Oh child of mine, please let me eat! I worry that I'm not eating enough, and she won't be growing as she should be. So I'm putting this out there to you moms out there. With your pregnancies, when did you start enjoying food again? Pray tell that there is a light at the end of the tunnel!

This vent has been brought to you courtesy of one irritated Nain who has attempted to eat a lunch without success. At this rate, this child will only have a taste for cereal and peanut butter toast, because those of the two items I enjoy at the moment.

On another note...I'd like to put a call out there to you all for some guest bloggers! The week of October 17th-21st, I will be quite busy with work conferences, so I would like to set up a good schedule of guest blogs for the week. And topics can be anything at all - comment or message me at viewfromdownhere@yahoo.com if you are interested!

Happy Tuesday!

So, the verdict is....

2011-10-03T07:08:00.000-04:00

Well, if you want to find out you just have to listen to this vlog :-) But the ultrasound went very well on Friday, as did the echocardiogram!

Sorry, no Motivation Monday post today, but I figured a nice Vlog would be just as good, right?

Okay, now I'm off to do some shopping! (ha, just kidding...well, only kind of...)

Tradition!

2011-09-29T20:20:00.000-04:00

This week's Spin Cycle with Sprite's Keeper is on Traditions. I know I've written before on this topic, but...it's a good one, so I'm going to do it again. Just 'cuz...

So traditions. What do I think of when I hear the word tradition? Well, honestly? I think of Fiddler on the Roof. Yep. I'm weird like that. See, when I was in high school, I play in the pit orchestra for this musical. It meant practice every night for three weeks straight, hearing the same songs over and over and over again. I started singing the songs in my sleep. And this one was my favorite, and I never could figure out why. The gist of the song is about the traditions we all have based on who we are, where we come from. Some of these traditions we don't know where they began or how they began. But that doesn't matter. Why? Because....well...they're tradition! (And here I go singing this song in my head again...) But really, aren't so many of our traditions just traditions because they've always been that way? Sometimes they don't even need a reason or explanation. It's just tradition.

Like why do I always buy myself comfy pajamas whenever something bad happens in my life?

Or why my family always has a big mid-day meal on Sundays?

Or why every time we go to church and I do the sign of the cross with holy water, I put a dab of holy water over my stomach where the baby is...

Honestly, I'm coming up short on traditions here, but you get the point. When T and I got together, we each combined our own traditions that we developed from our families. I'm sure at times T would think "why in the hell do they do that?" I know I did when we would go up to his family's house initially. Of course, now those traditions are becoming more and more familiar, and now, I've grown to even like some of them. (I sure hope T feels the same way about my family's traditions...ha)

And the exciting part? Now we get to create traditions of our own, with our new family, in our new house. We get to establish our own, in addition the ones we already bring to the table. So some day our kids can say when someone asks them why they do a certain thing, "why do I do this? Well, it's tradition, of course!"

This post has been brought to you courtesy of Sprite's Keeper's Spin Cycle...stop by and check out the other spins people have to share!

Baby update

2011-09-28T07:11:00.001-04:00

Hi everyone! So I know I promised several of you (Chloe being one of the ones who originally requested this) for a baby update. I sadly haven't updated much because, well, there's not a lot to say. I'm preggers. Getting bigger by the day. (Ha) But no, seriously, there probably is no excuse for my lack of updates. So I will do my damndest to truly update all of you (but sorry, no bump pics!)

As of yesterday, I'm officially in my 19th week, heading towards the big 5 month mark. According to thebump.com, our baby is the size of a mango, though my stomach feels a little larger than a mango. But he/she is getting bigger every day. Last week the ears formed so now Mommy needs to watch her language because the little half-pint can hear me when I curse. Gotta nip those habits in the bud, right from the start, you know. This week, I believe the site said something about intestines forming and some kind of clear substance coating the baby. I imagine it's that gross stuff you see on babies after they are first born. (It's gross. Don't lie to me and tell me you don't think it's gross, too...) Unfortunately I don't have any mangoes around the house so I don't have much to compare the baby to at the moment. Maybe I should go get one this weekend? Hold it up to my stomach and take a picture?

Oh wait. I don't like to eat mangos. That would be a tragic waste of fruit.

Anyway, I digress...this Friday we have two very big appointments. First we will be going to Riley Children's Hospital to have a fetal echo cardiogram done of our baby. The main goal of this test is to get a good look at the baby's heart and specifically look for the congenital heart defect that I was born with. I'm praying every day that we receive nothing but positive news. But I'd be lying if I didn't say I was a little nervous about that appointment. After that, we have the big sonogram where (keeping fingers crossed) we should be finding out the sex of our baby! That part is keeping me going this week with all of the stress and tears and just plain awful stuff from yesterday.

Other than that, I've been feeling pretty good. I am officially showing a baby bump, which is okay. It is making moving a little awkward, and my stomach is getting to that rock hard feel. The baby is moving some, and it's crazy. It feels like little tickles inside my stomach. However, being the paranoid one, every time I think that I haven't felt anything for too long, I start poking my stomach trying to wake the baby up, and then T gets mad at me for disturbing the baby. (I can't help it...I have to know!) I'm eating a little more than I was before, but I'm still feeling nauseated every now and then and no really big cravings. Well, I take that back...there was that ill-advised decision to order a spicy chicken sandwich value meal at Wendy's last Friday. Yeah. It tasted good at first, but man, not a good idea. But other than that, I'm still not hungry that much.

My big goal for the next few months is to keep stress down. I won't go into why but this week has put a lot of stress on me and the baby, and my blood pressure has gone up as a result. And I can't do that. Baby comes first. So I need to relax, let go and let God with this one. And just be. And maybe let the baby just be, too, and stop poking my stomach when I want to know he/she is still there.

I will be back with another vlog to announce the big news, promise! Place your bets now, folks :-)

It's okay....

2011-09-27T12:17:00.000-04:00

I've seen bloggers do this thread several times, and I know it's one that links up to another blogger's page. However, I'm not sure when that thread is done or who started it, but today...I'm in an "It's okay" mood.

It's okay....

That I'm not in the best of moods...

That my heart isn't 100% into blogging or working or basically anything today.

It's NOT okay that I absorb other's problems and have let stress get the best of me this week...

It's okay that I am going to be distancing myself from those things that do bring stress...

It's okay that two days in a row now I've gotten cheddar sour cream ruffles chips from the vending machine for lunch...

It's okay that I have a load of darks still in the dryer just waiting to be folded from this weekend...

It's okay that I might not have any intention to fold said clothes in the near future...

It's okay that ate way too much pizza last night at my Mary Kay meeting and made myself sick from it. (It was worth it in the moment. Baby wanted it.)

It's okay that I don't always find time to do everything I need or want to do, including working out, responding to every single email, attending every invitation to a committee meeting or event that I get.

It's okay that all I want to do right now is hole up in my house with T and shut everything else out.

It's definitely okay that I just want Friday to get here so we can go to our doctor's appointment and find out if we're having a boy or girl.

It's okay when I mess up and when I don't do everything perfectly. Not everyone is perfect.

It's okay when I express my feelings and let people know when things hurt me even if their reaction might not be the best.

It's okay.

As you can tell, all is not well in Nainville today, but you know what? It's okay.

What's my motivation?

2011-09-26T09:31:00.000-04:00

It's another Motivation Monday, everyone...I wish I could say I'm feeling super motivated, but unfortunately...not so much. The rainy day and just pure exhaustion this morning has gotten the best of me. I could just sleep in bed all day, but alas, I cannot. So I'm at work, trying my hardest to gather some motivation to get me started this week.

This weekend was a good one, albeit busy. We had my niece Roo over to babysit all Saturday during the day and night. She did pretty well, and our first experiment as parents went pretty well, too :-) She's such a cute kid, and she certainly kept us entertained! I also had my big $1000 Day for Mary Kay this weekend. Unfortunately, I did not make my $1000 goal, but I hit almost $600, so that's not too shabby at all! So my motivation is to keep up the momentum I got from this weekend. It was definitely invigorating, and it got me excited about the upcoming holiday season.

I'm afraid this week won't be any easier. T and I are super booked with something practically every day and night. (It'll let up eventually....right?) My motivation is to also just keep focus on the weekend. We don't have any huge plans this weekend other than just go out and do something fun, so that's keeping me going, as well.

What about you? What's your motivation for the week? I didn't get any participants last week in Motivation Monday (insert sad face) so let's see if we can get at least 3 this week! I feel it, folks...we can do it! ha

Have a good Monday everyone!

Still here!

2011-09-23T13:13:00.000-04:00

No worries! I am still alive and kicking. Sorry for my lack of posts...work has been extra crazy these past few days, so actually getting to a computer to write something has been impossible. My agency is affiliated with the United Way, so on Wednesday we had several awesome volunteers come to do work around the office for the "Day of Caring," and I also ran a bake sale fundraiser in the afternoon, too. Yesterday, I was at an all day conference regarding domestic violence and was sans computer for the day. But I am back, and I hope to make it up to you with an actual post. And a spin cycle post, nonetheless!

So this week's Spin Cycle is on morals. Important things to have, in my opinion. I was fortunate enough to have two parents who raised me to have my own set of personal morals and were pretty strict in ensuring we followed them. Always say thank you and please. I grew up in Alabama and lived there until I was 10 or so, so you always followed that with a "sir" or a "ma'am" when talking with an adult or superior. (I got looks when I did this in school up in Indiana, but it was how you were taught.) No talking in church. No chewing gum in church or when you're talking to someone important. Don't go to bed angry. Don't hold grudges. Always tell the truth because a lie will catch up to you sooner or later. Be respectful. Treat others as you would want yourself to be treated.

I like to think I did a pretty decent job of sticking to those morals. Sure, I flubbed up every now and then. I've lied. I've talked in church. I've held grudges. No one is perfect. But I do feel like my parents did a good job in instilling a moral code in me.

Now that I'm becoming a parent in just a few months, I have to admit...part of me is starting to panic a little bit. When I was growing up, I did as my parents told me. Because I always thought they just knew everything. (Sometimes I still do that.) I thought maybe they went to "parent school" or something to teach them how to raise a child. Because it seemed to come so naturally. Me? I have no clue how I'm going to be a parent. Will my own child feel the same way I do about my parents and how they raised me? Here is this young life that T and I will be molding. We will raise them to become adults someday, and hopefully respectable members of society. But...how exactly do you go about doing that? Where do you start? Is there a book I can read on raising good children? You know, the kind that don't talk back? Who listen to you when you're talking? Don't misbehave? Is there a "how to" manual on that? It freaks me out to think that in just a few months, I will be in charge of another human being. And as that baby gets older, they start to learn how to act and behave from me and T and what we do. Am I ready for this? (Though, even if I said no...I think that ship has sailed.)

Damn, I wish I had taken notes as a kid so I can remember all the things my parents taught me.

This has been Nain's take on morals...to read what other people have to say, stop by Sprite's Keeper and check out the other spins! And everyone, have a great weekend!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

AND, if part of that weekend involves shopping - check out my awesome Mary Kay sale going on this Saturday only!!!

Anniversary rundown

2011-09-20T06:48:00.000-04:00

This last weekend T and I decided to take a little time for ourselves to celebrate our anniversary. Since money is tight with the little half-pint on the way, we nixed our original (and awesome) plans for a NYC trip and opted for a staycation in Indianapolis. All that we wanted was a little vacation from reality for awhile and just to have a weekend to spend together and reminisce on our wedding day. We picked a perfect weekend, too. Perfect weather, the Irish Fest was in town for the weekend (since we went to Ireland on our honeymoon and all), and we found a terrific deal on a hotel stay. We stayed at the Marriott downtown, and since they were partnered with the Irish Fest, we received two weekend passes for the festival for staying two nights at the hotel.

I didn't take as many pictures as I wanted, since I forgot my camera. Cell phone pictures aren't always the best, so I did my best! Bear with me...

We started our weekend off with dinner at P.F. Changs. Dinner was delicious, and the little kiddo let me eat for the most part. The funny thing is I can't eat as much as I used to. I seem to get fuller quicker. But was had appetizer, drinks (the nonalcoholic variety for me), dinner and dessert. We tried to walk it off on the canal downtown and went back to the hotel since we were both beyond exhausted from working that day.

Saturday we got up, took our time with breakfast and getting ready and headed down a lunch at one of our favorite downtown restaurants, Rock Bottom Brewery. Here's T enjoying a Rocktoberfest Brew...

This pregnancy has made me a connoisseur of lemonade. I chose a strawberry lemonade, which was pretty tasty. We figured since festival food tends to be pretty pricey, we'd do a big lunch out and then park ourselves at the festival for the day.

It was a beautiful day - sunny, high near 70 degrees, no cloud in the sky. We brought our own lawn chairs and walked to the festival. They have about four different stages set up, and different musicians play throughout the day. It varies from Irish dancing to Celtic music, Irish rock, you name it. Food booths everywhere, Irish markets for shopping and of course...the Guinness....

Look at that pout. T feels SO sorry for me not getting to enjoy the Guinness. (I confess...I had a sip...it was good). We also did a little shopping. Look what I found for a little half-pint!

If you look ever-so-closely you can see a bump there. This may be your only shot of my stomach because I'm totally not one of those girls who likes taking pictures of her pregnancy belly. But I just had to have this shirt as soon as I saw it. A boy or girl could wear it, right???? T got a present for himself, an Ireland jacket, and I got a pretty shamrock necklace. Sorry, I don't have pics of those! We relaxed for the afternoon and evening listening to different bands, making fun of people around us, and laughing at the cute kids dancing to the music. Tension was relatively low for the day, except for when we had to figure out dinner amongst the crowd and both T and I got cranky momentarily. (I hate crowds. We can't expect miracles here, people...I'm pregnant!) But we had so much fun. It wasn't Ireland, no, but it was fun nonetheless.

Sunday, we got up and had breakfast via room service, which was delicious. We had to check out by 11:00, so we headed back home and went to mass at our church since one year ago to that day, we got married right at that spot. Just thinking back to that day and how beautiful everything was...I just felt so blessed. We relaxed most of the day, looking through photos from the wedding and our honeymoon, watching our slide shows for each dance at the wedding. T made his delicious chicken sizzlini for dinner, and we had a nice romantic meal:

We got to use the Waterford Crystal goblets T's parents gave us as an engagement present. I had wine for T and sparkling grape juice for myself. I also had our unity candle lit, and we said a special prayer for our anniversary.

After dinner we enjoyed our wedding cake, which I remembered to defrost before we left for the weekend. I must say, I was super impressed with how good it still tasted! Sure, it wasn't as moist, but I think freezing and thawing will do that. But damn, that is some good cake!

Overall, it was a wonderful anniversary weekend. I couldn't be happier with how everything turned out. However will we top this and celebrate our 2 year next year?

I'm linking this post up with Chantel's Small Treasure Tuesdays!

~~~~~ And if you haven't done a Motivation Monday post for the week, there's still time! Let's get motivated!

Motivation Monday!

2011-09-19T07:17:00.000-04:00

Hope everyone had a great weekend! Ours was so much fun celebrating our 1 year anniversary. Unfortunately, it's Monday again...but, the bright side to Monday? Motivation Monday! So what's my motivation this week?

I'm motivated to sell, folks! I've set a rather lofty goal for myself this weekend and for this quarter. I am shooting for a Ruby Star in sales this quarter, so that I can earn this pretty thing...

I do need a new watch, so when I saw this I thought "this will be my motivation this quarter!" And how do I plan to get to this goal? This Saturday I have set a big goal, as well, with a "$1000 Day in Mary Kay" Sale. I've seen a few consultants do it, and I've been a little chicken...mostly because I don't want to fail, but...I figured, why not? So how it works is I have a sale going on all Saturday - the earlier that day you make an order, the higher the discount you get off your entire order. Not too shabby! And I'll put all of the orders in a drawing before I process them, and one order will be completely free. So to help me reach this goal, I'm reaching out to you, too, my lovely readers. So if you're interested, check out the details:

Place orders between these times to receive the following discounts!

9 a.m. – 11 a.m. – 35% off your entire order
11 a.m. – 1 p.m. – 25% off your order
1 p.m. – 3 p.m. – 15% off your order
3 p.m. – midnight – 10% off your order
Pre-orders made this week will receive 35% off your order, as well!

Orders over $40 get a free gift with purchase. Orders over $100 get a free item. AND each order will go in a drawing – the winner to receive a free order!

To order: Email asullivan8395@marykay.com or place an online order on my site: http://www.marykay.com/asullivan8395 (Payments can be made via check or secure online payment) When leaving an order via email or phone, please be sure to leave your name, order, address, contact info and credit card number for payment so that I can get the order to you ASAP!

So let's see if I can reach the big goal! If you have my cell #, too, which I don't think would be a good idea to post on here...you can call or text orders, too.

So that's my motivation - what's yours this week? How do you partcipate? Just write a post about what motivation you need this week, leaving a comment on this post, and I'll link you up!

Hope everyone has a great start to your week!

One year

2011-09-15T21:31:00.000-04:00

One year ago this Sunday, I said "I do" to spending the rest of my life with my best friend. One year ago, I stood before God, my family and my friends and pledged to be there with him in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. One year ago, I began a journey with the most amazing man.

I have so many memories from that day. They say that your actual wedding day goes by so quickly and you should treasure every moment that day. I listened when people said that, but I never really realized how true it actually is until it was my day.

I remember getting up that morning around 6:30 a.m. I barely slept any at all because I was so excited. So when the alarm went off that day, I was already wide awake. We rushed to get up and get our hair done and be at the salon no later than 7:30 a.m. I was so nervous, not because of what I was about to do, but because this was it. This was the day we had been planning for since July 4, 2009. I could hardly believe it was happening, and all I could think about was how much I wanted 2:00 to get there so I could walk towards T, waiting for me at the end of the aisle.

We had chosen to not see each other before the ceremony, as this was important to both T and myself. To me, it's always my favorite moment to watch at any wedding: watching the groom see his bride for the first time as she walks towards him down the aisle. I knew as soon as I locked eyes with T, all of my anxiety, my butterflies would go away. I just wanted to see him.

My family did force me to eat something, though, before we walked down the aisle. This was my attempt at force feeding myself. Isn't it attractive. I was so nervous at this point because I knew that just beyond the doors separating the chuch and that room, T's family were taking their pictures. So I couldn't turn around and peek out the door. I am proud to say that I didn't spill any of that sub on my white dress.

Soon it was time. The hour had arrived. I stayed hidden behind the door separating the main hall from the church with my sister and then my father rambling about how we had nuns at our church, pointing out the pictures in front of me on the wall with said nuns. I remember my Dad telling me to breath and tears already starting to form in the corners of my eyes. I held onto his arm like my life depended on it, until it was our turn. I leaned over and whispered to him to not let me trip.

We entered the church, and everyone stood. I remember trying to concentrate so hard on walking and not tripping that I momentarily forgot to smile until I remembered the photographer was taking pictures. I couldn't see T at this point.

Once I laid eyes on T and saw that look in his eyes, that smile, everything else faded away. I couldn't look anywhere else. Sure, I still was clutching onto my father's arm, but this was it. This was the moment I had dreamt of for well over a year.

Once my father lifted up my veil and gave me a kiss before giving my hand to T, I started to lose it. I honestly thought T would be the one crying, but nope. It was me. All I remember from T was that he couldn't stop smiling or looking over at me and kept whispering "you look so beautiful!" I clasped his hand, as we stood up before the church and the ceremony began.

Listening to the readings and songs we had selected, I hardly paid attention. I kept looking over at T. Sure, we had funny moments like when I reached for my Kleenex tucked just so in my dress when we first sat down, it fell on the floor on the altar, and T had to get it for me. But everything else just kind of faded away as well. All I could do was grab onto T's hand and just think "oh wow, we're about to be married."

When it came time for the vows, again, I was the one to cry. T went first, and I don't think I've ever looked so deeply into someone's eyes before as I did his when he was reciting his vows. The expression of "seeing yourself in someone's eyes" really was true at that moment. And of course, that brought the tears. I barely made it through my own vows, my voice shaking, as I held back the tears. As I finished my vows and before the rings, T squeezed my hand and smiled. "Just breathe."

After we said our vows and lit the unity candle, we sat down at the altar, holding each other's hands. T squeezed mine, leaning over and whispering "we're married now!" Ironically thinking what was a private exchange, my father later told T that he saw him whisper that and how happy it made him. We were finally one. A family.

Another surreal moment from that day was when we exited the church, the bridal party following us back into the hall where I had spent the majority of my morning. My niece Erin Lou came running up to T, jumping into his arms exclaiming "you're my real uncle now!" We waited there until everyone was outside to greet us. I truly think this picture embodies how I felt at that moment. It's hard not to see it in my eyes.

I don't think I've smiled as much as I did the rest of that day. It was one of the craziest but best days of my life. Just writing about it right now is bringing that smile back to my face. One year has passed. So much has happened - good and bad. So many changes. And here I am now, married to the man of my dreams, preparing to start our own family in just months.

I love you so much, T. Happy anniversary...every day I wake up with you next to me, every day I am blessed. You are my forever.

(And for your viewing pleasure, and because I am sentimental like that, this is the wedding slideshow we had playing while we danced to our first song - this is our first song, too :-)

A Thursday (Saturday) Steal

2011-09-15T10:40:00.000-04:00

I hate to admit it, but I haven't been able to participate in Camille's Saturday Steals these past few weeks. I've honestly not had any real steals. Everything costs too damn much! But, I did promise her I'd participate this week. It may not be Saturday, but since we'll be out of town this weekend, I'm being proactive. (whoo-hoo!) So here's my steal. It's from a few weeks back, and while we did pay for the paint, we received the paint services free, courtesy of T's brother. This is the first stage of our little half-pint's nursery:

Didn't he do a fantastic job? Sure, it's a little bare in there right now, and the only thing we have are a few onesies and the bassinet my sister is lending us, but we'll get there! It's just exciting to see things coming together. And while, yes, the paint sure wasn't free...considering how much it costs to hire painters (T couldn't paint if his life depended on it...there'd be paint all over the place..), I consider it a steal. What do you think?

What about you? What steals have you scored this week? Stop by this weekend and check out the other awesome steals people have to share at Camille's!

Rules, rules, rules....

2011-09-13T21:48:00.000-04:00

I haven't done a Spin Cycle in awhile...sadly, it's mostly because I'm a huge slacker (Sorry, Sprite's Keeper!) But I'm going to try my best, so I'm back, and let's see what I can crank out. I'm not going to lie...I've been staring at this blank screen for awhile. But I'm taking a jump off the high dive here, so let's get started..

This week's spin is on rules. We have rules everywhere. I like to consider myself to be a bit of a rule breaker. (Ha, who are we kidding?) I don't necessarily break the rules unless it involves sneaking in candy and soft drinks into a movie theater (shhh! don't tell!) Or maybe speeding or passing in the right lane. But no, I try to follow the rules as best I can. It was what I was taught to do. It's what we were all taught to do. Stay in line. Raise your hand to ask a question. Use your inside voice. Don't try to microwave your sister's baby doll. (Doh, I didn't follow that rule either...) For the most part, I was a pretty good kid. I followed the rules. Heck, you had to when your mom was a teacher at your school. Word gets around, and getting in trouble at home and at school? Not cool. So I followed the rules, unless someone wasn't looking, of course.

Now that I'm an attorney, I have a whole other set of rules to follow. They teach classes on how to follow the rules...they just don't call it "civil procedure" but they should just title the class "rules" or "boring and confusing rules." You can say this in court but not that. If you want to say that, you better lay the foundation in order to for the other side to not object to you bringing that forth in court. Always end every sentence when addressing the Judge with "your honor" or "judge." You have 30 days to file an answer, 30 days to answer discovery, 30 days to file an appeal. Don't ask a leading question. Or ask a leading question if you are cross-examining someone. Don't badger the witness. Don't curse in court. I can go on and on and the rules would likely bore you, too. But these rules? They can't be broken. Unless you want to get raked over the coals by a judge or opposing counsel.

I feel like I'm rambling here, so let's wrap this puppy up. The point I'm trying to make is that we all have rules that make up a part of our daily life. Sure they can be simple rules like "Nain, put your shoes away" or "T, don't forget to brush your teeth." Or important rules like "don't drive down the wrong side of the road" that get us to work safely. Sure, I will continue to break the rules I selectively trample all over. That's part of the fun of life. And the rule of "each blog post should have a point or at least a beginning, middle and end?" Yeah, I just broke that, too.

Sorry for my confusing and random post - I promise to try to follow the rules tomorrow. (Key word is try.) Until then...

Pregnancy brain

2011-09-13T09:53:00.000-04:00

It's official. I've started to lose my mind. Some may argue that this process started way before I became pregnant, but...motherhood is starting to take what is left of it. I've become a little more spacey and forgetful each day. Basic tasks take a little more effort mentally. I just don't know what happened. Case in point:

No, I am not sparking any new fashion trend or anything along those lines. This is what I left the house in on Friday morning when rushing out the door to my OB appointment. I blame this partially on my habit of just throwing my shoes in a pile in the front closet. Anyway, I finally noticed this when I sat on the examining table to hear the baby's heart beat. I pointed it out to the nurse, and she couldn't stop laughing. And no, the shoes are not on the wrong feet...I think it's just the way my feet are angled or something. But those sure are some mismatched shoes. I also lost my parking ticket to get out of the parking garage, and what would have been a $1.00 fee ended up being $12.00 for a lost parking ticket. It was quite an eventful morning, let me tell you. And yes, I am losing my mind.

On a positive note, the baby is growing just fine! I am officially 17 weeks today, and according to this email list I have signed up for, that means he/she is about the size of an onion this week. Ears have formed and apparently this week, the baby is forming his or her unique fingerprints! It's amazing to think of everything that is going on. I'm starting to show more and more each day, and I've been fortunate to feeling my little half-pint. It feels just like little flutters right now, but it's nice to have that reassurance that he or she is in there. September 30th will be our big appointment and the day we find out whether we are having a boy or a girl. I can't wait!

Hope everyone is having a good Tuesday! And yes, I did check my feet this morning...I'm wearing the same shoes on each foot. Whew!

I'm back! Motivation Monday!

2011-09-12T10:32:00.002-04:00

Hi, everyone! Back this week with a Motivation Monday post...I wish I could say that I was super motivated today and back in a positive attitude, but...nope, not so much. But guess what? That'll be my motivation for the week!

I am motivated to keep myself remaining calm and positive this week. Last week at work and with everything else was a bit on the stressful side. I hate that because I know that stress isn't good for me or the baby. So have several sustained days of stress is not a good thing. For my morale or stress level, which, in turn, isn't good for the baby.

So my goal this week is to come up with something positive every day so that I keep focus on the good things in life. My positive thing for today? I had a relaxing weekend with my husband and had a really fun time with him and a few of our friends on Saturday night, as well as a nice time catching up with my oldest friend, Jess, on her birthday on Friday afternoon. Oh, and while we are at it, I got to hear my baby's heart beat on Friday, but I'm saving that info for another post. So those are my blessings for the day. Let's keep this positive thinking up!

What about you? What motivation do you need this week? Share your motivation with everyone by writing up a post about whatever kind of motivation you need, comment on this post and leave a link to your motivational post. And I'll link you up!

Hope everyone is having a good Monday!

My apologies!

2011-09-08T21:15:00.000-04:00

My apologies, my blogging friends, for my absence this week...I wish I had some awesome excuse, but...sadly, I don't. The stress of this work week has brought me down to the level of "Dammit, I suck at life and as a human being and should be allowed to venture outside my home and interact with normal people." Sure, that's a bit on the dramatic side, and sure, I blame that somewhat on pregnancy and hormones. But seriously, this week has chewed me up and spat me out. And I'm still not done. Heading into the weekend knowing that I am working on Saturday. So Nain has been taken over with "Negative Nain Syndrome." God help everyone in my path!

I am hopeful that tomorrow's doctor's visit and getting to hear the little half pint's heart beat again makes it all better. Until then, I do promise to be back Monday with much more upbeat posts! (And more of them, too!)

Small Treasure Tuesdays!

2011-09-06T13:41:00.001-04:00

I'm majorly slacking on what to write today...not sure, not sure, and then I see that Chantel at My Thoughts and Treasures has started doing Small Treasure Tuesdays again this week! I'm in need of a bit of an attitude adjustment at the moment, so what better a way to adjust one's perspective than to focus on the small but very important treasures in your life?

One treasure is time with family. This past weekend T's brother and sister-in-law came down with their dog, Jeff, and spent the weekend with us. We had a great time visiting, and it was sad to see them leave yesterday. But it's always a blessing to spend time with family.

While T's brother was here, he painted our nursery! We don't have a picture to post yet, but it's a light shade of green, and it looks great! It's exciting to see the room finally get started, and I can just picture our little half-pint in there.

Speaking of half-pint, I have a doctor's appointment this Friday. Just a normal appointment, but at this one, I will be scheduling my anatomy scan when we'll find out whether we're having a boy or girl. It's really not that far away!

So those are my small blessings for the week...what blessings do you have to share? Stop by Chantel's blog and see what other bloggers have to say!

Happy Long Weekend!

2011-09-02T09:19:00.000-04:00

I'm not going to lie...I'm short on ideas today on what to write. And I'd also be lying if I didn't say a part of me was a wee bit jealous of my husband who has the day off today, the day before a long, holiday weekend. Alas. So my motivation to write an actual post today? Minimal. But I love you guys, so by God, I'm going to do it if it kills me!

At the very least, I am happy that we are headed into a nice, long weekend. You have to love those long weekends, right? This weekend T's brother and sister-in-law will be coming down to visit our house for the first time. It'll be nice to spend time with them and visit. I'm planning a nice girls day tomorrow involving lots of shopping (Nain needs maternity clothes!), while the boys work on painting the nursery. And by boys I mean T's brother. You do not let T near a paint brush. It's dangerous. I like my carpet upstairs without paint on it, thank you very much (sorry, T!). We've chosen a light green color for the walls of the nursery, and depending on what the sex is, we'll have an accent color with the bedding and decorations. It's kind of exciting to think of the nursery being painted already! (Hell, with how the baby has me feeling lately it's kind of nice to have something pleasant surrounding the pregnancy...still having the nausea, lovely!)

We're also planning a night out Saturday to dinner, a cookout Sunday and then heading up after they leave to the annual car show up in my parent's neck of the woods. So it'll be a full but fun weekend. I will definitely post pictures of the painted nursery when it's done, promise! It'll be just an empty room, but...it's a start!

Now, since this will be a holiday weekend, I am taking the week off from Motivation Monday. So keep those posts in your head if you had one ready. But let's make the September 12th installment of Motivation Monday the best one ever!

And in case you haven't checked it out yet, this is the 2nd installment of my Q&A vlog! It's in two parts because it's so darn long, but I did get to all of the questions - so yay me!

Oh, oh - and I am having a nice Labor Day Sale through Mary Kay this weekend. If you should feel so inclined, stop by my personal site! The deals included are:

Cleansers (all types) – 25% off!

Mascaras – buy one get one half off!

Eye shadows (Including eye shadow bundles and cream eye colors) – 25% off!

Perfume lines – 30% off!

Eye creams – 15% off!

Lipsticks/lip glosses – buy one, get one half off!

Liquid illuminators – 75% off

Weekender eye pencil collection (http://www.marykay.com/asullivan8395/color/lastchance/lastchance/10041012/default.aspx) - 75% off!

Have a great weekend, everyone!!!