The End and Beginning

In just a few hours another year will end and a new one will begin. Everywhere you hear about new beginnings, resolutions, changes people want to make with the start of a brand new year. Normally I am one of those people shaking my head saying it will never happen. However, what I have to say now goes so far from my norm, and I am afraid I have become one of those people. 
The year 2014....well....it sucked. It just did. I see all of my friends on Facebook making those cute little 'year in review' movies about how great 2014 was, and honestly, I could not see myself ever making one of those because I spent a great part of the year struggling and dealing with things I never thought I would face. Did 2014 end that way? Not by any means. In fact, the latter part of the year has been nothing but blessings. I made that change, you see, way before December 31st. It was more like September 30th. 
I am closing this blog because of a new step I have made in my life. I finally did what always had been considered a pipe dream in my mind, something I have wanted to do but always thought it would never happen and was impossible. I started my own solo law practice. I am my own boss. And I love it.
However, with starting my own practice and representing clients as well as going up against people who may not always like me or wish pleasant tidings to me and my family, I have decided that it would be in T's and Aubrey's best interests if I shut down this blog. It has been an honor to share my heart and my life with all of you, but now that I am out in this field, some things are best kept private. In fact, I was debating not having a blog at all, but the problem is - I love writing and I love opening up. I know so many professionals out there who do just that but do so in an appropriate manner. So that is what I have chosen to do.
If you do want to learn more about my law practice, please feel free to visit my site. I am so excited about what this new change will bring, and I am focusing on faith, not fears as I start this new year. Hence the name of the new blog: Faith, Not Fears.
I hope for those of you who have kept up with my blog (despite the lack of activity since September) will follow me into this new venture. I thank all of you from the bottom of my heart for reading, for your comments and support through so much. So much has changed since I started this blog in May 2010. I got married. We built a house. I had a baby. I lost someone very close to me. I struggled with postpartum depression and opened up about my fears as a new mother. I changed jobs. I made mistakes. I laughed. And I was blessed. I am truly honored for those of you who have been with me all of the way. Thank you!

My movie virgin

My husband must have never watched movies growing up.  Seriously, he has seen pretty much nothing.  Ever.  I knew this going into our relationship, but sometimes it just hits me just how sheltered from movies he has been.

The man has never seen the Wizard of Oz or any part of Gone with the Wind.  Granted, Gone with Wind is not exactly a “guy” movie, but still it’s a classic.  Shawshank Redemption?  Never seen it.  Hell, the movie is played all the time on TBS or TNT on weekends, isn't it? Granted, I know that most of our weekend time is spent watching Disney or Sprout PBS, but still….did he ever watch TV or movies in high school or college?

None of the Oceans 11 series.  I was the one who introduced him to Airplane! when we first started dating.

The other night we were watching Dancing with the Stars (well, no, I was watching it and T was begrudgingly trying to ignore it), and the theme was movie night.  One of the movies featured was Ghost.  He had never even heard of it. 

Tommy Chong (yes, of Cheech and Chong) danced to a “Scent of a Woman” theme.  This is my husband’s response:

“What is this movie? Does the woman smell? What is this movie about?”

I turn and stare at him, not responding.

The one that shamed me the most was Back to the Future one.  The actress who played Loraine, the main character’s mom, is on the show so of course she danced to “Power of Love” by Huey Lewis. T starts making fun of the song: “What movie plays Huey Lewis and the News?” “T, it’s in the movie – very important.” So I try explaining who she is and what the movie’s plot was as T gives me a blank stare. 

“Have you ever seen the movie?”

“No.”

“But wait, you laughed at my cousin’s joke about the DeLorean. That’s a movie reference. Did you get it?”

“I knew it was in the movie.”

“Yeah but you can’t laugh at a movie reference when you don’t even know what it’s about.”

Then I turn to him and ask “what kind of bomb shelter did you grow up in? Did you even own a TV? Did you leave the house?”

I’m not sure he can be saved. I thought we could make a list and check-off movies as we see them, but I am not even sure there’s enough time to handle such a task. It’s insurmountable. 

Pumpkins with our pumpkin

Sunday we took Aubrey to the pumpkin patch because, as she put it every time she saw a pumpkin "Aubrey got no pumpkins."  It was a nice Indian summer day (note the shorts) so we headed out to collect three pumpkins.  One small for Aubrey, medium one for Mommy and big pumpkin for Daddy.  All the rain this year must have been kind to the pumpkin crop because we got some pretty nice ones.  Of course, they were heavy, and Aubrey thought she would help Daddy haul them to the car...

We had fun playing around the pumpkin patch/apple orchard.  They have a petting zoo, rides and other little things for kids to do (and parents to spend money, of course).  Aubrey had a good time, and that's all that counts.  This smile...

She LOVED the cider.  We each got a little cider jug, and she downed hers pretty quickly.  I love this picture, btw...

Anyway, so we have been going to this place since I was first pregnant with Aubrey, and every year, we take a picture at the same place.  It did not start off like a tradition or anything, but it has kind of worked its way into one.  Looking through these pictures, it's amazing how things change and how the time flies.  I believe somewhere around six months pregnant with Aubrey....

I don't have one from 2012 but this was us at the pumpkin patch then...

Aubrey and Mommy 2013....

Aubrey and Mommy 2014....

She has gotten so big!  Hopefully we will keep this up as she gets older, though I doubt she will always want to get a picture with good old Mom.  

Where do I go from here?

Monday morning I will be doing something that I have not done in about twenty years.  I will not be going to work.  Not because I’m sick or on vacation, but because…well…I don’t have a job. 

By choice, mind you.  I’m not going into it because I am a professional, and I do not under any circumstances talk about my employment at all but I had to make a decision that was hard, took a lot of thought and was the right thing for me to do.  However, I did it without the big thing I always have in the past – I did not have a job waiting for me.  I won’t go into why either, but that’s not what matters to me at this point.  What matters to me is….

What the hell do I do Monday?

I have worked since I was basically 12 and started babysitting, then working at Baskin Robbins, daycares, and so on…I don’t think (aside from first year of law school) I have ever NOT been employed.  Hell, I worked when I was studying for the bar exam.  So this is something that scares the hell out of me.   I worked during my maternity leave, for God’s sake! 

I am struggling with the feeling that I am letting my family down, and I am not going to lie that I am freaking out like you would not believe.  I am fortunate, however, that I am in a two-income household, and also, I do have my writing.  I’m not raking it in by any means but I am bringing in something.  But still…

Friday night and Saturday morning found me quickly applying for various freelance writing opportunities until T essentially pulled me away from the computer and told me to stop and take a breath.  That and think.  It is going to be hard, yes.  It is going to suck, yes, but I need to take this time to breathe and take care of myself, as well.  I did not just get mono for absolutely no reason, after all.  “You can start looking for writing gigs and then permanent jobs on Monday.” 

What am I going to do?  That is a whole other post for another day.  For now, I am taking as many freelance opportunities I can and potentially doing contract legal positions as I do some real soul searching.  I need to decide what it is I really want to do.  I need to find something that actually makes me happy.  For so long I have jumped from job to job because I had to and because I needed that immediate income.  But none of those jobs were right for me, and what did that bring me? A resume’ with lots jobs for short periods of time, and I never wanted that.  So I have some serious thinking to do, but a lot of writing in the process. 

And I’ll be damned if I sit on the couch watching daytime TV all day.

In the Wiggle house

I was doing so well with writing posts!  Darn it, what happened?  Oh right.  Life.  Anyway, a lot has happened since I last posted.  One of those being we got free tickets from Aubrey's daycare and got to see....

Yep, that's right.  The Wiggles!  Me, Nain - the person who never in a million years thought she would go to something like this - voluntarily went into an auditorium of toddlers dancing to kid's music.  But I did it for her, because this face was worth it:

Dude, she was excited.  When we first told her that she was going to see the Wiggles, I'm not sure she understood until we got there and they actually came out on stage.

Did you guys know that they have a girl Wiggle now?  And she's pretty talented, too.  I have to admit they did put on a good show.  This concert was not one of those either where they make you wait and go on stage like 30 minutes late.  Nope, not when you are dealing with toddlers.  You start on time and end before 8:00.

She was mesmerized, especially during the ballerina part where the girl Wiggle (Emma) and another ballerina danced.  I'm thinking someone is going to be a ballerina for Halloween.  She loved it.

It was a weeknight, and logistically with T coming from Columbus and me working downtown with the concert being at 6:30 downtown, it was a nightmare but we pulled it off and it was SO worth it just to see her smile like this.

So Aubrey has been to her first concert and the young age of two, and it was so much fun.  If only I could stop singing the damn songs now..
Fruit salad!  Yummy Yummy!

Blessed weekend

We’re wrapping up this much-needed long weekend, and I am telling you I could so go for just one more day.  Not just one more day with a child in my presence, however, but just one more day.  Of sleep.  Glorious sleep.

We had T’s family down from Michigan this weekend, and any time family visits is always a super fun time but also exhausting.  Aubrey was in heaven seeing her Grandpa and Nana, and I’m not going to lie…it was nice having someone to entertain the kid every now and then, though Mommy was still in high demand.  We even met up with my parents at a local winery for an Irish band concert and wine, so Aubrey was spoiled by both sets of grandparents.  The parents stuck around for a fire pit that night, so it was a lot of good bonding time with the parents and children.

I love watching how close Aubrey is with both of her grandparents.  I want her to have that good relationship like I did with my own grandparents.  So it makes my heart so happy to see her loving all over her grandparents.  She was in her element, too.  The kid was so hyper it was ridiculous.  At one point I considered putting a stake in the grass outside and tethering her so she could just run around and get the energy out.  In that respect, it will be good to have things get back to normal with school and what not. 

It is funny because I imagine T’s parents were more than ready to leave come Monday evening.  They love Aubrey, I know, but they also do not live with a toddler full-time.  I am guessing they longed for that peace and quiet, no matter how much they love spending time with her. 

I do feel blessed T and I have good relationships with both sets of parents, and I know we are lucky in what we have.  It really makes you step back and just realize what you have through these little moments like watching your daughter hug your mom or hold her Nana’s hand as she walks to the car.  Or tell her Grandpa to stop hammering because his hammering noise was scaring her pee pee as she sat on the potty.  Or watching her lay her head on my dad’s lap after a busy and warm afternoon outside.  It is those moments. 

Or it is those moments where she gives you a big hug and tells you “you’re my friend.”  Those moments are pretty damn good too.  

Just Mommy and me....

I have been told that the things your children will cherish when they grow up are not the things you bought them or how much money you spent on them but the things you did with them and memories you created.  I really do believe this is true.
Monday Aubrey was pretty sick so we did spend the entire day in the house resting and watching TV (see previous posts), but on Tuesday when I had to stay home and eat a vacation day because of the daycare 24 hour rule, I wanted to make the most out of it and get out of the house.  I didn't want to keep her cooped up only watching TV all day.  However, the summer weather has finally hit in Indiana so going outside wasn't a great idea, given how sick she was on Monday.  We did try to go out first thing in the morning for a bit - riding her tricycle and wagon to the playground where we were disappointed to discover all of the slides were wet from rain and morning dew.  So we went home and headed to the library and read books and played trains for awhile before lunch and "nap." (Note: no sleeping took place.  Axl Rose tore up her room again but at least it was not poop on the walls mess.  I'll take it.)
After "nap," I got the idea to go get some frozen yogurt or "ice cream" from what I told Aubrey because she would have no idea what the difference was but lactose intolerant mommy sure would.  So we went to one of those serve yourself yogurt places.  She loved it, as you can see by the photo below.  I asked her what she wanted - pink ice cream and sprinkles.  Mommy got cake batter (YUM) with white chocolate chips.  And don't be fooled by the bowl in the picture.  They had one cup only so no way did I fill up that giant cup for either of us.  But we had a Mommy/Aubrey day and had fun, heading home for me to do some writing.  But I decided to put the laptop away when I heard a sweet voice say "come play with me, Mommy!"  How can you say no to that?  We ran around the house and played under the dining room table with the Magna Doodle.  I loved every minute of it.  And I wouldn't have gotten to do it had it not been for that 24 hour rule.  So good things do come out of not-so-great things.
Wednesday night as we were getting her ready for bed, I said to T that Aubrey and I bonded the day before, and he asked Aubrey "did you bond with mommy?" She turned to him and said "uh-huh, we got ice cream.  I got pink and Mommy got orange."  So clearly that meant something to her, too, even if at only 2 years old.  
That's all I needed to hear.  And this smile?  A picture says a thousand words, doesn't it?