You've got a friend in me

  

This week's Spin Cycle brought to you by Gretchen @ Second Blooming is on friends.  Such an open topic - I could pick a friend and right about that person, but honestly, I don't know how I'd pick someone and then I'd feeling guilty about not picking someone over the other, and God knows I don't need more guilt...just thinking about this right now stresses me out...so yeah, I needed to find another angle with this.  Think, think, think....

 

 

So it got me thinking about the concept of friendship...what it means to me now, what it meant to me back in the day, and what I want out of a friendship.  It's funny how much the concept of a "friend" changes.  When I was a kid, a friend meant someone to play with outside, to have slumber parties, someone to hang out with at recess.  I don't really remember the quality of these friendships.  We didn't "talk" or have some sort of deep connection.  You played with them.  It was who was fun and who let you share their toys and didn't call you names.  That was a friend. 

 

 

In middle school and into high school, a friend almost became a status symbol.  You were cool if you were friends with the popular girls.  You had to have a lot of friends; it was important to be liked.  This isn't to say friendships didn't have quality and you didn't have those special friends who were extremely close.  But you also had those groups of friends, cliques where you just were one of many.  It wasn't until I approached my later years in high school where those true friendships developed and were fostered.  Sure, I had those friends who were still just friends on the surface, but then I had those few, select friends I spent all my time with, those friends I passed notes to in between classes, the ones who I called every night to talk about this boy or what happened at school, the ones who I had inside jokes with that to this day make me giggle when I hear a certain word and am brought back. 

 

 

Into college, the concept of friends changed even more - you had your friends you knew on a purely social basis, those you saw at parties or at the bar, and then you had your core group of friends.  Or at least I did.  These were the people who saw me through some truly tough times but also are people with whom I share my fondest memories.  These are the friends who hold back your hair after a particularly rough night of partying and don't hold anything you say in your drunken stupor against you, the friends who will pick you up after a rough break-up and stay up all night with you, not saying a word but just be there.  And you're right there for them without a question, no matter what the time, no matter what the situation.

 

 

As an adult, my concept of friendship has changed even more.  It's not how many friends you have but how good of a friend you have.  Quality over quantity.  Who they are may change as your life changes - breakups, job changes, moves, marriages, children.  Some of the stay and some are only in your life for a brief period of time but for a purpose.  You grow with these people, they become not just friends of yours but friends of your family. 

 

 

Out of all of these friendships, what I have found are the best kind, the truly special ones, are the ones that started back in elementary school or high school or even college and have grown, changed and developed through the years.  These friendships are the people I don't see on a daily basis or even yearly basis, but they are the people when I do see or speak with, it's like we never stopped.  I am so blessed to have so many of these.  I have no doubt that these special people will always be a part of who I am and a part of my life, and I can only hope I will stay a part of theirs.

 

 

Now I'm not talking about one big friendship that has developed as I have gotten older - to me, it's an obvious one, but as an adult, I find that my best friend, the one person I turn to is my husband  It's that constant friendship that's always there, it's not just a part of my life, it is my life.  It's who I am and who I want to be.  This friendship is one of unconditional love and a connection I never could have imagined. 

 

 

Out of all of this, the most important friendship?  Is the one with myself.  It's really funny if you think about it - as a kid and teenager, all I cared about were my friends, the other people with whom I associated, but as I got older, I also became my own friend.  That may sound cheesy, but it's true.  That relationship you have with yourself is one that makes those other friendships grow.  If you can't be a friend to yourself, then can you truly be a friend to someone else? 

 

 

So that, my blog friends, is friendship to me - and not only do I value all of the dear friendships I have in my real life, but I also treasure the ones I have developed here.  And with that, I will end my ramblings on friendships.  Stop by Gretchen's blog and see what others have to say on the subject! 

 

 

Thanks for stopping by, friends!

  



Can't live without you

So yesterday I did a post about the things we got for Aubrey before her arrival that we don't really use or need.  So today I'm following up to that post with a list of things we couldn't live without.  It's a little longer than the previous list, but perhaps this may be of assistance to those moms to be out there who aren't sure.  But this is totally just my preference - take it or leave it as you will.  Just because we desperately need it doesn't mean every baby is the same.  I have a feeling it's a baby hit or miss kind of deal.  Anyway, I'm rambling, so let me just get to the matter at hand. 


1.  Diaper Genie - To put it mildly, this girl has some rancid poops.  She's been a farter from day one, but seriously...when she poops...she poops.  And it's not pretty.  If we didn't have that Diaper Genie, our trash would smell to high heaven.  I mean, it does anyway because of the occasional one where we'll be downstairs and not around the nursery.  For those situations, we couldn't live without plastic Kroger or Target bags.  Those are a hot commodity at our house.  We always put the really really bad ones in those, and when we run out of bags, it's not pretty either. 


2.  Burp cloths - Have them on you at all times.  I cannot count the times where we'll be in the kitchen or living room, and she'll spit up, and we are looking for a burp cloth.  We'll find them in just random places in the house now.  We use them, trust me.  You can never have too many, and you for sure can never have too many within arms reach.  It may seem like they are everywhere, but it's better than being caught in the situation where you don't have one and need one. 


3.  Changing pad - We have a ton of these white, generic changing pads downstairs and upstairs on her changing table.  We are constantly changing them out, too, because it never fails...she'll pee on them or poop will get on them or spit-up.  (On the really fun days, it'll be all of the above.)  They are easy to wash, and if worst case scenario hits, they cost so little it's no big deal to just toss them.  Definitely a must have in the Sullivan household. 


4.  Nightgowns - These were a necessity when she was a newborn.  We loved the ones that opened on the bottom because it was easy to change her when you're half awake in the middle of the night. 


5.  Pajamas that zip up - Now that she's bigger, we bought some cheap footie pajamas that zip up the front.  We have several really cute ones that button, but honestly, the last thing I want to do at 3 am in the morning is try to line up buttons.  It's so much easier to just zip those puppies up.  I'm not too coordinated at 3 am. 


6.  Sleep sacks - a must have, too, for when they're really little. 


7.  White onesies - you can never have too many of those, too.  They go really well under nightgowns and outfits to keep them warm, and it's not the end of the world if something gets on them. 


8.  Bouncy seat - Now Aubrey absolutely hated the swing, but her bouncy chair is her favorite place to chill.  She'll sit in there for a long time and just hang out and watch us, and during the weekends, it's usually where she naps. 


9.  Diaper caddy - I'm not sure if this is the official word for it, but my Mom got us this caddy thing that's made of cloth but reminds me of those shower caddies I used in college in the dorms.  I keep diapers, nail clippers, that little nose sucky thing (technical term, you know) and diaper cream in mine.  When I was recovering from my c-section, I couldn't go upstairs to change her on the changing table, so this helped me stay organized and kept everything in one place for when I changed her downstairs.  I still use it because I'd rather just change her in the living room if that's where we are rather than run upstairs to do it.  Unless, of course, the Diaper Genie is in need :-) 


10.  Bibs - These are a must have for when we're traveling and she spits up in her car seat.  Rather than ruin the outfit, it just stays on the big, and we just take it off by the time we get to our destination.  And I get the ones that come in a 5 pack from Target because they don't need to be all fancy.  I just use them for utilitarian purposes only. 


11.  Bottle brush - I swear all I do is clean bottles.  I've become quite the pro at whipping through them, but I couldn't do it without a bottle brush.  They're pretty cheap, but it is one of those things you don't always think of when registering.  But I recommend it. 


12. Hand sanitizer - Always have this for when people visit so they don't spread germs, and really, I use this a ton when I get ready to change her and for afterwards if I need to move her or do something immediately after before I can fully wash my hands.  And I'd get at least two - one for upstairs by the changing table and one for downstairs.  And one for your purse, too, for when you're out and about. 


13.  Noise machine - We didn't have one of these right away, but as soon as we did get one, it made a world of difference.  Babies need that white noise to help them sleep.  The nurse who recommended it said it was because of the noises they hear while in the womb.  I didn't really believe it until we got ours.  As soon as that white noise started, she immediately relaxed.   If you don't have a white noise machine, we have used a clock radio before when at my parent's house.  Just put the dial to static, and it's the same thing.  (Just make sure you put it back to the radio station before you leave...my Dad missed his alarm the next day because the static was still the sound that went off with the alarm.  Oops!)


Of course, I am not listing the obvious ones - diapers, bottles, car seat, etc., but those are a given.  These are just the little things we couldn't live without, and so many of them are things we didn't even think to include on my registry.   And I purposely didn't include those swaddle-me things because Aubrey didn't like those, but some people can't live without them.  This list may, by no means, be complete, and I'm sure I'll read this later and want to add something else, but these are definitely my "must haves."  I hope this helps, Chloe!  (And the rest of you who could always use tips!)  What about you other moms out there...what are your must haves? 

Take it or leave it

Awhile ago, my dear friend Chloe at My New Life as a Housewife asked me to write up a post on what items we found we didn't need after Aubrey arrived and which items we can't live without.   It's funny how you think certain items are SO important when registering, but when the little one arrives, you hardly even look at it, let alone use it.  So I'm going to break this down into two posts.  This one will be on items we got but totally don't need:


1.  Diaper stacker  - we have this cloth organizer that we have hung on her closet door where we are supposed to store our diapers. It's cute, and it matches the items in the nursery perfectly.  When Aubrey was first born, I diligently took the diapers out of the package and stacked them in there, but that got old.  I could hardly keep up with the amount of diapers she went through, and the last thing I wanted to do in the middle of the night was get a diaper from that thing.  So I have the plastic sleeve out of the package sitting on the changing table so I can just grab one in the middle of the night.  I haven't used that diaper stacker hardly ever.


2.  Big, fluffy blankets - We didn't really ask for these or register for them, but everyone gave us a nice, soft blanket.  The big ones, not the kind you use to swaddle.  They're so wonderfully soft, and honestly, I would love to cozy up with one of them and do that from time to time.  However, Aubrey really has no use for them.  You can't really put them in the crib for the SIDS risk, and they're not helpful in swaddling.  I much prefer the receiving blankets.  They're so much easier to manage and take with you, and they are perfect for covering her in the car seat or swaddling.  The others just sit in a bin in her room collecting dust.  Who knows?  Maybe as she gets older she'll get more use from them, but not right now. 


3.  Stuffed animals - I know these are well-intended, but a newborn has no use for those.  Or the toys that are given.  She's only just now noticing things, but she has so many stuffed animals I have nowhere to put them.  Again, with the SIDS risk, they're not to be put in the crib so they just sit. 


4.  Dresses and hand-knitted sweaters - We got SO many of these.  I hung them carefully in her closet, thinking she'd wear them, but honestly, just recently I went through her newborn clothes and put them away, and I was so sad at how many items she never ever wore, especially these items.  I find the sweaters hard to dress them in anyway because they're too bulky when you're trying to strap the kiddo in the car seat.  Plus, babies spit up.  You need something that's easy to clean, not something that is dry-clean only. 


5.  Hamper for nursery - This might be just me, and others might use theirs but Aubrey's clothes usually just get tossed in with our laundry.  She has this adorable hamper in her room, but we never use it.  It looks cute, though!  Maybe as she gets older, but right now, with how much laundry she has, I don't have time to do more loads of laundry than I already do now. 


6.  Mobile - We have one of these in her crib to match the other decorations in her room, but I'm not sure how much she even notices it.  She spends her days at daycare, and when she goes to sleep at night, I'm not sure even looks at it.  On weekends, we are bad parents and let her sleep in her bouncy seat or really wherever she happens to fall asleep.  So she doesn't see much of it during the day, and honestly, mobiles are pretty pricey.  I'm not sure if this purchase was a necessity. 


I'm sure there are others I should be listing, but these are the main ones that come to mind.  I'm not saying that this is a universal thing.  Some people out there may use one or more of these items.  But T and I didn't really find much use for them.  I hope this helps, Chloe!  Or anyone else who is expecting or planning for a baby.  I'll be back soon with the items we can't live without!

What's my motivation?

 

Wait, the weekend is over?  Seriously?  Damn.


So here we are.  It's another Monday, and sadly, yes, it's a full work week.  So I don't know about you guys, but if I'm going to get through this week, I need some motivation.  And stat. 


If you want to join in, it's super easy.  Just write a post about something for which you need motivation.  Link up to my blog in your post, and then comment here and leave a link to your post.  And I'll add you to the list!  And the motivation can totally be about anything you want.  You don't need to just limit it to exercise.  God knows I need motivation on all sorts of things!


That's my motivation for the week - all sorts of things.  Let's hope my randomness doesn't cause some sort of chaos for the week, but I can't limit my motivation to just one thing. 


I had one of those moments at work last week where I looked at my desk and went "wait, how did all of these deadlines come at once?"  Until about mid-July I have quite a few things to do, and unfortunately my adult on-set A.D.D. isn't helping that.  Darn you, social media, for being so delightfully distracting.  So, focus.  I need to focus.


Last week, I set the goal of starting to run.  I didn't do as well as I thought I would, but that's isn't to say I didn't try.  I tried running on our treadmill that first day of the week, and well...our belt on our old treadmill isn't not so great.  You can walk on the treadmill, but running...basically I was about to fly face first into the treadmill console.  Not safe.  T and I did manage to get out and run together on Saturday morning, and while it was hard, and I continually told T how much I sucked the whole time, I did it.  And I was damn proud of myself, too.  Also on Saturday, we finally took the plunge and invested in a much nicer treadmill.  We've talked about it forever, and with interest in running and T's training for a marathon, we finally did it.  And it will be here on Friday - yay!  So I do intend to follow through on running more often, once Friday gets here! 


Lastly, I need to work on the stress management this week.  With the stress of work, not getting any sleep, and an abundance of stressors I'd rather not list here, I've been feeling the pressure.  And well, Nain still has that high blood pressure and heart condition, and I do need to watch it even though I am no longer pregnant.  So I need to work on the management of my stress and refocus on how I handle it.  Because something does have to give. 


So those are my motivational goals for the week.  What are yours?  I can't wait to read them all!  Happy Motivation Monday!

Robin @ Find Good in Every Day

   

Cuteness

I cannot believe how much little girl has changed.  She's just growing up right before my eyes.  I love how she's learning to be expressive and gets so excited with interacting with T and myself.  So I decided to share some of that cuteness with you...enjoy!

   

  (Side note:  She and I have some pretty deep discussions about politics, religion, social/economic policy, you name it.  The kid makes some good points, what can I say?)  

  Have a good weekend! 



Tag! You are SO it!

Ah, I'm "it!"  I was always pretty bad at tag...always the kid people caught right away.  So it's no surprised I was "tagged" by Judy at "Life...Minute by Minute."   And I'm a good sport, so I'll play along!  The Rules say I need to 1) answer 11 questions posed to me by Judy; 2) come up with 11 questions of my own, and 3) tag 11 blog friends (no tag-backs!) to answer my questions.  So here goes!

My 11 answers:

 

1. Do you, or did you before blogging, also write in any other formats?   I tried to...I always tried to do a journal, but I'd start and then not follow up on it.  I wrote creatively, too, and I have always been a notorious letter and email writer.

2. Why did you start blogging?  I started blogging as a way to kick start my writing.  I realized I hadn't written in forever while I was in law school and directly after that, so one day I just decided to take the plunge on May 16, 2010, and I have been doing it since! 

3. Do you ever have to stop reading another blog because the grammar or spelling makes you crazy? No.  As much as it bugs me in real life, the lawyer me is known to scan posts when I read them.  I get the gist of them...not to say I don't fully read them or anything, but when you're in law school and have to read 40 pages of homework for each class, you learn how to read pretty quickly.  And when you read quickly, you don't always catch those small errors. 

4. Have you ever met the author of a blog you follow?  I'm the pen pal of Chloe at my New Life as a Housewife, but no...I've never met any bloggers in real life, though I'd totally love to do that!

5. What is your all-time best ever thing you ate?  Easy - the Tres Leches cake at BARcelonas Tapas.  It was seriously the most amazing thing I have ever eaten.  Now this is making me want to just go there, order the cake, and eat it all myself.  Dammit.

6. If you had one week and an unlimited Visa card to go anywhere in the world, but you had to spend that week alone, where would you go and what would you do?   Easy - Dublin.  I'd spend all my time in coffee shops and pubs, just people watching, enjoying a nice Guinness and writing.

7. What is your one pet peeve of all time?  I have to pick just one?  I actually just wrote a post about this, and I had like twelve of them...ha.  I guess my biggest pet peeve would be loud eaters.  Chewing and slurping noises...bug the living crap out of me.

8. Have you ever visited a place and just "felt" that you belonged there?  Dublin!  We went there on our honeymoon, and I felt like that was the place for me.  Even T commented one day we were there how easily I fit in and how much I seemed at ease there. 

9. Do you prefer to have a grocery store employee back your bags or do you prefer to do it yourself? I'd much rather have someone do my dirty work for me.

 

10. How large was your high school graduating class? Have you ever attended a reunion?  Ours was somewhere around 400, I think.  I went to a fairly large high school.

11. How do you feel about salon care? I love getting my hair did! :-)  My friend Angela owns a salon, and I love it when I visit her salon, get treated to a new hair cut and get the chance to chat.  Totally worth the money.

That was easy! Okay, so here are my 11 people...now, you all have to play along! 

1.  Chloe @ My New Life as a Housewife
2.  Ali @ A Coffeeqween's Life
3.  Christine @ Inspired Life
4.  Sarah @ Crazy Love Gamble Style

5.  Vandy @ The Testosterone Three and Me

6.  Erika @ Studio E
7.  Peg @ Squre Peg in a Round Hole
8.  Camille @ Archives of Our Lives
9.  Jen @ Sprite's Keeper
10.  Gretchen @ Second Blooming

11.  Jen @ Sweet Pink Ruffles

And here are my 11 questions:

1. What is the one thing that always makes you smile no matter what?
2. What is the biggest adventure you've ever taken?
3. What is something that was always a fear of yours but you finally conquered?
4. What is the one question you can't stand people asking?
5. What's the biggest social media pet peeve you have?
6. Do you think Facebook is a good or bad thing and why?
7. What's the one song you hear on the radio that you can't help but belt it out?
8. How would you describe your blogging style?
9. What's the best piece of advice you would give those who want to start blogging?
10. In truth or dare, do you prefer truth or dare?
11. Besides my blog, of course, what's your favorite blog to read? :-)

Totally random questions, I know...but it's more fun that way, right? 


So....tag!  You're it!

Body Image

Warning, warning:  Another honest Nain post...


I've always struggled with body image.  I honestly don't know why, but I've never really been happy with the way I feel and how I look.  I look in the mirror and see a distorted version of myself.  It's sad, really, but I don't quite know what to do about it.  It is what it is.


It's really sad how it starts.  I always had a little baby fat on me as a kid, and I hated that.  And I was this pale little girl with these freckles all over.  I hated them, too.  It was as early as 4th grade when I was worried about calories and how I ate.  I remembered my 4th grade teacher teaching us in Health about eating healthy and low calories, and she made some statement about how healthy salad dressing with the fewest calories was dressing you could see through like Italian dressing.  As soon as I got home that night I informed my parents that I would only be eating Italian dressing from then on out. 


In high school, I went through a period starting my junior year into senior year where I barely ate a thing.  It started off as just from anxiety and nerves, and then once I started, I just had no desire to eat.  My parents would try anything.  They'd go to Baskin Robbins, buy me a cup of one scoop of ice cream, and that thing would stay in the freezer for a week as I would nibble at it, here and there.  I recall one morning when I made myself a Pop Tart for breakfast, but I threw away most of it, and my mom followed me out of the house confronting me about the fact I didn't eat a thing. 


I constantly compared myself to other girls in my class who I viewed as prettier than me, skinnier than me, and basically better than me.  I worried that I was too fat for any guy to be interested in me.  Even having a serious boyfriend in high school, I still had that worry.  Constantly in my head.  Why would anyone find me attractive? 


In college, I continued the struggle.  When I got mono my sophomore year, I remember getting down to a seriously low weight from being so sick, and yet, still...I thought I was too fat.  And in a sick way, I enjoyed people being worried about my weight being too low.


In law school, I hit a low with my self esteem and found myself desperately depressed.  I put on a significant amount of weight, and I beat myself up daily for it.  But I was so lost in depression that I didn't have any desire to do much of anything, and I found myself eating for comfort.  Grad school is a pretty lonely time, and unfortunately my body, as well as my health, took the brunt of it. 


I did manage to take off that weight, but over the past few years, as I get older, I find it creeping back up again.  Stress, lifestyle changes, medication and not eating as healthy as I should...I'm fighting it all in terms of keeping my weight off.  Not that it got out of control by any means, but still...I still look in the mirror and see someone I'm not proud of.  T constantly tells me I shouldn't and tells me how beautiful I am, just the way I am.  But that's not what I see.  I wish I could see what he sees.


Having a baby, it was hard for me to gain the weight, but I did.  I did manage to keep it in the healthy range, gaining about 30 lbs in the pregnancy, but now that Aubrey is here, I find myself hating my body even more. 


I'm probably much too hard on myself.  It took nine months for me to gain that weight, I certainly can't expect it to just fall off.  I try to remind myself I shouldn't complain because others do have it harder than me, and some people will look at me and say I'm crazy and that I'm just seeking attention when I complain about my weight.  My response to them is honestly, I'm not.  It's truly how I feel, and it's something I struggle with every day.  When I don't get the chance to exercise, for some reason I feel anything I eat that day is just going to cause me to gain a ton of weight, and I'll lose so much by taking one day off.  Why?  Because I'm crazy, I guess.


I'm not sure what has made me want to write this post.  I think part of it is therapy in a way.  Putting my thoughts out about my struggle with PPD a couple weeks ago lifted a weight off of my shoulder.  So here I am, the good, bad, and ugly - this is me.  It's about as honest as I can get. 


I do hope someday I'll find a way to end this constant battle in my head.