Is it really that bad?

Okay, all of you moms out there...time to fess up.  I call on your advice in my weakened emotional state....as I get closer and closer to the due date, I'm hearing more and more horror or negative stories.  And quite frankly?  They're freaking me out.  And irritating me.  A pretty good combination of the two.  So I need to know...


Is my life, my sense of personal identity about to be lost forever? 


Let's just say I'm hearing from several negative sources out there some of the following....


"You think you're tired now?  Just wait, you won't sleep forever..." 


"You think T's going to help you out with that baby?  Be prepared for that NOT to happen..."


"Be prepared for your relationship to suffer..." (YES, I have heard that one, believe it or not)


"You may as well give up on the idea of showering..."


"Wearing makeup?  Not going to happen." 


"You won't want to exercise at all..." 


That's just a summary of what I'm hearing.  And yes, this is only from about 2-3 sources, but I'm still listening.  And absorbing.  And wondering.  Surely it can't be that horrific, can it?


Granted I'm well aware that with a newborn, I'll be getting very little sleep.  I'm not that naive.  And I'm aware that when I can, I need to sleep, meaning when she sleeps, I should rest, too.  I know that the adjustment period from hospital to home will be different and new.    It'll take some time for T and I to figure out the flow and how we're going to do this.  But we're a team.  We've always been a team.  I have 100 percent confidence in our ability to adjust as needed.  But I'm not going into this thinking it'll be easy and no bumps in the road will be experienced. But I also know that we have a strong base, and that T will help me out as much as possible. 


And exercise and washing my face and making myself feel pretty?  Is that a bad thing?  Sure, I know I'll be tired, but I know I'll also need to make myself feel good in order to best care for my child.  I don't want to fall into some sort of postpartum blues and not get myself out of it.  A 10 minute shower?  Is not going to hurt my kid, right?  Taking a 30 minute walk on the treadmill while T watches Half-pint...is that not a possibilty at all? 


I guess what I'm asking is...moms out there, is all of this true?  Is it as bad as everyone is making it out to be?  Or should I put a sign on me that says "I will only ask or take your opinion if I want it.  If not, please keep it to yourself.  Unsolicited advice is not wanted?"  Because I'm almost at that point. 


If only I could just keep myself in isolation from the negative Nancies out there.  Because I'm pretty darn excited to be a Mommy, and all these people need to stop raining on my parade!

Slacker, slacker...

Yeah, that's me...the girl who can't seem to do a post daily like I have every intention of doing.  But I have good reason!  I've been super busy working on reports, etc., for work, things that need to be done before little Miss Half-pint arrives.  So it's not like I'm not doing anything. But still...sorry to leave you hanging! 

 

 

This week has just been one of those weeks.  Poor, T....he had a huge work presentation this morning, and that meant lots of late nights at work this week getting ready for it.  Last night was particularly late...he didn't get to leave until 7:30 p.m., and by the time he got home, it was well past 8.  I hate when we each have to eat separately like that.  I told T it sucked eating dinner alone, to which he replied that I wasn't alone...Half-pint was there with me.  Well, she's not much of a conversationalist!  I just miss my husband this week.  But the good news is he got through it, and things should slow down this week.  Until next week, of course.  Ha

 

 

If that wasn't stressful enough for him, he was also worried about my second non-stress test today with Half-pint.  Ever since the doctors muttered that word I will not repeat, we both get super anxious about whether she's moving enough and what that means.  And of course, the non-stress test was to start right when he was presenting.  So we had a code that I would text him 3 times in a row if something was wrong.  I didn't need to text him, thankfully, because she passed the test with flying colors.  We keep doing these weekly until about three weeks from now when we start doing them twice a week.  It sucks that T can't go to all of them with me, so keeping my fingers crossed we never have to use that emergency "code." 

 

 

Mommy has been working from home the past two days, taking it easy and getting lots of work done.  I'm finally following doctor's orders and actually going easier on myself.  It only took 33 weeks, right? 

 

 

Here's hoping these next two days go by smoothly and here's to a relaxing weekend ahead!  I think we all three need it!

 

Happy New Years!

I probably should have posted yesterday.  If posting more often were my New Years resolution, I would have messed up one day out of the gate.  BUT, it wasn't, so there :-)  Anyway, yesterday I came into work, on my day off of course, and spent the afternoon fighting with technology and trying to update Norton on all of our office computers.  Technology put up a good fight, but I won.  And it only took four hours for that victory, too.  Go, Nain!


I hope each and every one of you had a fun and safe New Year.  Our original plan to bring in the 2012 was to do the annual chili cook-off at my brother's house.  T was going to make bison chili (Yeah, I wasn't too excited to try that...), and we were going to stay until midnight, then I was going to drive us back to my parent's house.  It seemed like a good idea in theory.  However, after spending Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with my family and then immediately having T's family over starting December 26th until the 30th, we were both a little over the whole thing and wanted to just play it low key, just the two (well, technically, three) of us.  So that's just what we did.  And it was wonderful. 


We stayed in for the evening, having T's famous Honey Chicken Stir Fry for dinner (always delicious!), watching Dick Clark's Rockin' New Years Eve, play a board game and just relax by the fire.  Dinner was great, and I then schooled T in the game of Life (actually, I only won by $300,000 but a win is a win, nonetheless), and we toasted the new year with sparkling grape juice.  It was so funny when I was drinking the grape juice, because T was talking to Half-pint about how this was the year she was going to be born, and every time I took a drink of the grape juice, about five seconds later she started hiccuping.  I think the fizz got to her!  We finished the night with T reading her a bed time story before we went to sleep.  It was a low key, relaxing holiday, and I don't think I would have had it any other way. 


I'm now trying to remember that calm, relaxing feeling as I begin the work week, freaking out about all of the things that need to get done before my maternity leave.  Oh if I could turn back time.....

Year in review

I'm jumping on the bandwagon and doing one of those "2011 - the good, bad and the ugly" type of posts.  A year in review, if you may.  And what a year it has been.  We've had our ups and downs, ending with mostly ups, of course.  But it is still fun to look back on 2011 and think about what 2012 will bring...

 

 

In January, I took the big step of changing jobs, quitting the job I had as an attorney for the Department of Child Services for 2 1/2 years and starting as the Executive Director for a Legal Aid agency.  It was a huge jump, considering I'd be going from being one of the drones for the state government to running an agency and doing not only attorney work, but director work, as well.  But I did it, starting on January 24th, and I haven't regretted that decision since. 

 

 

In January and February, T and I also began training to run (T) and walk (me) the Indianapolis Mini Marathon in May.  We got up early every Saturday to join a training group out in the cold, snow, ice, rain, you name it. 

 

Towards the end of February and into March, T and I faced our first real crisis as a newly married couple.  After going to a routine cardiologist visit to check up on my heart condition, we were told that we may not be able to have children, that carrying a child could be as risky as causing my aorta (where my repair was done) to rupture.  We also faced the distinct possibility that I would need heart surgery in the near future.  This experience, while frightening, brought us together even more as a couple, as I underwent an MRA and waited weeks until we got the amazing news that everything was just fine and that, barring me seeing a high risk OB-GYN and being closely monitored, we could be parents. 

Mousegate

We celebrated our good news, as any good Irish couple would on St. Patrick's Day, of course!

Starting also in January and going until April 13th, we watched with anticipation as our new home was being constructed.  We visited pretty much daily, taking pictures of the progress as the house went from a hole in the ground to a fully-structured home.  Of course, before we could move, hit again, as one of the little bastards made his appearance known to me in an attack on the kitchen counter.  So needless to say, I couldn't wait to get the heck out of there.

We officially closed on April 13th and were officially homeowners!  Yay!

Also, in April....I turned 30.  Boo :-)

In early May, T and I reached our goal of finishing 13.1 miles in the Mini Marathon.  And in the rain, no less!  Sure, my feet were killing me afterwards but it was so worth it.  Will I be doing it this upcoming year?  Nope.  But it was still worth it!

In May and June, I spent too much time on the road (well, in the air technically) traveling for work, to Vegas in May and Colorado in June.  It was hard being away from T for that long, and he soon had to leave me, too, traveling to the depths of Death Valley, CA, for work in August.  It was the summer of us rarely seeing each other! 

In June, we were blessed with incredible news (though I couldn't share it until August) that we were expecting our first child!  We both felt so blessed and so excited, while nervous at the same time.  I spent the majority of June and July sipping ginger ale and eating saltines as morning sickness took its toll on Nain.  It also made for an interesting trip when I flew out to Colorado in late June, too.  Thus we began the process of monthly doctor's visits and worrying about my health and the health of our little Half-pint. 

In July my family faced a tough decision with respect to my Grandpa.  He was moved into assisted living in March, but as his health began to rapdily deteriorate and his liver failure took a sharp turn, my mom and her siblings were left with no choice but to put him in full-time nursing home care.  Our entire family decided to come together on July 30th for a family reunion and to be together one last time with Grandpa.  It was a hard reunion, bittersweet, but brought memories that I will treasure forever.

In September, T and I celebrated our first anniversary.  We decided to stay in town for a little staycation, but we had so much fun at the Irish Festival downtown and going out to dinner at P.F. Chang's.  It was relaxing, just the two (well, three) of us, and just what we needed admist all of the baby stress. 

On September 30th, we were blessed with even more good news...we found out that we were having a little girl, and best of all, a fetal echocardiogram done of her heart showed that she did not have the congenital heart defect that her mommy was born with. 

In November, T ran another half-marathon (because he's such a go-getter like that).  Next year's goal?  Full marathon.  And Half-pint and I will be there, cheering all the way!)

In November, we also lost my Grandpa, after a long and painful road for him.  He passed away the morning of November 15th and joined the love of his life, my Grandma, in heaven.  My family came together again to say good bye to him on November 19th.  He's in our hearts forever, and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't miss him. 

The holidays were bittersweet for us this year, thinking of my Grandpa and wishing he were still with us.  So we celebrated quietly with my family for Thanksgiving and both families over the Christmas holidays.  T and I have also been busy with multiple doctor's appointments, making sure I'm okay and that Half-pint is doing well, and setting up our nursery for her arrival.  Her due date is officially February 22nd, my Grandpa's birthday.  I'm sure she will arrive early, but she will always know the connection she shares with him. 

So while this year has brought its share of sadness, it has also brought so many blessings and so much happiness to T and me.  We look forward to 2012 and our family being made complete with the arrival of our special little girl.  And who knows what other adventures the year will bring us? 

Happy New Year, everyone!  This will probably be my last post for 2011, so I will see you in 2012!

Big baby

Half-pint update!

Yesterday, T and I spent the entire afternoon at the doctor getting a series of tests done and having my bi-weekly doctor's visit.  It was an exhausting afternoon, and one that left me feeling apprehensive for sure.  And that other feeling...what's the word I use a lot lately?  Oh, scared. Right, that's it. 


So because of my high risk pregnancy, I have to go to weekly nonstress tests (NSTs) where they hook up monitors to my belly and measure the baby's heart rate.  They want to see how much she moves around and if her heart rate goes up every time she moves around and kicks.  It's a 20 minute thing, but if she didn't do much in terms of activity, I'd be there for an hour test.  Well, she must be an overachiever because she was moving around like a crazy woman in there.  You could see my stomach just move around from side to side and her kicks were pretty hard ones, too.  She passed that test with flying colors.  We weren't sure exactly what the purpose was of that test, but we'll explain later....


Second, we had to go to our monthly ultrasound to monitor her growth.  Because of my congenital heart defect, we had a chance of her being a small baby due to lack of blood flow.  Well....she's not small, that's for sure.  A month ago she was 2 lb 12 oz.  This last visit?  She was weighing in at 4 lbs 14 oz.  And I'm only 32 weeks. She's a big girl.  We got to see her sucking her thumb in there, which was pretty much the cutest thing ever.  But seriously, once I saw that weight, I was in shock.  All I could think about.  We asked, and we were told she was measuring in the 95th percentile for growth.  Yikes. 


See, I'm a 5'1" girl.  Small.  Not much to me.  And well, my stomach is big as it is with her, and apparently it's all baby.  I have ambitions of working until the very last possible moment, which would be 39 weeks when we schedule the c-section.  It's a desk job, so I figured I can do it.  Well...we'll see...


So we saw the doctor next, and he made the same statement that was made to me by the ultrasound tech:  we have a big baby.  I've passed the gestational diabetes tests, and he couldn't find any unhealthy reason for it other than that we just happen to have a big baby.   It's a good thing, don't get me wrong, but it also has bad sides to it, too.  He said her size, accompanied with the other risk factors that I have - a heart defect and high blood pressure, puts the baby at risk in the womb.  I pressed him on this, and I could tell he didn't really want to say what the risk was but he eventually said it increases the risks of her being still-born.  And with that, my heart sank.  I thought for sure we were out of the woods with the risk of her not surviving.  I didn't even consider this as a possibility.  It's a small risk, but my three risk factors do increase it.  So we do the NSTs every week and eventually twice a week to make sure she's happy, heart rate good, getting enough oxygen,, etc.  If I had to go daily, I would go, just to make sure she's fine.  There's also a risk that she could be born earlier than 39 weeks because of her size.  So...I have to be watched.  Like a hawk.  And I have to really really take it easy, which means I need to really evaluate how much I work, when I go into the office, when I work from home, etc. 


I walked out of that appointment overwhelmed and a little defeated, I'm not going to lie.  I know that when we decided to start trying for a baby, we'd be taking a risk.  But as we get closer and closer to the finish line, and as things get more serious and more serious, I start to wonder if I'm being selfish.  I wanted a baby more than anything, but here I am putting my health at risk and her health at risk.  I don't want anything to happen to her, and part of me feels like it's my fault that there even is that possibility.  I know it's crazy to think that, but....I do.  And I am putting my family and T through so much with all of this.  I know T's scared.   It's not really fair to him either.  So that's really the point I'm at for the moment. 


I just want her to be a healthy and happy baby.  And I just want to provide her that kind of safety.  I just don't want to drop the ball before she's even here. 

  

Christmas recap

Hope everyone had a very Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah!  I can't believe how quickly the weekend went.  Seriously, all month, it seems like it takes forever for the day to get here, and then it just flies by.  So here we are, the day after Christmas! 


Our Christmas was pretty par for the norm, meaning tame, which is a very good thing.   Friday, I spent about four hours in the kitchen making three batches of pumpkin chocolate chip cookies.  Three batches, you ask?  Well, my intention was to make some for my parent's house, the Christmas Eve party we always go to, and some for T's parents when they got here on the 26th.  End result was about 5-6 dozen cookies.  I froze some, we still have two large platters of them...so we'll be eating cookies for awhile! 


On Christmas Eve, we headed up to my parent's house to spend the night and spend Christmas day.  Every year we do a soup pitch-in where my dad makes a few types of soup, we bring one and my brother brings one.  T made an Irish Barley Stew from the Irish cookbook we bought on our honeymoon.  Since mass starts at 5:00, and we have to get there basically 45 minutes before that to get a seat, we do this every year as a big lunch/dinner thing.  We headed to mass and then came home for my brother's family to open their presents since they head to my sister-in-law's family on Christmas Day.  After that, we always head to my mom's neighbor's Christmas party...I was pretty tired at this point, but we still made an appearance.  My favorite part of the evening?   Snuggling in bed with T while he read to Half-pint the book her Nana sent us:  Twas the Night Before Christmas.  She was kicking away and pushing on my stomach while he read.  Quite possibly the sweetest thing ever.  I can't wait until he can read the book to her next year and in years to come. 


We woke up on Christmas morning, with little sleep unfortunately because of my pregnancy restless leg (totally not fun...I'm not a fan).  My sister and Roo had made it over before we got up, so we had breakfast and opened presents.  It cracks me up because every year my Mom says they're going to cut back on presents, but every year, it seems like she gets more.  Not to say we're not grateful, though...it's just funny.  I got lots of nice maternity outfits, a comfy sweat pants and sweat shirt outfit, nightgown for when I go to the hospital and robe for that, too.  My mom put together a huge bag of stuff for Half-pint, too.  I swear, that kid isn't here, and she seriously has had more gifts than T and I combined!  It's so cute.  We spent the day with my family, ate way too much for dinner, watched movies, and then T and I headed home in the evening. 


All in all, it was a wonderful Christmas.  Our last one just the two of us.  I can't wait to celebrate Christmas as a family starting next year. 


Today we wait for T's parents to come down from Michigan.  They'll be here for the week, which will be nice because that means I get to take it easy while they help around the house :-)  I'll try my best to post while I can!  Hope everyone had a wonderful weekend! 

 

Merry Christmas!

No time for a really good, substantive post, as I have been busy making three batches of pumpkin chocolate chip cookies for the holidays...am tired, but they taste awesome.  That and I have a ton of cookies now.  But, I would like to take this time to say Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all of my blogger friends out there, readers, family and friends.  T, Half-pint and I hope you have an amazing weekend filled with joy, laughter, and wonderful memories!  I'll be back with a new post on Monday!