Friday, May 28, 2010

The "Best" Version of Myself

"A vacation is what you take when you can no longer take what you've been taking." Earl Wilson

I'm about to get all serious up in here, so bear with yeah...that vacation from reality we took last weekend? I kind of wish we could do it again because I could sure use another break from reality. I woke up in a bit of a funk this morning. Now, I'm not normally a morning person, and if you're smart, you don't talk to me before I've had my coffee. However, this morning was different. I woke up feeling like Little Miss Balled-Up Anxiety and Nerves today. Not sure why, considering it's the Friday before a long, carefree weekend, but there you have it. If you looked at me wrong, who knows what would come out of my mouth.

Now I'm normally an anxious person by nature. And my saying that really is putting it lightly for those of you who know and love me. I have always always been this way. You don't get tested for an ulcer at the age of ten if you're not an anxious, high-strung person. (The fact that I managed to get through law school and the bar exam and four years into practice of law without having an ulcer is a miracle of loaves and fishes). I've been working on ways to manage said anxiety for years (and years and years and years), and maybe I should have opted to be a yoga instructor instead a child protective services attorney, but hey...we all make our choices. :-) The blood pressure gets all high, I get all jittery and, well, not really nice to be around. Hey, I'm being honest!

I don't like to admit when I'm wrong, but I was this way today to T. Not cool, Nain, not cool. It takes a strong, patient man to handle me. T gets me, and I'm really fortunate for that. When we first started dating, my sister joked with him that "there are very few people who get Nain, but you seem to." (She's another one of those special people.) I'm quirky, neurotic, and really high-strung. He's an angel for putting up with me on a daily basis, so T, I am very sorry for snapping at you this morning. (She says sheepishly.)

So I snapped today for no really good reason. I joked with T the other day that "I don't always have to have a good reason to do the things I do," and this is true. I don't always have a truly valid reason for being grumpy. And as a woman, I feel this is my prerogative. (Because Bobby Brown and Britney both say so.) That being said, that doesn't give me a "Get out of jail free" card for being mean.

However, I have to be honest in that there really has to be a reason that I've been in a funk lately. I'm still working on the whys, but I think that a lot of it has to do with the need for change. I've been feeling it for weeks now. Well, months, if I need to be really honest. It's actually one of the reasons I started this blog because I needed an outlet. For me, a lot of my life these past few years after law school has been all work and no play, which makes Nain a very very dull girl. Hobbies are not something I'm accustomed to, but with the help of T, I'm using this blog as a way to get back into writing (which has always been a passion of mine) and to other interests of mine that I've let fall by the wayside in the past. I truly appreciate having T there to support me as I go through this little discovery process. I have to admit, writing again really makes me feel alive. I haven't been this excited about something since T and I first started dating. And I'm excited to see what the future will bring me if I follow my passion.

So there's my sharing for the's hoping this weekend bring lots of rest, relaxation and fun! Thanks for listening blog friends and those of you lurkers :-)

Happy Friday!

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