Thursday, February 28, 2013

Just one more day!

I'll give you, yes, yesterday's post was a morbid one, so thank you to all of you for your kind words.  It does really make you appreciate the blessings in your life, doesn't it?  I should have prefaced that post by saying I was at home sick, sick to my stomach and huddled under a blanket for warmth.  But the thoughts would have been the same regardless.  Appreciate what you have, who you are, and where you are. 
Now, that sentiment is hard to express when you feel like complete ass and likely caught whatever it was your lovely child had for days.  I'm back at work today, but yesterday I felt like death run over most of the day.  I was able to rest until T and Aubrey came home, we fed Aubrey, and then she proceeded to throw up the entire meal.  All over both of us.  So, yeah, so much for that.  But she handled it like a champ.  She was all smiles once it was done.  Of course, T and I weren't all smiles, but...I don't know, I think I'm just getting a little tired of the sick house.  Ready for this winter and the awful viruses that came with it to go away.  (Can I get an Amen?)  I'm still not feeling 100 percent today, but I am at work, as I have several huge deadlines coming up for grants.  And working from home is not exactly the easiest way to get them completed.  In between my being sick and Aubrey being sick, I'm wondering if this weekend I will have to work, as well.  Bah. 
Sorry, I'm still being a negative Nelly today.  Still not feeling 100 percent, so you get what you get, huh?  But, my friends, I must push forward!  So let's do this!  Onto Friday!

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

In the blink of an eye

Life is fleeting.  You never know what could happen. I was reminded of this statement more than ever this past weekend.  A colleague of mine, a wonderful man and father, a great attorney who died suddenly and unexpectedly on Saturday.  At the age of 38.  From a heart attack.  He got up in the morning, kissed his wife and kids, and headed to the gym, and he never came home. 
I only knew Dan as an acquaintance and colleague.  He was one of three new attorneys who came to town when I started practicing in Columbus.  He was a super nice guy, which I have to say is unusual in the line of work I'm in.  (It's true, I'll admit it.)  I left Columbus and came back, and he was practicing in several counties, but still taking cases on a volunteer basis from our office.  Just a great guy.
I cannot imagine the shock and pain his wife is in and experiencing.  I cannot imagine what she had to tell her little girls that afternoon.  And it's so unfair.  It's just not right.  They had no idea it was coming.  He had chest pains that week, and he had gone to the doctor, leaving with a clean bill of health.  He was young, active, and otherwise healthy.
I have to say as soon as I read about it in the paper, it hit way too close to home.  Not just because it was someone with whom I was quite familiar, but because he was so close to my age.  And reading the word "heart."  Yeah, it hit close to home. 
I'm not sure if I'm the only one who is like this, but a lot of us out there have that invincibility complex.  "It wouldn't happen to me."  Or "oh, it's fine because I'm healthy.  I take care of myself."  With a heart defect, people often look at me and say "you chose this field of work?  Why?"  I don't keep my stress in check.  I push myself too hard.  And I think it's okay.  I look at T and I see him doing the same thing.  I'm always on him to be healthier, eat better.  It's one of the reasons why I lost 30 pounds.  For my health.  But I still push myself.  I still feel my heart racing at work when I'm overwhelmed with work.  But I have a daughter and a family.  Just like Dan, and the thought of leaving Aubrey without a Mommy kills me. 
T and I have talked about giving Aubrey a brother or sister.  It's what I want, but the more I think about it at times, I don't know.  Can my body take that stress again?  My heart was just fine.  I survived the chance of my aorta rupturing.  Came out just fine, but is it worth spinning the wheel again?  For Aubrey's sake? 
There is no rhyme or reason.  And I'm not writing this to depress anyone who regularly reads my blog.  I am just using this as a forum to express my feelings to process it all.  How often is it that I run out the door, giving T and Aubrey a quick peck and I love you and just leave?  What if it were the last time?  I know it's a morbid thought, but it happens.  It did this weekend. 
In doing The Love Dare throughout Lent, I am taking time to truly appreciate the life I have, the partner I have in T.  I want to choose to recognize these blessings more than focus on the stress.  We all really should do this.  Appreciate life, what we have.  Because you just never know. 
Because it all can change in the blink of an eye.

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Please don't take my sunshine away

I have a real serious post I want to write.  One I need to write about something that happened this past weekend and is weighing on my mind.  But...I'm tired.  From the day I have just had (writing this Monday night, of course).  I don't have it in me to get all deep and thoughtful.  But I will.  Just later. 
Today, I was at home with a sick Miss Aubrey.  Poor little monkey has a stomach bug AND an upper respiratory virus.  She's not been herself all weekend, really fussing to the point where T and I were like "shit, is this what it's like having a toddler already?"  But I knew something was up - last night she completely refused the bottle (totally unlike my child), and this morning, threw up in her bed and just sort of laid in my arms as I rocked her.  Yeah, didn't end up going to work.  I kind of knew that as soon as I saw her throw up the first time.  And then the second time. 
I felt helpless today.  She wasn't eating, she had a fever, throwing up, coughing, just pitiful.  And I didn't know what to do.  How do I fix it?  I just held her close, trying to comfort her as she sobbed and laid her head on my arm.  T had a mandatory work training so it was just me manning the booth today, but I think even if T were at home, she still would have been clinging to Mommy.  There's just something about it.  When you're sick, you want your mom.  And Aubrey was definitely no exception to that. 
I miss seeing her little smile.  It's sad that one day of not seeing it...just one day, breaks my heart.  In total, I let her sleep about five hours during the day, and she was out cold by bed time.  So hopefully when you read this Tuesday, she's back to her normal self.  Hopefully. 
Ugh, I don't like this part of being a parent.  Not being able to make it better.  I know this only gets worse and that there are only more hurts out there that you can't fix.  And as she gets older, my holding her and saying "it's okay" may not be enough or what she wants.  But for now, that's what I'll do. 
And hopefully I'll see one of these again...

Monday, February 25, 2013

Motivation Monday

Motivation Monday

Goood morning!  Back to another week and all of that.  So while I was better last week at the whole exercising thing, I did let myself fall prey to the remaining Valentine's candy and Aubrey birthday treats.  But they are gone.  All gone from the house.  BUT, yeah...not so good.  I haven't had a check-in with my dietitian in a month or so and won't see her until the end of March, but I think this week I need to do food logs for the week.  Just to keep myself in check and make sure I'm watching my portions and my exchanges.  It's been nice not having to do it every day for every freaking meal, but it is good to keep myself accountable,  So that's part of my motivation for the week.

The second part?  Um, training.  I looked briefly at the schedule we got for beginner runner training for the mini marathon, and I was supposed to do 75 minutes this last week.  Yeah, the most I've done is 45 minutes, and we have a 10k (6.2 miles) coming up on March 9th.  So I'm not sure I'm ready for that.  T is, but me?  Not so much.  But I have a few weeks or rather, a couple, so let's get this started.  I was able to run for 45 minutes straight the other day on the treadmill.  The thing that makes me nervous is running outside because it is significantly harder, BUT I am determined!  I WILL do this! 

So what motivation do you need this week?  Join in on the fun and link up a post of your own!  Here's to a productive (and quick) week!

Friday, February 22, 2013

Calgon, take me away....

Second Blooming
This week's Spin Cycle brought to you by Gretchen at Second Blooming is on dream vacations.  And I have to say, I've already been on mine.  But if I had to pick a dream destination, I'd go back...back to here...

Oh, Ireland, how I miss you.  And if we could, I would stay right where we stayed before.  The Shelbourne because that place?  Top notch, amazing.

And I'd hole up in one of these...eating fish and chips and enjoying pints of Guinness...

And of course, it would be with this man, too....
 Were we intoxicated in this picture?  Yes.  It was Arthur's Day, which in my opinion, is the happiest day EVER.    My only regret about this vacation?  Staying for just a little while longer and going through the countryside, checking out castles and just the smaller towns.  So that would be my dream vacation.  But I think I hit it pretty closely with our honeymoon (Part 1 and Part 2)
I tell you where I wouldn't go?  Indiana.  I write this sitting on my couch and listening to ice pellets hit our house.  It's been sleeting for about 2 hours now.  I somehow envision going to work tomorrow not going well.  OR not going at all, which would be fine by me!
So what would be YOUR dream vacation?  Stop by Gretchen's and see what other Spinners have to share!
And a HUGE huge CONGRATULATIONS to my friend SIF on the birth of her beautiful little girl.  Stop by her blog and send her some congratulations!

Thursday, February 21, 2013

Don't give up

Trying super hard to not get discouraged this week.  Yesterday, I got home from work, just feeling like "blah."  T wanted to know if I was mad at him, but no...just needed a hug.  Just one of those days where you feel like you basically suck.  Does anyone else have those?  Is it just me?  Or the winter blues? 
I ended up consuming six chocolate candies yesterday, totally off my diet, and of course, I was beating myself up over that.  I had 3 Mary Kay appointments scheduled this week, hoping to make some extra money to pay off more towards a credit card payment, but all three cancelled.  And I have 2 grants due, at the beginning of March.  And when is that?  Oh, shit, that's next week?  Really? 
So I'm beating myself up today, but trying to remember this...
(Image courtesy of Google Images)

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

L is for Lawyer

Awhile back, I had gotten an email from Aubrey's daycare saying that the letter of the month for February was "L" and would any parent be willing to talk to the preschoolers and kindergartners about their job that starts with L?  So I said, "Sure, I will do it!"
Then I thought - um, I'm awful at explaining things to children.  The last time I tried to explain to my niece what I do in court, I started telling her about this dad whose rights I was trying to terminate was a sex offender.  I'm not sure the teachers at Aubrey's school would be down for that.  So I contacted the mother, as she teaches wee little ones and knows how to speak their language.  And she knows that I'm definitely not good at "teaching," per se. 
She managed to find a book for me that explains what lawyers do to children.  It was written by a lawyer, and it goes through the different types of lawyers out there and explains what they do.  But the problem is the book is written for maybe some older elementary school children.  Some of the words and explanations for things were a little over their heads.  Not too sure that 5 year olds understand what a limited liability corporation is, you know?  So I kind of had to ad lib just a bit. 
First question when I started talking "What's a crime?"  I hope my explanation was okay.  I said it was like a really important rule and if someone breaks that rule, they get a punishment.  One of the kids said "like a time out?"  "Sure, but a really long time out because this is a very very important rule."  I tried my best.  "What's a case?"  "What's a judge?" 
I had to laugh because when I asked for questions at the end, I think I got more "statements" than questions.  "My mom and dad want to buy a house, but mommy says that we spend too much and don't have money."  "When we moved, my mom said I could paint my room blue but when we moved the room was already painted blue."  I mean, I was cracking up with some of these statements.  But I'll admit some of the questions were good, too.  Hopefully they learned something. 
The funny thing is, I speak in front of judges and other attorneys all the time.  But a group of 5 year olds?  Totally made me sweat.  But it was a lot of fun. 
I ended the discussion by asking "who wants to be a lawyer when they grow up?"  "Noooo!" most of them said, with several interjecting which career they want.  "Scientist!  Veterinarian!"  I wanted to smile and say "good for you!"  Here's my Sallie Mae bill, kids.  Don't go to law school.  But who knows?  There may have been a future attorney in that bunch.  I certainly hope none of them will need an attorney in the future for any big "rule" breaking....

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Birthday rundown

First birthday has come and gone.  It was one hell of a whirlwind and one busy weekend.  She's one.  I still am having a hard time grasping that concept. 
Anyway, a rundown on the weekend....we had Aubrey's doctor's appointment on her actual birthday, Friday.  I'm not going to go into that because I don't want to hamper this post with negativity, but suffice it to say I'm glad Aubrey won't remember it.  Anyway, after a nap to sleep off the trauma, we awoke to open presents. 

Aubrey loves her Sesame Street characters, but taking a picture or rather sitting still for a picture?  Yeah, not so much. 

We had homemade (cheese - Lent) pizza and yellow cake with chocolate icing.  This was my first cake, and I loved it then and love it now. 

So I would only assume that my offspring would feel the same way. Yep. Not so much.  She took one taste of the chocolate icing, made a face, scooped up the entire piece of cake she had on her tray and dropped it on the floor.  Her dessert of preference?  A teething cookie.  I'm not sure she's mine.  I know she came out of me, but to turn down sweets AND chocolate? 

The next day was our big family/friends birthday party.  We chose a monkey theme to go along with her nursery.  We got the cake from the same place where we had our wedding cake, and as usual, they did not disappoint.

We even got a free smash cake for Little Miss.  Isn't it cute?

Now the party....yeah....I got everything set up, and Subway was to arrive to deliver our lunches at 11:30.  I kept watching the clock, 11:45, noon, party starts, get the picture.  Let's just say I spent from 11:45 to 12:45 or so on the phone with the good people at Subway.  I don't blame the catering center, but I blame the incompetence of the franchisee who received and was supposed to deliver the order.  It was absolutely ridiculous and I missed an hour of my daughter's party.  Yes, we got the order 50 percent off, but I was such a mess by the time it got there.  All of that trouble...because of these?  Seriously?  Jimmy Johns next time....

Damn you, Subway.
Shoveling in the food, then came present time.  And Aubrey got quite the haul.  She noticed some of them, but maintaining the attention of a one year old for too long is definitely not easy.

There she goes :-) But hey, Mommy had a wonderful time opening her presents!

Then came the cake.  I have to admit, I was a little nervous bringing something on fire towards her, but I think I kept back at a safe enough distance...


She wasn't so sure about this cake.  I mean, what with the cake from the night before...she wasn't too impressed....

Sweet icing - definitely a tough first bite....

"Ah, to hell with it....I'm going for it..."

All of this cake really works up  a thirst....

And here we have the finished product....

It was a pretty good day for Miss Aubrey, which was all we wanted.  We were so blessed to be surrounded by so many loved ones.  And that little girl crashed hard by the end of the day.  Happy one year, baby girl!  You're officially a toddler now.  God help us...

Monday, February 18, 2013

Motivation Monday!

Motivation Monday

Boy, it's been a long weekend.  A full and good weekend filled with parties and time with family, but God, am I exhausted.  And yeah...Valentine's Day and parties for Aubrey do not mean eating well.  Lots of dessert.  Oh, lots of dessert.  T and I had our Buca di Beppo, which was heavenly though bad for us.  Chicken Parmesan, pasta, tiriamisu, Chianti.  And then homemade birthday cake for Aubrey on Friday.  And then her birthday party on Saturday, which meant more cake and then pizza for dinner because we were too exhausted to even consider cooking.  I think I ate more dessert this past weekend than I have in a month or two.  It tasted pretty damn good, though. 

I did manage to exercise in the midst of my gluttony, but this week I would definitely like to get back on track.  Sure, I didn't gain all of the weight back by any means, but it's that I have lost some weight, when I eat a lot I really feel it.  I feel super stuffed, and it's really uncomfortable.  And the same goes for eating badly.  I just feel....icky.  But damn, that cake was good.  And the tiramisu?  Ah-mazing.  But don't think I didn't feel the effects of it later. 

So I'm going to try my best to work out each day this week and I'm definitely going to get back to eating low carb, low fat this week.  As much I as I love my sweets and definitely enjoyed them this weekend, I'm just going to have to resist! 

So what's your motivation this week?  I'll add you to the list if you leave a link to your post in a comment!  Happy Motivation Monday, and here's to the start of a wonderful week!

Friday, February 15, 2013

True love

Second Blooming

This week's Spin Cycle, brought to you by Gretchen at Second Blooming is about love.  With February and Valentine's Day, love is definitely in the air.  However, Valentine's Day means a whole other thing to me this year and from every year on out.

See, one year ago, at 11:40 a.m. on February 15th, a beautiful little girl entered our world.  She has been and always will be the best Valentine's Day present ever.

Before Aubrey, I did know love.  I loved T more than anything in the world.  He is my soul mate, the love of my life.  But I think we can both agree that on that day, we both experienced a type of love we had never felt before.  Love at first sight...

I loved her as soon as I heard that very first heartbeat with that very first ultrasound.  But to hear that cry, to see her beautiful, tiny face for the first time, to hold her in my arms.  That was it.  I was in love.

She has made our family complete.  She has made our family immensely better with her beautiful personality, her smile, her laugh, her love. 

I don't think there is a thing I don't love about that little girl.  Even at our worst, when we are thinking "for God's sake child, please just slow down!" Even at those moments, all she has to do is turn around and smile, and my heart immediately melts.  I just love that little girl so much.

I love her from her head to her tiny little toes.  I love kissing those cute little cheeks and blowing zerberts on her baby belly.

So much has changed over the past year.  She has changed so much.  We are blessed every day with getting to see the little person she is becoming.  She truly is our little miracle.

I mean, who could resist that smile?  That's a smile that surely will break hearts some day.

I love to see her sense of exploration.  Her curiosity, and her determination.  I'm not quite sure where she gets the stubbornness from because neither her mother or father are stubborn, but still...

Every morning, the best part of my morning is going to wake her up, pick her up out of her crib and snuggle her before getting her ready for her day.  Or when we pick her up from daycare, and she has that first glance, figuring out that Mommy and Daddy are there to pick her up, and the smile just goes from ear to ear. 

I love her personality.  I cannot wait to see what the next year will bring for us.

Another thing that makes me love her that much more?  I see her Daddy in her every day.  Before T and I were married, I wrote him a letter saying that I couldn't wait to have his child some day, to carry a piece of him inside of me and create someone who is the best part of both of us.  And looking at this picture, it's hard not to see it.  And it's hard not to fall in love with it even much more.

Sure, our lives have been crazy this past year.  We've undergone so many changes, so many ups and downs.  But you know what?  I wouldn't have changed a thing.  Not for this little girl.

Aubrey, you are the light of our lives.  You bring joy to our life every single day.  I never quite understood just how deep the love of a mother and her child was, but in that single second when I heard your first cry, it became so clear.  I was overwhelmed with love, joy, anxiety, and understanding of the greatness of what God had given me.  This year has been one amazing ride.  I love you more than you will ever know.  And you make your Daddy and I proud every single day with everything you do and everything you are.

Happy 1st birthday my sweet baby girl.  We love you - always and forever, our sweet little monkey.