Miss Shy

As a child and a teenager, I was always pretty shy.  I hated having to speak in class.  I dreaded being that student who had to work a math problem out on the chalk board for fear of making a fool of myself in front of my classmates.  I preferred to stay in the background. 


When it came time for us to do speeches in ninth grade, I remember making myself absolutely sick with worry the entire week before.  I was red in the face, sweaty palms, so nervous when I finally had to give the speech.  I can't remember what it was on, and I remember it was for only four minutes.  Longest four minutes ever.  Why did we have to give oral homework?  Why couldn't everything be written?  I was great at that.  But speaking in front of others?  Heck no.  Not for me. 


That's why sometimes I think it's humorous to those who knew me growing up when they hear about what I do.  I was reminiscing one day with my oldest friend, someone who has known me since fifth grade, and she laughed and made the comment that never in a million years would she have ever pictured me as an attorney.  Thinking about it myself, honestly, I kind of agree with her.  How could a girl who was petrified of speaking in front of a classroom for just four minutes possibly picture herself doing an all day termination of parental rights trial.  Or teaching a training in front of a room of about thirty attorneys?  No freaking way. 


I am honestly not sure when it happened.  It probably was my very first court hearing.  I had possibly the worst client ever.  It was a child support issue.  He was demanding, unreasonable, and completely difficult.  I walked in there not really prepared, and I was up against one of those types - the old, white man attorney in a small town who knew the judge, knew every attorney in town, was one of the good old boys, and here I was - a fresh, new attorney and a female one at that.  I was totally unprepared for it.  And trust me when I say the hearing was a massacre.  Baptism by fire is the only way I can describe it.  But it was my first hearing.  I ripped off the Bandaid. 


I didn't get too many divorce hearings after that before I was laid off.  My next job involved training attorneys on legal research software.  That was intimidating in and of itself.  I was training attorneys who had so many years up on me in practicing law.  Who was I to teach them anything?  But I did it.  And with each training it got easier and easier. 


But really, I think the kicker that pushed me over the edge of being petrified of public speaking was working with the Indiana Department of Child Services.  I worked in the biggest county in our state, and sadly, we had so many cases, it was like an assembly line of child abuse cases.  I had my own docket once a week where I handled 30 hearings at any given time, and I also handled a set of termination of parental rights cases.  My very first trial lasted me four days.  Eight hour days at that.  Again, baptism by fire.   It was shortly after that when I developed no fear.  You kind of had to when you were questioning a parent on the stand who did such awful things to their child.  You basically learn to do pretty much anything in terms of public speaking.  And somewhere along the line, I started to enjoy it.  (I'm not going to lie.  I got a great deal of pleasure from totally grilling a parent who abused their child and tearing them apart on the stand.)


It's amazing to look back and see that progression.  I'm no longer that scared little girl.  Honestly, if I went to my high school reunion, I would have no fear in talking to anyone.  Not even those "popular" kids who intimidated me so much in my younger days.  Because I just don't care what they think of me anymore.  They're just people.  No different than I am.  And if I can fight in the courtroom, I can do just about anything else.  No more Miss Shy.


I hope that, as a parent, I can give my daughter that confidence.  No fear.  You're as good as anyone else, and you shouldn't be scared of speaking up for yourself and presenting yourself in a confident and polished manner.  Someone asked on Twitter the other day what would be one of the best gifts you can give your child.  And I answered with the word "confidence."  Because that's what I hope to inspire in my daughter some day. 


   

Happy two years!

Holy cow!  Two years?  I've been at this for two years?  That's craziness.  I did a little trip down memory lane for those first few months of when I started blogging.  One of the things that stood out to me the most was how much things have changed.  When I first started in May 2010, I was planning a wedding, living in an awful rental house with unwanted critters, and not sure what I wanted to write about or where I wanted to go with this blog.  Now, two years later (just two years, mind you!) and I'm married, we built our own home, and we have a baby girl.  How in the heck did all of that happen in two years?  Man, we move quickly.

One of the things I did notice was my posts were a lot longer and full of more content.  Granted, I had a little more time on my  hands to write back then, but still...I really put a lot of thought into what I wanted to write each day.  Not that I don't put thought into my posts now, mind you, but a lot of times I find myself just spitting out a random post here and there.  And when I first started blogging I tended to write on specific topics or thoughts I had.  I remember writing down ideas that came to my mind at random times so I could go back to them.  I'd like to get back to that. 


Granted, I know things change, and as time goes by, your focus changes, as well.  My focus isn't the same as it was back in 2010, and it sure won't be the same as it is now two years from now.  I do hope that two years from now I'll still be writing this blog, but who knows what will inspire my posts at that time?  Who knows where I'll be?


So this is a goal of mine with this blog is to get back to writing.  Creative writing, that is.  I want to get back to posts with substance, posts of which I can be proud.  I don't think it'll be a goal I can accomplish on a daily basis, but I sure would like to try.  


However, my first post is hilarious. I got some crazy idea to make this healthy recipe for brownies from a cookbook my MIL gave me. The recipe called for using black beans. She saw it on Good Morning America, and the hosts who ate the brownies swore they couldn't taste the beans. Well, they were big fat liars. Because the brownies tasted like black beans. And were gross looking. Check it out.


Here's to another year of blogging!  Thanks for being there for the ride!  I always love my readers and those who leave comments!

Why I do pro bono

A lot of people believe that all attorneys do is make a lot of money, serving their own interests and working towards billable hours.  Not all people, mind you, but it's a stereotype out there.  It's one that couldn't be any more wrong.  Sure, there are some of us out there who are like that, but really, not the great majority by any means.  Many many attorneys choose to enter the profession of law so that they can give back and help those less fortunate.  Some of them start out that way and then steer more towards the making the big bucks ideal.  But many of them never lose that focus.  Helping others.  I know that's why I chose to practice law.  And to this day, it is still the driving force behind what I do.


I have alluded to what I do before, but my job is to run a legal services agency in an eight county area in Indiana where we provide legal services to low-income and disadvantaged Hoosiers.  I'm the director of this agency, and it's my job basically to keep the agency afloat in an ever-changing economic climate, recruiting attorneys to take cases, and educating citizens about pro bono legal work.  For those of you who don't know, pro bono legal assistance is when an attorney takes on a case completely on a volunteer basis with no financial compensation for his/her work.  Some states require it of every attorney.  Indiana encourages it in its professional rules, but it's not a requirement.  Our volunteers take cases for our agency solely for the reason of helping others.  That's one of the reasons why I love what I do.  It's what I've always wanted to do.


In my first year of law school, I was driving back to school from visiting my then-boyfriend.  It was a beautiful Sunday, and I had just gotten on the highway, ready for a three hour trip home, drinking a fresh Frappacino and listening to some good music.  It was then I came across him.  The aggressive driver in a beat up pick-up truck.  He was riding my tail, and we were quickly approaching a construction zone, narrowing down to one lane.  I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of passing me, so I made it certain he would stay behind me.  Bad idea.  I came to a stop at a stoplight, just shy of the Interstate, when I looked up into my rearview mirror.  As if in slow motion, I saw his truck coming straight  for me.  He didn't even slow down.  He drove right into the back of my car at about 60 mph.  I don't remember much from that other than seeing his truck coming at me, trying to steer my wheel away from the car in front of me, and the sharp pain at the back of my head that hit me at the moment of impact.  The man was drunk and coming home from a camping trip.  Probably enjoyed a few cold ones before he left.  Luckily he was insured, and we exchanged information before the police took him away.  I was in so much pain the next few days, and I still suffer from chronic neck pain from that day.  However, I had to go back to law school that day, as I had a few tests coming up, so I pulled through.  The next day his insurance company called me and offered to come to my apartment, since I didn't have access to a car.  Two agents came to see me that afternoon, and I was completely overwhelmed.  I recall one of them saying that "a lot of people think that they've won the lottery when they have gotten in an accident."  It had been one day since my accident, and I was getting the good cop-bad cop act.  The next few days I kept getting phone calls from the insurance agents trying to get me to sign the piece of paper waiving my right  to try their client.  It was too much for a first year law student already struggling with the new pressure of law school. 


So where am I getting with this?  I swear I have a point. 


That week, I looked up several attorneys in the area and contacted them with my problem.  One attorney wrote back and offered to meet with me for free and discuss my problem.  He had a daughter in college and he was more than understanding as I explained what happened.  After giving him the full situation, he offered to handle the insurance company for me pro bono.  Completely free.  I was shocked.  I offered some form of payment, but his response?  "If you want to pay me, be sure that when you are an attorney you help someone out, too." 


Sure, my situation problem took him a couple hours total to handle, but it meant the world to me.  And what he said really stuck with me. 


I dedicate my career to helping those who are stuck in scary situations, not knowing what their rights are, how to handle their legal problem and just wanting someone to reach out a hand and help them.  And my agency helps people in these situations by referring them to attorneys who are looking to do just that.  


The other day, I coordinated a fundraiser where we worked with a local restaurant for a "dine to donate" program.  People who gave a flier for our organization to their server gave 20 percent of their meal cost to our agency.   T and I gave our server the flier, and I asked her if I could leave several others for her to give her customers.  She told us about how much legal aid helped her with her own legal problem in the past in a divorce and how much she appreciated the assistance of her attorney, one of our current volunteers.  She said he was an amazing man and she couldn't have gotten through it without his help. 


That's what I love about what I do.   Helping someone in a stressful time where they feel so lost and overwhelmed, no idea what to do in the legal arena, it means so much to me. 


And that...that is why I do pro bono. 

Motivation Monday!

 Hope everyone had a great weekend!  I hate seeing weekends go...I love the time I get to spend with my family and...well...not working?  But at least we're starting the week off with a little motivation?  Who doesn't need that first thing on a Monday morning?  Hope you can join in on the fun!  Super easy to do...just write a post about what is motivating you this week, link my blog somewhere in that post, and then leave a link to your post in a comment.  And I'll add you to the list!

So yes, I'm still working hard on my fitness and losing the baby weight, so it's a given that that will continue to be my motivation  But this week I need motivation for something else.

 

Stay on task. 


Must stay on task.

 

I'm not sure when it happened but I do believe I have Adult A.D.D.  Sure, it's not diagnosed, and I'm no medical profession, but man...I sure can't keep focus to save my life.  "Oooh, a shiny object!"  And I'm notoriously bad at starting a task, then losing focus and beginning another and then another and another until my desk looks like a land mine hit it and I've basically accomplished nothing in 8 hours.  I'm ashamed to admit that this does happen quite often for me. 

 

It's not that I don't have a ton to do.  God knows I do.  I think my problem is I get so overwhelmed with my list of things to accomplish and I can't stay focused.  So I'm wondering..is a "to do" list necessary?  And not just any to do list because if I just say "these are things I need to do this week" I won't get to it until Thursday or Friday.  But maybe a list of things I need to do at work and in my personal life, breaking it down daily so that I can mark things off as I go along.  It'll give me a clearer picture of what needs to be done, and I might stay a little more motivated if I see that I'm actually making progress.  Sure, it might not be enough to conquer my inability to maintain focus, but it's worth a try, right?

 

Maybe this will help with my list of things that I have yet to accomplish?


How about all of you?  How do you stay on task? 

So that's my motivation for the week...what about you all?  I can't wait to read them! 

 

Ali @ A Coffeeqween's Life

Side note...in a few weeks I want to do a Q&A but with Miss Aubrey...so if you have any questions you want her to answer, leave them in an email or comment!  She'll answer anything unless she needs to plead the fifth :-)





 

Downtown!

This Mother's Day weekend, T, Aubrey and I decided to have a little adventure in downtown Indy...we had wanted to do this on my birthday weekend, but the rain and 50 degree temperature at the end of April (ugh) kind of ruined that for us.  But hey, the Saturday before Mother's Day was perfect - sunny, 70 degrees...we had to take advantage of it.  Aubrey was pretty stoked about it.
 

We went to lunch at RAM Brewery, enjoyed a delicious lunch, some cold brews and of course...dessert!  After gorging ourselves, we decided to walk it off on the canal.  I'll be honest, part of the reason for the walk, too, was to push our daughter into a nap.  She was quite excited with everything going on around here.  It was successful, and she got a good nap in. 



That didn't stop Mommy from taking advantage of a photo opportunity.

Or Daddy from joining in on the fun...notice that she didn't budge.

Saturday was so great, too, because she was in such a happy mood.  She hasn't really "laughed" yet, but she grins with her whole face.  And she also decided this weekend that she just loved her little monkey doll.  She got a good grip on it, and I swear, it looked like she would hug her.  So precious.  We did manage to capture one of those wonderful smiles.  It's impossible to look at this picture and not get a smile on your own face, isn't it?

She loves her monkey friend.  It was a pretty exhausting trip.  Someone was down for the count by the end of the day.

 It was a wonderful day downtown, fun had by all three of us. We can't wait to come back for more!

Being a Momma

 
It's been quite some time since I participated in the Spin Cycle.  Jen at Sprite's Keeper passed the torch to Gretchen at Second Bloomings, and I think sometime after that, I just got lazy and stopped joining in.  But I'm a joiner, folks.  And I want to get back into it.  So, Gretchen, I hope it's cool that I join in on your fun :-)  Here goes nothing!


This week's topic is on Mothers, in honor of Mother's Day coming up this weekend.  This topic has played a huge role in my life this past year.  And this weekend is a pretty big deal for me.  It's my very first Mother's Day. 


I don't think there was any way I could prepare for the huge change that happened when this little girl was brought into my life:

She's cute, right?

From the moment I first heard her cry and held her in my arms, I have felt the most overwhelming feeling of love, joy, anxiety and fear - all wrapped into one.  It's hard to describe, and I know that you mothers out there totally get what I mean.  I never believed in love at first site, but looking at this picture, this is exactly what I was feeling at this very moment.  The first time I laid eyes on my baby girl:

I fell in love with every part of her:  her skin, her cute little chubby cheeks, her little hands, her ears,
her adorable little toes...everything.  She was and is absolutely perfect.  She's the best part of T and me, all in one little amazing person.  I still tear up looking at this picture and even more just writing about that overwhelming feeling I experienced at that very moment.  And that feeling hasn't gone away...even on those nights where I'm woken out of a deep sleep by her cries at 3 a.m. and I shuffle half asleep in her room to feed her.  I still feel that way.  That feeling of "I can't believe she isn't sleeping through the night yet" just disappears as soon as I pick her up, and she burrows her little head into my neck and her butt curls up into me, and I realize that I'm her Mommy and she depends on me.  And that means the world to me. 



Every time I see her beautiful smile, I fall in love with her even more. 

Being a Mother, I believe is the greatest job I have ever taken on.  And I feel so honored to be blessed with this little girl.  I want to give her everything I can.   I want to inspire her to be a strong, independent person.  I want  her to follow her dreams and always believe in herself.  I want her to not make the mistakes I made in my past (Though I know I can't always control that and that she will make mistakes of her own.)  I want to protect her from anything bad that could harm her. (Again, totally not within my control.)  And I want her to know that no matter what, she can always depend on me and her Daddy.  We'll be there for her no matter what, forever and always.  And I want to know that one day, when she is on her own, I can look back and smile and say that I gave her everything she needs to become one amazing woman some day, which I have no doubt she will.


But...no matter what....she will always be my little girl.

And I'll love her, forever and always.

Summer, summer, summer time!

I am actually looking forward to the summer this year.  It isn't to say I wasn't last year, but it was sure hard to really enjoy it, what with my Grandpa's illness, me being pregnant, and our weekends being booked pretty much the entire summer.  But this summer?  From what I can see we don't have any obligations in our way!  And that's just the way we like it. 


I have a whole bunch of things in mind for us to do.  Granted, Aubrey isn't necessarily old enough to enjoy some of the traditional summer activities, like going to the zoo or to a ball game.  (That'll be for future summers, of course.)  But I'd love to take her to parks, take walks on the canal downtown, and maybe for a dip in the pool.  I have no doubt she'd look adorable in one of those cute little baby swimsuits.


A winery near our home hosts weekly symphony concerts on its lawn and offers pizza for picnics in the evenings.  I so wanted to go to one of these last year, but the not being able to drink wine thing and attending something at a winery...didn't sound like so much fun.  But I am convinced we will attend at least one of these.  With Aubrey or maybe even, dare I say, a date night?  How nice that would be!


In July (July 9th, specifically), we celebrate T's big 30th birthday.  And we are doing that with our very first family vacation.  This year we will be traveling to the great city of St. Louis, Missouri.  We will be there for four days, and we don't have any real plans on what to do.  We're there to explore and have fun as a family.  It'll be an adventure, just the three of us.  And I can't wait. 


I also look forward to those small things - cookouts, fire pits at night, lazy days...well, I hope there will be lazy days, but I do have an infant on my hands, so we'll see about that.  But regardless, I am looking forward to a nice, relaxing summer! 


We'll be kicking it off with a day trip to Indiana University in Bloomington, Indiana, sometime on Memorial Day Weekend.  I must show Aubrey the campus where she will be attending college, after all...enjoy the down, maybe a trip to the winery and one of our favorite restaurants.  And enjoy some beautiful weather on an even more beautiful campus.  It'll be a great way to kick off the summer.   So......


Let's get this summer started right! 

~~~~~~~~

On another note, I've been featured on Pocketchange's Best of the Web!  Check it out!  So excited!