Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Someone help me...stuck in cartoon hell

Oh, the 24 hour rule.  Your child has to be symptom free for 24 hours before returning to daycare.  I totally forgot about that, and I felt just awful trying to drop Aubrey off at daycare yesterday morning.  (See yesterday’s post about being mom of the year – go, Nain! Way to read that parent manual!) 

I think in a way I was really wanting to drop her off because the two of us need a break from each other.  With it being so hot outside and her being sick, we’ve been cooped up in the house. Monday involved a lot of television, too, which I know, I know…it’s bad to have that much screen time but when your kid just wants to lay around because she feels so terrible, some TV is just what she needs.  However, that meant watching her shows over…and over…and over. 

We DVR the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse due to her obsession with Mickey and Minnie, and we DVR the show called Super Why.  Both of these shows are so much better than Cailou so I really should probably not complain but I swear…I saw these episodes two times each at minimum.  And with all of these shows, I had many questions that came to mind.  Deep questions.  Questions that you think only after watching hours of mindless children’s television programming…

So Goofy is a dog, right?  And so is Pluto?  So why can Goofy talk and Pluto can’t? 

Pete is a cat? (Mickey Mouse Clubhouse) He doesn’t even resemble a cat.  How in the hell is he a cat?

Does Mickey ever stop smiling?  Is it all of the Prozac that makes him eternally happy? 

Is it just me or does Mickey’s clubhouse look like a bunch of dismembered body parts?

(Copyright Disney)

Are the Mickey characters adults or kids? 

So all of the trains on Thomas and Friends cause all of this “confusion and delay,” but they clearly have conductors driving the trains so what is the point of that?  These trains seem to just do whatever they want so those conductors seem to be just unnecessary.  If they really did anything why wouldn’t they just stop the trains from doing stupid shit all of the time?

The Island of Sodor seems pretty dangerous with all of these “accidents” these trains cause.  A lot of derailed cars, if you ask me.  I wonder how much insurance premiums are there?  How is Sir Topham Hat still employed?

Is Sir Topham Hat emotionally abusive to those trains?  It’s a lot like North Korea there if you ask me.  And how did he become a knight?  Who are those two men that just stand behind him like Secret Service wherever he goes?

They are so scared of ticking him off and all they want to be is a “useful” engine.  I sense some brain-washing. 

So the Berenstain bears are talking, human-like bears but they have pets like cats and dogs.  How is that possible?  I mean, if one animal can talk wouldn’t every other animal be able to do the same? 

Did you know there’s a show called Dog with a Blog?  Seriously.  It is one of those Disney shows that is on after the Disney Jr. stuff.  For those of you who have been with me for a while you know all too well that I absolutely hate things with talking animals.  So this show….yeah, I hate it.  Luckily I didn’t have to really watch it.  Thank God, but it better be off the air when she’s at the age to start liking that stuff because I really don’t have the patience for that.

That Sarah and Duck show….who is this creepy man that follows them around (the narrator?)  Where are her parents?  What’s wrong with this kid that her only friend is a duck?

And what happened to the original Wiggles?  They have a girl now?  When did that happen?

So yeah, I need to go back to work.  This isn't healthy for me or Aubrey.  The numbers of brain cells I have lost over the past few days are going to take a while to replace.  

1 comment:

  1. Okay, let's see here:

    - Goofy is a free dog, living independently, where Pluto is a pet. I think it's some kind of caste thing.

    - That's what happens when you give them 24-7 feeders.

    - Mickey's smile is excess Botox. Much like Joan Rivers.

    - Leftovers from the Macy's parade float.

    - It's an all ages show, so whatever age you are, they are. In my case, he should be gray by now.

    - The conductor is just like the fireman on real trains. No real job, but it's in the union contract.

    - Since Sodor is run by a member of the Lords, they get peerage perks as well as tenure. Kind of like the union thing, only for management.

    - I actually looked this up. Seems Sir T. Hatt is the second Baron, after his grandpa married the sister of Sir Handel Brown. And in England, he was originally called the Fat Director, but when the line was nationalized he became the Fat Controller. The two guys are British secret service; and he keeps them in control because he knows where all the coalers are buried.

    - Think of these shows as little "alternate universes"; on each, the dominant form of life is one animal, while the rest are lesser beings. Some of them have several dominant types, for example the Underdog-verse, where men, dogs, wolves, and even cats have attained evolutionary peak.

    - Actually I have heard of Dog with a Blog. A better concept IMHO than Space Ghost's talk show a few years back.

    - The last two are beyond my experience, thankfully. Feel free to add your own snarky explanation.

    Hope that helps!



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