Monday morning I will be doing something that I have not done in about twenty years. I will not be going to work. Not because I’m sick or on vacation, but because…well…I don’t have a job.
By choice, mind you. I’m not going into it because I am a professional, and I do not under any circumstances talk about my employment at all but I had to make a decision that was hard, took a lot of thought and was the right thing for me to do. However, I did it without the big thing I always have in the past – I did not have a job waiting for me. I won’t go into why either, but that’s not what matters to me at this point. What matters to me is….
What the hell do I do Monday?
I have worked since I was basically 12 and started babysitting, then working at Baskin Robbins, daycares, and so on…I don’t think (aside from first year of law school) I have ever NOT been employed. Hell, I worked when I was studying for the bar exam. So this is something that scares the hell out of me. I worked during my maternity leave, for God’s sake!
I am struggling with the feeling that I am letting my family down, and I am not going to lie that I am freaking out like you would not believe. I am fortunate, however, that I am in a two-income household, and also, I do have my writing. I’m not raking it in by any means but I am bringing in something. But still…
Friday night and Saturday morning found me quickly applying for various freelance writing opportunities until T essentially pulled me away from the computer and told me to stop and take a breath. That and think. It is going to be hard, yes. It is going to suck, yes, but I need to take this time to breathe and take care of myself, as well. I did not just get mono for absolutely no reason, after all. “You can start looking for writing gigs and then permanent jobs on Monday.”
What am I going to do? That is a whole other post for another day. For now, I am taking as many freelance opportunities I can and potentially doing contract legal positions as I do some real soul searching. I need to decide what it is I really want to do. I need to find something that actually makes me happy. For so long I have jumped from job to job because I had to and because I needed that immediate income. But none of those jobs were right for me, and what did that bring me? A resume’ with lots jobs for short periods of time, and I never wanted that. So I have some serious thinking to do, but a lot of writing in the process.
And I’ll be damned if I sit on the couch watching daytime TV all day.