Saturday, September 27, 2014

Where do I go from here?

Monday morning I will be doing something that I have not done in about twenty years.  I will not be going to work.  Not because I’m sick or on vacation, but because…well…I don’t have a job. 

By choice, mind you.  I’m not going into it because I am a professional, and I do not under any circumstances talk about my employment at all but I had to make a decision that was hard, took a lot of thought and was the right thing for me to do.  However, I did it without the big thing I always have in the past – I did not have a job waiting for me.  I won’t go into why either, but that’s not what matters to me at this point.  What matters to me is….

What the hell do I do Monday?

I have worked since I was basically 12 and started babysitting, then working at Baskin Robbins, daycares, and so on…I don’t think (aside from first year of law school) I have ever NOT been employed.  Hell, I worked when I was studying for the bar exam.  So this is something that scares the hell out of me.   I worked during my maternity leave, for God’s sake! 
I am struggling with the feeling that I am letting my family down, and I am not going to lie that I am freaking out like you would not believe.  I am fortunate, however, that I am in a two-income household, and also, I do have my writing.  I’m not raking it in by any means but I am bringing in something.  But still…

Friday night and Saturday morning found me quickly applying for various freelance writing opportunities until T essentially pulled me away from the computer and told me to stop and take a breath.  That and think.  It is going to be hard, yes.  It is going to suck, yes, but I need to take this time to breathe and take care of myself, as well.  I did not just get mono for absolutely no reason, after all.  “You can start looking for writing gigs and then permanent jobs on Monday.” 

What am I going to do?  That is a whole other post for another day.  For now, I am taking as many freelance opportunities I can and potentially doing contract legal positions as I do some real soul searching.  I need to decide what it is I really want to do.  I need to find something that actually makes me happy.  For so long I have jumped from job to job because I had to and because I needed that immediate income.  But none of those jobs were right for me, and what did that bring me? A resume’ with lots jobs for short periods of time, and I never wanted that.  So I have some serious thinking to do, but a lot of writing in the process. 

And I’ll be damned if I sit on the couch watching daytime TV all day.

1 comment:

  1. No, but maybe take a week to collect your thoughts before you make your next move. Talk to college counsellers, see if they have general ideas of where you should aim and what you might like. They might just have something out of the box that you aren't seeing. Talk to people from professional associations. You mat have a resume with a lot of short stops, but that doesn't mean it can't work in your favor. I would have never thought experience with cutting fabric manually wopuld help me get my current job of cutting fabric by computer, but it did. You have more advantages than I dreamed of, and I moved up to a better job at age 51. You can do it- but you have to give yourself a chance to "not try to control that which you can't control" i.e. trying to get a job online at 3AM on a Saturday. T's right. Your world won't end if you are off work for a little bit. He knows you'll find something better, and so do I. Play it smart and don't settle.


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