A Girl's night

Sometimes a girl just needs an evening with her girlfriends.  Don't get me wrong - T is fabulous company.  But he's not a girl.  (Stating the obvious, hence the reason why Aubrey is here...)  I used to do girls' nights all the time pre-Aubrey, but since her arrival in February 2012, those evenings have kind of gone to the back burner but for good reason.  I love the time I spend with Aubrey, and then after she goes to sleep, I cherish what little time T and I have with some peace and quiet and no kid yelling "Mommy!  Mommy!  Boo boo! I have boo boo!" constantly.  But sometimes a girl does need times with her girlfriends.   I got to hang out with one of my best friends C last night, finishing a bottle of wine and eating entirely too much Ghiradelli chocolate than I needed or should have had.  But it was fun and refreshing, and as C said this morning for a brief moment we took a break from being Mommies.  And I say that not in the bad way because I love being a Mommy, but it is nice to just be Nain every now and then.   So here's to those girls' nights where you laugh about the stupidity you had in undergrad, joke about family events, talk boys and pretty much nothing at all or at least nothing of intellectual substance.  It is nice to have that refresher so that I can treat myself, have a little fun and wake up ready to get back to my main roles as wife and Mommy.   Thanks, C, for having me over!

Decisions have consequences

On my way into work, as I was driving through the normal traffic trying to loosen up my stiff neck, I had the sudden urge to post this as my FB status:
Hate is a strong word but I really really don't like the drunk asshole who slammed into my car in 2004. I am sure he walked away just fine while I have to deal with chronic neck pain for the rest of my life. Asshole.

See, that's where the stiff neck comes from.  Back in my first year of law school, I was rear-ended as I sat at a stoplight by a drunk driver going about 55-60 mph.  As my car jerked forward, I had a sharp pain to my neck.  However, I walked away relatively fine.  I mean, no broken bones and I checked out okay in the ER.  And that neck pain didn't last but for a minute.  I settled with the insurance company for doctor bills and some amount of money for punitive damages.  However, it was not until I started working post-law school that my neck really started to hurt.  In fact, it's hurt every day of my life since then.  It's always a bit stiff.  At times it hurts more than other times, and I imagine sitting at a desk all the time does not help much. I've done physical therapy, and that did not help.  It's just there.  All the freaking time.
It pisses me off when I think about the guy who hit me.  The man was trashed.  They say when someone who is intoxicated is in an accident they do not really walk away injured because they are so  loosened up at impact.  I, on the other hand, saw his beat-up red truck coming and stiffened up, which didn't help a bit.  
Hate is a strong word, it really is.  As a Catholic I am taught to forgive, and I guess I forgave him.  But I really really don't like him.  It's not fair.  I'm not the drunk asshole who decided to have a few more before I drove home from my camping trip.  But yet, I get to live with my neck hurting all the time.  And it pisses me off.  
So is this self-pity?  Sure.  I'm not normally one of those people who goes around saying "feel sorry for me..." and I'm not writing this nor am I writing my FB post for pity.  I don't need pity.  But I do want to put a message out there.  This is what happens when you drive drunk.  I'm lucky I walked away that day.  Had he driven in a different direction, say hit me from the side or front, I'm pretty sure the result would have been different.  
I'm sure he's driven drunk again.  If I still had his name, I'd look him up in the court system.  But that wouldn't do me any good.  I just hope somehow he will not be allowed to do what he did to me to anyone else.  
Asshole.

It's been how long?

Today I was fortunate enough to meet a good friend of mine from law school for lunch.  I have not seen this friend since 2006, as she left for her home in California upon graduation so going on visits did not seem too logical, especially considering the 6 figure law school debt both of us carry.  She was one of my closest friends back then as we both struggled through those tough three years in Dayton.  We both went through our own trials and tribulations, and I was blessed enough to be there as her coach as she gave birth to a son our first year.  See, she was accepted to law school and was ready to go when she discovered she was pregnant.  The father?  Pretty much not worth much, so she left on her own, went to school, had a child and finished school.  Seriously.  Since her mom could not get there right away the night she went into labor, I was the one who picked her up in the middle of the night and stayed with her as she was in labor and gave birth.  So yeah, we bonded needless to say.
It was random, but it was so much fun.   I noticed she was in town for the Indy 500 for the very first time, and I messaged her on Facebook saying we should meet for lunch while she is here.  And somehow (which is super unusual for me) it worked out. Yay!
I was a little bit nervous, I have to admit.  I hadn't seen her in ages, so would we be able to talk like nothing had changed?
Sure we would.  But her son?  Holy cow, the kid is 10 now and is just a few inches shorter than me!  Talk about enough to make you feel old, you know?  It's just amazing to see this young man.  It seems like just yesterday he was a small baby.
It is amazing how much things change but with certain friends it's like they never really have changed.  The lunch with her made me realize how much I miss so many of my friends with whom I have lost touch.  I want to do something about that.  Granted, with my job, writing, studying for the broker's exam and well...yeah, you know my family?  T and Aubrey?  (I probably should have started with that, right?), I'm not hoping for a miracle, but I really want to put some effort in this.  Will the contact be reciprocated?  Maybe not, but I'm going to try.  Because sometimes reconnecting with an old friend is just what you need.

From the mouths of babes

The age of two...well, it sucks.  I'm not a fan.  Terrible twos are called terrible twos for a reason, and wow, Aubrey sure does not hold back.  However, for a brief period of time there are moments where she absolutely cracks me up.  So if you're needing a laugh this fine Monday - here you go.  Aubrey, our own comedic routine:
The dinner debate: "I want yogurt" Aubrey "You need to eat something else - what about spaghetti?" Me "I want yogurt" "Pizza?" "Yogurt" "Fish sticks?" "I want yogurt." "Who's on first?" "Yogurt."
Aubrey in church: "Jesus!" (Pointing to the crucifix on the altar) "Shh, yes, honey that's Jesus." "Oh no, Mommy, Jesus big boo-boo on foot!" (Loudly enough so our entire section at the church could hear) "Yes, honey, Jesus has a big boo-boo on his foot.  Now be quiet"
Heading out to daycare -  Me (muttering) "God, lady, just go!" Sitting there in silence, waiting for cars to pass. Aubrey:  "LADY! GO! UGH!"
Trying to be about as quiet as humanly possible, I tiptoe past Aubrey's door after emptying the dryer (laundry room is right next to her room). Dead silence until I hear a sudden "Hi Mommy!" from under the door. Scared the living crap out of me.
Working on potty training -  We sit Aubrey on the potty, as she holds her butterfly and puppy. She looks down: "Pee-pee, come out!" She then holds butterfly down there and says in a much higher pitch "Pee-pee, come out!" Then grabs puppy and in a very deep voice: "Pee-pee, come out!"
Yep she will kill me some day for sharing that story when she has friends over.
I love her, though.  Like that book "Olivia" - She sure wears me out, but I love her a lot."

Happy Mom's Day!

It's Mother's Day!  For all of you moms out there, HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!  It's your day to do whatever you want, relax, be with family, treat yourself and more.  I have high hopes of making T do things like change every dirty diaper of Aubrey's this weekend, let me sleep in until noon and cater to my every need.  None of this will happen, of course, but a girl can dream, right?

So on this Mother's Day I am taking a trip down memory lane, thankful for the best, toughest, most rewarding but yet challenging role I have ever had in my life - being someone's mom.  And what a whirlwind it has been so far.....

The thing is?  I wouldn't trade a single moment for the world.  I am the luckiest mom in the world because I get to be her mom.  I couldn't ask for anything more.

Mommy Heartache

This past weekend I had to go out of town for a work conference, and not only was I just leaving town or the state but I was going clear across the other side of the country to Seattle, Washington, and while I was super excited to go to a city I had never visited, it was also the farthest I had been away from my girl.  And that tugged at my heart.  A lot.  
See I have to travel quite a bit for work, and I keep waiting for that to get easier.  I'm told it never does get easier, but still.  It's difficult because Aubrey is that age where she's old enough to know that I am gone but not old enough to understand that I will come back.  It's a tough thing to explain when your mommy suddenly just isn't home when you get home from school.  And hearing about her falling apart in the driveway when T had to tell her that Mommy wasn't home just killed me.  I wanted to be there.  I wanted to comfort her.  I felt like I was letting her down by not being there and I worried that she would resent me for it.  
Irrational?  Perhaps, but I'm a mom so I get to be irrational every now and then.  She's my little girl, and she was sad because I wasn't there.  That seriously killed me.  
I came home Tuesday afternoon and got in around 1:00 a.m. Wednesday morning.  I was gone for a total of three sleeps for her, which seems like forever to me.  And her.  T was able to get her calm on Tuesday by telling her that she went to sleep, Mommy would knock on the door in the morning.  And I did just that.  Her reaction was priceless.  She kept touching me like she was trying to see if I was real.  And smiling and hugging.  Mommy missed her, too.
Of course, an hour after I got her up I had to run to the dentist to fix a broken filling (another blog post), and she had to see me drive away yet again.  That look on her face still makes me feel incredibly awful.  But I did come back, and as soon as I got home, she took my shoes and put them away.  "No more leaving, Mommy!"
The cutest thing of all was what she told her friends at school when I dropped her off this morning, gave her a kiss and closed the classroom door, "That's my Mommy! It's my Mommy!"  
So much emotion - heartache, guilt and complete happiness and unconditional love.  I suppose I should get used to this for the next..um...few years?  No, I'm thinking this feeling never goes away.  It just grows and changes.  
But Mommy is home with her Aubrey and very happy to be.