Just Mommy and me....

I have been told that the things your children will cherish when they grow up are not the things you bought them or how much money you spent on them but the things you did with them and memories you created.  I really do believe this is true.
Monday Aubrey was pretty sick so we did spend the entire day in the house resting and watching TV (see previous posts), but on Tuesday when I had to stay home and eat a vacation day because of the daycare 24 hour rule, I wanted to make the most out of it and get out of the house.  I didn't want to keep her cooped up only watching TV all day.  However, the summer weather has finally hit in Indiana so going outside wasn't a great idea, given how sick she was on Monday.  We did try to go out first thing in the morning for a bit - riding her tricycle and wagon to the playground where we were disappointed to discover all of the slides were wet from rain and morning dew.  So we went home and headed to the library and read books and played trains for awhile before lunch and "nap." (Note: no sleeping took place.  Axl Rose tore up her room again but at least it was not poop on the walls mess.  I'll take it.)
After "nap," I got the idea to go get some frozen yogurt or "ice cream" from what I told Aubrey because she would have no idea what the difference was but lactose intolerant mommy sure would.  So we went to one of those serve yourself yogurt places.  She loved it, as you can see by the photo below.  I asked her what she wanted - pink ice cream and sprinkles.  Mommy got cake batter (YUM) with white chocolate chips.  And don't be fooled by the bowl in the picture.  They had one cup only so no way did I fill up that giant cup for either of us.  But we had a Mommy/Aubrey day and had fun, heading home for me to do some writing.  But I decided to put the laptop away when I heard a sweet voice say "come play with me, Mommy!"  How can you say no to that?  We ran around the house and played under the dining room table with the Magna Doodle.  I loved every minute of it.  And I wouldn't have gotten to do it had it not been for that 24 hour rule.  So good things do come out of not-so-great things.
Wednesday night as we were getting her ready for bed, I said to T that Aubrey and I bonded the day before, and he asked Aubrey "did you bond with mommy?" She turned to him and said "uh-huh, we got ice cream.  I got pink and Mommy got orange."  So clearly that meant something to her, too, even if at only 2 years old.  
That's all I needed to hear.  And this smile?  A picture says a thousand words, doesn't it?

But you only have one

A stigma is out there regarding people who choose to only have one child.  I was not really aware of it growing up as I was the youngest of three and always that that only children had it so made because they got all of their parents’ attention and got anything they want.  Of course, that misconception has quickly been erased now that I am the mother of an only child.  Home girl does NOT get whatever she wants, let me tell you that.  Anyway, now that I am the mother of an only child, I now get the stigma.  There’s a stigma for everything, though – oh you didn’t breastfeed?  Oh you had your child via c-section?  Oh you are sending your child to private school?  (Judge, judge, judge)

Anyway, where I’m going with this….

Since I have had Aubrey, I have heard the phrase or statement of “Oh, trust me I understand…you only have ONE child.  I have (insert number larger than one).”  Or I even heard the statement of “you’re not really a parent until you have more than one child.”  Oh really?  I seem to have stretch marks that would beg to differ.

I am not sure why people think it is acceptable to make these statements, and I am not sure on what basis they stem.  I have come to realize that people say some really stupid things without thinking over the course of my 33 years on this planet.  It does not mean it does not sting just a bit when someone says it.  One of those most recent statements had to do with me having a hard time leaving my child.  “Oh trust me, I would know.  I had more than one child.”  Okay, so does the difficulty in leaving one’s child increase with the number of children you have?  I have one child so surely I could not miss my child as much as someone who has three, right?  Or, I have a hard time leaving my child, and I have only one child whereas if someone has more than one child and is perfectly fine leaving his/her children, then there is something innately wrong with me or that makes me weaker?  Oh.  I didn’t realize.  Noted for future reference.

I have gotten the statements of “oh, well, you have that heart condition so it’s okay that you only have one.  It’s for your health and safety.”  Um, yeah, even if I didn’t have a health condition, if I chose to have one child, that’s my and T’s business alone.  I don’t need a justification.  Nor do I need judgment. 

A parent is a parent is a parent.  Having Aubrey changed me forever.  Yes, if I were to have another child, I would be changed even more, I am sure.  But I do not believe for a second that if I were to have a second child, that would make me more of a parent.  I am a parent. 

I’ll put that right next to the statements of “well, when you become a real attorney” when referring to my working at DCS or as a pro bono attorney. 

I’ll get off my bitch box now. 

Someone help me...stuck in cartoon hell

Oh, the 24 hour rule.  Your child has to be symptom free for 24 hours before returning to daycare.  I totally forgot about that, and I felt just awful trying to drop Aubrey off at daycare yesterday morning.  (See yesterday’s post about being mom of the year – go, Nain! Way to read that parent manual!) 

I think in a way I was really wanting to drop her off because the two of us need a break from each other.  With it being so hot outside and her being sick, we’ve been cooped up in the house. Monday involved a lot of television, too, which I know, I know…it’s bad to have that much screen time but when your kid just wants to lay around because she feels so terrible, some TV is just what she needs.  However, that meant watching her shows over…and over…and over. 

We DVR the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse due to her obsession with Mickey and Minnie, and we DVR the show called Super Why.  Both of these shows are so much better than Cailou so I really should probably not complain but I swear…I saw these episodes two times each at minimum.  And with all of these shows, I had many questions that came to mind.  Deep questions.  Questions that you think only after watching hours of mindless children’s television programming…

So Goofy is a dog, right?  And so is Pluto?  So why can Goofy talk and Pluto can’t? 

Pete is a cat? (Mickey Mouse Clubhouse) He doesn’t even resemble a cat.  How in the hell is he a cat?

Does Mickey ever stop smiling?  Is it all of the Prozac that makes him eternally happy? 

Is it just me or does Mickey’s clubhouse look like a bunch of dismembered body parts?

(Copyright Disney)

Are the Mickey characters adults or kids? 

So all of the trains on Thomas and Friends cause all of this “confusion and delay,” but they clearly have conductors driving the trains so what is the point of that?  These trains seem to just do whatever they want so those conductors seem to be just unnecessary.  If they really did anything why wouldn’t they just stop the trains from doing stupid shit all of the time?

The Island of Sodor seems pretty dangerous with all of these “accidents” these trains cause.  A lot of derailed cars, if you ask me.  I wonder how much insurance premiums are there?  How is Sir Topham Hat still employed?

Is Sir Topham Hat emotionally abusive to those trains?  It’s a lot like North Korea there if you ask me.  And how did he become a knight?  Who are those two men that just stand behind him like Secret Service wherever he goes?

They are so scared of ticking him off and all they want to be is a “useful” engine.  I sense some brain-washing. 

So the Berenstain bears are talking, human-like bears but they have pets like cats and dogs.  How is that possible?  I mean, if one animal can talk wouldn’t every other animal be able to do the same? 

Did you know there’s a show called Dog with a Blog?  Seriously.  It is one of those Disney shows that is on after the Disney Jr. stuff.  For those of you who have been with me for a while you know all too well that I absolutely hate things with talking animals.  So this show….yeah, I hate it.  Luckily I didn’t have to really watch it.  Thank God, but it better be off the air when she’s at the age to start liking that stuff because I really don’t have the patience for that.

That Sarah and Duck show….who is this creepy man that follows them around (the narrator?)  Where are her parents?  What’s wrong with this kid that her only friend is a duck?

And what happened to the original Wiggles?  They have a girl now?  When did that happen?

So yeah, I need to go back to work.  This isn't healthy for me or Aubrey.  The numbers of brain cells I have lost over the past few days are going to take a while to replace.  

Mom of the year

Mom guilt.  I hate it.  I used to hear my friends throw that term around and think they were just being dramatic, but now that I’m there, I totally get it.  That guilt you have when you leave your child at daycare all day?  Been there.  That guilt that comes along with not knowing something was very wrong at your child’s daycare?  Yep. 

And then there are the little things.  I got my very first “you’re a mean mommy” the other day after I took her toys that she was using to scratch at her door during nap time even though I told her I’d take them away if she kept it up.  I was right in what I did, but man that stung.

This past weekend I was kind of striking out, as well.  Aubrey gave me her monkey (luckily not a prized possession like butterfly) to put in my bag while we went to the hair salon, and I lost said monkey as Aubrey walks around the car going “Monkey?  Where are you?” Yep, sorry kid.  Mommy lost your monkey.  (Of course, granted, the parent in me wants to say this is why we don’t take our stuffed animals with us on errands…but still…)

Yesterday Aubrey was sent home from school after throwing up.  She did this like 10 minutes after I dropped her off.  The thing was, she was acting really puny and whiny before I took her, but it was hard to say why because she’s been like that off and on every now and then, and she’s like her Mommy in that she’s no morning person so I partially thought that could be it.  So I took her to school but told the teacher when I dropped her off to let me know how Aubrey does because she’s not acting like herself.  So I kind of had a suspicion I would get a phone call later.  Not 10 minutes into my ride, however.  But I drove away with that guilt of being that parent who takes her kid to daycare even though the kid clearly doesn't feel good because she doesn't want to ask off for work.  I don’t want to be that mom but at that point I kind of had to be that mom.  And I hated that. 

Then I was that mom who didn't realize that her child had thrown up in the middle of the night.  I go in her room to do the customary stripping of the sheets and sanitizing everything she could have touched and I step right in a pile of cold vomit.  Nice.  Instantly I felt absolutely awful because how in the hell could I have missed that?  I didn't even think to case the room when I got her up that morning.  It didn't smell or anything either.  She was in bed when I got in there, and the vomit was behind the door.  And then I think back to Aubrey waking up around 11:30 last night crying and me telling T to just let her put herself back to sleep because she wasn't crying that badly.  She had thrown up and I didn't go help her.  I didn't know, but I should have known.  Mom guilt.  Granted, all that matters is she’s fine, but her mommy didn't come help her when she needed it?  I just left her alone?  Ugh.

Luckily she’s feeling better, but I could use just a little break from the mom guilt.  I know, I know, it doesn't go away…I’ll tell you this much, though – I have some mad respect for all of those mothers who I did not believe when they talked about mom guilt.  I feel your pain.  Props, ladies, mad props.

Potty humor

We are in the middle of potty training Aubrey, and it is never without its dull moments.  Like most milestones with Aubrey (crawling, walking…) things are moving slowly, which really means she knows how to do it but will do it on her own time.  (No idea where she gets this stubborn thing!)  So as you can imagine a lot of topics of discussion at the Nain and T household are around the potty.  I very rarely go to the bathroom, er, I mean potty, now without company.  It is kind of nice, though, because I cannot remember the last time someone cheered for me when I went to the bathroom.  Go, Mommy!

She is also into the poop and farting thing.  In that respect, I suppose she is a lot like her Daddy.  She’ll fart in the bath tub and go “oh, big fart!”  And they don’t smell like roses, let me tell you.

As gross as it is, too, she insists on seeing her poopy pull-ups before I throw them out.  She has to see it.  So disgusting.  But I’ll tip the thing up so she can see her “accomplishment” and she always goes “oh, BIG poop!  I did that!”  Yep.  Good for you, kid.  You took a giant dump!

She’s also somewhat of an old man in her routine.  We will put her down for nap, and never fails – she’ll poop.  She does this at daycare, too, apparently.  So I’ll stall whatever it is I want to do during her “naptime” and wait about 20 minutes only to go back in there.  Sunday, however, she did not fall asleep even after that first change.  I come in her room to discover Axl Rose had destroyed the place, clothes everywhere, and she somehow managed to pull her overnight diapers from the dresser and they were everywhere.  The dresser, mind you.  Four drawer dresser.  I have no clue how that feat was accomplished, but I imagine it took a great deal of determination. 

I come in her room and lean to her level.  “Aubrey, are you poopy again?”  She looks at me ever-so-serious “I do one, two poops!  BIG poops!”  Dead serious face, counting with her fingers.  It is so hard to not just crack up in times like these.  I mean, I do, but still, I don’t want her to think we’re not taking her seriously. 

But hey, she took one…two…BIG poops, guys.  And of course, she did have to admire her work afterwards.  That’s my kid!

We’ll just chalk this up to something that will embarrass the hell out of her when she is older.  

Then there was that time I had mono…

I grow very very tired of the “health scares.”  It kind of comes with the game though when you were born with a heart defect.  It happens.  They seem to happen every two years, too…you know, like the Olympics?  And well, what would you know, Aubrey is two so it’s been two years since I’ve had a heart scare so here we go!

It was unexpected.  I got routine blood work done for a physical.  Cholesterol and what not, so I got the blood work done and thought we’d go over it the next week at my physical.  Instead I get a call Friday (blood work was Thursday), and it’s the doctor’s office asking if I’ve had any muscle aches because apparently my muscle enzyme levels were very elevated.  Um, no, I haven’t.  What does that mean?  Does this have to do with my heart?  “Oh we don’t know but we’ll run some tests that are heart specific and we’ll rule it out.  But don’t work out this weekend.”  SO, yeah, you know how that goes.  WebMD it!  Sure, I know better but the doctor had me alarmed, and all I kept thinking of was my previous cardiologist telling me he was consistently checking to see if my muscle lining in my heart had thickened.  Muscle enzyme.  Heart is a muscle.  Mine works harder than most.  So you see my logic.  And it turns out that high levels of muscle enzyme are indications of a heart attack or serious muscle damage to the heart. 

Shit. 

So of course all weekend I worried.  I worried when I got blood work done Monday and also Tuesday when no call from the doctor’s office.  I finally got a call on Wednesday that said everything was better and maybe it was an error in the lab.  Hmmm, what? 

By this point my muscles were hurting.  I kept thinking it was all in my head after hearing the “news.”  So Wednesday at work, I was getting kind of ticked with myself.  Why am I achy?  Why do I feel like such crap?  I went home to lie down, which was good because I quickly developed a fever, well over 103 degrees.  I had a fever from 100 to 102 for like four or five days straight.  Yep.  Mono.  Blood work confirmed it, even though I kind of knew it.  I had it in college really badly.  We’re talking very badly.  This was more mild and after two weeks it’s pretty much gone and I feel much better.  I guess I wore myself down so much with everything that I got sick.  And when I get sick it’s go big or go home. 

Hey, you know what else the high muscle enzyme levels can indicate?  Mono! 

Huh.  It makes sense now.  Glad I thought it was my heart because that was a lot of fun.  Let’s do this again sometime.

I swear if it’s not something it’s another.  But I am thanking God that I am healthy and my heart is just fine.  I am blessed because most kids who had the same surgery as me had follow-up procedures later in life, and here I am 33 years after my surgery, and I’m doing just fine.  Thank God.

Goodbye Facebook

I got off Facebook.  For the second time, but I am pretty sure this time will be for good at least for quite a while.  Forever?  Quite possibly.

It’s a good tool to keep in touch with friends and family.  I loved getting to see pictures of everyone and see what people are doing in life, friends I have not seen in years.  But the cons kind of outweigh the pros.  Facebook is a drama starter.  It just is.  I have read somewhere that Facebook is a huge contributing factor to marriages ending, friendships ending, what have you.  T has been off of the thing since one month after Aubrey was born and he hasn't looked back.  Granted he would look over my shoulder occasionally to see the stupid crap people put on there, making fun of it.  I’m sure some of it is out of morbid curiosity, which honestly is what makes Facebook so appealing.  Who knows…

We went to a concert the other night and it was kind of pathetic looking around at all of the people who are clearly with someone or a group of people and are glued to their smart phones.  No interaction and you know damn well what they are doing.  Some sort of social medium.  I found it has even become a topic of conversation.  You know when you are talking about Facebook rather than things that really matter, you may have a problem.  That’s partly where I was.

I would say why I got off of it, but I will keep the real reason to myself.  It does kind of suck that I had to resort to that because I do want to stay in touch with people who live long distance from me.  A quick Facebook hello can be much easier than an email, but it is not worth it at the moment.  Things you put on Facebook will quickly get turned around on you, bastardized and then thrown in your face.  Over statements that start out as innocent statements.  A person reads into that, a person reads your Facebook posts and reports them to another individual.  I understand that privacy is a moot concept when it comes to social media, but at the same time, some sort of line should be drawn.  However, rather than deal with that, I’m just taking a step back.  I want to continue blogging, and my Pinterest addiction lives on, of course.  I still have yet to understand what LinkedIn really does exactly, but hey, I will keep it.  I doubt someone would really read into what you post on LinkedIn. Maybe they would, but it would not be as easy.

I know so many people say “oh, I’m not on Facebook (insert I’m better than you) and that’s totally not why I did it.  I just do not like how others around me were using my own Facebook activity.  That and at some point, I just have to take a step back and get some privacy.  What about some of you? I would be curious as to other thoughts on social media because it certainly has changed life as we know it.