You're the inspiration

 

This week's Spin Cycle, brought to you by Gretchen at Second Blooming is on inspiration.  Immediately, I thought of this:

 

   

Now that I have that song playing in your mind (and it's a good song, you know), there are several things that inspire me.  Several things, people, places, etc.  And as of lately, I really feel like I have been reaching out more to these, and this list is not in any particular order, specifically in level of importance.  You're just getting my stream of consciousness here.

 

 

I get inspiration from T.  I see him pursue his dreams and work so hard at what he does, in everything he does.  He inspires me to improve myself, to push myself, to pursue my own dreams.  Cheesy reference aside, but he truly is, like Peter Cetera says, my inspiration.

 

 

Aubrey inspires me every day.   When I was running the 15k last weekend, and I was struggling to keep going, I thought of her.  I do everything in this world for her, and I want to make myself a better person because of her.  I want to be an inspiration for her some day, a role model of what she wants to be when she grows up. 

 

 

Music - sometimes all you need is a good song to get you going.  It really depends on the day and what kind of inspiration I need.  You should see my list of Pandora stations or the music I have on my iPod for running.  These days, I find myself pulled towards songs with deeper meanings like this:
 

 

 

I read to be inspired.  I find myself inspired by other bloggers out there, those who make me laugh, those with whom I can relate, those who so sincerely and openly share their heart and life with the world. 


And more importantly, I am inspired by prayer, by God.  I go to church to be inspired.  I pray.  I journal.  I take time to go to my church's Adoration Chapel and just be.  I have found myself doing this so much more lately, and honestly, the difference in my heart is noticeable.   I find myself seeking inspiration, seeking to learn, seeking to change. 


It matters not how you find inspiration.  All that matters is that something inspires you.   So what does inspire you?  Find out what others have to share at Gretchen's, and join in on the spin fun and share your inspiration.  And go ahead, scroll back up there and replay that Chicago video.  You know you want to.  I won't judge.  Hell, I'm going to make it easy for you.  Here it is again:

 

Sing it with me "You bring meaning to my life, you're the inspiration...when you love somebody (till the end of time), when you love somebody (always on my mind - no one needs you more than I).  Okay, okay, I'll stop now... 

 

I've got nothing

Random.  That's what you get from me today...sorry guys!  I'm in a mid-week slump, more than ready for this weekend to get here.

 

 

 

So it's been beautiful and warm and all spring-like out every single day this week, but I wouldn't know.  Because my office is a cave.  If I didn't have furniture in there or pictures on the wall, it may as well be one padded room (minus the padding but with the white walls).  It's enough to drive a lady crazy.  I regularly text T to see what the weather is like out there.  There could be a tornado and 1) I wouldn't hear the siren; 2) I would have no idea; and 3) it probably wouldn't matter because our office is about as safe as you get in terms of lower level interior room.  But I would like to enjoy some spring!

 

 

 

T and I need positive thoughts and prayers now more than ever.  I can't really divulge what but let's just say it would be a positive change, a much needed change, and it's out of our hands now so all we can do is just wait and pray.  How's that for vague?

 

 

 

And no, it's not me being pregnant.  Heck. No. 

 

 

 

So I've discovered that we have zero spring clothes for the little one.  It's sad, really.  We're just bad parents.  We have maybe 2 short sleeved shirts and that's it.  So I'm going to pop some tags this weekend and hit up some thrift shops.  I'll probably have more than $20 in my pocket, but I'm sure it will be _______ awesome. 

 

 

 

I could use some new clothes, as well.  I know this is a whoa is me moment, but none of my spring/summer clothes fit any more.  Good thing I have a birthday coming up....or maybe I need to go pop some tags for myself, too.  Throw an extra $20 in there?

 

 

 

So you know how I talked about our douchey neighborhood many blog posts ago about the remodeled 1990s douche-mobile black Camero with no muffler that he drives, or no, speeds down the street?  Well, one of his cars was repossessed last week.  We heard the tow truck at 11:00 p.m. and were sadly disappointed to see it wasn't the black car.  And apparently they got "served" with something the other day.  So who knows?  Maybe it'll be an early birthday presents, and they'll be out of here before Aubrey is old enough to play around in the yard.  I still will have to get all lawyer on him if he continues to drive recklessly in the neighborhood.  In fact, I might enjoy that. 

 

 

 

I have court today.  It's rare I'm in the courtroom these days with all of the grant reporting and writing, and so every time I am in court, I get all nervous.  Funny because of how much court time I had while working with DCS.  That, and I've been practicing for seven years now, so I should be cool with it.  But I think all (good) attorneys get a little nervous before any hearing.  It all depends on who you're up against, and I have reason to be a little nervous this morning. 

 

 

 

I'd much rather be with this little girl.  Notice the new shoes.  We went to Stride rite on Sunday, and we got Aubrey some new walking kicks.  She seems to like them so far, so here's hoping they help with the walking!

 

 

The other day, we were driving home from work, and while listening to the 1990s station on Sirius a song from the group Nelson came on.  And I actually got excited and says "Yes!  Nelson!" singing along to the music.  Yeah.  That happened.

 

 

 

I've been made to feel pretty old as of lately...my nephew starting to think about college, the fact I've been practicing law for seven years, out of college for ten this May.  And the fact that one of my staff attorneys graduated high school when I was turning 21 and was 14 when the first Justin Timberlake solo CD came out.  I am not even sure how old I was, but I'm for damn sure that N-Sync didn't even exist when I was 14.  I'm pretty sure I'm Justin Timberlake's age.  And I turn 32 in three weeks.  One of my staff attorneys said to me the other day "oh you're no longer a young lawyer!"  To which I corrected her..."young lawyer" by the State Bar standards is up to 35.  So I have a good 3 years.  I'm young, dammit! 

 

 

 

But along those same lines, I did see some picture on Facebook about weekends in your 20s and weekends in your 30s.  The one in your 20s was a picture of a bunch of friends doing shots at a bar.  The one in your 30s was a picture of Home Depot.  My. God.  It's like someone is recording our lives.  I mean you could add Target or Kroger to that, as well.  Oh, and Walgreens.  I guess you could say my weekends are becoming pretty duldrumatic.  (Right, CWMartin?)

 

 

 

Okay, so I'll stop with the random in a minute because this is getting long, but speaking of Walgreens....you know you have too many medical conditions and go to Walgreens too often when the pharmacist doesn't need to look you up when you pull into the drive-thru pharmacy.  You also know that you are a frequent shopper when the pharmacist sees you out at Target, recognizes you and says hi.  This is what a high risk pregnancy will bring you!  So the pharmacist and I are besties.  I'm going to invite her over Friday so we can braid each others hair and play Truth or Dare.

 

 

 

Alrighty, that's enough random for the day.  Here's hoping for a quick Wednesday, a painless court hearing and an even quicker Thursday and Friday!

   

If you can't laugh...

Day-to-day life as a full-time new mom and an attorney is stressful.  It just is.  We all have our stressors, so I'm not saying my stress is more than your stress.  Not by any means.  But sometimes, you have to find those ways to keep things light and find humor in your life or you'll go crazy.  I've found this to be true now more than ever. 

 

 

T and I regularly do this with Aubrey.  Her toys, trying to get the toys to spell dirty words or playing stupid songs on her xylophone toy.   Bugging each other with her annoying farm animal toys.  Making fun of the people on Sesame Street or Elmo's World.  (Definitely am going to have to start watching my language when I do this in the future.)

 

 

Some days...and I'm sure this makes me an awful mother...I just laugh.  At Aubrey's crying.  And not "I'm in pain" or "I'm sad" crying.  That crying is different.  It's the "I'm going to throw myself back or forwards and throw the worst tantrum you've ever seen, tossing everything around me" crying.  I was taking her up to nap one day when she did this.  I was carrying her, and she was just pitifully throwing the most dramatic tantrum, tossing her butterfly toy down the stairs.  I had to physically sit down because I was laughing so hard.  I mean, it was Oscar worthy.  Of course, she just looked at me like "what the hell, Mom? what is so funny?" 

 

 

There used to be moments when I was a Department of Child Services attorney when I did this.  Laughing at really inappropriate times.  I used to sit in on court with a fellow attorney on her docket day, and there were a few times, I admit, in the less-serious cases, when something so ridiculous was said by one of the parents that I had to walk out before I busted out laughing.  I think that, more than anything was a coping mechanism.

 

 

The court staff and Judge and we had a game, too.  The Judge will pull up a random word of the day from the dictionary, and it would always be some big word that no one really knew what it meant, and we would have to use it during court hearings in the most random contexts.  Like I would be updating the court on DCS's report, and I'd just randomly throw the word in there.  Or one of the public defenders would be presenting an argument and would just throw the word out there.  And we had to do it with a dead straight face.  No one else in the court room knew what the heck we were talking about, but the word was normally so big and formal sounding that it sounded like it belonged in some sort of legal argument.  Like I said, coping mechanism. 

 

 

 

At church a month or so ago, the Priest was talking about the meaning behind a certain Bible verse, and he kept using the term "erotic love" to describethese people who were sinners, but I swear, he said "erotic love" more than I ever want to hear a member of the clergy say ever.  And I could not stop laughing.  In church, of course.  Bad, Nain, bad.  He was being serious and making a point.  But I have the sense of humor of a 13 year old boy, I suppose. 

 

 

T and I'll make bets over what passive aggressive comments will be made first or how long it will take before one is made at family functions.  We'll make comments that only we understand.  And it's the only way we can get through stressful situations.

 

 

Sure, my sense of humor may be off-based sometimes.  It may be inappropriate, but you know...I have to laugh.  Because otherwise sometimes I'd cry.  And I choose to laugh.  So there.  Now tell that to my hysterical daughter who is now crying because I turned off the TV.

     

Motivation Monday!

 

 

It's time for another Motivation Monday!  So, I survived it...the 15k.  I got up at 6:30 on Saturday morning, thinking "I'm freaking nuts to be doing this," left T in bed and Aubrey in her bed and drove off in the dark to downtown so that I can run 9.3 miles.  Because that's what normal people do, right? 

 

 

I gotta say...the toughest part is the mental block.  That first mile seems endless.  The first three are rough, and every time you pass a marker for a mile you say "Hey!  Only 6 more to go!"  But I did luck out, and it was really nice out to run.  I finished in 1:46:02, doing an 11:26 per mile.  And that time includes one 5 minute potty break.  So I'm pretty proud of myself.  Of course Saturday and most of Sunday I could barely walk, but hey, proud of myself!  I'm not sure if I want to do one more long run before the mini.  It's about three weeks away, so I don't want to overdo it.  I did have a moment when I was running where I realized that last year at this time I couldn't do this, one year ago, I couldn't do this.  Hell, I've never been a runner.  But here I am, congenital heart defect and asthmatic, and I was running 9.3 miles.  Hell yeah!  (I'm not normally one to boast, but dammit, I say that is pretty good, right?)  So for people who say they can't exercise...hey, if I can do it, so can you!

 

 

I kind of gave myself freedom to eat like crap the rest of the weekend.  The reason?  I've lost too much weight.  I'm supposed to stay around 130, but the other day I saw I had slipped to 124.  I'm thinking it's the training and my body burning a lot more than it takes in.  I kind of got lectured by the doctor, so...I kind of let myself have a few treats this weekend.  Of course, I won't let it get out of control, but the size four pants are starting to get loose, and I don't have the fundage to buy new clothes.  Nor should I.  So I think I should probably focus now on the maintaining rather than the losing.  I'm sure this isn't something anyone wants to hear about, someone complaining about losing too much weight.  And I'm not complaining.  I'm just wanting to avoid getting yelled at, and I'd rather be healthy.  So...I must adjust! 

 

 

My goal this week is to keep doing the small runs to keep up the endurance.  And to continue to stay on top of things at work, and of course, remain positive.  I did pretty well focusing on the positive last week, but this week I have a lot going on, including court...so....positive vibes, positive vibes. 

 

 

I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend, and here's to another (quick) work week! 

       

Spring, do you hear me?

   

This week's Spin Cycle brought to you by Gretchen at Second Blooming is on SPRING!   I don't know about all of you out there but I'm more than ready for spring to get here.  This past winter, at least in Indiana, has suuuucked.  Suck, suck, sucked.  I'm not a winter person by any means, but this one has stuck around for a long time.  So Gretchen says "Hey, let's encourage spring to get here by writing about the things we love about spring!"  So here are a few things:

 

 

Warmer weather and no longer wearing coats.  I don't mind jackets or sweatshirts, but not having to wear a jacket or brace myself for the cold as I leave the house sounds pretty awesome.

 

 

A green lawn, budding trees and blooming flowers

 

 

Getting to exercise outside.  Because running on the treadmill is boring, and it's always so much more inspiring when I'm outside running than when I'm inside facing the wall the entire time.

 

 

Going outside with Aubrey.  We got a new wagon for her for Christmas, and I can't wait to take her on walks in it.  She's going to love it.

 

 

Cookouts.  We had a brand spanking new patio built (I suppose I should put pictures of that up here soon, huh?), and I want to enjoy it!  Eating outside, staying out after we put Aubrey to bed, enjoying a nice glass of wine with T while sitting around our built-in fire pit.  Heck yes!

 

 

Spring fruit - berries, grapefruit, peaches...I love it all

 

 

Rain.  I know, most people hate it, but a nice spring shower?  Snuggling up on the couch, watching a rain shower roll in?  I actually enjoy that.  Not tornado weather by any means, but if there's a little thunder, I'm good with that.

 

 

My birthday is right smack in the middle of spring.  While yeah, I don't want to turn 32, it is always nice to have a day to yourself, isn't it? 

 

 

So those are just a few things that I love about spring.  So now that I've written all about it, let's get it together, weather!  I'm ready for spring!  So stop by Gretchen's and see what others have to share.  And let's get started, spring!

   

Under pressure

I Googled blog ideas today.  I was coming up short on what to say.  Man, there's a lot out there.  One idea I had to laugh at because it was "write something while intoxicated."  Yes, drunk blogging.  That seems to be a stellar idea.  God knows I won't regret anything I post that way.  Writing a mission statement.  Yeah, I do that every day at work with grants.  Not sure I want to do that with something that is for fun.  Another one was "how would you like to die?"  Seriously?  People write about that?  The last one I'll make fun of?  Describe why you hate people from New York or Los Angeles.  Now, that's just mean.  And Gretchen is from Los Angeles, and I happen to think she's pretty fabulous so I'm not about to do that. 

 

 

So I'm going to write about a concern I have...my kid and walking.

 

 

Last Thursday I got a phone call from her daycare.  It's always a bad thing when I see her daycare name flash on my caller ID at work because my immediate thought is "shit, what illness does she have now?"   It was the team leader for all of the infant rooms.  If you recall, Aubrey was particularly slower than the other kids her age at crawling.  And they talked about having her do First Steps to crawl.  Well, she started crawling so that was a moot point.  Now she's at the toddler phase, and she'll need to leave the infant room and transition to toddler.  Every other baby in the room has already done this, and Aubrey's the oldest one still in the infant room where she is.  She can't transition until she walks well and steady enough on her own.  And she doesn't yet at almost 14 months.  And I suck.  As a mom. 

 

 

She does have a transition date of May 7th set, but honestly, I'm not sure if she'll be ready by then.  So I was told that the only other date they would have an opening would be August.  And that seems like a really long time away.  She'll be getting bored at that point.  And I got the guilt trip of making sure we're practicing walking at home.  You know, because I have all the time in the world with the 45 minute commute home, needing to feed her, bathe her and get her to bed at a decent time.  Sure, sure, I have time. And I was reminded how Aubrey was slow to sit up, to push herself up to crawling pose, to crawl, and now to walk.  And apparently we are being judged because we do not walk Aubrey from her classroom all the way out to the car.  Well, guess what?  I have to get home.  I can't take the time every day to slowly drag her down the hallway and parking lot to the car.  Plus, it's a pretty long hike for a little girl who is already tired.  But that has me on high alert now knowing they are watching something as picky as that.  What, am I not doing this right? 

 

 

It's the thing I hate.  Ever since we brought Aubrey home it's been pressure.  Is she doing enough tummy time?  Is she still using that pacifier?  What about sitting up all the time?  Why isn't she crawling?  Why isn't she walking?  She should be drinking solely from the sippy cup, why do you feed her with the bottle? 

 

 

It's enough to make me feel like one big Mommy failure.  I try the best I can with my child.  I like to think she's doing just fine.  She's quick at learning things, she babbles, she repeats things.  She just doesn't walk.  That's it. 

 

 

But I don't want her to get behind.  I want her to stay on track with the other kids her age.  I just get frustrated every now and then because I feel like there's so much pressure placed on her.  And she's one, people! 

 

 

Okay, so I went for a ranting blog post.  But you have to admit, it's a lot better than the ones I listed, above, right? 

 

 

But if I were to give the choice about how I die?  Peacefully, in my sleep.  And no, I will not write a blog post while intoxicated.

     

Easter weekend!

So I have Easter pictures to share!  It was a pretty busy weekend, what with the race on Saturday and family time on Sunday, including mass and breakfast out just the three of us.  It was crazy busy.  But most holidays are, right? 

 

 

The weekend started early on Saturday with the Bunny Rock 5k.  You got your own set of bunny ears and shades.  Like cheap 1980s shades, which I will likely now wear for other races even though they were solely for fun reasons.  But hey, free sun glasses!

 

 

Mommy and Aubrey before the race, and yes, I ran with the ears on.  And rocking the 1980s shades.

 

We finished!  This is one of my favorite pictures, and seriously, these two could not look any more alike.  So cute...

And I channeled my inner Martha Stewart and made an Easter cake to bring to our big family gathering.  This is supposed to be pretty easy.  Two round cakes, one of them being used to cut out two ears and the last part being a bow tie.  Well, the cake was way too moist so when I tried to get the face cake out, it fell apart so I used a TON of icing to keep it together.  A lot of icing.  But ain't nothing wrong with that!

Look!  The Easter bunny came!  For Mommy and Daddy, too!  It's hilarious because we got each other chocolate and coffee.  And T got me wine.  Says something about where we are in our marriage, right?  We got Aubrey some Sesame Street toys, puffs and books.  She was pretty excited.

Eating some puffs.....

Playing with her new toys...Zoey and Abbie.  She now has a pretty complete collection.

We headed up for Easter dinner with my family, which included, of course, a photo opp with the cousins.  Getting five kids to sit still and look at the camera?  Not so easy.  Took a few takes...

   

   

Aubrey didn't get much of a nap at all during the day and well...family everywhere is extremely hectic so she was wiped out when she got home, poor girl.  It was to bed an hour early, after a pitiful little bath and lots of crying.  But hey, she plays hard, folks.