It's been a rough last year, few months, weeks and days. I've started this year's blog off by opening my heart up to my readers and letting you into what is really going on in my life. I appreciate all of your thoughts and kind words. They truly mean so much to me. And I've kept them in my heart as I wake up and push myself through the day.
Yesterday God dropped a blessing in my lap. I started the day with that empty, hard feeling in the pit of my stomach and in my heart. I prayed the rosary in the car while we drove to work, a routine that I have begun since realizing the changes I need to make in my life. At work, that feeling got worse and worse. I wrote T an email just venting about how I was feeling when the Coldplay song "Fix You" came on. I chuckled to myself thinking "how appropriate." I've always thought of that song not as a relationship or another person "fixing me" but more like God "fixing me." I've always thought that. I even posted those lyrics on my Facebook page and said a quick prayer that God watch over me that day and ease the pain in my heart.
And then it all changed. I received a phone, the one I've been waiting for so long. A job that fell into my lap by chance through a referral from my father's coworker that I reluctantly interviewed for over Christmas break was offered to me. It immediately fixes my family's financial situation. It is not a legal job per se, something that is totally new to me, but I think that may be just what I need. I've never been happy since entering the legal profession. Never. Maybe what I need to do is step out of my comfort zone completely and go in a new direction. So I am taking that leap. Granted it is a job that is not in the same town where I am now but rather in downtown Indy. T will have to take the brunt of driving Aubrey to daycare until she attends daycare in 2 years. I will have to kiss her good bye every day knowing that she'll be farther away from me. That does make me sad, but I know that I need to do this.
Like I said in my previous posts, it isn't a job that is going to make me happy. It's a change that only I can bring upon myself to do that. But I will be escaping a situation that is bringing more heartache than joy. And life is too short to live life without joy. I hope as I embark up on this new journey, I will slowly begin to regain or establish the confidence I so desperately need and the happiness in my heart and fulfillment that has been missing for so long.
God works in strange ways. And maybe everything does happen for a reason. I won't question that, and for now, I'm ready to take that step.