The Purple Crayon

I've decided that I'm continuing on with being open on this blog and honest with what's going on with me as, well....I'm not one to be fake.  I do really appreciate all of the kind things you guys said the other day.  If you don't mind, say a prayer or sending positive thoughts...I did have a job interview somewhere I really liked.  But I'm not one to get my hopes up, but still....anyway, onto the blog...

 

A very good friend of mine gave me a book the other day regarding balancing your life and priorities, and one of the big things is about how we, as humans, like to control everything.  We have to make everything in our lives perfect, and we're the only ones who can make things happen, fix things, etc.  The author talked about a book that Aubrey has called Harold and the Purple Crayon, which is a book about a boy who could draw anything he would want with his purple crayon.  If he wanted a dog, he could make one appear.  A car?  Only needed to draw one with his crayon.  The author said she was asked what she would ask for if she had that capability.  She listed making her life perfect, her children behave and be grateful, her husband be kinder, lose weight, better home, etc.  I started thinking, what would I ask for?  First thing that popped into my mind is I would draw happiness.  But I'm not quite sure how you draw that.  I think it encompasses a lot of things.  Family, love, etc.  If I were to draw a perfect life, I'd make myself more patient with my husband and Aubrey, I would smile more, find happiness in the little things, be grateful for the things I have in my life, and the big thing at the current moment.  I'd fix our financial situation.  I could fix it all, right?  Or at least that's kind of the mindset that I tend to go by.

 

The author stated that we like to think that the purple crayon should be in our control.  We're in control of our lives, so it is our crayon, right?  She said the problem is people don't realize that really we, in fact, should be giving that crayon to God.  It's something I struggle with.  I want so badly to know everything will be okay.  I want it to be now.  I'm tired of waiting.  But I'm still trying to control it.  I struggle with that whole give it up to God thing.  I always have.

 

She also said that rather than fight this we should crawl into his lap and ask for Him to make it better.  Does that mean a job is going to miraculously fall into my lap tomorrow?  Oh, I really wish that were the case and (God, I know You are reading this) that would be SO amazing.  No, it just means that He is going to be with me and I'm not alone in this.  I know I'm not alone because T is always by my side, but I consider it more like alone in my head.  Being alone in one's thoughts can be the worst thing ever, but He knows what my heart feels, even if I don't say it out loud.  That's a problem of mine.  I keep it in, don't really tell anyone...even T, and then it explodes - I.e., last post.  It's that helpless feeling that you don't always express.  It's just.....there.  So that picture in my head helped.  I need to give over that crayon and even if I don't literally crawl into His lap, I need to hold His hand. 

 

Okay, Nain....hand over the crayon now....you can do it...