Friday, March 21, 2014


It's done.  Today was her last day at the daycare.  Monday she'll start a new daycare which, I really really hope, goes well for her.  She needs it, especially after today.  

Today was hell for all of us, I think.  But more so for her.

Aubrey had an incident report the other day where she hurt herself and cut herself during her normal nap time struggles where the teachers have been trying to physically keep her on her cot.  I did not think anything of it really because it was innocent enough.  But at bath time Aubrey made a statement to me that made me believe that while it was an accident, it occurred in a way that shouldn't have happened.  From the mouth of a two year old.  I asked her to repeat the statement and she diverted.  So I let some time passed and I asked her again, and this time she looked me dead in the eyes, babbled, said the statement, said oops, oops and the statement again.  As clear as day.  

She's two so I know that I can't put too much into her statement.  I doubt what she said actually occurred, but I started thinking.  She only does this at daycare.  She throws these fits at nap time?  How hard are they physically trying to keep her on the cot?  Did something accidentally happen in the course of that?

Why has she been acting out?  The behavior they describe to us is stuff we don't see.  That's not our kid.  So why is she acting out so aggressively there?  It doesn't make sense.  The only conclusion we could come to was that it was something about the daycare, specifically something about nap time.  She was scared of something and she was acting out.  And we weren't paying attention.  

Yes, we told the daycare personnel and it is being looked into, but honestly I don't really want to pursue it too much at this point.  I just want to move on for her sake.  It's over, we're starting over, that's all that matters.

But my heart still hurts.  T picked her up early from daycare today, as she was having an extremely bad day, and he walked in to get her from the director's office, and the image he described to me is just something I can't shake.  Aubrey sitting on the floor, shaking and crying, clearly having cried quite a bit, and when he tried to pick her up she shook more and said "no, daddy, no."  He said it was like something he had never seen.  She was scared of everyone and wanted to be alone, like she didn't trust anyone at all.  What the hell happened that day?  

As soon as they got to the car, he said she was slowly getting back to her normal self, and by the time I got home from work it was night and day.  We're going to stop talking about this in front of her because I just want to move on.  I think the more we talk about it in front of her, the more it'll hang over her.  She's old enough to perceive it.  I don't want that.

But you ever have that feeling in your gut where you just know something isn't right?

Yeah, I can't shake it either.  

The other day (the day she was sent home from school), I prayed the rosary on my drive to work as I do every day.  In fact, I said two rosaries, praying that things would work out and get better for Aubrey.  And then we got that call and I was so upset thinking why didn't God listen?  Why can't He make this better?

I think He did.  Things are going to get better, but we had to get her out first.  So now I just pray that our family can move on and let go of this.  It's done and it's time to move on.


  1. Oh Alaina I am so so sad and mad at the same time! My mother took me out of a babysitter's home when I was 4 because she found out that she was hitting me with a wooden spoon and making me take cod liver oil when I didn't eat every scrap of lunch. For years and I mean decades after she would tell me how sorry she was that she didn't realize how bad it was. In all honesty I have fuzzy recall of the experience but my mama lived with the guilt for years. I know there are things that happened to my daughter that I wish I had listened to my gut sooner, but she doesn't seem to remember them. (Unlike my mom, the last time I brought it up and realized that she didn't remember it was the last time I brought it up). I still kick myself over those times. My advice, first you are doing the right thing, let her bring it up if she wants to. Secondly, "It" happened, you have rectified the situation, forgive yourself as much as you can.

    To the God question, you're right, He did answer your heart cry. He also answered when T picked her up early by giving him the room, time-wise, to be able to pick her up early.

    One suggestion, as much as you want to put this behind you, if you feel that there is abuse of some sort (and physical restraint at nap time is abuse), report the daycare. There will be another Aubrey. By reporting them you can save the next one.

    You guys are in my prayers.

    ~Lily-thinking thoughts~

  2. Like I said on last week's Sunday Message- God wants faith PLUS motion. Sometimes, He just can't nuke Sodom while Lot's still dallying around.

  3. Sweetie as a mom let me say trust your instincts. If you feel she has been harmed or abused you need to keep digging, even if you don't mention it in front of her. If it affected her that horribly it will come out. Trust me.. but be prepared when it does. She will be afraid of scaring you or making you mad.. keep your cool and let her know she can tell you anything at any time period.. safely and be loved all the same.. she is not too young to talk to about bad touch and good touch. Sorry but I would not have agreed with physical restraint on my child for nap time period. My friend worked a day care and the kids that didn't want to nap simply sat on the floor by her desk and played quietly.


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