In my arms

Ever since the shootings at Sandy Hook in 2012, I've found myself drawn to learning more about it, the lives of the victims, the awful events that led up to this horrific tragedy.  I don't know, I just find myself unusually sucked in.  And not in a good way because the events that occurred that day just kill me inside.  Those poor families.  How needless it all was.  But one of the things that really just sickens me is the innocence that was lost that day.

All of the children that survived - how do they comprehend such evil?  Children are resilient, yes, but only to an extent.  How, as a parent, would you explain what happened?  That day, lives were needlessly taken and innocence stolen from all of those children who survived.  And in such an evil way.

All children come to that realization, right?  At some point, children realize that not everything, not everyone is, in fact, good.  I remember when it happened for me.  In fifth grade, one of my classmates was kidnapped, sexually assaulted and murdered.  I could not imagine my mother and how she gathered the courage to tell me what happened and answer that question that was sure to follow - why?  Why would someone do that?

For many kids it was the attacks on September 11th.  At that point, I was an adult and well-aware that evil existed.  I do remember my nephew and how he drew a picture of two tall towers and a plane, not even aware why at the age of five he was drawing that.  It was his comprehension of the evil he saw on TV.

I wish I could keep that innocence for Aubrey forever, though I know it's not possible.  It's not reality.  I don't want to ever have to answer that question of "why?" and not have a really good response for that.  There is no good reason.  I can't tell you why other than the fact that not everyone is inherently good.  How do you explain that to someone so little?

So I heard this song that same day while driving home, and it is ironic in how it portrays so much of what I feel.  My little girl has innocence in her eyes and her heart.  That day when I went to pick her up from daycare, she was beaming from ear to ear at the sight of her Mommy coming to get her.  I was lucky that day because I got to get my child from school.  I held her extra tight and did so this afternoon after I heard this song.  I may not be able to protect her from everything, but I like to think that no matter what and no matter how old she is, she is always safe in my arms.