No news to report yet, I'm afraid, which is a good thing. We're still on schedule for the c-section Wednesday morning, and I am officially now on maternity leave from work. It's weird just sitting here thinking that in less than 48 hours we're about to be parents. She'll be here. Finally.
We had a brief moment this weekend where the possibility of her arriving sooner than Wednesday was there. Of course, I, in my immense stubbornness, failed to recognize it or even do anything about it. My niece and nephew's 9th birthday was on Saturday, and we headed up to my brother and sister-in-law's house for the evening. All day on Saturday, I was complaining of my lower back hurting. Not sharp pain, but it was enough for me to be pretty uncomfortable. We get to my brother's house, and I couldn't find a chair that was comfortable for me to sit in. People kept asking me if I was okay, because it was apparently obvious I was uncomfortable, but the pain wasn't coming in waves like contractions, and it was in my back, not my stomach so I was sure it wasn't anything. It wasn't until T and I got home, I went to get up and could barely stand up straight that he made me call the doctor. I didn't want to because I figured it was nothing, right? Why would I bother the doctor's office with my problems?
I also failed to tell T about another more personal symptom I was having so by the time I shared that, the phone was put in my hand, and I was told to call. I talked to the on-call nurse, first apologizing profusely for bothering her and saying that I was sure this was a stupid question...but I just had to ask. You could almost here her laughing at me on the other side of the line. But she took the message and said to wait for a call back. So we sat there. I looked to T and said "well, what if they say we have to go to the hospital? What do we do then???" T just kind of looks at me like I'm crazy and responds, "we go to the hospital?" I tried to convince him that it wasn't going to happen. That her birthday was February 15th and she can't arrive before then because our doctor wouldn't be available to do the surgery. But, common sense seem to come back to me, and by the time we got a phone call back from the on-call doctor, who assured me that I was okay for now and to just monitor the back pain and see if it came in flows and whether it increased in intensity, I calmed down and realized that I had no control over the situation. If she wanted to come, then we had no choice.
I'm not normally this out of touch with reality, but I think fear kind of took over me at the moment. Don't get me wrong, I'm excited beyond belief. But I'm also scared. Of the unknown and that uncertainty that not everything will be okay. So...like I've said before, I'm not normally someone who says "hey everyone! pray for me!" But if you could, I think my own peace of mind could use some prayers and positive thoughts to get me through these next two days and to give me the strength and calm I need to put it in His Hands and trust that everything will be just fine for me and for baby.
Tomorrow, T and I will be heading to our church's Adoration Chapel to pray for just that. This stubborn mama needs to let go and let God's plan play out. And just wait for our little miracle to arrive. In less than 48 hours....