I told you all about this Women's Conference I went to on Tuesday and how assertiveness was one of the topics that was discussed. Well, since that time I've done some thinking...scary, I know...and I've come to the realization that I am giving others way too much power in my life and in how I think. I'm always worried about how others will react and what others think in order to avoid a conflict and please other people. And it's exhausting. I'm currently reading a book about establishing boundaries with people in your life, and it's inspiring me. Something has to give.
So I've decided that it's time I speak up for myself. To live for what I believe in and what I want. To stop walking on egg shells around people because it's just too much. I can't keep it up, and now that I have Aubrey, I find that it's just not fair. And it's not fair to T either. It's become a source of contention in our relationship, and I've decided to do something about it. And trust me, this isn't easy for me in the least. Yeah, I know I'm an attorney, and I fight and argue in the courtroom, but in my personal life? I fear confrontation in the worst way. I hate it with a passion. It's one of my least favorite things to do, right under going to the dentist and gynecologist, of course :-)
It's something I need to do in my job, as the director of a nonprofit. I've come to find that perhaps others are taking advantage of my trust and easy-going management style. Now that I am going back to work on Monday, I've decided that has to stop. I'm the boss, I make the rules, and sometimes...that involves not being the popular one. I just have to accept it.
With Aubrey, everyone and their second cousin Ted has an opinion on how to raise her, what to do with her, what she wants, needs and what I'm not doing correctly. (I had this in my pregnancy, too, but I have found that it's become more pronounced after her arrival.) And sometimes the way people handle her and what they do with her when I am around isn't something I like either. But I won't say anything. And then that affects Aubrey. I'm just going to have to speak up. Upsetting people or not.
Now this isn't to say I won't mess up every now and then and won't relapse into my "Oh, but I can't say this because he/she will get made or have his/her feelings hurt." Part of that is just in my nature as a woman. But I sure have to try. And try I will. Starting today.
So look out world!