Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Why are you bringing me down?

Yesterday, I was lucky to spend the day networking with some pretty great women at a Women's Conference put on by Skillpath conferences.  I had signed up for this event a little while ago, thinking I could benefit from the topics, and I am so glad that I did.  It was one of those days of "aha" moments and some great ideas for the future and what I want to do when I return to work.  I am an attorney and a director, and while I have a great deal of training in the legal arena (and student loans to show it, too!), I don't have too much training in the areas of HR and being a supervisor.  Leadership skills, assertiveness, etc., are all areas in which I need a little help.  You wouldn't think that, being a lawyer, but being an advocate in the courtroom and leading an organization are two totally different things. 
So I spent the day listening to speeches on assertiveness, on sharpening your leadership skills, excelling at communications with your staff, and the very last of those classes was how to not let difficult people ruin your day.  This class topic particularly spoke to me.  I am more than guilty of doing this on a daily basis, probably several times a day.  I am a sponge.  Everything people say to me, negative or positive, I tend to soak up.  However, the words and comments I tend to soak up the most are the negative ones.  A bad situation or stressful interaction can ruin my day so easily.  And this can happen at work or home.  So I was anxious to see what ideas the facilitators have to share. 
One comment that was made during the day particularly stuck with me:  "Not everyone is meant to be an active player in your life. Some people are meant to sit on the bench."  So many times I let every person in my life play a huge part in determining who I am, how my day will go, what decisions I make, etc.  Why should I?  Why would I allow negative people to be active "players" in my "game?" 
A lot of what was discussed involved how you cannot control how others behave, you can only control how you behave, how you react, and how much you let what negative people say or do control how you feel.  
I spend a lot of time with my Motivation Monday posts talking about losing weight and getting in shape, but honestly, after yesterday's session,  I think some of that motivation should go towards my mental health and my self esteem, especially in the area of how much I let negative people and/or events affect my day and who I am as a person. 
We're all guilty of this, but sometimes it takes hearing it from another person to really step back and say "hmm...that IS a problem..."  I am so glad that I attended yesterday's conference and have some positive changes to make in my life.  I'll have to keep you all posted as I go along! 
Still going to post those Easter pictures...promise :-)


  1. There are those who don't realize they are ruining your day by being difficult and there are those who know exactly what they are doing. They are usually the ones who can't take no for an answer. Sounds like a great conference!

  2. As I have gotten older I have learned to "bench" everyone that is not actually adding something positive to my life. Not always completely possible but to at least be able to recognize the people that are toxic and give as little weight to what they say as possible. I too soak in the bad and replay it over and over in my head so I guess I just try to filter out as much as I can. Sounds like a great thing to work on. I love when these things are brought to light. I just read an article yesterday that was pretty good too, here is a link:

  3. That's definitely a good lesson to learn. I'm guilty of letting too many "negative nancy's" ruin my days (sometimes even my own daughter!), but this is a good reminder to stay in charge of my own emotions and attitude. Thanks!


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