Monday, March 12, 2012

Running on empty

You know how when your tank is low and at "E" you can get a few more miles in before your car just stops?  That's how I feel today.  I'm definitely running on empty, and I know that T is feeling the same way.  We've hit our sleep deprivation wall after these past few days.  A certain little girl has decided to cut down on her sleep during the day. 
As Sprite's Keeper put it a few posts ago, when we lay her down in her crib at night it's like defusing a bomb.  She falls asleep in our arms after eating, and we tiptoe to the bedroom trying our best to not wake her.  All seems well until that moment...when we put her down and slip the hand away from the back of her head.  The eyes pop open and suddenly she's wide awake.  The vibration thing on her pack and play doesn't help put her back to sleep and neither does the white noise machine.  This has happened consistently two nights in a row, the worst being last night.  All seemed to be going well until she woke up at 2:00 a.m. to be fed.  I fed her, she fell asleep, but it all went to hell as soon as I put her back in bed.  From that moment on, she and I played the game of "will she or won't she sleep."  And that game lasted all night.  I managed to hold down the fort until 4:30 when I decided I need a sanity break and T took over.  He held it down for a short while, but he has to go to work during the day so that means he needs his sleep more than I do (well, not technically but I'm being nice :-)  I tried everything - rocking her again, bringing her downstairs to sleep in her little chair...nothing worked.  So today I'm going on maybe 2, 3 hours of sleep.  Three is probably being generous.  Hell, so is 2. 
She did manage to fall asleep after breakfast this morning so I took her back upstairs with me, placed her in her pack and play and tried to go back to sleep.  Not more than five minutes of laying down did she wake up.  Again. much for that, right? 
It does let up eventually, right?  The sleep deprivation is taking its toll on me and T.  We're grumpy all the time, and it's not good for our relationship as a couple.  I do miss the days of just curling up in bed and chatting before we go to sleep.  I know that in a few weeks she'll be sleeping in her own crib in the other room, and that might make things easier.  But it's still a strain.  And today of all days I'm feeling particularly anxious about it.  Not sure why I'm venting on the blog, but...I guess I need to.  Without adult contact, I certainly can't vent to Aubrey.  (Though I did try to explain to her the importance of coffee to Mommy and how it makes her nicer during the day.  Not sure she understood, however.)  But I'm just worried.  And tired.  And feeling pretty bad for not liking my kid in the middle of the night. 
It does get easier.  Right? 


  1. I know it's not for everyone, but this time around cosleeping saved my sanity. Not full-time cosleeping, I'd lay her in her cradle to start with, then when she woke up I'd lay down in my bed with her and let her nurse while I slept.

    Hope you get some rest soon :)

  2. That was Ava. For FOUR months. I couldn't go on any longer. Dying, dead, so exhausted. I too did the "all night buffet" to attempt sleep but I really couldn't sleep that way. I was far too worried something would happen to tiny little Ava in our big dangerous bed. I think I grabbed every sleep training book out there and got to reading. Wondering all the while why no one told me THIS was the subject I should be studying. I think the way I ended up somewhat focusing on was the E.A.S.Y. method (Babywise) Eat, Activity, Sleep, You time (HA! what a joke!) The idea is not to feed them to sleep, they need to get used to being put down to sleep somewhat awake. So basically they have eaten, been up long enough to be tired but not over tired (such a complicated balancing act) and then put them down swaddled, in a dark, white-noised room. Then give them a chance to let it set in. Don't pick them up right away. I found that propping them on their side while swaddled eventually helped them sleep. Each baby is different. Once they are a little older I found sleeping on their tummies was the magical answer even though you are not "allowed" to do that. Best of luck to you. This stuff is so tricky. Please don't get an exercise ball and bounce your baby endlessly all through the night for 4 months, Ava can tell you it leads to mommy & daddy losing their minds quicker then anything! I hope you guys find your solution and little Aubrey helps you get some sleep!

  3. I heard about this in our class this weekend. I know it's ANOTHER book (also comes in DVD)...but I'm going to look into it. Who knows.

  4. I think it gets easier, although I'm not an expert by any means! haha
    I'm praying for you, T, and Aubrey.

  5. It does get easier! Once she gets used to sleeping during the night, it should. Have you tried rubbing her tummy a bit when you lay her down? The rhythmic motion can distract her from the fact that you're not holding her anymore and then lessen the pressure until you're sure she's asleep. Shouldn't take too long if you put her down while she was sleeping anyway. Then sneak the hell out of there! :-)


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