You know how when your tank is low and at "E" you can get a few more miles in before your car just stops? That's how I feel today. I'm definitely running on empty, and I know that T is feeling the same way. We've hit our sleep deprivation wall after these past few days. A certain little girl has decided to cut down on her sleep during the day.
As Sprite's Keeper put it a few posts ago, when we lay her down in her crib at night it's like defusing a bomb. She falls asleep in our arms after eating, and we tiptoe to the bedroom trying our best to not wake her. All seems well until that moment...when we put her down and slip the hand away from the back of her head. The eyes pop open and suddenly she's wide awake. The vibration thing on her pack and play doesn't help put her back to sleep and neither does the white noise machine. This has happened consistently two nights in a row, the worst being last night. All seemed to be going well until she woke up at 2:00 a.m. to be fed. I fed her, she fell asleep, but it all went to hell as soon as I put her back in bed. From that moment on, she and I played the game of "will she or won't she sleep." And that game lasted all night. I managed to hold down the fort until 4:30 when I decided I need a sanity break and T took over. He held it down for a short while, but he has to go to work during the day so that means he needs his sleep more than I do (well, not technically but I'm being nice :-) I tried everything - rocking her again, bringing her downstairs to sleep in her little chair...nothing worked. So today I'm going on maybe 2, 3 hours of sleep. Three is probably being generous. Hell, so is 2.
She did manage to fall asleep after breakfast this morning so I took her back upstairs with me, placed her in her pack and play and tried to go back to sleep. Not more than five minutes of laying down did she wake up. Again. So...so much for that, right?
It does let up eventually, right? The sleep deprivation is taking its toll on me and T. We're grumpy all the time, and it's not good for our relationship as a couple. I do miss the days of just curling up in bed and chatting before we go to sleep. I know that in a few weeks she'll be sleeping in her own crib in the other room, and that might make things easier. But it's still a strain. And today of all days I'm feeling particularly anxious about it. Not sure why I'm venting on the blog, but...I guess I need to. Without adult contact, I certainly can't vent to Aubrey. (Though I did try to explain to her the importance of coffee to Mommy and how it makes her nicer during the day. Not sure she understood, however.) But I'm just worried. And tired. And feeling pretty bad for not liking my kid in the middle of the night.
It does get easier. Right?