Ever feel like you are just on the cusp of something? Like you're right on the edge, and you think you can do something great but you're not quite sure if you actually can? That's where I am right now. And I have no idea what I'm doing.
Confused? Yeah, so am I.
I'd offer details but I try to not talk about my job too much on here. It does have to do with my writing, but right now it's just ideas and possibilities. I can kind of see something that I really want, but I'm afraid of really trying to get it. Why? I don't want to fail. That is exactly what I did with Mary Kay. I mean, I know it's completely different in a huge way, but at the same time, in my mind I'm thinking "why try? I did that before, and look where it got me." Sound rational? No, it does not, but I'm never one for rational thinking.
I love what I do, but I also love writing. I want to combine the both of them. I just have yet to figure out how I can do that and how I can actually make enough money doing this. It's a lot more complicated than that, though, and for reasons I cannot get into. But let's just say I have a lot of weight on my shoulders right now. And I'm not just saying that because I want pity, because I don't. I'm all for a challenge, and I'm up against one huge one right now. And like I said, part of me feels like I'm on the cusp of...something. I just don't know what.
However, I do feel like I can say one thing...I've written in the past about some big moves that T is trying to make with work. Well, I'm very proud to say that he has finished a huge project, has made some major advances at work and he has been moved into a new position. It's funny because it's not exactly what we wanted. It's not exactly the change we prayed for, but you know, God always has a plan...even if it's not the plan you want at the time. It's the plan that is right for you. And so here we are.
So who knows what plans God has for me with what I'm deciding. Maybe that's the key - I'm not really the one who should solely be deciding.
but for now...I'm on the cusp. I just don't what.