This week, I experienced one of the tough parts of Mommy-hood. Not being able to help your child. More specifically, not being able to take pain away from your child. And well...it sucks. And I don't look forward to this happening again. (I've been told it doesn't get any easier.)
On Sunday this last weekend, Aubrey just wasn't acting like herself. She was a little more fussy than usual and wasn't eating as well. Normally, as you can tell from the pictures I post, she's a happy baby, always smiling and cooing. And as the day went on, she got more and more fussy, and it wasn't the fussy cry that accompanies her needing to eat. It was a "I'm in pain" fussy cry. So I decided to take her to the doctor upon an on-call nurse's advice who said it was probably a repeat ear infection.
Monday was T's and my four year anniversary of when we met, so we had arranged for a friend to babysit for us while we went to dinner. I took Aubrey to her appointment on Monday morning, and sure enough, she had a repeat ear infection. She didn't have a fever at the doctor, so our friend assured us she had no problem watching Aubrey that night. I waffled on that one, going back and forth, not wanting to leave her while she's sick, but as the day went on, she got more and more miserable. So we decided, nope, not going anywhere. And I'm so glad we decided that. The poor thing didn't want to do anything or be anywhere but held by Mommy. She would fall asleep off and on in my arms, only to wake up screaming.. By the time she went to bed, her fever was around 102.5. First time her fever has ever gotten that high. Sure, we gave her Baby Tylenol and gave her a luke warm/cool bath but it still was high, and her little cheeks were just so rosy. I felt so bad for her.
And that's the part that hurt. Here she was, crying and in so much discomfort, and there wasn't much I could do about it. All I could really do was comfort her, hold her, and just let her cry. And of course, Mommy and Daddy were then almost in tears wanting to cry. We kept a close eye on her through the night...no sleeping through the night for us, of course, and then next day the fever did go down to 99.7. But that still warranted T having to stay home (since I had court).
This poor infection really took a toll on her, too. She didn't smile really for three days, which is unlike her because she smiles all the time and coos so much. But she just sort of lay there with this sad look on her eye. Not even the bee on her car seat made her smile, and her bee always makes her smile.
I hated it. I hate watching her just be miserable and know that I couldn't fix it. And I know...you moms out there are going to say this doesn't get better, and if that is, in fact true, then we have a long road ahead of us.
All I want is to see my little girl smile.