Lately, I've been beating myself up over my capabilities as a mom. I know that each baby is different, and I know that I can only do the best I can...but yet, I still feel like a failure occasionally. I compare myself to other moms in the blogosphere, as well as on Facebook, and I think "Man, am I doing enough?"
For instance, crawling. Our doctor has sworn up and down to us that crawling isn't necessarily a milestone and that some babies go straight from scooting to walking. And Aubrey does get around...she seems to scoot herself from place to place. But crawling? No way. The daycare teachers have talked to us about it, and they want us to work on this with her at home when we can. Force her to support herself on her hands and knees, despite how much she fusses and fights us. But the thing is, we get home from work after a 45 minute commute just in time for dinner and then bed time. There's hardly enough time to fit that in, too. The daycare teacher told T when I was out of town that Aubrey seems to get frustrated that she 1) can't pull herself up like the other babies and 2) can't follow the other babies her age when they crawl around. She wants to crawl. I can tell by how she moves around, but she can't. And I see her get frustrated, and it just breaks my heart. Monday, for example, I sat her down on the floor next to one of the other babies in daycare when we dropped her off, a baby who is a whole month younger than Aubrey. And off that little baby goes crawling. I just wanted to cry.
Aubrey is a smart cookie, though. She constantly amazes me at how she figures things out, but with this physical stuff, she just struggles. And even at nine months, I hate watching her just get so frustrated with herself. Did I not do enough tummy time? Maybe I shouldn't work as much as I do and be home with her more often.
I see other moms on Facebook posting these adorable holiday pictures with their babies in their beautiful dresses. Should I be doing this, too? I have her dress, but should I be posing her in front of the tree all cute and putting these pictures up on Facebook? Shouldn't I be taking her to Target to get Christmas portraits?
And the moms out there who post pictures of all the fun stuff they do with their kiddos on the weekends. I don't take Aubrey to museums or the zoo. We take her when we run errands, and it seems like we're constantly doing something but it's not really child-friendly stuff. It's stuff we have to get done. Suck.
And I feel so bad about leaving her for those three days when I was in Washington, D.C. She now has major separation anxiety and won't let me out of her sight. If I'm not there when T picks her up from daycare or if I'm not at the house when she comes home, she gets sad, looking around for Mommy. With obligations I have, I can't always be at her side 24-7, but I feel like she's worried I'll abandon her again. I didn't mean to in the first place. I would have much rather have been home with her during that time.
So today, as I write this (on Monday, of course), I feel like a failure. I know all moms have these moments, but I'm definitely have a moment of inadequacy. I just feel like I should be doing more or that I'm letting her down.
My son scooted on his back for 13 months, then learned to crawl a week before he learned to walk. Don't worry about it.
ReplyDeleteI've never heard of forcing a baby to learn to crawl, that's so not necessary! They learn on their own pace, please don't stress. The most helpful thing you can do is put her on her tummy and put really interesting objects in front of her but out of her reach (Norah really liked my laptop)
ReplyDeleteI know a ton of little boys that basically didn't say a word until they turned 3 but then after that talk perfectly fine. Each child is so different. She will just up & start crawling one of these days or go strait to walking. As far as where you are taking her, don't stress about that either. She is little, she just needs life experiences and different things to look at and do. She can get just as much out of running errands with you as she can get going to the zoo. As long as you are talking to her the whole time & pointing things out. The world is full of wonderful learning opportunities.
But posing her in front of the tree for pictures? Yes, you should be doing that.
Just kidding!! As long as you do it eventually, like on Christmas, that is ENOUGH.
You are doing great!
Girl. I never crawled as a baby and got a volleyball scholarship. We haven't taken Jackson to see Santa. No fancy portrait pics either. No fun adventures here. Just hanging at home and STILL trying to get solid sleep! Ha. I know how you feel.
ReplyDeleteMy brother scooted on his butt till the day he pulled himself up to walk and he took off running, he was over a year old. I rolled everywhere, my mother said I hated the feel of the floor on my hands. I would lay on my tummy with my hands off the floor. I finally got tired of rolling and stood up. Not every child crawls.
ReplyDeleteAs long as she has healthy musculature I would tell the daycare if they want to work on it, feel free but you have other things on your plate where she is concerned.
I really hate it when "experts" make mom's feel less than!
You take the pictures of your baby that you want, you share as much or as little as you want. She is adorable and I love seeing the pictures you post.
From what I see, I think you are doing a great job!
♥ Lily-thinking thoughts
Aw man I could have written this post I'm sure any mom could have. We all feel a little inadequate at some point, especially us out of the home working moms.
ReplyDeletePlease don't force her to crawl. She may she may not and either is ok. Trust in your dr not the daycare provider.
It is fun to be able to do fun things with your kids. But it's hard to find the time. I am now just figuring out that tasks sometimes have to wait. Yea my house is often cluttered, laundry is piled and I never sent the thank you cards because I never made it to the post office but damn it I was having fun with my kids. I have never taken the kids to the mall to see Santa but somehow we manage to see him somewhere, but I've only gotten one picture! I try to do Xmas cards but I usually end up sending new years because I'm too busy this time of year at work and work longer hours and well just don't have the time. You do what you can when you can. With kids it's not about quantity but quality of time. Hang in there!