I'm not a big fan of waiting, and I sure as hell am not patient. So waiting until Tuesday to even have an ultrasound for this fun little lump that decided to appear magically this last week is really....well....it's pissing me off. And scaring me. I go from pissed to scared to pissed to scared to just tired. It's exhausting, really. And I'm not saying it for the sake of saying "feel sorry for me." Because I don't want, nor do I need pity. I just need to vent. Because this whole thing just sucks.
I'm walking the fine line of losing it with health, work and money stress. After a rather stressful work board meeting, I was happy to find one of my employees made cupcakes and brownies for the interns who are leaving us this week. Because those were some really good sweets. Enter Nain stress eating. At least I was stress eating good food. I mean, if you are going all out for calories, make them worth it, right? And they were worth it. I probably could have eaten the entire pan, but....it helped. And yes, I know, dealing with stress with food or wine (maybe had a glass or two that night) isn't healthy, I'm not in the caring mood.
The thing I'm really not doing well with is keeping my anxiety at bay with Aubrey. She's clingy, and I think she's picking up on my stress. I can't let that happen. So my goal this weekend? Stay busy. I have a feeling that will involve some cleaning. Because if I can't control my health, dammit, I'm controlling how clean our laundry is or how spotless the bathroom is.
And maybe I'll stay away from brownies. Or cupcakes. But not wine. No, never wine.