Go Team

The concept of "we're a team" is something with which I struggle.  I never really played team sports in high school.  I've always prided myself on being a pretty independent person.  If there's a problem, I have always been able to face it head on.  By myself.  It's been me against the world for quite some time now.  Even after I met T in 2008 and our relationship began to get serious, I still stubbornly held onto the "nope, I can handle it on my own" mentality.  I still find myself foolishly following that mantra from time to time, even a year into marriage. 


Case in point - without going into too much detail, this past Christmas break, I finally opened up to T about a financial secret I was keeping, thinking I could handle it all on my own without letting him know, for fear of letting him down.  It involved my Mary Kay business, and I felt like since it is my business, I should handle it, right?  I shouldn't burden him with helping me figure out what's the best way to approach a problem.  Wrong.  I finally told him about it, and of course, he already suspected something but wasn't mad at all.  In fact, he was wanting to help.  We're in this together, he said.  He wanted me to succeed, but I shouldn't feel like I couldn't ask for help.  It was like a weight was lifted off of my shoulder.  Why I felt I needed to handle it all was beyond me.  But it took that reassurance from T to realize "Hey, we're in this together as a team...my success is his success."  Not to say I won't need to remind myself of that from time to time. 


As we get closer to the c-section date, I find myself getting more and more anxious about the procedure, keeping my fears inside.  I don't always express how I'm feeling, thinking it's more of a bother to someone else than it is, and that works (somewhat) until I basically explode, resulting in lots of crying and me being an emotional wreck.  That happened last night, as I told T how scared I was for the c-section and how much I didn't like the unknown behind everything.  I almost felt silly, however, letting it all out.  I should be able to handle this, right?  But there again, T reassures me that we're in this together.  He's with me.  I need to tell him these things so that he can support me.  Why is this so hard? 


And it isn't just a one-sided deal, either.  I take my job as T's biggest supporter very seriously.  With work, I know he struggles with the expectations imposed on his company's employees (I have my opinions of these...but, I'll keep them to myself), and just like anyone else, he needs to know that we're in this together.  That he's not the sole fighter in this battle.  His successes are my successes.  And I fully support him every step of the way.  After all, we're a team.  All three of us.  And I couldn't be any prouder of him. 


So it may take some adjustment on both of our parts, but I think we are getting the hang of it, and I'm sure it'll come easier with time.  But we're team T&A (yes, I am sorry, but I just have to use those letters together...ha), and we're in this together.  And there's just about nothing we can't do.  So...gooooo team!