Prayers

Today was one of those days...I knew going into it that it might be stressful, but it took a quick turn for the worse.  I headed up to the north side of Indy for my cardiologist visit.  I've been seeing him every two weeks to monitor my blood pressure during the pregnancy.  Over the past week or so, the numbers have been creeping up again, which is natural as I get farther and farther along in my pregnancy.  T has a work presentation coming up, and since he's going with me to my NST and OB appointment on Friday, I asked my parents to have one of them meet me at the doctor just to have a second set of ears.  I am so glad that they were there. 

Part of the concern with me and my health is in keeping my heart rate and blood pressure down so as to not put pressure on my repair from my surgery as a baby.  I've done a pretty decent job so far, though they have had to double up my medication a few times along the way.  This morning, they found my heart rate was too high after doing an EKG, prompting the doctor to send me over to get an emergency echocardiogram.  He's a specialist - the kind that is like a super specialized specialist - so that often times means that he has an awkward bedside manner.  So he wasn't really open about why and what he was thinking, but he sent my father and me upstairs for the echo saying he wanted to get a good look at my heart and contact my high risk OB so that they could confer. 

I was trying my best not to freak out, and my poor father tried his best to keep me calm.  The echo took about 30 minutes and then another 30 minutes as they analyzed the echo.  I kept T updated with texts, knowing that he was well over an hour away at work.  My fear was that they would take Half-pint early or admit me for monitoring, but at the point I was at, I didn't care.  Anything and everything they had to do to keep her safe was all that mattered.  But that waiting part?  Is a bitch.  I hate that.  And not knowing exactly what is going on.  I'm a Type A person.  I need to know everything and be informed about every detail.  So those 30-45 minutes just sitting there were killing me.  I just kept replaying the words we were told in February last year that any additional stress from pregnancy could cause my aorta to rupture.  I was scared, needless to say. 

Luckily the echo came back okay, meaning my repair is holding up fine.  The doctors conferred, and they put me on a 3rd medicine to keep me through the pregnancy.  It should lower the heart rate, and I have to keep vigilant over the blood pressure and heart rate.  I'm seeing the high risk OB on Friday so we will for sure ask questions about whether she needs to come early and the risks to her and myself.  I'm just scared, and I want to know that everything will be okay. 

So no stress for Nain for the remainder of this pregnancy.  I have absolutely no choice but to take it easy and do everything in my power to keep my heart rate down and blood pressure down and keep her healthy and happy.  Nothing is more important than that. 

Being completely open like this is hard, but I guess it is my blog, so...yeah, I guess this is a better medium than anything else, right?  I just ask for some prayers and positive thoughts.  We're down to just weeks left, and all I can think about is holding my little girl for the first time.  That's what's keeping me going more than anything else.