Monday, January 9, 2012

Is it really that bad?

Okay, all of you moms out there...time to fess up.  I call on your advice in my weakened emotional I get closer and closer to the due date, I'm hearing more and more horror or negative stories.  And quite frankly?  They're freaking me out.  And irritating me.  A pretty good combination of the two.  So I need to know...

Is my life, my sense of personal identity about to be lost forever? 

Let's just say I'm hearing from several negative sources out there some of the following....

"You think you're tired now?  Just wait, you won't sleep forever..." 

"You think T's going to help you out with that baby?  Be prepared for that NOT to happen..."

"Be prepared for your relationship to suffer..." (YES, I have heard that one, believe it or not)

"You may as well give up on the idea of showering..."

"Wearing makeup?  Not going to happen." 

"You won't want to exercise at all..." 

That's just a summary of what I'm hearing.  And yes, this is only from about 2-3 sources, but I'm still listening.  And absorbing.  And wondering.  Surely it can't be that horrific, can it?

Granted I'm well aware that with a newborn, I'll be getting very little sleep.  I'm not that naive.  And I'm aware that when I can, I need to sleep, meaning when she sleeps, I should rest, too.  I know that the adjustment period from hospital to home will be different and new.    It'll take some time for T and I to figure out the flow and how we're going to do this.  But we're a team.  We've always been a team.  I have 100 percent confidence in our ability to adjust as needed.  But I'm not going into this thinking it'll be easy and no bumps in the road will be experienced. But I also know that we have a strong base, and that T will help me out as much as possible. 

And exercise and washing my face and making myself feel pretty?  Is that a bad thing?  Sure, I know I'll be tired, but I know I'll also need to make myself feel good in order to best care for my child.  I don't want to fall into some sort of postpartum blues and not get myself out of it.  A 10 minute shower?  Is not going to hurt my kid, right?  Taking a 30 minute walk on the treadmill while T watches that not a possibilty at all? 

I guess what I'm asking is...moms out there, is all of this true?  Is it as bad as everyone is making it out to be?  Or should I put a sign on me that says "I will only ask or take your opinion if I want it.  If not, please keep it to yourself.  Unsolicited advice is not wanted?"  Because I'm almost at that point. 

If only I could just keep myself in isolation from the negative Nancies out there.  Because I'm pretty darn excited to be a Mommy, and all these people need to stop raining on my parade!


  1. Aww... sweetie, don't pay any attention to these party poopers.
    I still remember when so many people used to tell me "are you sure about getting married?" or "Be prepared for married life..." or "married life is boring and the end of your freedom"... just some months before my Big day. And you know what? They were wrong.
    Marrying my best friend was the best thing I could have ever done in my life! I'm loving every second of this married life. I'm so happy!
    Freedom? I'm a free woman, and I can do whatever I want just as I could do before my wedding.
    Those people are just downers. Don't listen to them.
    Be happy! You're going to have a healthy baby!

  2. Ah, the old wives tales. Emphasis on OLD.
    The first month or so is pretty boring. Really. The baby sleeps and eats and poops. You're almost looking forward to the crying because you don't know what to do with yourself otherwise. Showering is easier if you put the baby down. The baby will sleep at some point. Take that morning nap as your cue to step away.
    The no sleep thing is really more of a riddle. Once you figure the baby out, you will sleep again. And T not helping? Am I allowed to laugh now or when he proves the person's prediction wrong while you're still in the hospital?
    You're very close. Now is a great time to lay low and tune out the advice. :-)

  3. If you go into it as a team, you come out of it as a team, just don't forget you are a team.
    Nick is a fantastic dad. Always has been. But I do have to remember to ask for help and not feel guilty about taking it.
    Although, both my boys knew exactly the moment water hit my body when I was taking a shower and decided that was the time to cry. Nick handled it, but I was the fastest showerer in the west for a while.

  4. oh gosh! Can't believe people are feeding you all that negativity!!
    Yes, you're tired those first few weeks...but it's worth it because you'll never get tired of looking at that sweet little baby and snuggling her.
    Yes, you'll be able to shower. If the baby is awake, use a bouncer or swing and put her in the bathroom with you and you can talk to her and stuff as you shower to keep her happy, but those first few weeks they sleep a lot anyway so you really don't need to worry about it. You'll find the time.
    I have no doubt at all that T will be a great dad and will be there to help out with everything. You've got this. (BOTH of you)!

    Stop listening to those people!! You saw me after I had both my kids. I don't leave my house without make up or showering and my kids survived :-)

  5. I'm not a mom, but I agree that you don't listen to all that. Live your life, deal with each thing as it happens. Yeah, your life and sense of identity changes. It's called growth. I also agree with the person that said if you're a team going in, you'll be a team coming out. I was real good at sharing the middle of the night stuff with our first- not so much with the second.

  6. Ok, I had to laugh when I read this because these were all the things I was hearing when I was pregnant the first time, and it got me scared. That and watching The Baby Story! ha ha ha

    Don't worry - it is not THAT bad. Sure it's hard when you realize you are responsible for a tiny being, but you do what's right for you and T and half pint. Everyone parents differently, and you two get to make the decisions that are right for you. When you shower, when you work out, who changes the diapers. I have no doubt from what I have read about your relationship with T on this blog that he will be an amazing dad and contribute just as much to everything related to his little girl.

    Take it one day at a time. And most of all, be confident in your decisions no matter what other people say. You do what works for you and your family, and it will be the "right way!"


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