Things have been particularly difficult with Aubrey lately. Not awful or not something we can't manage, but she's definitely been pushing her limits a lot more, more fussy and very clingy to Mommy. Needless to say...it's wearing me thin. As much as T and I look forward to our weekends and no matter how much we can't wait to spend time playing and snuggling our little girl, by the time Sunday night rolls around, I'm about to wave the white flag, curl up in the fetal position and just give up. I all but did that the other night.
I haven't had many moments like these. I know there were a few when I was on maternity leave. Once T called me to check in during the day when he was at work and I was at home, and Aubrey just wouldn't stop crying. I was in tears, so he told me to just put her in her crib, close the door and walk away. She screamed for like 30 minutes, as I sat crying in the other room.
On Tuesday, I knew she wasn't feeling right, and with this transition to dairy, she's had...well...a tough time going #2. I could tell that was the case, and she was really fussy about it. But it was a work day so we had to get going. It's a 45 minute commute to where we work. She cried. The entire time. I dropped T off at work which was about 20 minutes from the daycare, so right after I dropped her off, the crying quickly turned to screaming. By the time I got to the daycare, she was a snotty, sweaty, crying mess. She cried the entire time as I unbuckled her, carried her into the daycare, and walked her to her classroom. By the time I walked into the room, both daycare teachers could tell something was off. I just set my screaming child down and burst into tears. She finally did end up going #2, painfully, and we did seem to calm her down. I rocked her a little before I had to leave. Poor girl works herself up so much when she cries that she just sweats so badly. The teachers tried to reassure me that it was okay, understanding that it's hard, but I felt like a failure for not being strong. And I was at my wits end.
So now it has seemed to become a tradition for Aubrey. She's all smiles at daycare but fusses the whole way home. I get it. I wouldn't want to be in the car seat either. But she's comfy with her monkey, books, water...I have no idea what could be wrong. And I cannot, absolutely cannot, get out of eyesight from her. Or she'll just lose it. I spend my mornings getting my makeup on and hair done with a 1 year old pulling my pants and trying to get my attention. I know this is typical, but Mommy? Well, she needs a break. And honestly so does Daddy.
So I have told T that he should go do guy stuff with my brother and friends on Saturday. I told him this before my meltdown on Tuesday. So I broke down and did it. I asked for help. I emailed my Mom and asked for her to come down and help. I just need someone to entertain her for just a few hours so I can get a break.
And I'm not venting and saying all this to say I'm not so very grateful for the blessing she is. I wouldn't replace her for anything ever in this world. The fun and beautiful moments we have with her are priceless. So many moments. But I think we're struggling with this new phase of hers. And I kind of feel like I'm failing.
But I am blessed, and she's one amazing girl. It's so hard to be frustrated when you see this little face: