The Things I Keep Doing

  

 

So this week's Spin Cycle brought to you by Gretchen at Second Blooming is on"Things I Keep Doing," basically things that I have no idea why I keep doing them, haven't really brought fruitful results before but yet I keep doing them.  I thought and thought about this one.  I could go for the random and cute, or I could talk about something that I've recently realized and have made a big change in my life because of it. 

 

 

Things I keep doing - or rather thing that I keep doing.  Trying to handle everything on my own. 


I've been known to do that.  I don't always speak up when I need help, but this whole handling everything on my own goes deeper than just saying "Hey, Mom, can you help?"  It's bigger than that. 


Before T and I got married, we both attended retreats at our church called Christ Renews His Parish.  Feeling renewed and energized from the weekend, T and I did quite well with going to church, praying and practicing our faith.  And it's not to say we still aren't doing that, but...going to church with a fussy one year old, I seldom walk out as inspired as I did pre-child.  (Nope, the church does not have a daycare, unfortunately).  And praying?  Saying a prayer before a meal while Play with me Sesame plays in the background isn't always conducive for good reflection. 



But all of these statements are excuses.  I've never been really good at this giving it to God thing.  I like to control it.  I will fix it, I will make it better, I will make it happen.  Until then, I will worry and stress and basically make myself sick with anxiety over it.  But it's my problem, so I'll keep it inside.  



Well, a few weeks ago I was at a dinner celebrating my completion of the MOMS ministry, and one of the ladies who had gone through before gave a talk about her faith.  And her story was just so powerful, and it just hit me.  Listening to her, I had this realization, an epiphany, if you will.  I'm doing this all on my own.  T and I are carrying these burdens, these stressors, these weights on our lives and on our marriage, not including God.  He's watching us probably thinking "oh, you of little faith, why don't you let me carry some of that weight?"  We don't pray.  We don't include faith in our daily lives. 


So I walked away that night inspired.  T and I needed to bring ourselves back to where we were.  After all, when we took those vows two and a half years ago, we joined our lives with God in front of our family and friends.  So since then, I have made a point of praying daily, writing my reflections for the day in a journal and asking for God's guidance and assistance with all of the burdens I have in my life.  And thanking Him for my blessings each night. 


I wasn't walking away looking for a miracle.  I wasn't thinking "sure, if I start praying, good things will happen."  But what I can say is it has made a difference.  My heart is a little lighter.  And I don't feel so alone with the things that weigh me down. 


I just wonder why it took me so long to realize it, huh?  So that's it.  That's the thing I keep doing.  And here's hoping that I stop it.

 

 

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