I am supposed to be staying strong. I'm supposed to be taking one for the team and putting on a happy face. But I can't. Because this sucks. I miss T.
The thing about him being all the way in Death Valley means no cell phone reception, no email, no text. And his work has him going all day, with a three hour delay in time from there and here...so that means I don't get to talk to my husband. That fact didn't hit me until yesterday when I was heading home from work, and T attempted to call me on one of his breaks. The reception was awful, and I could barely hear anything he was saying. I did catch a "I'm not sure how much I'm going to be able to call" and I broke down. Not just a glistening tear. Nope, this was ugly. Full on sobbing, mascara dripping all over the place, snotty nose. The whole nine yards. And once it started, it couldn't stop. And here's poor T sitting on the other end of the phone, in the same room with his coworkers, so it's not like he can say anything more than "It'll be ok, honey." But I lost it. You wouldn't have known it looking at the vlog from last night, but I cleaned up pretty well before I hit record. And calmed down. Just a smidge.
So here I am on Tuesday evening, and I get a message from T that work has been crazy again today testing trucks out in the desert, and he's not sure he'll be able to call. I can't lose it on him again, but I'm on the verge. I'm on the border of an all-out meltdown. I just want him here. I just miss him so much. And this is going to continue until Saturday afternoon. I seriously hate this. This sucks.
I know a great deal of this is pregnancy induced. But I can't help it. It sucks that I don't know when/if he'll call. It sucks I don't know how he's doing during the day and if everything is alright. And I have no clue how people who have spouses deployed do this because to me, this is just awful.
So Nain's a hot mess right now. A hot, hormonal mess. And I miss my T. Why can't Saturday get here sooner?