I am supposed to be staying strong. I'm supposed to be taking one for the team and putting on a happy face. But I can't. Because this sucks. I miss T.
The thing about him being all the way in Death Valley means no cell phone reception, no email, no text. And his work has him going all day, with a three hour delay in time from there and here...so that means I don't get to talk to my husband. That fact didn't hit me until yesterday when I was heading home from work, and T attempted to call me on one of his breaks. The reception was awful, and I could barely hear anything he was saying. I did catch a "I'm not sure how much I'm going to be able to call" and I broke down. Not just a glistening tear. Nope, this was ugly. Full on sobbing, mascara dripping all over the place, snotty nose. The whole nine yards. And once it started, it couldn't stop. And here's poor T sitting on the other end of the phone, in the same room with his coworkers, so it's not like he can say anything more than "It'll be ok, honey." But I lost it. You wouldn't have known it looking at the vlog from last night, but I cleaned up pretty well before I hit record. And calmed down. Just a smidge.
So here I am on Tuesday evening, and I get a message from T that work has been crazy again today testing trucks out in the desert, and he's not sure he'll be able to call. I can't lose it on him again, but I'm on the verge. I'm on the border of an all-out meltdown. I just want him here. I just miss him so much. And this is going to continue until Saturday afternoon. I seriously hate this. This sucks.
I know a great deal of this is pregnancy induced. But I can't help it. It sucks that I don't know when/if he'll call. It sucks I don't know how he's doing during the day and if everything is alright. And I have no clue how people who have spouses deployed do this because to me, this is just awful.
So Nain's a hot mess right now. A hot, hormonal mess. And I miss my T. Why can't Saturday get here sooner?
Awe, sweetie! I'm so sorry!
ReplyDeleteI know it sucks!!
But today is Wednesday! Only two more days!! :)
LOTS OF HUGS FROM SPAIN!
Aww man that does suck. When Gene worked construction I hated it, him in another state for 2 weeks at a time and me home with babies. Yeah it wasnt pretty I had a lot of those mascara smudging snot nose cries.
ReplyDeleteI can remember doing the same thing when eight after we were married my husband had to put in his 2 weeks of National Guard training. I felt abandoned.
ReplyDeleteUgh, I know it's hard. When I was preggo with Finn, the hubs left for 4 months and I had the older 2 kids at home. It was soooo hard. Plus, he was working completely different hours than we were awake so we were all on opposite schedules and rarely talked. Pregnancy def makes it harder!! Course, I'm currently trying to talk him into taking a weekend trip so I can have some quiet! ;)
ReplyDeleteI could say cheer up, but pregnancy will do that to you. One day, you'll cry over it, the next day you'll cry over the fact that you cried over it the first time. And the next day, you'll cry just because you cried the 2 days before even if you don't remember what you were crying about.
ReplyDeleteFirst trimester over. Now you can blame EVERYTHING on the pregnancy. And I hope T comes back soon so you can have that shoulder to cushion the tears. :-)
Welcome to the world of being pregnant! Crazy hormonal breakdowns! Wish I was there to go meet up for dinner and cheer you up. Will leaves next week, so we could cry together- even though I'm not pregnant. I'm just emotional. At least you have an excuse ;-)
ReplyDelete