Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Oh the games we play...

I'm a lucky girl.  I know I say it a lot, but these past few weeks, it's hit me more and more just how good I have it.  Lately I've been lending an ear to those I care about regarding their men problems.  The whole dating know, the whole "I have to try to act like I don't like him too much so he can like me more than I like him" or the "why isn't he calling me?  Should I call him or wait for him to call me?"  We've all been through that.  Trying our best to avoid that "he's just not that into you feeling" that you know is there but you don't want to admit it.  And it kills me to see people I love going through just that.

That being said, it's also hard for me to stand by and not do anything.  I want to fix it for them.  I want to help them.  I take their problems and worries and absorb them as my own.  It's one of my downfalls, but I can't help it.  I want to take whichever boy is giving my friend or family member heart ache and smack him upside his head and shake some sense into him.  I want to show him how he's taking such advantage of my loved one and is taking them for granted.  But I can't.  Or at least that's what T keeps telling me saying that I need to let other people solve their problems.  Perhaps I should.  Well, no, I know I should.  But part of me can't help it. 

T asked me the other day if I'm obsessing about all of these other problems to avoid thinking about the big unknown currently in my life.  It's probably true.  I probably don't need to add onto other's problems onto the ones I currently have.   It's the "self-destruct Nain" mode I've had for years.  When something bad is going on, I will find everything else to make it go from bad to complete meltdown in less than 60 seconds.  I am pretty damn good at it, if I do say so myself.  But in this situation it's not because I just want to feel bad.  I want everyone else to be happy.  I want the people I care about to be as blessed as I am.  And I'm a control-type person.  I want to control it and make it happen for them because they deserve it and life shouldn't be so unfair sometimes.

When T and I started dating, I don't think I realized it at the time, but I do now...the big thing that drew me to him was he was genuine.  He didn't play those games that I had dealt with so much in the past.  When he said he'd call, he'd call.  And he didn't do that guy thing where he tried so hard to win me at the beginning and as soon as he had me, he'd back off.  No, he was romantic from the start and is still to this day.  I never had to worry about him straying.  I never had to worry that our relationship would suddenly end.  He was who he said he was from the very beginning, and I could trust in that.  No games, no need for them.  He was the first and only truly mature relationship I have ever had.  There isn't a day that goes by that I don't realize I'm not lucky for this.  And watching those I love hurt and go through so much makes me realize it so much more. 

I just wish all of those guys out there were the good ones, like mine.  But I do need to stop worrying.  Maybe that's what I'll give up for Lent...thoughts?



  1. Oooh I know exactly what you mean! I spent so much time being head over heels in love with guy after guy who couldn't have cared less. I wanted so much, for so long. Then Rob came along and that was that. No doubt, no agony, nothing but love and faithfulness. I know 100% that he'd never hurt me, never betray me. I just know like I know today is Wednesday. And I, like you, want to jump in and fix people's problems for them. To the point where I'll drop everything. I never thought about how that might take focus off of my own issues, though...definitely something to think about.

  2. I do the exact same thing time and again.. and then if I need the shoulder I find myself alone. It gets rather irritating and hurtful. Making myself feel like what the crap am I doing and why do I keep doing this??
    Vicious cycle isn't it..

  3. If that's one thing I've learned, is that people need to learn to help themselves. When you try to help them, you usually get condemned.

  4. I'm with you. I get all protective of my friends like a mama bulldog. & I always want to fix everyone's problems.

    It just seems easier to tackle someone else's rather than our own sometimes.

    Hope you have a great Wednesday!

  5. I would LOVE to see you give up worrying for Lent! Not sure how long it would stick though... LOVE YOU!

  6. I need to give up worrying too but it would be hard since I am a worry wart! We are blessed by great men and the best we can do is support our friends and pray for them to find their guy that does not involves games!

  7. Giving up worrying sounds like a wonderful idea! (Not sure it's possible...) The best thing you can do is be there for the people you are worried about and know that you having a great relationship offers them such a good example of hope and what to hold out for. Many people don't realize that kind of love is possible.

  8. I feel exactly the same way. Exactly. I was even thinking about writing a post about it too!

    The dating games are really just silly. I wish everyone could be genuine. I honestly don't see the point in it. I never have. I too am one of the lucky ones with a guy that never played those games and was real from the beginning. He's still so romantic and he was also the first and only real mature relationship.


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