I'm a lucky girl. I know I say it a lot, but these past few weeks, it's hit me more and more just how good I have it. Lately I've been lending an ear to those I care about regarding their men problems. The whole dating game...you know, the whole "I have to try to act like I don't like him too much so he can like me more than I like him" or the "why isn't he calling me? Should I call him or wait for him to call me?" We've all been through that. Trying our best to avoid that "he's just not that into you feeling" that you know is there but you don't want to admit it. And it kills me to see people I love going through just that.
That being said, it's also hard for me to stand by and not do anything. I want to fix it for them. I want to help them. I take their problems and worries and absorb them as my own. It's one of my downfalls, but I can't help it. I want to take whichever boy is giving my friend or family member heart ache and smack him upside his head and shake some sense into him. I want to show him how he's taking such advantage of my loved one and is taking them for granted. But I can't. Or at least that's what T keeps telling me saying that I need to let other people solve their problems. Perhaps I should. Well, no, I know I should. But part of me can't help it.
T asked me the other day if I'm obsessing about all of these other problems to avoid thinking about the big unknown currently in my life. It's probably true. I probably don't need to add onto other's problems onto the ones I currently have. It's the "self-destruct Nain" mode I've had for years. When something bad is going on, I will find everything else to make it go from bad to complete meltdown in less than 60 seconds. I am pretty damn good at it, if I do say so myself. But in this situation it's not because I just want to feel bad. I want everyone else to be happy. I want the people I care about to be as blessed as I am. And I'm a control-type person. I want to control it and make it happen for them because they deserve it and life shouldn't be so unfair sometimes.
When T and I started dating, I don't think I realized it at the time, but I do now...the big thing that drew me to him was he was genuine. He didn't play those games that I had dealt with so much in the past. When he said he'd call, he'd call. And he didn't do that guy thing where he tried so hard to win me at the beginning and as soon as he had me, he'd back off. No, he was romantic from the start and is still to this day. I never had to worry about him straying. I never had to worry that our relationship would suddenly end. He was who he said he was from the very beginning, and I could trust in that. No games, no need for them. He was the first and only truly mature relationship I have ever had. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't realize I'm not lucky for this. And watching those I love hurt and go through so much makes me realize it so much more.
I just wish all of those guys out there were the good ones, like mine. But I do need to stop worrying. Maybe that's what I'll give up for Lent...thoughts?