I remember the first time T and I told each other I love you. I remember it as clearly as if it were yesterday. I think deep down we knew it for awhile before we actually said it. I was more hesitant than T because I had gotten my heart broken so many times before I said it. But I knew it.
More than anything, I remember a moment before we said those words. I'll always remember that moment. It was mid-September of 2008, which is ironic because our wedding anniversary is September 18th, 2010. We had gone downtown that day to the Irish Festival. I was volunteering that day there, and he met me after my shift was over. We had dinner with a good friend of mine, and it was her first time meeting T for that required "best friend approval." We headed back to his apartment for the weekend. I always liked staying at his place...not sure why, but I always felt more at home there. I was sad about something at the time, and we were sitting out on his apartment balcony just talking about it. He pulled me onto his lap and reassured me that what I was sad about was fine and not to worry. As I sat there, I looked deeply into his eyes, and he looked right back at me. His expression quickly changed, and I could see it in his eyes. It was like he had this moment of clarity, an "aha" moment. But whatever it was, I saw something in his eyes change. I, of course, got all self-conscious thinking something was up, and he said he could see something in my eyes. I asked him what, and he just said "something." I knew what that something was because I felt it too. I so wanted him to say it, though. For a brief moment, I wanted to say it, but I stopped myself. There was no way I could say it first. What if he didn't reciprocate? What if I said it and things would go really well and then we'd break up just like had happened so many times before? So I didn't say it. But I felt it in my gut.
T tells me to this day that was one of those special moments he'll always feel in his heart. Me, too. I still get that feeling in my gut when I look into his eyes today. I felt it the day we were engaged. I felt it the day we were married, standing up on the altar saying our vows. I looked so deeply into T's eyes, I could see my reflection in them. I felt it the day Aubrey was born as I lay there on the surgery table and held T's hand as he told me it would be okay.
We're so busy, and we're new parents so I have to admit, we don't always take the time to appreciate moments like those. I know there are days where we go without looking into each other's eyes like that. We're too tired, too busy, too distracted. I know it happens to so many couples. And some of them never get back to that feeling. And I vow to never become one of those people.
From that moment on, I have always known I would spend the rest of my life with T. I felt it in my gut. I still do. I love him more every day, and seeing him as a father to my daughter and seeing that look of love in his eyes when he looks at her, too, just makes me fall in love with him that much more.
I am not sure what made me want to tell that story. I'm not sure why I've never shared it on my blog before. T's away on a business trip right now, and he will unfortunately be gone for five days. My heart aches that he'll be so far away, and I know he'll be missing both me and Aubrey. So, T, I know we may not get to talk every day these next few days, but this post is written just specially for you. I love you more than words can say. Come home soon. We miss you...