I've got a bad feeling about this....
So this morning, I woke up after a sad dream about my Grandpa with this morning. I can't seem to shake it. He's been steadily getting worse every week, which is what we have been expecting. He's hanging in there, but honestly I have my days where I just pray for him that he doesn't have to much longer. With renal failure, we're basically waiting. Waiting for his time to come. His nursing home staff have officially stopped physical therapy with him because he has been unable to stay awake during therapy. He sleeps most of the time, and his memory is getting progressively worse. This strong, amazing man that I've always known as my Grandpa is becoming just a shell of himself. And it just breaks my heart.
I want him to be with my Grandma again. In heaven. And at peace. I want his suffering to pass.
At the same time, it breaks my heart that I know I'll be losing him. It breaks my heart to talk to my mother who visits him weekly who is watching her father die. So instead, I pray. I pray every day for him.
Last night was yet another dream where I dreamt he passed. I texted my mom this morning to see what's going on, and she shared she had a similar uneasy feeling today. That makes me feel even more unsettled.
So today, I'm unsettled. And I can't shake this feeling. Until then, I plan to keep as busy as possible. And keep praying.
And as if things couldn't be any more ironic, this is the song playing on my Pandora right now...
"Hear you me" Jimmy Eat World
You gave us some place to go.
I never said thank you for that.
I thought I might get one more chance.
What would you think of me now,
so lucky, so strong, so proud?
I never said thank you for that,
now I'll never have a chance.
May angels lead you in.
Hear you me my friends.
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.
So what would you think of me now,
so lucky, so strong, so proud?
I never said thank you for that,
now I'll never have a chance.
May angels lead you in.
Hear you me my friends.
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.
May angels lead you in.
May angels lead you in.
And if you were with me tonight,
I'd sing to you just one more time.
A song for a heart so big,
god wouldn't let it live.
May angels lead you in.
Hear you me my friends.
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.
May angels lead you in.
Hear you me my friends.
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.
May angels lead you in
I'm sorry you are going through this. As you know, I have recently dealt with the exact same thing. He will soon be at peace & your family will be too, knowing he is no longer suffering. Maybe start making a list of fun memories you had together? It's a great way to honor how much he has always meant to you. Soon you and your family will be coming together to celebrate the man he was and the amazing joy he brought to you all. We are lucky to have such great men in our lives!
ReplyDeleteI am praying for you. This is a tough road to walk. I pray he falls asleep in the arms of Jesus soon.
ReplyDelete♥
I'm praying for you, your Grandad and your family.
ReplyDelete{hugs}