Heavy heart

My heart is heavy today, as it always every time this day hits each year.  Eleven years ago this morning we lost my Grandma to cancer.  It was a tough and heart-breaking battle, but she finally left to be with God and have peace.  I know she watches over us every day, but every year when October 17th rolls around, I can't help but have a sadness in my heart as I remember her and just wish she was with us for one more day. 

 

 

On Facebook this morning, I saw my mom and aunt post loving tributes to her, and it just breaks my heart because of what they have gone through when they lost their mother to such a horrible disease and now are watching their own father deteriorate before their very eyes.  He wants so desperately to be with his wife in heaven.  That's all we want.  I have no doubt that she is watching over him always.  And I know he will be with her soon.  I have no doubt.

 

 

My niece, Erin, said something to my mom this weekend about my Grandma that just makes me smile but at the same time tugs at the heart.  She asked her "would we have had fun together?"  Yes, Erin, you would have had so much fun together.  She was such an amazing lady. She was and is the center of our family.  All family gatherings were so fun and so full of love because of her.  She loved all of her children, all fourteen of her grandchildren and the few great-grandchildren she was here to see.  And I know that she loves and watches all of the new great-grandchildren who have joined the family since she left us. 

 

 

I think of her always.  Every week when we go to church, I say a prayer for her.  I ask that she watch over my mother and my Grandpa.  This past week at church, I prayed harder than normal.  I asked that she be with my Grandpa and that she hold his hand.  That God let him go and give him the peace that he needs.  A part of me walks around today wondering if this will be the day.  This was the day eleven years ago when she went to join God in heaven.  What if this were the day that he were to join his one and only love in heaven and finally be at peace?  I know it's not as easy as that.  I know that God always has a plan.  And I know I can't rush His plan.  But that doesn't mean a part of me doesn't wonder what's going to happen sometimes. 

 

 

I love each and every one of my grandparents with all of my heart.  I had the privilege to know three of them personally, with my dad's father passing before my birth, and I think of all of them always.  As I have this new life growing inside of me, this little girl who will join us soon and change our lives forever, I can't help but think about what my eight year old niece said...because really, they would all have had so much fun together. 

 

 

God bless you, Grandma.  I miss you every day and love you always.