Thursday, June 20, 2013

The second child

Ever since about one year after Aubrey was born, I have been bombarded with one annoying and very personal question - when are you going to have a second child? 

I'm sorry, but honestly, I'm not sure why people feel comfortable asking that.  Having a baby or trying to conceive is one of the most personal things I can think of (and yet, I'm writing about it right now on this blog, ha).  I mean basically you're saying "so when are you and your husband going to have unprotected sex trying to conceive?"  Um, personal? 

Also, I have way too many friends who have tried to conceive and have had such a hard time doing so.  You get the questions every month, "are you pregnant?"  What if you are having a hard time?  What if you have miscarried?  What if you have chosen to not have a second child  I already get that question when I choose to abstain from drinking at any given event.  I get the question if my stomach is queasy.  Or if I say I'm craving some kind of food.  It's annoying. 

I got the question the other day from someone I hardly know, a funder when I was dropping off a grant application.  Really?  Really you just asked me that?  The answer to that question not only is personal, but it's complicated.  I'm not even comfortable telling pure strangers in person (not through the protection of somewhat anonymity online) about my heart condition let alone how it would affect a pregnancy.  Why would I even think to tell someone I barely know?  Why would you even think to ask that question is what I wanted to ask her.  But I bit my tongue and laughed it off, saying something about Aubrey being a toddler and not wanting to deal with another one just yet. 

It's tough.  Having the scare a few weeks ago where I legitimately considered the reality that I was having a heart attack frightened me.  Something seriously bad could have happened.  It didn't, but it could have.  It's a reality I have to face, even more so as I get older.  I know, I know, I'm not old, per se, but I've had this condition my whole life.  I'm getting older.  Doctors have said the chances of surgery increase with age.  Home girl takes two medications for blood pressure and took three rather strong ones during my pregnancy.  It's some serious shit (pardon my language). 

I have scheduled a cardiologist appointment.  I was holding off...technically this was supposed to have been done in April.  T kept pushing me and pushing me to schedule it, so I finally did after my scare.  I don't expect anything to happen.  I have no doubt it'll be all clear.  BUT, I also know I need to ask some tough questions.  And I'm afraid of the answers.  And then I really don't want to face the discussion T and I will need to have afterwards.  But I scheduled it.  Begrudgingly. 

Will we have another child?  I don't know, and when we do decide, I won't say.  That decision lies between me, T, and God.  Well, and my cardiologist.  He's kind of like God in that he's the one in control, in addition to God, of my heart.  There are so many things I have to pray about, really consider, and I don't know what in the world we'll decide.  But I do know when we do, you'll know when you'll know.  Unless you are that lady.  I won't be telling her. :-)


  1. WE are quite happy with our two boys, but after Bruiser was born I got asked more than once if we were going to try for a girl. Like third time's the charm and we would be guaranteed a girl. Yeah, no. I found the best way to deal with it was to laugh it off, but people really have no idea of person space or questions these days.

  2. Hi!! i'm your newest follower :) my daughters name is Aubrey too!! it's a beautiful name. I totally agree with you people are always asking me the same question!! it's annoying, I have 2 boys witch are 15 years old and 11 years old and my 2 year old daughter, i know long stretch but, i had a very difficult pregnancy with my little miracle girl and had 2 misscarriages before her :( people really do need to stop asking those type of questions because they have no idea what's going on in peoples personal lifes plus like you said that is very personal and should only be between you spouse and yourself!!


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