Tuesday, August 14, 2012

The weight of it all

This blog has been and always will be my place.  A place for my thoughts, my feelings, and a way for me to express exactly what I'm feeling at the moment.  And today?  Today I am struggling. 
I don't have the time to be struggling.  I have so much to do at work, but I am.
I'm struggling with changes.  I know no one could ever be prepared for what changes come with starting a family.  I could have said all I wanted that I was prepared for it, but things change when a little one enters your life.  Priorities change.  Your schedule changes.  Relationships adjust.  You don't have time for certain activities.  Everything is affected by your child.  In good ways and bad ways.  And it's quite the adjustment.  It's been one for me, this I can definitely say. 
But I never wanted anything more in my entire life.  I've always wanted to be a Mom, ever since I "created" my family of Cabbage Patch dolls, playing family all the time.  I was their Mom.  I took care of them.  I took them places with me.  Hell, I had family portraits taken of us, if you believe that.  Seriously, I have a picture of me and my children sitting in my bedroom as a family portrait.  It's hilarious.  I always knew I'd be a Mom.  I have always wanted a family of my own. 
However, I didn't know about what would change when Aubrey would come into my life.  Becoming a mother has changed so much, and it has thrown me for a loop.  It's changed my relationship with myself, to be honest.  It's affected my relationship with T, in good ways as well as tough, not-so-good ways.  It's affected my relationship with family.  It's made me more distant from friends.  Things have shifted.  I realize as time passes, I'll get the hang of this Mom thing and certain things will fall back into place.  But for now?  I am struggling. 
So my heart is heavy today.  I'm not going to lie.   So my blog post, my feelings, are a reflection of that.  Sometimes I wish I had a magic wand, and I could make everything perfect.  I know that's too much to ask, but a girl can wish.  This does get easier right? 
For right now, I need to give this to God.  And let go and trust that it will all fall into place.


  1. It will fall into place. Not because time heals all, or, it's natural, or any of the other pat answers. It will fall into place because you want it to and are willing to work at it! Most of us became parents by trial and error, by getting up every morning, by putting the family first. You are right on track.

  2. CW is so right. And you are right on track. The only thing I would say, is make time for T. It won't be easy but this is the man you want to grow old with and the relationship needs your involvement. I am praying for all three of you.

    Lily-Thinking Thoughts

  3. <3
    Yes, it does get better. You adjust. There will be harder times, and much easier times. And it will just flow.
    Having a baby is the biggest stress on a relationship; you are now no longer a couple but a family. It's a huge adjustment, and one that takes more than a day or week or a few months. Heck, it's constant adjusting! Each stage is a new first - first time parenting, first time parents of school age child, first time parenting a teenager. And friendships change, too. That's what's really hard. Some will move on without you, and some will become closer than ever.

    But yes, it does get easier. And remember, nothing is "perfect." Perfect is some abstract idea that society tries to force us into becoming. Just worry about what's right for you and your family.

  4. It gets better and then you have another kid and even though you know this time around...it still happens. It's ok and you will "find" yourself again. 2 important things that no one tells you when or how to do find time for you and find time for your relationship. Even if it's a movie on the couch Saturday night after Aubrey goes to bed or 30 mi items to watch a tv show alone in your bedroom. Having even the smallest moment to do those things can make a world of difference. Being a parent also means teaching your little one how to take care of themselves as a person and you and T are Aubrey's first example of love and marriage. It is important for her to see you guys together. We do couch time some days where we just spend a few minutes talking and cuddling on the couch while the kids entertain themselves with Legos or what have you. When they interrupt we let them know we are having adult time and we will be with them in a minute. You will find your groove you just gotta keep going.

  5. Girl! I had a major meltdown last week about this. Being a parent IS HARD. NO other way to describe it. I've never cried so much, been so anxious so much, fought so much (with the hubs), etc. It's madness. But each time, things get a little better and better. Must keep talking and talking and talking... And be honest! It helps. Hugs honey!


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