So Friday's post was a bit dark, but I was kind of in a dark place. I'm still stinging from rejection just a bit and mourning the picture I had in my head of what could be. You know you are in a dark place when you respond to someone saying that I should pray by saying "what would that even do?"....but I'm trying to see the bigger plan. Maybe that opportunity wasn't meant for me. Friday whenever someone said that I wanted to hit them, but it's possibly true. I have to keep hope. As hard as it is.
For the time being I'm trying to find the positive in life. I'm not going to lie...as of lately, I've found myself in a pretty dark place. I know I've been difficult to be around. I know that I'm not happy. Hell, the other day, T and I were watching The Soup on DVR and I was laughing pretty much the entire time. I looked at him and said "I can't remember the last time I laughed like that." And he said "neither can I."
Depression is tough. It just is. It's that thing that never goes away. You just learn to see the light through the clouds, and lately, I haven't been able to see that light at all. I'm not always the best person to see the light. But sometimes I need reminding to keep things in perspective. It's not my strong suit.
I am blessed, I know I am. I need to recognize it more often rather than seek out the things I want to change. So many of us do that, right? It has to be perfect. Sure, I have a beautiful family, wonderful husband, lovely house, my health, etc. But this part isn't perfect. So let me focus on that part for awhile. I think I have things a little out of perspective.
I'm not going to lie - I'm still kind of focusing on that part that isn't making me happy. But I'm going to try to focus on the things that matter so much more than that. And try just a little harder to see that light through the clouds.