I am not a big fan of those dreams, normally pretty bad ones, where you wake up and wonder if what you dreamt about was really real. I had a ton of them during my pregnancy....me losing the baby, me dying during the C-section...these are never really rational dreams, but I don't think you could say dreams are, by nature, rational.
I had one of the absolutely worst ones I could ever have on Saturday night. I'm not sure why but the only dreams I ever really remember are the bad ones. I'm sure I have good ones, but nope, all I remember are the bad ones, and the truly bad ones are so vivid. This one was one of those.
In my dream, I had cancer. My human body in the dream was just a wreck, I was so sick, so thin, and in the dream, I had like days or weeks to live. Aubrey was the same age that she is now, and I had to say good bye to her and come to terms with all of the things I wouldn't get to experience with her growing up. I watched as T's brother and sister-in-law played with their daughter, thinking "I'll never get to do this with Aubrey." I woke up shortly before I "died" in my dream but after I broke down kissing my girl.
Wonderful dream, right?
What the hell is wrong with me?
So of course, after waking up, I immediately went into Aubrey's room to check on her. She was soundly asleep. I kissed her forehead and went to sleep. Twenty minutes later she woke up and cried for the next 45 minutes while I tried everything in my power to soothe her. Mom fail.
But wouldn't you have done the same thing? I'm going to try to not read into this dream. I know dreams usually stand for something or whatever, but I'm going to say this one was just a fluke and stands for absolutely nothing. And that I'm not going anywhere and will be with my little girl for a good long time. But don't think I wasn't hugging and kissing all over her on Sunday.