Ok guys, so I have a confession to make. So yesterday, I got to subject you to my random thoughts, but today....we have irrational fears! (whoo!) Now, despite the fact that I talk a lot and try to keep myself as busy as possible and meeting new people, I have a bit of social anxiety. I hate being the center of attention. I hate having big events loom over my head. This does not bode well since I will be the center of attention on September 18th and I do have a big event looming over my head. A few big events for that matter. This presents problems...
This problem has reared its ugly head this week. See, I have my bridal shower and bachelorette party on Saturday. My sister has worked so hard to put together an amazing party, and a normal person would be super stoked about it. I'm having friends come from out of state to attend, people I haven't seen in forever. But yet, I'm kind of anxious about it. I know I have nothing to worry about, but I have that anxiety looming in the back of my head. (I know, it's crazy...)
I used to do this when I was a kid. I'd be invited to someone's house for a slumber party, and I'd get myself so worked up about it that I wouldn't have fun, I'd end up feeling sick to my stomach all night, and then my mom would have to come pick me up at 10:00 at night. It's all in the head, right? I have that same fear - will I drink too much at the bachelorette? What if people don't show up? What if people don't get along? What if, what if, what if. I don't get it, but you know, there it is.
See, I'm really good at psyching myself out. That, and well, I'm a bit of a homebody. I love nothing more than staying in my house, cuddling on the couch and watching DVR with T. I can't help it. I'm a Taurus...it's in my nature. I'm a homebody, and I love it. I told T this thought of mine this weekend that I was more nervous about this weekend than excited, and he looked at me like I'm crazy. Hell, I've just typed that, and I think I'm crazy. But I think he's more concerned than anything that I won't have fun because I'm so anxious, and I don't want that to happen at all.
I'm sure right now, it's just the whole anticipation of the thing that has me (I'm 9 and going to a slumber party all over again), and I know that I'll have a great time no matter what. But it's on my mind, and I just had to get that puppy out there. (You know, so you all can think I'm equally crazy...)
I don't think you're crazy at all. With my depression and anxiety disorders, I was dreading my wedding. It didn't help that I didn't want a big event but was pushed into it and it helped that I had "happy pills" to help me relieve the anxiety...Anyway...I can't help with the shower/bachelorette. But, for the wedding I made everybody folders that outlined order walking in, order of pictures, reception information, everything. I could've not been there and they would've been able to do it perfectly like it was in my head. That really helped, especially when I was stuck during the lining up for the processional because I couldn't get around easily with that dress on. My biggest regret, though, is that I was so focussed on "what comes next!?" that I never took time to sit back and enjoy my day. My memories are all based off pictures because the only thing I could remember that night were the things that went wrong.
ReplyDeleteI don't think you're crazy. I'm sort of the same way. I HATE being the center of attention. I enjoy gatherings but I don't want the focus on ME. We had a VERY small wedding (only about 20 guests) and it was still almost too much for me because I hated the attention being on just me.
ReplyDeleteHave fun! I know the anxiety can get the best of you - I'm the same way when I'm the center of attention. But just think that getting through this gets you one step closer to the big day!
ReplyDeleteWould it console you any to know my sister passed out COD at her first 2 weddings lol. I mean thunk hit the floor passed out. She passed out as a bridesmaid at our older sister's wedding at teh REHERSAL dinner not eventhe big to do the ding dang practice for it lol.. You will be fine, don't stiffen your knees and remember to breathe
ReplyDeleteNope, not crazy. I was the same way. Best thing to do is throw that vision of the ideal shower/bach party out of your head because you're not throwing it, therefore you're not the one striving to make it perfect. Just act like you're going to a casual group gathering with your friends and once you get there, after about 20 minutes, you'll be fine, in fact, the only thing you'll end up being worried about is not getting to talk to everyone long enough. Have a great time!
ReplyDeleteAck - sounds so stressful! But I'm sure once you're there you'll realize it's an amazing time and just enjoy yourself.
ReplyDeleteCongrats!
I don't think you're irrational at all (I have the same fears) but I do think you are going to do just fine and have a great time! I just feel it! :)
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