Telling my story

“I think of life as a good book. The further you get into it, the more it begins to make sense.”

― Harold Kushner

Now, I've alluded to the fact that I'm currently writing a book in several posts before but I haven't really told you much about the content of said book. In fact, I've kept it about as vague as humanly possible, and well, I've done that for several reasons. 1) I'm afraid no one will like what I'm writing and 2) I'm afraid I won't ever have the nerve to finish it. It's probably the first fear more than anything that has kept me from really disclosing what is in this book. I've let T read the first nine chapters I've written, but that's about it. Perhaps I should change that...

I've debated putting a chapter or two on this blog, but I'm not sure if that's a good idea yet or not. See, this book is not just purely fiction. Throughout my life, I've been through a course of events and experiences that have changed me as a person and have brought me to be the person I am today. These experiences weren't easy ones, they sure as hell would be something I would want to see my own children go through some day, and they aren't always easy to revisit in whatever fashion, whether that be through writing or just memories. In the past few years, and in talking with friends and family about some of these things that have happened in the past ten years or so, I'm always hearing "you should so write a book about this. You can't make this stuff up." Well, that's true, you can't make it up, but that doesn't mean that writing about it wouldn't be equally as difficult. However, I made the decision a few months ago that I would finally do it. I would take an isolated experience and write about it. Most of it would be based off of fact and things that actually happened but it would be loosely written around those facts, enough to spare the parties involved.

Shortly after I started this blog in May, I also started writing. Once I got started, it just flowed out. I knew the basic story I wanted to tell, and I drafted a brief storyline and outline to go from. However, as I got further into the book, I started to realize something. By writing about all of this, I'm reliving some of my darkest moments. It's cathartic, but at the same time, it's me reliving things I've worked so hard to forget.

When I sent T the first few chapters of my book, I was kind of worried how he would react. He knows my story, and he knows everything about me, yes. However, a lot of what I found myself writing were things that I never told anyone. Not even my closest friends at the time. I kept these thoughts to myself, and now, I'm finally getting them out.  He said he loved the book, but it does break his heart a little because he realizes that this character was me at one point in my life and he doesn't like that I had to go through all of that. Granted, my story does have a happy ending, and the book won't be like that the whole time. But I'm trying to be as honest as humanly possible in my writing. I just hope it doesn't bite me in the butt in the end.

So what do you think, my faithful readers? Should I post a preview to my book in here at all? Just a passing thought...let me know what you guys think.

We're halfway through the week...I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Friday is near!