Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Lessons learned

Now that T and I are getting closer and closer to the big day, we're getting more excited for the huge change that's about to take place in our lives. Neither of us can wait to say "I do." We've been waiting for this day for well over a year.  And, if we both want to be really honest...and this might come across as bad to others, but it's the truth....we are really stoked about wedding planning being over. Yes, it's true. I, Nain, am not a wedding planner. Not in the slightest. This past year and one month have taught me many many lessons, and I want to share those with you today. Those of you who are already married might chuckle and say "yes, yes, I remember this!" and this is a lesson for those of you who haven't planned one yet. Keep these key things in mind. (Because I sure wish I knew these ahead of time.)

Lesson Number 1:
You WILL upset people. Oh yes, you WILL upset people. (I say in my best Wayne's World impression). See, I'm a huge people pleaser. I hate making people sad, mad or hurt. And I have quickly learned that when it comes to wedding planning, you cannot do everything right. Throughout the course of a year of wedding planning, I have upset many people, I am sure. And made many angry. I'd like to say that I haven't always cared how people have felt when I've had to make certain decisions, but that's totally not true.  I care a whole lot.  I don't want to tick anyone off or hurt anyone.  But decisions had to be made.  Who is in my bridal party? Will I upset this person  if I don't ask them to do something during the ceremony? Will I upset my friends who have kids if I don't invite kids, because, let's be honest...food for weddings equals a lot of money. That was one of the reasons behind my decision not to invite past or current coworkers.  Too many people, and I don't want to pick and choose at the risk of hurting others.  Decisions had to be made. And I'm not going to lie...many of them have sucked. They just have.

Lesson Number 2:
Sometimes the things you want, you just won't get to have. I'm not going to go into what these things are exactly, but let's just say the little pieces during the ceremony that I thought would mean a lot to me have been vetoed by those who will not be named. Same with the reception. I personally wanted Buffalo Wild Wings to cater the reception with a keg of Guinness and my cake being Duncan Hines yellow moist with chocolate icing...but....that didn't happen.

Lesson Number 3:
Dude. Weddings are expensive. It is one hell of an industry they have. Everything costs money. Everything. Did you know there is a fee to cut the cake? Seriously? Wouldn't one assume that if you buy the cake from somewhere, they'd just cut it for free? No, no, they don't do that. It'll be $75. The dresses, the food, the postage to mail the save the dates, the postage to mail the invitations, the postage to put on the RSVPs that people don't seem to want to return...it all costs money. My parents are actually footing the bill for this ceremony, and I feel so so bad about it. It's a lot of money. I feel like they should just take this out of my inheritance or something because it doesn't seem fair to them. That, and it seriously makes me question my career choice. Possibly I should have considered something in the wedding planning industry. It seems pretty lucrative.  Oh wait...that's right...I hate planning events. Scratch that.  I'll keep my job.

Lesson Number 4:
Everyone has an opinion. Everyone has been to a wedding for so-and-so's son or cousin, and they think that you should do it this way, or play this song, or you shouldn't have a receiving line or you should have receiving line or you shouldn't have a receiving line. Oh you should have chair covers, or no, you shouldn't. It kind of goes to the same lesson #2 that you don't always get what you want. I wanted to walk down the aisle to the Ave Maria, but I got that one nixed several times by several people because that's not what they played at this person's wedding or so-and-so's wedding. It's quite frustrating.

Lesson Number 5:
The ceremony is about you, but the reception really is about your guests. This one took T a bit of learning...coming up with what we wanted to do at our reception, I kept reminding him that we are throwing this reception as a thank you to our guests for coming to our wedding. It's about them, not us. The ceremony and the honeymoon...those babies are ours and ours alone. Yes, we'll have a blast at our reception, but I really care more about others having fun at the reception and remembering our wedding as a fun and beautiful night. (Do I think they'll remember the chair covers? No, I don't...but that's another story for another blog post)

Lesson Number 6:
I have more I could come up with, but I'll end with this one. It's the most important one. You must never EVER let the wedding planning take away from the whole point of it all. It's about the love you share. You must never lose sight of the fact that you're doing this, you're taking this huge step in front of all you love and care about, because you love each other so much you have decided to say, yes, I will spend the rest of my life with this person. Sure, there have been moments in the midst of this planning where T probably thought I was crazy, and yes, there were probably moments when I said "why doesn't he care what color the ribbons are that go on the chair covers? Why doesn't he care about the font on our invitations?" But through it all, I think T and I have been good at keeping the eye on the prize, which is each other. Every time I'm going nutty, he tells me "think of Dublin" and that calms me down. That will be us...we will just get to spend a week together, no worries, to take a deep breath, step back and revel in the love that we share. I think too many brides lose sight of this and focus only on that day. I want to focus on everything that follows that day - the rest of our lives together. That's why I'm saying yes to this man. And that's what truly matters.

And that's what I've learned.

16 comments:

  1. Which is why hubby and I got married by our County judge executive with my son, and mom and dad as witnesses lol..I wouldhave to hurt someone.. seriously

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  2. 12 years ago when I married Nick it was before the wedding craziness errupted. We did simple, very simple--family, a few freinds and a simple reception. We did it on the cheaper side of things and it was still beautiful. I look at the things brides are demanding now and you're right, they get so focused on the day they forget what it is all about--getting married to the one you love.

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  3. The thought of wedding planning gives me hives, but it sounds like you have done a great job! I can't wait to hear all about the wedding!!

    And I second the keg of Guinness.

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  4. You are right with the last lesson! It is about the future you and T will have together. The wedding is basically a celebration of that commitment! I absolutely LOVED my own wedding (how could I not since I got to marry my best friend?) I really loved it because I had let go of control and expectations along the way. We did what made us happy and felt right. Sometimes it wasn't exactly what we wanted or what others wanted, but it worked and felt right. I hope the same for you, especially on the actual day. Just let go of control - that's what family and wedding parties are for - and enjoy it for what it is!

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  5. Exactly!

    While I haven't had the wedding or learned the lessons myself, just being near-by through Sharon's wedding has taught me more about the stress/issues than I ever wanted to know!

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  6. My one piece of wedding advice - all the crazy pull your hair out stuff becomes the stories to laugh at in the future. Our wedding went perfectly is not a funny story! So enjoy the hiccups as well. You will love Dublin if you have any questions ask me! American abroad in Ireland - if you don't consider taking train Dublin to Galway for an overnight and hanging out on Shop Street. Bliss!

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  7. This made me remember my wedding. I was so nervous... yet everything went (relatively) well. Its definitely a day you will cherish forever. Take in EVERY minute.
    I can't wait to see pics!
    -jen

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  8. Oh yes, these are excellent tips!

    I'm a people pleaser too, but I had to make some people upset. Which was really hard. But you're right, in the end the only really important thing is the actual getting married part :-)

    I wish you the best of luck! I'm excited to see pictures of your wedding! :-)

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  9. Ohhhhh I could have written this. I definitely agree. Can I repost on my new planning/etiquette blog? I'll link, of course!

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  10. This is awesome Nain! I have never thought of the reception as being a thankyou to your guests, so true though!!

    When's your wedding??!!

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  11. Megan - sure, you can repost it :-)

    Cori - it's Sept 18th - almost here!

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  12. This sounds too familiar...
    I'm going through this too! I've upset too many people, and things aren't going to happen as I once dreamt
    And dude, weddings are way too expensive!!! Can you believe the flower arrangement for the Church costs more than €500?! My dress? €3000! Thanks God my parents have decided to help us to pay all these things!!
    Oh, I love this post. I agree with everything!
    Can I repost it (I'll link, I promise)?

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  13. You're completely right about everyone having an opinion and telling you what they think you should do. I had to deal with that all the time when planning the wedding and now I have to deal with Sprite's opinion on topics regarding whether or not I'm allowed to be in the bathroom alone. :-)
    You're linked!

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  14. There was no way I could've dealt with all of that. I had a friend from high school who had a big wedding (before I got married) and she and the groom weren't talking by the time the ceremony was over. That soured me on big weddings. Well, that and the cost!

    Good luck.

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  15. It's best to be ready for the marriage and appreciate the day because it will be over before you know it!

    www.recommendeddailydose.com

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  16. My wife and I planned our wedding by ourselves. We had no intervention from parents. We definitely had to consider everybody— especially when it came to the food. The hotel had a great deal in which you picked several items from the main course, salad, etc. This was perfect because we had to consider for vegetarians, Kosher, Low sodium diets and ourselves.

    The best of skill in having a successful wedding,

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