Under pressure...

Stress management:  a topic I struggle with on a daily basis, a subject I actually took as a course in college and earned a B minus in, mind you. (Yes, I got a B minus in a class called "stress management."  How does one manage this?)  I'll tell you...you have to be me.  I'm at a constant state of stress.  I'm the girl who was tested for an ulcer at the young age of nine years old because of my anxiety.  I'm the one who worries about everything.  This does not bode well for my current situation, let me tell you. 

Today finds me in a termination of parental rights trial.  While I'm ready and I've prepared the hell out of it, it's still always a situation that brings a bit of anxiety, no matter how ready you are.  Before each trial, I try to go to our church's Adoration Chapel and pray for peace, patience and wisdom before a tough trial.  It gives me a sense of calm and brings me back to my center before a tough day.  This week, I feel like I could have gone to the Adoration Chapel on a daily basis. 

The tough thing is when you're juggling too many balls at one time:  wedding planning, work stress, money stress, family stress, etc.  It's hard to handle it all, to give each the effort and time that it so desperately deserves.  For the past few months, I have been doing a pretty decent job of doing this, but over the past week, a few of these "balls" have started to fall.  I can't do it all. 

Luckily, I have T, my anchor, to be there for me when I need him the most.  I can call him after a horrendous morning in court and cry to him.  I can vent to him about wedding pressure.  I can lay my head on his shoulder when I'm so tired I can't take much more of it.  However, it's too bad I can't carry him in my pocket at all times for when I need him the most.  Kind of like a "T in my pocket."  That would make my days so much easier.

I know I need to find better ways to manage my stress and keep things in balance.  I know that I shouldn't let myself get to the point where I was yesterday where I could feel the stress tightening my chest, where it was physically taking its toll on me.  When you have a heart condition like I do, you kind of have no choice but to find ways to deal with it.  However, I'm struggling with finding the time to find ways to manage my stress.  How do all of you do it?  What techniques work best for you.

I know that I'm not alone in struggling with stress and anxiety, and I know that my problems pale in comparison to those of others.  I see this on a daily basis when I read about children and families in horrible situations, near poverty or facing abuse and neglect.  I wish that I could keep that in perspective when I have those moments where I feel I cannot take any more.  However, I know I'm not perfect and that this is a constant struggle I must face. 

I know I'm normally your lighthearted Nain with a joke here and anecdote there, and I promise to come back Friday with all that and more.  But for now, I need to get this off my chest.

Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things that I can't change, the courage to change the things that I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.